Heart of a Kingdom

by Lisa Bain

  Libby stood up shakily. She’d stopped listening once her brain processed that Galen had lied to her. He knew who she was. He had deliberately manipulated her, then left her. She felt like a fool, and her weak heart was screaming in pain. She headed outside the tent.

  The two men hightailed it after her, but she waved them off. “I’m taking a walk,” she shouted, “alone!”

  She stumbled into the woods that surrounded the lake and made her way to the water’s edge. It was here she fell to her knees. “Why?” She screamed at the sky. “Why would you give him to me only to take him away? Is this some colossal joke? Or punishment? Haven’t I suffered enough?” She howled and screamed out her pain and her shame. The LIWs came running, Larra at the forefront. Geoffrey reached out a hand to stop her. He and Fynnigan had followed the Queen but kept a respectful distance. This was so horribly awkward. They’d have preferred to be heading out on horseback to give Galen an epic beat down, but they didn’t have time for that.

  Larra glared at Geoffrey but slowed her pace. Scarlett caught up and Fynnigan quietly gave her the update.

  “Galen is married with a family,” he reported. “He lied to her about everything. He’s a self-described Widow Hunter. We had to tell her. She would have found out eventually and still had her heart broken. This way she has time to get through it and focus on regrowing her heart before she has to face Jasper.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” she demanded. “How much can one person take? This isn’t fair. Please bring Awen up to speed, but let’s try to be discreet about this. Next time make sure I’m there if you have to deliver shitty news like this. What the hell were you thinking?” she shouted as she head-slapped the young knight.

  As Fynnigan returned to camp, rubbing the back of his head, Scarlett took a deep breath and made her way to Libby’s side.

  “Hey, Sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around the Queen. “I’m so very sorry. I wish I could make it better.” She made eye contact with Geoffrey and motioned for him to leave. This was going to be hard enough without everyone standing there watching her melt down. The LIWs would take it from here. They set up a subtle perimeter where they could aid if needed, and Geoffrey headed back.

  “Why? What did I do to deserve this? I know it’s stupid, but I honestly thought Dale had sent him to me. Why would he do this? What’s wrong with me? It’s too much!” Libby sobbed.

  “I don’t know.” She stroked Libby’s hair and let her cry it out. When her sobs quieted down, Scarlett rocked her like she would have her granddaughters, and brushed swaths of blue hair out of her face. “Sometimes life is shit for no reason. All I know is we are rarely given a choice, and there is nothing wrong with you. Being vulnerable is human, Libby. He played you.”

  The Queen looked up at her through her swollen eyes. “I lose either way,” she sobbed. “If I win, I still lose because I’m alone and nothing I do will bring Dale back. If I lose, everyone dies.”

  Scarlett nodded. “No matter what, I love you my friend. No matter what, I know you will have done your best. That’s all that matters.”

  “Why did Dale have to die and leave me all alone? What if we only get one chance in life to have that epic love? What if I’m doomed to spend the rest of my life alone?”

  “I don’t know, Sweetie, but I have to believe that our hearts, yours in particular, are big enough to love more than one person. Don’t forget, you knew love before Dale. You’re regrowing your heart. That means that you’ll have room for as much love as you want.”

  Scarlett slowly stood up and helped the Queen to her feet. Larra materialized as if from thin air, with a flask of uisce beatha. After a good swig, Larra swapped it out for one of fresh water. “Here, this is what you really need. The other was just to take the edge off.”

  They headed back through the woods. Every few feet another LIW would fall in. By the time they made it to camp, Libby was surrounded by all six of her LIWs who escorted her back to her tent. Geoffrey wondered if Galen knew how at risk he was now that the Ladies-in-Waiting had found out he’d deceived their friend and Queen. The knights would be angry, but a group of furious LIWs would be deadly.

  Scarlett and Harley got Libby to bed and had Awen help her with a sleep spell. Then she went to meet with Fynnigan and Geoffrey.

  “She’ll be okay, but this is really bad. What the hell happened? Why didn’t we know this about him before he’d magicked his way into her bed?”

  “He did what?!” Fynnigan sputtered, shocked. “I will fucking kill him!”

  “No, you won’t, Fynnigan. She’s a grown woman. No matter how vulnerable she is right now, she can do whatever she wants. But we need to make sure we perform background checks on everyone who crosses her path, and sooner rather than later. There will be other people out there looking for a way into her world. It’s our job to make sure that doesn’t happen. Although, knowing Libby, she’ll never again let anyone close enough to try, and that’s not good either.”

  After seeing Libby safely to her tent with the rest of the LIWs, Dyanna had made a beeline to Kurtis and jerked her head towards the path in the woods indicating he should follow her. He jumped up and tried to look nonchalant as he hustled to catch up with her. As soon as they were out of ear shot Dyanna told him what had happened.

  “You can’t tell anyone else about this or I’ll have to kill you. If Aunt Libby doesn’t kill me first.”

  “I heard Geoffrey and Fynnigan shouting about something but couldn’t hear what they were saying. Spill it. Is Aunt Libby okay?”

  “I don’t know.” Dyanna pulled her blue hair out of her face and started pacing back and forth. “I don’t know! I’ve never seen her like this. I mean, I know we’re the youngest and all, but that jerk face Galen was a lying creep and seduced her and then disappeared. She’s a wreck.”

  “What?” Kurtis shouted in disbelief. “What do we do? How dare he. Do we challenge him to a duel? Can we just kill him?”

  “Don’t be such a boy,” Dyanna chided him, although she was furious for her aunt and thinking the same thing.

  “We’ll figure something out later, after Aunt Libby has battled the dragon. I’m just in shock. She’s one of the smartest people we know. And I’ve never seen her like this… like a regular person who can get her heart broken. How could this have happened? I heard Scarlett say he used magic. If it can happen to Aunt Libby, how do we defend ourselves against something we can’t even see?”

  Kurtis shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know, but he was going to figure out a way to make it right. “Until we figure it out, we just have to be extra careful to watch anyone new that comes close to her.” Dyanna looked up at him. “Thanks for keeping it a secret. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who doesn’t look at me like I’m a kid who shouldn’t be here.”

  “I know what you mean. I’ll let you know if I hear them talking about anything else.”

  She gave him a quick hug, then yelled “Race you!” as she took off down the trail back to camp, Kurtis hot on her heels.

  Libby was humiliated. And hurt. And angry. Not just angry, full of rage, an emotion she’d never really dealt with before. How dare he lie to her? How dare he gamble his children? Her healing heart was bruised, but not broken, and she set about the repair work like she did any other project. It was easier this time because it was only a patch job and she’d gotten used to the pain, although it took a while for his music magic spells to wear off. She was surly and short with everyone until it was out of her system. She vowed never to let herself be manipulated that way again. Could she be more of a cliché? The vulnerable lonely widow who gets sweet talked by the first jerk she meets. Un-fucking-believable. Maggie had been teaching her how to set protection spells. Despite the risk to her chakras, she set a ward to protect herself from opening her heart to anyone else.

  Libby decided she needed some advice, so she called her sisters. They always treated her like their sister, before they treated her like a Queen. Right now, she needed to fe
el like a regular person.

  “How are things going?” Libby inquired.

  “Fine, although we miss you,” Ava assured her. “How are you?”

  “I’ve been better. To be honest, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I’m making mistakes, and the loneliness hurts more than re-growing my heart. A heart that just got broken again. I feel like the Universe is punishing me for every bad decision I ever made. Maybe I deserve it. Corrine, do you remember that time after University when I almost left it all behind for a man?”

  “The Viking. How can I forget? I almost had a heart attack since I was next in line. I didn’t want that responsibility. That was your role. I was happy just being a teenager while you were out traversing the globe. I never had that desire to leave the kingdom, but sure as heck didn’t want to rule it.”

  “I know.”

  “Wait, what are we talking about?” asked Ava.

  “You were probably too little to remember, but years before I ever met Dale, I fell madly in love with a guy I’d met on my travels. A Normal who had no idea who I was or that magic even existed. I was young and naively believed love could conquer all. But even before I could tell him who I really was, it all fell apart. That’s when I came back to the Kingdom, tail between my legs to suck it up and do my duty. But, for a time, I was willing to turn my back on everything I was supposed to be, for him, for a chance at a life with him. Now I feel like the Universe is punishing me. Now I’m afraid my responsibility to my people will cost me anything resembling love.”

  “That’s not true,” Corrine jumped in. “The right man won’t put you in a position to choose. It will just be.”

  “Yeah. I know. I married him. And now he’s dead and I’m alone.” Libby spared herself a self-pitying sigh, and then said, “At any rate, I wanted to tell you I love you two. I’m doing my best, even if it rarely feels good enough.”

  When the call ended, Corrine looked at Ava. “I’m worried about her. She’s different. Resigned instead of resolved.”

  “It’s just the grief,” Ava assured her, although she was at a loss. She didn’t know how to help her big sister, so she just told herself everything was fine. Her mind was spinning, though. It had never occurred to her that her eldest sister may not have wanted the throne. As the youngest, she’d been spared the bulk of the burden of family duty. Or was, until now.

  Chapter

  Firing on All Chakras

  Fear can keep you safe and at the same time

  kill off parts of you that are most alive.

  ~J.M. Storm

  A few days after the bombshell about Galen, Awen finally told Scarlett about the need for Libby to keep trying with men.

  The two women were on an easy morning jog in the woods near their campsite. As full as their schedules were with meetings and training sessions, this was a way to kill two birds with one stone. She explained that clearing all of her chakras would be necessary for Libby to have a chance to defeat Jasper, and that involved opening her heart to a man.

  “Are you joking? You saw what just happened with Galen. This is Libby we’re talking about. There is no way she’ll let another man close enough to even try. What the hell are we going to do?” Scarlett’s head buzzed.

  “I don’t know. Somehow, we have to help her. I think we’re going to need to tell the other ladies. It’s going to have to be a team effort.”

  “You realize she’ll kill us both.”

  “She can try,” Awen laughed. “It’s for her own good. It’s for all our good. No matter how stubborn she is, she will always do her duty.”

  Scarlett sighed. “Okay. I’ll meet with the rest of the team and we’ll figure it out. You’re going to have to work on convincing Libby.”

  “What? Why me?” Awen demanded, coming to a sudden stop.

  Scarlett continued jogging down the trail and shouted over her shoulder, “It’s your idea. Besides, you’re the wizard. Magic something up.”

  John was passing Libby’s tent when he was startled by the sound of Libby angrily shouting at someone.

  “No! Out of the fucking question! Get out! I want to be left alone.”

  John heard a woman’s voice softly respond, but he couldn’t make out the words. He waited, hand on his holster, to make sure Libby was okay.

  “I will do no such thing! I don’t give a flaming fuck if I die fighting that dragon. I will not do that again!”

  John quickly realized it was probably Awen or Scarlett, and that Libby wasn’t in danger. He didn’t want to interrupt her if she was in that bad of a mood, so he continued on to the other side of camp.

  Libby sat fuming after Awen had left. The universe had a twisted sense of humor if this was what she really needed to do.

  “No fucking way!” she shouted to no one.

  “Are you sure about that?” Michael’s voice came from behind her.

  She turned around to see the sweet boy smiling at her. “Hello, Michael. I’m afraid I’m not in a good mood right now. Perhaps you can come back later?”

  “Nope. You need me now,” he said as he plopped down on one of the cushions on the floor of her tent.

  Libby took a deep breath and tried to get her emotions under control, taking the cushion opposite Michael.

  “Mom, you know what you need to do,” he said gently.

  She looked into his eyes, and shook her head.

  “You can do it. I’ll help you. Just like last time. Mom, you have to take the wards down you put around your heart. It hurts you.”

  Libby shook her head again, unwilling to speak lest she start sobbing.

  “Mom, you need to try. There has to be something good in what happened. Think hard. Find something to be grateful for in meeting him. Find something good in him. Then, forgive him. It’s much harder to forgive someone who has wronged you, so you’ll need to reach into your heart center. It will have to come from love. Once you’ve done that, you need to forgive yourself. I know that’s the hardest for you. But you need to forgive yourself and trust yourself. You need to take down the wards. To deny yourself the possibility of love again only hurts you. I love you, and I don’t want to see that. You deserve better than that. You deserve joy and happiness.”

  Libby would no longer make eye contact with him. He sat, staring at her a while longer.

  “Okay, I’ll go. Just please think about what I’ve said. Search your intuition. You know I’m right.”

  He stood up, leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek and then was gone.

  John noticed Libby was increasingly tense. They’d go for walks and regular battlefield practice, but she wouldn’t talk about it and he wouldn’t pry. It wasn’t until he saw the growing concern and near panic in the wizard’s eyes, and the fact that Scarlett’s eyes never left the Queen that he decided it was time to take action. He’d observed the repeated attempts on the part of the LIWs to introduce her to men while they were out at the pubs. Libby would sometimes chat them up, but for the most part she’d get up and walk out of the pub frowning. Something was off and he wanted to know what it was.

  He’d finally had enough waiting and decided to take Libby out on the town for classic John-and-Libby-shenanigans. He figured they’d have some fun, let off a little steam, and maybe he’d get her to talk. He’d waited until everyone was distracted and under the guise of one of their longs walks he snuck Libby away across the force field into Belfast to their favorite pubs.

  They’d always managed to end up at Harp Bar whenever they went out, and tonight was no different. It was wall-to-wall people, as usual. No matter what day of the week it was, Harp was always packed; it was one of the reasons John and Libby liked it so much. After a few drinks, and twirls around the dance floor, he looked at her. “Okay, Libster, what the hell is going on with you?”

  Libby stopped laughing and downed her drink. “Well, John Leonard Morgan, whatever do you mean?”

  He stared at her. “I’m serious Libby, I can see something isn’t right. You’re stronger than y
ou’ve been in months, but something is fucking with you.”

  She burst into hysterical laughter. “Oh my Goddess, you have no idea how funny that is. It’s the nothing fucking me that is what is fucking with me.” She howled with laughter until tears streamed down her face, drawing the attention of those at the tables closest to them.

  John burst into laughter and started teasing her. “You’re horny! That’s what’s wrong with you! Libby, that’s normal.” It was a relief to see her laughing, really laughing.

  “No, you don’t understand. It’s not that. I have to get some soon if I’m going to have a chance to defeat Jasper. This is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard. Pun intended.” She collapsed in a fit of laughter once again.

  “I don’t get it.”

  “I’m not getting it either,” she shrieked.

  More laughter. By now they’d drawn the attention of most of the bar regulars and the bouncers who wanted in on the joke. Fortunately for the pair, most found watching the two of them laughing until they were crying funny enough to keep them from joining the conversation.

  Libby finally stopped laughing long enough to wipe the tears away and get the words out. “Awen tells me that in order to defeat Jasper I must have all of my chakras unblocked and clear.” She continued explaining at his confused expression. “There are seven chakras, or energy centers in our bodies. Each has a different color and qualities. Well, since Dale died, I’ve been working on healing all of them, but the one that pertains to getting busy. After the disaster with Galen I shut that down.”

  “And do others know?”

  “Yes, Awen and the LIWs.”

  John roared. “Oh, Dear Lord, now it all makes sense.” His stomach was starting to hurt from laughing so hard.

  “Yeah, no matter how many men they push in front of me, I just can’t. I don’t find any of them remotely interesting, and all these first dates are painful.”

  “What? Dates? Sweet Jaysus, that’s why they’ve been giving us all the extra nights off? For fuck’s sake Libby, literally, if all you need is the Big O, you’re looking at it wrong. You should have come to me in the first place. My God, leaving a group of women in charge of this was a horrible idea.”