by Harlow James
I swear, I feel sick to my stomach and the urge to puke comes on strong. “No.” I shake my head and then look back over my shoulder to see him again. And sure enough, he’s still staring at me, those soft brown eyes I can’t get enough of piercing through my anxiousness, his smile small, but surprisingly comforting. “What the hell is he doing here?”
She twists her head, blinking repeatedly. “Probably the same thing you are. Trying to find someone to date.”
“Oh, god. What is he going to think of me? What if we get sat together?” The wheels are turning in my head, conjuring up every scenario that could happen now tonight. Brooks being here definitely throws the entire evening astray from how I thought it would turn out.
I glance over my shoulder once more, realizing that I just need to face this unexpected twist head-on. I stand up tall and shake off my freak-out, brushing my hair behind my shoulders once more. “You know what? It’s okay. We’re adults. I can handle this. We’re just co-workers,” I shrug casually.
“Somehow I get the impression you wish you were more,” Rachel teases. But just as she’s about to take it further, the line moves and we’re suddenly at the front. Once we check in and get our name tags, we head straight to the bar, ordering up some liquid courage to help get us through the next few hours as I survey the room and take stock of the eligible men here tonight.
Tables are arranged in lines in the center of the room with dividers up between them for privacy. One side is for the men, the other for the women. The lady in charge quiets the room and explains that each date will last for fifteen minutes. We will speak to eight people over the next two hours. The men will move seats, but the women will remain at the same tables. If at the end of the date you both feel a connection, then contact information can be exchanged. There will be a slight break between dates four and five to use the restroom and refill drinks, and then the rest of the evening will work like the first half.
As the murmurs of excitement increase again, I turn back to Rachel. “Thank you again for coming. I didn’t want to do this alone.”
She shrugs indifferently, but there’s a sadness behind her eyes. “I’m glad you got me out of the house.”
“How’s the tension? Still sexual and palpable?” I ask with a smirk, knowing she just needs to admit to her desire to mount her boss, and I desperately need a distraction from my own turmoil.
“Ugh. He’s so handsome, Jess. It’s not fair. And I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s hard, especially after he saw me naked,” she whispers as I twist to face her so fast, I swear my neck pops.
“What? Oh, I need details.”
As soon as she finishes recounting Luke walking in on her in the bathroom while she was buck naked, the bell rings for us to take our seats.
Have you ever tried to focus on what someone else is saying, but all the while, all you can think about is another person in the room? It’s kind of like zoning out during a lecture in a classroom—you know the teacher is saying something important, but your mind wanders so far from the topic at hand, that when you finally zone back in, you have no idea what is going on.
I’ve caught myself doing the same thing at work sometimes when Brooks gets assigned to the same patient as me, which just amps my nerves around him even more. The smell of his gum and the movement of his fingers as he holds his stethoscope have both distracted me more than once since we’ve been working together. And it’s quite alarming when my focus should clearly be on the patient in the bed, not on the way the man next to me makes my panties damp as the rasp of his voice hits my ears. The few casual smiles he flashes at me while we move around each other in the ER keep my heart pumping and my mind awake too, especially on those extremely long shifts.
He’s demonstrated to me that he’s intelligent, caring, sarcastic, and charming—all qualities that increasingly make it harder to resist him.
Brooks is a unicorn in a field of donkeys, even though he proved in our first encounter that he could channel his inner ass from time to time as well.
And well, now I’m experiencing that same out-of-mind experience—because although I have this perfectly fine, somewhat attractive male in front of me, engaging in light and pleasant conversation, all my body registers is that somewhere in this building is a man that my heart and body yearns for. The hairs on my neck stand up as I feel him getting closer, but the dividers between tables make it impossible to see where he is. It’s almost like my body has a beacon that flashes any time he’s near, and now the rise in my blood pressure turns the call into a 9-1-1 emergency.
My first date Justin, the poor guy, speaks almost the entire fifteen minutes while I nod along, drawing a sip from my vodka and cranberry occasionally in between flashing him a polite smile as he changes the topics of our conversation a few times. I maybe say a total of ten words before our time is up. He has the guts to ask me for my number, so I oblige, hoping that maybe in a different setting I could actually invest myself in getting to know him.
The second and third guys are friendly as well, but there’s no spark, especially since the only fireworks shooting off in my body are at the thought of Brooks being here.
I still don’t understand how this happened. It can’t be that perfect of a coincidence for him to show up here tonight on his own accord. I didn’t think he’d be dating so soon after just having moved back here anyway, but then again I know little about his life. There has to be a catch, and that mystery is what I try to solve in my brain while my second and third dates draw out their entire life stories.
Guy number four mentions his ex-wife about twenty times during our fifteen minutes, which is more than one time per minute for those of you keeping tabs. But obviously, I’ve attracted another guy who is hung up on the woman that came before me, just like Trent. Maybe I have a flashing sign above my head that is calling to these men?
Attention! Come tell this girl all about the one that got away or use her to get back at them! Free of charge, except for the emotional damage you’ll inflict on her! And if you really want the full package, sleep with her so you can meet the love of your life right after! But apparently the universe thinks she can handle it! So go ahead! Take advantage of this free service!
Okay, so obviously that all wouldn’t fit on a sign above my head, but you get the drift.
After date number four ends and the woman in charge announces the break, I let out a sigh of relief mixed with failure just as Rachel saunters up to me.
“Hey, so funny story. You’ll never guess who’s here?” Her excitement is oozing from her smile, so I’m guessing it’s someone she’s invested in.
“Who?”
“Luke!” She whispers, making me draw back in shock.
“Wow!”
“Yeah. He ended up being my fourth date, and he asked me if I wanted to leave, so we are. Oh my god, Jess. This is so meant to be, don’t you think?”
I nod. “Definitely. You have to go. This is the perfect opportunity to explore what’s between the two of you.”
“I just feel bad leaving you.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m doing okay. My first date was slightly promising, so we exchanged numbers. Two and three were duds, and number four was hung up on his ex-wife. But hey, I still have four more chances!” I flash her a fake smile as she purses her lips.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? Have you seen Brooks again?”
“No, you go. Don’t stay here on account of me. Go take advantage of alone time with Luke. And no, I haven’t seen him. But I know he’s here. My body won’t let me forget it.”
She nods and then tilts her head at me. “Okay, if you’re sure. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes.”
“I will. Have fun! Use protection.” I wink at her as she rolls her eyes and then returns to her giddy self from just moments before. She’s so far down the rabbit hole of her Luke Henderson crush that I can’t wait to see what tonight develops for her.
Turning back to face the room, I notice
the line at the bar is long as people desperately try to refill their glasses of liquid courage, so I take the opportunity to use the bathroom, hoping the line is far less daunting. Sure enough, my intuition was correct and I walk right in and drop my purse on the counter as I reach for my gloss and drag a smear of the red hue across my lips, contemplating whether sticking around for the rest of the night is even worthwhile at this point.
I want the ardent relationship with a person I consider my best friend and love of my life. I crave someone to come home to after my long shifts at the hospital, or someone to lie in bed with all day on my days off. Maybe deep down, I’m just a hopeless romantic that has now kept men at a distance because I’m so tired of being hurt and feeling let down by circumstances in my life.
My parents’ marriage was a fitting example of genuine love before my mom died, so it’s not like I have daddy-issues hanging me up, or a horrible example of a marriage that’s keeping me jaded. Mostly I think it’s just fear at this point—that I could find everything I’ve wanted and it will be torn from me again.
When will I know that it’s okay to risk my heart again? Will there ever be an end to this curse that I’m scared will haunt me forever? There has to be a relief in my tragic dating life just on the horizon, or else I fear I’m destined to walk this earth alone.
Because there are two other ladies in the room with me at the moment, I give myself a silent pep-talk, assuring my shaken demeanor that there has to be at least one guy in here that is three-quarters normal sprinkled with a dash of handsome, a man that could make me feel like the decision to take a leap of faith in love is worth it.
My appearance is in check and I know I have a lot to offer someone, so I chant that over and over to myself while locking in on my own eyes in the mirror, mustering up the energy to make the most of the second half of the evening. I can’t continue to live in fear forever because if I do my life will have passed me by and I don’t want to live with that regret.
After I use the toilet and then wash my hands, I gather my purse and make my way back to the event.
But apparently Brooks had other plans—because him standing outside of the door as I exit, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest as he waited for me derails every ounce of confidence I managed to build up again in the last five minutes. His dirty blonde hair is perfectly tousled, his brown eyes darker from the dim lighting in the club's hallway we’re in, and his black suit and white shirt are molded to his body in a way that blue scrubs could never compete with. He’s strikingly handsome, watching me with an intensity that makes me shudder as I freeze in my movement.
But his deep and steady voice extracts the last drop of half-assed certainty from my soul as he locks his eyes on mine and holds me captive with his gaze.
“Hey, Jess.”
Chapter 7
Brooks
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you, Mom?”
After her chemo treatment last week, she’s been weak and battling nausea almost daily. Watching her lack enough energy to take care of herself is so painful to watch, especially since my mother has always been one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.
In between shifts at the hospital, I’ve been at her house—doing laundry, washing dishes, and last weekend I started touching up the paint on the outside of the house. I’m exhausted, but knowing that tonight I have the chance to make headway with Jess is keeping my adrenaline flowing.
“I’m sure. Liz is coming over anyway since Ethan is going too. You should go, Brooks. Don’t stop living your life because I’m fighting for mine.” Her voice and eyes are soft, glancing up at me from the couch.
“I know. I just hate that you’re feeling like this. I know there’s not much I can do besides sit with you, but I hate feeling this helpless.” I brush her hair from her face as a chunk comes out between my fingers when I pull them away. It’s been over two weeks now since she started treatment, so I knew this was coming.
Her eyes trail my hand as she notices the strands. “Well, we knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.”
My lips fall flat. “I know. I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Stop apologizing, Brooks. You saying sorry over and over will change none of this, alright? I knew what I was signing up for. This is how it has to be if I want to try to live. So, grant me my wish and go find yourself a beautiful woman tonight so you don’t end up alone in case I don’t survive.” Her frustration with me keeps growing the further into this process we get, but so do her morbid realizations. I know she’s worried about not surviving, even though she pretends to be strong in accepting her diagnosis. But every time she mentions dying, it makes me think she’s already given up.
“There actually is a woman that’s going tonight that I’m interested in,” I admit, realizing now is better than ever to tell my mother about Jess.
Her face lights up as she hears my confession. “Really? And how did you meet this girl already? You’ve only been home for like a day,” she teases and then flashes me a wink.
I grin down at my mom while mentally recalling how I met Jess, how the tiny nurse with raven-colored hair weaseled her way into my mind and never left. “We actually met at Skye’s initially. She gave me crap about buying cinnamon gum.”
My mom chuckles. “I’ve never understood how you like chewing that crap either.”
“Well, she was adamant about letting me know she feels the same way. But then, it turns out she’s actually an ER nurse at the hospital.”
“So you work together?”
I nod. “Yeah. And believe me, I know there’s a risk in pursuing a woman I’ll see at the hospital often. But there’s something about her, Mom. She’s this tiny little thing, can’t be much taller than five feet,” I laugh. “And she’s smart as hell, damn good at her job, and knows how to stand up for herself.” I stare off into space, visualizing how many times I’ve worked on a patient with her now and how she’s always one step ahead of where I need her. “But I get the sense that she’s fighting something, and what that is, I’m just not sure of yet. All I know is, I think I’ll regret it if I don’t try to pursue this attraction between us, because it’s beyond physical. She’s beautiful, for sure. But there’s so much more about her that draws me to her as well.”
My mother moves to sit up on the couch, resting her back against the arm. “Then dedicate yourself to pursuing that feeling, Brooks. I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about a woman like this since Shannon in college.”
“I know. It’s overwhelming. But when Ethan told me she was going tonight and the thought of other men getting to date her became real, that told me that I needed to give it a shot.”
“Then I wish you luck. I hope I get to meet her someday. We can share in our hatred of your gum.” She grins playfully and then rests her head on the cushion at her side just as the doorbell rings.
My Aunt Liz and Ethan file through the door as soon as I open it, taking shelter from the chilly air outside. It’s the beginning of April, and even though the days are getting slightly warmer, the air is still cold in the evenings.
“She hasn’t been very hungry today,” I explain to my aunt as she sits next to my mom on the couch.
“Understandable. Don’t worry, Brooks,” she says, looking back up at me now. “We will be fine. You two boys go knock the socks off of some single ladies tonight and maybe score.”
Ethan rolls his eyes at his mother’s teasing. “It’s really weird when you say things like that, Mom,” he chastises her.
“Nonsense. The two of you are incredible men and any woman would be lucky to have you. Now go. Have fun. And don’t worry, Brooks. I’ve got her.” She gives me a reassuring smile and then waves us off. I don’t understand how my aunt can be so calm watching her sister battle cancer, but her peaceful presence has helped me remain as calm as possible too.
Ethan and I take separate cars, not knowing how our nights might end as we cruise across town to the new comedy c
lub on Maple Drive. I’m baffled as I drive at how much this little town has grown since I moved away for college. And now that I’m back for the foreseeable future, I’m eager to discover the recent nuances that make this place home.
“Damn, there’s a lot of people in here,” Ethan draws out next to me as we stand at the front of the comedy club, watching several men and women enter the room and wait in line to check in. Registration for the event was online, but a table set up to the side is full of nametags for the guests to collect upon arrival.
“Yeah. But are you sure Jess is coming?” The sweat rolling down my back is the only thing reminding me to breathe as it drips down the waistband of my pants. You’re welcome for the visual.
“Yes, man. I texted her the flyer last week when I told her about it, and she told me she would be here and she’s bringing a friend. I’m telling you though… when she finds out I may have tricked her into coming here, she’s gonna have it out for both of us. Of course, I hadn’t invited you yet when I informed her about it, but I’m sure she’s going to suspect something.” Ethan places his hands in his pocket as we remain in our spot, watching people mill all around us.
The room is full of attractive, single people all searching for a connection tonight. But I already know that the connection I feel between Jess and I is one I want to pursue. Now that I’m here, it’s dawning on me that I’m going to have to speak to other women, even though there’s only one that I came here for.
“Her wrath can be unpredictable, but I can handle it,” I say, trying to not only convince Ethan of that fact but also myself. I’ve handled her when she was cranky coming off of an eighteen hour shift, but I’m not quite sure how she’ll respond when she’s been taken by surprise. This is definitely a gamble I’m taking by being here. I just hope I cash in on the jackpot.
