Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  Not to mention, it did not escape her memory precisely what the punishment was for someone like her running away. Did Galdren plan on enforcing that? Could he have really taken a whip to her? Just thinking about it again made her feel a little sick.

  In an effort to not sink any further into the negativity she could feel threatening to consume her, she decided to try and find something to occupy her mind instead. She was sure she had something she could read at least. Even if it was still dark, there was no point in moping until morning, since sleep obviously wasn’t an option. A welcome distraction from her present state of mind was exactly what she needed.

  She checked the timeglass and was not surprised to see that it was only a little after three in the morning. Since any company was sure to be a long time in checking on her, she didn’t even bother changing.

  Avila went into her common room and headed straight for her bookshelf. Although she liked to read, between her love of being outdoors and her normal activities, she rarely had time to read anything other than research materials. These last few months had opened up new opportunities for her since she had extra time on her hands, and she had accumulated a small library of things she would like to read or had read recently.

  It gave her a small pang when she looked at the bookshelf and realized that she owed the whole collection to Galdren, like almost everything she owned now. Or perhaps she shouldn’t say she really owned anything. After the incident earlier, she was starting to rethink her situation. How easy had it been for him to pass judgment on her without even asking; before he even knew the circumstances? She shook her head to try to rid herself of the thoughts that kept circling.

  It only took her a moment to find a book she had started a couple of weeks ago but abandoned when all the recent turmoil had started. Looking back over the last week, she could hardly believe so much had happened in such a short time. She wished once again for the comfort of solitude in a quiet glade. At least there she knew what to expect.

  That time, she couldn’t stop the tears that came. It was too much. Between the back and forth and up and down that kept going on between her and Galdren, the events of yesterday, and her feelings of being utterly betrayed, she was at the end of her emotional rope. No matter how much she tried to hold on, she was slipping fast.

  She refused to sink down right there on the floor and cry, no matter how much she might feel like it, so she turned to at least go sit down in a seat and cry it out. When she turned to find one, her sobs turned to a strangled scream that she quickly stifled. Galdren was asleep on the settee. She didn’t move for more than a minute to make sure that the noise she had made didn’t wake him. He seemed to be sleeping soundly, despite what looked to be an uncomfortable pose. While she stood there watching him, she noticed that he already had a pillow and blanket. Olva must have made sure of it.

  Once she was sure he wasn’t moving, she quietly walked over to kneel by his side. Her tears were effectively dried up by the distraction of him asleep in her sitting room, even if seeing him did not help her tumultuous thoughts. While he was sleeping, his features were so relaxed. There was no storm brewing in his eyes and no tightening in his jaw. Granted, she couldn’t see his eyes light up either, but his mouth was relaxed in a way that was not quite a smile. It made her stomach tighten when she remembered how it had felt when those lips kissed her. That memory did not help either. She was still so confused about everything that had happened, but seeing him there like that made her want to forget her anger. She doubted he would be in her rooms waiting if he didn’t care at all.

  Although she knew it was a dangerous path, she couldn’t resist touching him just once. He was so beautiful; her heart was breaking at the thought that she might never get to see him like this again. She reached out and lightly brushed the hair from his forehead. When he didn’t move, she reached out again. She hesitated; she knew she shouldn’t. She had no right to touch him in any way, and although he had said they could be friends, things were so complicated now. She started to turn away and leave him alone, but she turned back at the last moment. She placed a light kiss on his forehead and whispered, “May your sleep continue untroubled, my prince.”

  Before she could turn to go back to her own bed again and give him peace, his arm came up to trap her. She looked over to stare with shock into his sea-green eyes. Without letting her go and without saying a word, he sat up and pulled her into his lap.

  The unexpected turn of events had her so flustered she didn’t even protest. Although when she realized she was sitting in his lap in nothing but her nightdress, she did turn a bright shade of red, something she tried to hide by ducking her head.

  Galdren’s hand then cupped her chin and, with gentle pressure, moved her face until they were once again looking eye to eye. With so little space between them, she didn’t think her face would ever stop blushing, or her heart stop racing for that matter. She was sure he could feel it speeding. He could probably even hear it; it was pounding so loudly.

  “Avila, I wanted to make sure you were all right. I—I know, well, I don’t know how you are feeling, but I do know that this has been an ordeal for you, and I apologize for not being there for you like I should have been. I made unfair assumptions without even asking.” Avila could only stare at him. His words did nothing to settle her conflicting emotions. Yes, he had apologized, and she could tell he was sincere, but that didn’t change anything that had happened or the possible consequences.

  When the silence stretched thin, he finally let go of her chin, and she ducked her head again to avoid his gaze. He shocked her when he gently wiped at the still damp tear trails on her cheeks with the pad of a thumb. “I know I am probably the reason for these. You made a promise, and I should never have doubted you. Please believe me when I say I regret that, and it is a mistake that I will not make again.”

  Avila finally raised her head to look at him. “Galdren, I will not lie to you and tell you I do not feel betrayed. I do. I spent so much time last night not just going over what happened, but going over how you reacted. How could you not trust me after all we had just been through? Then add the fact that I was worried about—about the—the whipping.” Her last words were no more than a whisper, but they seemed to have a profound impact on Galdren as his arm tightened around her before he pulled her against his chest again.

  She did her best to keep from shaking, but it was a lost cause. Especially when Galdren said, “Avila, you will not be punished for a crime you did not commit.”

  His words caused relief to flow through her, even if she still wasn’t sure what to think. He held her gently for a few more minutes until the tremors passed. Thankfully, he didn’t make any moves to try and get her to look at him again.

  He spoke to the top of her head as he held her gently. “Would it surprise you to know that most of the reason I was so unreasonably angry with you was because I was so scared for you?” She pulled away from his embrace so she could look up at him again. She felt something somewhere between confusion and consternation.

  At least the confusion must have shown through because he continued, “I’m serious; when I came back, and no one knew where you were, I almost panicked. Then, when I saw the lion leap toward you, I acted on instinct. Almost losing you scared me to death. I couldn’t keep that image out of my head. I know I should have said something to you, should have asked you why, but I wasn’t thinking straight.” Avila could see the earnestness in his face, but she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Although she wanted to believe it was true, it just didn’t make sense.

  “Why would you care so much?” She said the first thing that came to her mind, and she could tell by the hurt in his eyes that her words had wounded him. Her raw feelings were talking instead of her good sense.

  “Avila, please, I know we keep coming back to this, but I—” This time, it was Galdren’s turn to avert his eyes. For the first time she could ever remember, he w
as at a loss for words, and something was obviously troubling him. Something inside her was moved in a way she couldn’t explain.

  She reached up to touch his face like she had wanted to do when he was asleep. This time, while he was awake, she knew it was the right thing to do. She made sure he was looking straight into her eyes. “Galdren, I think, maybe, we might both be a little foolish. I know I am. Even if you told me tomorrow that there was a way for this situation to be changed, I would always cherish your friendship. Since I know that and can admit that, not only to myself now but also to you, I know that no matter what, I don’t have to feel like this is a prison or that I will be a hostage to my time here. We can move forward together.”

  It was the closest she would ever get to admitting to him how she truly felt, but since she did cherish him, at least he should know that much. She had already decided once that fighting with him was too tiresome. There was no point in going backward now, especially not when he was acting like this. His vulnerability touched her in a way she couldn’t explain, even to herself.

  Without saying a word, he gently put his forehead against hers with his eyes shut and wrapped his arms loosely around her. She wasn’t sure how long they sat there like that, but when he finally moved, the sadness was gone from his eyes. She could see a hint of something in the depths that spoke of something lost, but it was hidden before she could figure it out. His smile was soon distraction enough to make her question whether she might have been seeing things.

  ―

  Galdren had been too overwhelmed by her acceptance to do more than hold her, at least until he got himself under control. When he pulled back, he managed to give her a bright smile. “You’re amazing; that is what you are. And I am indeed a fool.” He was aiming for a teasing tone to try to break the mood that had taken over.

  When she’d touched his face, it was almost more than he could bear. Just sitting with her now was a lesson in willpower, but he only had himself to blame for keeping her so close. He had to talk to her about a few things still, but they were difficult topics, and there had been enough of that already. What he needed to do was get her back in bed before he lost himself again.

  “I do need to talk to you about everything, in all seriousness, but not tonight—this morning. I am going to take you back to bed, and I expect you to sleep in. I will check on you later, and we can discuss all the details. There are a few other things I have to check before I come back as well, so it will likely be later in the afternoon.” He raised a single eyebrow at her. “If you happen to still be sleeping when I get here . . .” He trailed off and gave her a look from the corner of his eyes with a mischievous smile.

  She swung a fist in the general direction of his shoulder, which he easily caught. He chuckled low in his throat at the sight of her narrowed eyes and the smile she was trying to hide. “Like I was saying, if you are still sleeping, it would be understandable, with your ordeal and your present lack of sleep. I will understand, but when you wake, we can go over everything.”

  He could tell he surprised her when he put one arm under her legs and pulled her closer. Her confused expression lasted only a moment before he stood up with her in his arms. That was when she pushed against him. “Galdren, I am capable of walking; please put me down!”

  He only chuckled more. His earlier mood was gone, replaced by a playfulness that he hoped would ease the tension, but he still wouldn’t let her walk. “I said I was going to put you to bed, and I fully plan on keeping my word.”

  Her face was fluctuating between multiple shades of pink, which he found adorable. That made it even more difficult when he continued to ignore her pleas. “Galdren, please, just—just take me to my room. I swear, I will go to bed.” The look he gave her was somewhere between exasperation and amusement, but it was a moot point already. They had reached her bed, and he was laying her down. Since her covers were still down from when she got up earlier, he was able to pull them up and tuck them around her.

  ―

  Once Galdren had Avila in bed, he turned to leave, then stopped and came back. He bent and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Avila, sleep well, and dreamless.” His actions took her entirely by surprise. It was bad enough having him put her to bed and tuck her in. Having his lips on her once again was close to torture.

  “Galdren . . . thank you. I will see you later.” It was the only thing she could think to say that would help her focus on the moment instead of where her thoughts wanted to go. His answering smile was gentle as he turned and finally walked out the door.

  Once he was gone, she lay there and tried to comprehend the last few moments. She could not believe he had felt the need to take her to bed like a child. Although, something in her gut was telling her she had objected more than she really felt. The thought that she was looking forward to him being anywhere near her bed again still gave her flutters.

  She had believed sleep would not come to her again, but the longer she lay there going over everything, the more she relaxed. It did not take a leap in logic for her to realize that the more she got along with Galdren, the happier she was all around. Not that it helped to clarify her feelings, but for the moment, she was glad things were back to being as normal as they could be. She eventually found that she was too tired to think about it anymore, and her last thought before she drifted off was that she hoped she didn’t oversleep by too much.

  16. Bombshell

  Avila awoke the next day feeling surprisingly refreshed. She wasn’t sure if it was the fact that she had been exhausted or if it had something to do with Galdren’s wish before he left, but she had finished her night with no more bad dreams. It was nice to have a dreamless night.

  She looked at the timeglass and was relieved to see that, while Galdren was right in that she had slept in, it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t even noon yet. If he was going to be busy at the castle until later in the day, then hopefully she at least had time to get cleaned up and dressed before he arrived. She got up to do just that.

  It didn’t take her long to get cleaned up and dressed. She even made sure she didn’t leave any mess in the bathing room for Olva to take care of later. Upon looking again at the timeglass, Avila was happy to note that it was still barely after noon. Surely, she was up and ready long before expected. It gave her a small twinge of pride. She hoped she could surprise Galdren when he came in.

  When she walked into her sitting room, however, she was the one that was surprised. Galdren was already there, and by the looks of it, Olva had just brought him lunch. Her stomach reminded her loudly as she caught the smells that she was famished.

  Galdren looked up when she came in and smiled his bright-eyed smile that she loved. “I can hear your stomach from over here. Why don’t you come and join me, and I’ll have Olva bring more?” It was not an offer she would turn down.

  It took her seconds to cross the room and seat herself across from him. It felt so familiar. The whole scene—sitting with him, eating with him—somehow, along the way, she had become accustomed to it. She wanted to sit across from him and talk to him and eat with him every day. The fact that she was one of a select few people that ever had this privilege never even crossed her mind. It was her every day now, and she was beginning to realize, like it or not, she was falling in love with it.

  She had already started eating before she got lost in her musings, so when she came back to herself, she found her piece of toast sitting listlessly in her hand. The fact that Galdren was speaking had also slipped her attention. She had not had such a bad lapse in a while. Luckily for her, he knew her well enough by then not to be offended.

  He’d stopped talking and gave her time to collect herself. Part of her was grateful for his kindness, but the look on his face was so full of questions that she knew he wanted to know what had her so distracted. There was no way she could ever confess that, and she was a terrible liar. She only hoped he wouldn’t ask her outright.
>
  “Avila—” Before Galdren could get out more than her name, she jumped in excitedly.

  “Galdren, look, I know you were talking, and I was off in my own little world again. I apologize. I haven’t done that in a while, and I am trying to keep it to a minimum. It’s just, I was thinking about the last several months and how much I’ve changed. How I’ve decided that being here isn’t such a bad thing after all—that didn’t—you know, that didn’t come out right. I’m sorry.” She was trying to do the whole “best defense is a good offense” thing, but she was so nervous it was going horribly wrong.

  To her utter surprise, Galdren just laughed. “Don’t worry about it.” He reached over and firmly handed her another piece of toast and some fruit to go with it. “Eat. I need to talk to you, but you need to eat first. We can worry about flustered daydreams later.” He laughed again, but that time she was feeling distinctly less embarrassed and much more angry. She had a feeling that might have been his goal, so she let it go.

  While she finished her toast, he started talking again. “First, I want to go over everything that happened yesterday with you. I know it will be hard, but I want to be here for you.”

  Even though he had told her to finish eating, she was suddenly not as hungry as she had been a few moments ago. The thought of everything that had transpired created a lump in the pit of her stomach that seemed to take up most of the space there. Galdren must have noticed something was amiss and gave her another moment before he continued.