Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  Despite the nature of the deluge, Avila chuckled at the back-to-back questions. That had been Lissa’s nature since they met, and Avila was comforted by the familiarity, even if she wasn’t sure about her answers. Still, there was no point in worrying Lissa when there was no real reason to worry. “Okay, one question at a time. First, yes, I am in the rooms next to Galdren’s, though I wish you would quit calling him that. He is my friend.” She paused and pursed her lips when Lissa rolled her eyes, but didn’t call her out. Instead, she tried to answer the rest of the questions. “Yes, I do have servants, but it’s all a little surreal. For now, I think it’s going to take time to get used to.”

  Lissa gave her a dirty look, but Avila could tell it was teasing. Especially when her friend exclaimed, “I’m so jealous. I know the situation might not be what you planned, but you can’t tell me you regret it. We both know that would be a lie.”

  For a moment, the reminder made her think of her relationship with Galdren. Would it have been better to have never met him? Perhaps, but she still had to admit that Lissa was right. She managed a soft smile as she responded, “No, I can’t say I regret it. I may flounder sometimes, but I’m not sorry it happened, even if I wish the situation was not what it is.”

  Lissa must have noticed the melancholy note in her friend’s voice, because she immediately changed the subject to the shenanigans going on at the university. After that, the conversation flowed into a detailed description of Avila’s new rooms, but by that time, she was sufficiently cheered by Lissa’s awe. The conversation helped her put things in perspective.

  Even so, she was glad when she had to stifle a yawn and Lissa agreed to let her go so she could get to sleep. Avila was in a shockingly good mood when she finally made her way to bed.

  22. Not So Bad

  The next morning, Avila was up before her alarm, due to another nightmare. At least this one had not been particularly bloody. Despite the dream, she was glad she’d woken early. It gave her the chance to use the bath for the first time, and she needed to destress. She had thought about it the previous night, but it had been late when she finally got off the line with Lissa. Plus, her lady’s maid, Meru, had come in right after, and she hadn’t wanted to bother the girl. At least she had managed to get Meru to smile before she left. It was nice to know she was making some headway in not being a stranger to all the servants.

  After she finished and dressed, she went out to the sitting room and sat in the bay window, looking out over the gardens. The sun had started coming up a short while earlier, but it still had not peeked up above the buildings surrounding the courtyard. As she was looking out and admiring the rosy glow on the slight cover of frost, she noticed that there were several people scattered about the plants. It took her a moment to realize they were tending to them. It even looked like one person might be feeding some of the animals. That explained how they could have enclosed gardens with small animals that didn’t eat every plant in sight.

  She sat enjoying the sunrise for a while, absorbed in the activities outside, and fascinated once again with how the frost slowly started to melt as the sun showed its face. She could not feel the chill of the air outside through the window; it was well insulated. It had her almost wishing she had decided to go for a short walk in her spare time to enjoy the morning crispness, but she knew she didn’t have that much time to spare now. It gave her a small feeling of glee to know that, if she had wanted, she would have been allowed to, even if she couldn’t go alone.

  The quiet knock on her door brought her out of her reverie. She knew it was probably the professor, so she turned to the door as she called out and greeted him with a smile as he entered. For some reason, she was feeling very optimistic. Things were starting to fit into a pattern again, and it hadn’t taken much time. Although she knew more changes were coming, the things she had experienced already gave her hope that she would be able to adjust better than she had thought. It didn’t hurt that she found she was happy with most of the arrangements—at least, the ones that mattered to her.

  The professor smiled at her, then quickly got to work setting things up for the day. Though there was some small talk between them, it faded as lessons started in earnest. The pattern their lives had been in for months now was so familiar it was easy to fall into, no matter the change in location.

  There was a brief distraction for both breakfast and lunch, but Avila was pleased to note that Michael, who seemed to be the one assigned to wait on her suite during the day, did not get embarrassed at her thanks, and even had a small smile in return. Although she didn’t make a big deal about it with the professor, she was secretly delighted.

  After lunch, the day slipped smoothly back into the routine. As the days were wont to do when she was fully absorbed in her work, it was the end of their time together before she realized that much time had passed.

  As the professor was packing up the last of his things, Avila looked out the window to see a bright blue sky. It only took her a moment to decide that she was not going to spend her afternoon indoors. By the time the professor finished, Avila had already grabbed her coat and was walking out the door with him, much to the surprise of all three males.

  It was Angelo and David again, whom she smiled to as she walked out. She gave the professor a quick wave goodbye, then turned to Angelo. “Angelo, could we please head outside again today? It is quite beautiful.”

  “It would be my pleasure, ma’am.” His accompanying bow was short, and since she already had her coat, he motioned for her to lead the way.

  Once they were outside, it did not take Avila long to get lost in the pathways once again. She stopped near the hedge maze, and considered exploring it a bit, but decided that would have to wait. She had time, but not enough to potentially get lost for a few hours.

  Instead, she started to head back toward the castle entrance and finally noticed the way the walls came up on all four sides of the gardens. She then turned to Angelo with curiosity. “Could you tell me what is surrounding this area besides the royal apartments?”

  “Well, ma’am, we’re facing the royal apartments now, as you know. To the left is the common access area of the castle. Although there are windows from there looking into this area, there is no direct access from there. To the right are the servants’ quarters, the kitchens, and several other functional areas of the castle. There is also no direct access from that area to this one. The gardeners are let in through the area behind us. There is a set of doors back there for staff use and for the counselors and other nobility that have quarters in that part of the castle. However, there aren’t many that live there since it was not designed for families.”

  His explanation was long, but it gave her a much better idea of how things were laid out. It made her shiver a little to think that there might be people watching from unseen windows. At least, since access was so limited, it was highly doubtful she would actually run into many people.

  “Thank you.” By that time, they were already back in the hallway. It had been an uneventful walk, but enjoyable, especially since it wouldn’t be much longer before it got too cold to spend a lot of time outdoors. It was a good thing there was a library close at hand to keep her occupied.

  She left Angelo at the door to her suite with a wave and her thanks. He bowed and closed the door behind her. Since it was still a short while until dinner, Avila thought about calling her mother before she had to get ready, but her plans were interrupted by a knock.

  Angelo opened the door when she called out and bowed as he said, “Ma’am, there is a messenger here for you.”

  Avila was thrown since she had not been expecting anyone, but quickly regained her composure. “Please, show them in.” The woman that entered was dressed in finer livery than she was used to seeing. She also had a small rose embroidered on the front of the shoulder of her jacket that Avila had never seen previously.

  The woman bowed briefly b
efore speaking. “Lady Durant, I have a message from Queen Lorne. She has asked that I wait for your response.” With that, the messenger handed her a small envelope.

  The envelope itself was of fine parchment and sealed with wax, something Avila had never seen before. When she broke the seal, she found the note was handwritten on the same paper. It was short and to the point. The queen wanted to know if she could make three in the afternoon the following day work, even though it was a little earlier than she would typically have been finished.

  The queen had said she would try to come to visit that week, but Avila had not expected a written request, much less a messenger waiting for her reply. It was a little overwhelming, but she knew she couldn’t keep the woman waiting for long.

  “Would you prefer a written response?” Avila knew it was silly, but she was a little intimidated by the thought of having to respond to the request in writing. Even though she knew she didn’t have to measure up to the queen, a part of her felt like it would be insulting to follow up her invitation with anything less than perfection as well. She also knew she wouldn’t be able to come up with a perfect written response on the spot.

  “I can take either a written response or a verbal one if you would prefer, ma’am.” Avila tried to hide her relief at the woman’s words.

  “Thank you! Would you please tell Her Majesty that three o’clock tomorrow will work perfectly? I will make sure to be ready for her arrival.”

  The woman bowed again, then backed to the door. After she had left, Avila thought about how she would explain to Professor Gilbert. She was sure he would understand, especially if she put in extra effort to get done early.

  With the distraction, it was close enough to dinnertime that she went ahead and cleaned up. Once she was ready, she walked into the adjoining room to find that Galdren had not yet arrived, but Etta was setting up the sideboard with the courses. Every meal she had eaten in the castle so far had been superb, even when she hadn’t felt like eating, and this one looked like it wouldn’t be any exception.

  She didn’t want to bother Etta, so she went to her seat while she waited for Galdren. Etta was very much like Olva in that small talk was not something she was big on.

  It wasn’t long before the door to Galdren’s suite opened, and he entered the dining room. While the door was open, Avila caught a glimpse of a room almost identical to her own, but it was blocked from view quickly.

  Avila stood as Galdren walked in. His smile at seeing her already waiting for him was contagious, and she gave him one in return. “Did you wait long?”

  “No, I only sat down a moment ago.”

  Galdren walked behind her chair and placed his hand on it. When she realized what he was waiting for, she jumped to sit quickly. Even though she was used to his manners, she had become distracted by his nearness. Once she was seated, he pushed her seat in and took his own.

  Etta began to plate the first course as soon as they were both comfortable. Avila waited until it was plated and Etta was back by the sideboard before speaking. “I know you said you were going to ask your mother something about a tailor when she came to visit, but she has asked to come tomorrow afternoon. I wasn’t sure if you had the opportunity to speak with her yet.”

  Galdren looked up from his meal. “Yes, I spoke to her about it earlier today. What time is she expecting to be here?”

  “She has asked to come at three. I know it is a little early, but I am sure I can juggle my workload with Professor Gilbert.” At Avila’s response, Galdren frowned slightly.

  “Three? I will not be available until at least half after four—ah, well, I understand. I am sure you will have a wonderful visit.” Avila was mystified by Galdren’s answer and a little bit worried that it would just be her and the queen, but from their first brief meeting, she had hope that they would get along fine.

  “I certainly hope so, although the prospect of picking out a wardrobe in her presence, I must admit, sounds a bit daunting. She seems to have a smart sense of style, and I am not sure I fit into that category.” Avila forgot for a moment that although she was comfortable around Galdren, they were talking about his mother, as well as the queen. When she realized how it might sound to him, she looked at him a bit horrified, only to find that he was smiling at her.

  “You have nothing to worry about. You’ll be in great hands as far as that goes, but I would advise you to let her have her way; things will go much smoother for you. Take it from my own experience.” He was almost grinning by then, so Avila wasn’t sure if she should believe him or take it as teasing.

  After that, they both settled into the meal with small talk and soon finished. Although it had only been a few days, Avila was already getting used to how their dinners were proceeding; familiar, but formal. She only hoped things wouldn’t be too different once she began to attend dinners with the household.

  She still had not had the opportunity to talk about that with Galdren, and this night was not any different. After dinner was over, he had to leave again.

  Although Avila was in the palace with Galdren so close, it did not change the fact that he was a busy man. Sometimes, it felt like she was seeing him less now than she had previously, though she tried not to worry about it. Instead, she took some time to vo-im her mother, like she had promised.

  As soon as the screen came to life, she smiled at the woman that had raised her. Lila was alone this time, but that was all right. Avila was just glad to be able to speak to her parents at all. “How was your day, Mom?”

  “Fine. Not much out of the ordinary. It’s you I’m worried about. How are you settling in? Are you eating like you should?”

  Avila wanted to chuckle at her mother’s worry, but she managed to keep it in. It wasn’t as though the woman didn’t have justification for the question. It had happened once or twice that Avila got too caught up in one project or another and forgot to eat. She managed a nod, though she couldn’t keep from grinning. “Of course. Everything is fine so far. It’s even getting easier to deal with everyone. Plus, I’ll be getting a new wardrobe tomorrow. Queen Lorne is supposed to visit in the afternoon.”

  A look flashed through Lila’s eyes that Avila was unsure how to interpret. It had almost seemed worried, but the following grin made her unsure. However, Lila started talking again, and she didn’t get to ask. “So, I know you said last night that you got to meet the queen, but you didn’t say much about what happened. What did she tell you?”

  The question seemed oddly worded, but Avila tried her best to answer. “Not much really. We talked about the gardens and her hand in them, and then a little about the ball.” Avila paused as she was reminded of another question she had. “By the way, will you and dad be attending this weekend? I didn’t get to ask yesterday.”

  Avila knew she wasn’t imagining it this time. Her mother definitely seemed nervous, and she looked away as she answered, “No, dear, Thomas and I have a company function we have to attend that night.” She’d looked back by that point, but Avila could only see concern as she continued, “I’m really sorry. I know it would have meant a lot to you if we could be there, but I promise, you’ll be fine. All that mess with the rumors should be cleared up now. They didn’t release a public statement or anything, but when you moved, they put it into the public records that you are a ward of the royal family, even if they didn’t say why.”

  Avila couldn’t hold back a frown. “I guess that does clear things up, but somehow I doubt it will make all my problems go away.”

  Lila gave her a comforting look. “I know. I wish I could erase it all for you, but you are strong enough to get through it. Just remember that you have people that care about you, and you’ll be fine.”

  Avila still wasn’t convinced, but she also didn’t want to dwell on it. Instead, she asked about the function her parents would be going to. After that, the conversation didn’t last long. Avila promised she would call again
when she had time, and Lila reassured her everything would work out once again before they hung up.

  23. Visit

  Avila was awoken the next morning by her alarm, but she quickly turned over to stop it. She thought back again to how that must sound to Galdren on the other end and was thankful she had gotten to it quickly this time.

  With the busy day she knew she had in front of her, she didn’t want to dally long, and when she walked out to her sitting room, she found that she was early again. Seeing that, she was able to relax a little and thought about watching the sunrise, but instead decided to walk to her table and start setting things up for the day. She wanted to be ready to start as soon as the professor showed up.

  Once she was done, it was still a little early, so she decided it couldn’t hurt to go watch the sun rise the rest of the way while she waited. Although the sun was mostly up, it had barely cleared the buildings of the square. The frost was still glistening and thick everywhere.

  She didn’t get much of a chance to appreciate what looked like the start of another beautiful day, however, as a quick knock soon announced the professor’s arrival.

  When he came in, he looked slightly startled to see everything ready to go, but it only showed in his slightly raised eyebrow. Avila smiled at him. Having the ability to know what he was thinking without having to ask was something she appreciated, and knowing he could do the same for her felt comforting. It had been nice having someone she was close to nearby over the past few months; it made things a lot easier to handle.

  Those thoughts hit her out of nowhere, and she had to turn from him for a moment. She hoped he wouldn’t think anything was wrong. It appalled her that she was so emotional these days, and it always came out of nowhere.

  She was back to rights shortly and met him at the table. “Professor, I would like to ask a favor this morning. I have a little bit of an ulterior motive for having everything ready when you got here.”