by Brie Paisley
Before I realize what he’s doing, he’s suddenly standing right in front of me, cupping my face with his hands. “None of this is your fault. Do you understand me? It was never your fault.”
“But—”
“No fucking buts, Trixie. It was not your fault.” He claims in a harsh tone, and I know he’s trying to make his point very clear. “Say it wasn’t your fault. Fucking say it.”
More tears start to fill my eyes, and I wonder if I’ll ever stop crying. I know what he’s trying to do, and as hard as I try to fight his order, I want to utter those words.
So, I do.
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“Again,” he demands.
“It wasn’t my fault,” I say again, but this time, my voice breaks.
“Again, Trixie.”
“It wasn’t my fault.” The funny thing is, the more I say those words, the more I actually start to believe them. So, I repeat them over and over in my head, hoping and wishing that it’s true. I have to hold onto the mantra, because if I don’t, then I’ll fall right back down into the black hole of complete and utter darkness.
“Good. I don’t care how many times we have to say those words, but one fucking day, you’ll say them, and know without a doubt they’re the truth. I never once thought it was your fault, and I hate that you even considered it was.”
“I hate knowing you were punishing yourself for something neither one of us could’ve stopped. I’m so sorry you thought it was better to carry this pain alone. I’m so fucking sorry this happened to us, Trixie.”
“Do you remember the promise I made the night we left the hospital?” I nod, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. I never forgot that promise, even if I didn’t believe it at the time. “Well, I’m here to tell you that I’m going to be here again and again, even if you don’t want me to be. I’ll be the one you can come to, and the one person you can lean on, no matter what the problem is. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
My heart pounds in my chest, realizing what this will mean, but I’m finally ready now. I’m ready for the pain to ease. I’m ready to let myself live once more, especially if he’s by my side. “I do, but I want you to say it anyway,” I state, with a grin.
He smirks, and then says, “You’re fucking mine, Trixie. Don’t ever forget that again.”
“I won’t,” I say, and I mean it.
As long as I have him by my side, I know he’ll do everything in his power to keep me from falling back into that dark place again. I should’ve known this before, but I was so blinded by my own pain that I forgot just how much Sebastian loves me.
For the first time in over six months, I feel the sensation of happiness, starting to bloom in my chest.
I have Sebastian Matvei to thank for that.
One year later
As Sebastian pulls out a chair for me, I sit down, taking in the scene around me. I can’t believe we’ve been touring Paris for the past two weeks, and tonight, he’s planned the most romantic dinner for just the two of us.
We’re on the roof top of a restaurant, and with the lights, music, and even the candles, it all seems magical. He’s really gone overboard, but I don’t say a word, knowing he’s making the most out of our trip. Every day, he has something new planned, and I’ve enjoyed every single moment of it with him. We’ve toured museums, visited the Eiffel Tower, took a river boat cruise, and even did a tour of the city.
However, tonight seems to be the best of it all.
There is something about it that makes me giddy, or it could just simply be him. He takes a seat beside me, and I can’t stop the huge grin from forming. “This is perfect,” I admit, because I’m still surprised he had all this planned without me knowing.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“I am very much.” Taking his hand, I say, “Thank you for bringing me here. I’ve always wanted to visit Paris.”
He smirks, and then brings my hand to his lips. “Anything for you, Trixie.”
My face flushes, as my heart begins to race, hearing those words again. There hasn’t been one day that’s gone by that he hasn’t said them. Ever since we got back together, he always reminds me of his promise. For a while, it was a struggle, but the more time we spent together, and the more we talked, things finally started to go back to normal.
It’s funny how having the one person you love the most back in your life can make such a difference.
While I still struggle with the loss of our baby, Sebastian is always there to keep me from staying stuck in the grief. He’s been so supportive, and I have so much to thank him for. He’s literally been my rock, and I don’t know what I would’ve done, if he hadn’t come to Chicago when he had.
The approaching waiter brings me out of my thoughts, and my eyes widen, as I realize the menu is all in French. Letting out a laugh, Sebastian and I share a glance, as I ask, “Are we supposed to just close our eyes and pick something?”
He grins widely, and then chuckles, “No, I’ll ask for another menu.”
Watching him get up, I should’ve known he would be on top of things. He returns moments later with new menus in hand. Once we decide on our meal and drinks, Sebastian turns to me with a heated glance. My stomach clenches with need, and I lick my lips, wondering what he has planned for me later.
“Dance with me,” he demands, and I instantly place my hand in his.
As he leads me to the dance floor, the musicians begin to play a soft and very romantic tune. Leaning in close, I sigh deeply, enjoying the moment and being embraced by Sebastian. He hums low with the tune, and a sense of contentment runs through me.
I really don’t know how our lives could be any more perfect than this.
Once the music changes, Sebastian softly says, “When I first met you, I realized I wanted you more than anything.” I grin, and lean back, so I can look up at him. “I know I pushed you away and kept you at a distance, but I’m glad you demanded more from me. That’s one of the things I love the most about you. You’re always pushing me to be a better man.”
Smirking, I say, “Well, I try.”
“You do more than try, moya serdtse.” His expression turns serious, as he claims, “I know we’ve been through a lot of hard times, and life hasn’t always been kind to either one of us.” I nod, knowing exactly what he means. As he caresses my cheek with one hand, he adds, “No matter what happens in our lives, good or bad, as long as I have you by my side, everything will be better.”
“You are my life, Trixie,” he states, and then he pulls away. For a moment, confusion takes over, because he drops down on one knee. Maybe, it’s because I’m in a state of shock, before I realize what it is he’s doing. “I love you more than anything.”
My heart pounds so loud and fast in my chest, and I swallow hard, knowing what he’s about to say. “Marry me and stay by my side forever.”
Only Sebastian would demand that I marry him.
Before I give him an answer, he reaches into his pocket, and then pulls out a ring. The single stone is breathtaking, and it’s perfect. Holding out my left hand, he slides the ring on my ring finger, and I gaze into his intense green eyes, as I say, “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
His smile makes my heart jump. It’s so big, and I know I’ve made him happy. That’s all I want out of our life together. As long as we have each other, we’ll take on this life side by side. No matter how bad things can get, as long as we have one another, things will be significantly better.
As he stands, our gazes never waver, and he reaches for me, leaving a tender kiss on my lips. Both of his hands cup my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around him, falling even more in love with him.
When he pulls away, I frown, wondering what he’s up to now, since his dominance suddenly radiates through him. It’s an instant change, but it’s one that I love to see come out. It ripples throughout my entire body, and I advert my gaze, as my instincts take over. Anticipation fills me, as I watch his feet circle aro
und me. My entire body feels as if it’s humming, and when he finally touches me on my bare shoulder, I sigh in relief.
“You’ve been the perfect submissive, and I want to give you the ultimate reward.” He claims in a deep voice, and my stomach drops, as excitement rushes through me.
I’m unsure of what he means, but I do know, I’m ready to find out. Clenching my jaw, I force myself not to ask, even though I really want to. Instead, I glance down at the new ring on my finger, and I smile, seeing it there. It sends so many sensations throughout my body, and I can’t wait to see what he has in store next.
Hearing a slapping sound, I frown, and find his feet again. He’s standing right in front of me, and after a moment, he uses his fingers to tilt my head up by my chin. Still adverting my gaze, I don’t dare look at him, until he’s given me permission. Although I’m sure he would let me get away with the small defiance, I decide not to.
He always gives the most pleasure, if I follow the rules.
“You may look at me,” he states, and I instantly do so. Sucking in a deep breath, as I glance up, I remind myself to wait for his lead. It’s hard to stay rooted where I am, seeing the hunger laced in his green eyes.
Holding his gaze, he demands, “I want you to wear this, along with my ring.” Unable to help myself, I glance down, and that’s when I realize what he’s holding. “While you wear my ring and this collar, the entire world will know you’re mine, and that I own every piece of you.”
Every inch of me is screaming yes on the inside, because I want nothing more than to be completely and utterly owned by him. “Wear my collar with my ring, Trixie.”
“Yes, I will, sir,” I answer, forgetting all about waiting for his permission to speak.
He must not mind, since he smirks, and then walks behind me. Moving my hair out of his way, he places the collar around my neck. It’s so beautiful, too. The band is black, while the three stones on the front are emerald green. It reminds me so much of Sebastian’s eyes, and I wonder if he bought it specifically for that reason.
Once he’s finished, I use my left hand to touch the new collar around my neck. I don’t stop the smile from forming, as he walks back to stand in front of me. Meeting his gaze, my eyes begin to water, as I finally know what it feels like to be owned by someone who loves me unconditionally.
Sebastian’s gaze is so full of love and desire, and I know this is our new beginning.
From this moment on, I’ll be his, and only his.
Not only does he own my body, but now, he owns every single part of me.
Forever.
Five years later
“Come on, moya serdtse,” I encourage Trixie, as I hold onto her right foot.
She cries out, and then looks at me, as she claims, “I can’t. Sebastian, I can’t do it.”
Letting go of her foot, I caress her face, as I state, “Yes, you can. You’re doing so good, and I promise you’re almost done. She’s almost here, moya serdtse.”
Glancing at our doctor, she nods, letting me know we are in fact almost to the finish line. Thank God. Trixie has been in labor for the past twelve hours, and I know she’s exhausted. I know she’s in pain, but she’s trying so hard to be brave.
“Okay, Trixie. On this next contraction, I need you to push hard. Your baby girl is close to being here,” Dr. Brightstone states.
Turning back to Trixie, I say, “See? You’re almost done, and then it’ll all be over.”
She nods, as a tear rolls down her cheek, and I use my thumb to wipe it away. I’ll admit, I’m excited to finally meet our little Nadia, but at the same time, my heart is breaking, watching Trixie go through so much pain. If I could, I would take it all away, so she wouldn’t feel a thing. It’s a shame her epidural wore off, but Dr. Brightstone assured me she’ll be just fine.
As another contraction takes over Trixie, I don’t dare move, as I offer all the encouragement she needs to keep pushing. I’ve already lost the feeling in my hand, but I don’t dare say a word about it.
Just as Trixie lets out the loudest scream I’ve ever heard, I glance down, and then hear the sweetest and softest cry. My smile is so big, as I see our baby girl for the first time, and Trixie sighs in relief, and then she holds out her arms for Nadia. She’s immediately placed on Trixie’s chest, and I all I can do is stare at my two beautiful girls.
Even my eyes fill with tears, as I watch them.
Trixie glances to me, and I can’t resist, leaning down to leave a tender kiss on her lips. “We did it,” she claims.
“She’s beautiful just like her mama.”
“I love you, Sebastian.”
Leaving a kiss on her forehead, my heart swells with nothing but love, not only for the love of my life, but for my daughter, too. “I love you, moya serdtse.”
As Trixie gets some much-needed rest, I hold Nadia, as I walk around our room. It’s still surreal she’s here, and she’s already got me wrapped around her little finger.
Humming softly, Nadia sighs, and I finally understand what Viktor was talking about. He said the moment you laid eyes on your baby, everything in the world just seemed right. He claimed nothing else mattered, as long as your baby was happy and healthy.
I get it now.
Staring down at my daughter, I feel our bond forming, and it’s stronger than it was before she was born. I can’t wait to watch her grow up and be there to see every single milestone. Kissing her on her tiny nose, I glance up, feeling Trixie’s gaze on me. I don’t know how long she’s been watching us, but the moment our gazes connect, we share a smile.
Making my way over to her, she says, “You two are absolutely perfect.”
“You’re supposed to be resting,” I scold. I know she’s still tired, and this is the second time I’ve had to tell her so.
“I can rest later. I’m too excited and happy to sleep.”
Handing Nadia to her, I claim, “I’m sure we’ll regret not resting, once we bring her home.”
Trixie lets out a soft laugh, as she says, “You’re probably right.”
As I watch my two girls, I find it hard to pull my gaze away from them. However, there is something I need to give back to Trixie. Walking over to our bags, I pull out what I need, and then make my way back to them.
Taking Trixie’s hand, I place her rings back on her finger. Since Nadia is here, there is no need to leave them off. Once I kiss her hand, I take her collar, and she moves up in the bed, giving me all the room I need, to place it back around her neck.
“That’s better,” I state, once I finish.
Her heated gaze tells me all I need to know.
She’s glad I put them back on her, too.
And then I realize, it’s going to be a long six weeks.
Two years later
Sitting on the back porch, I hold Trixie’s hand, as we both watch Nadia playing with Gabbie, Nikolai, and Alexei. We decided once Nadia was born, it would be a good idea to move out of the city, so we bought a house not far from Ava and Viktor. It’s been an adjustment, since I still work at The Gentlemen’s Club and Sensuality, but overall, I’m glad we made the choice.
My heart always fills with so much love, watching Nadia playing with her cousins, and I know Trixie is happy to be closer to Ava. Not to mention, Ava has said countless times how happy she is about Trixie helping her out at Gabriella’s Dance Studio.
Who would’ve thought Ava’s wedding present from Viktor would end up being such a success.
Ava has done very well, since she’s put more work into the studio these past few years, and now, she has some very talented ballet dancers that only want her. Gabbie is one of those students, and I bet she’ll end up going to Julliard or some prestigious school, when she’s older.
We’ve even enrolled Nadia, and I can’t wait to see her up on stage for the first time. She’s actually doing well, considering she’s only two. The best part of my day is watching Nadia show me everything she’s learned.
Feeling Trixie’s hand run a
cross my tattoo on my forearm, I glance at her, and then lean in for a kiss. She does that a lot, since I decided to get it done. It’s a tribute to our little one that we lost. Trixie got the exact same one, except her tattoo is on her left shoulder, hovering right over her heart.
“I was thinking,” I start, making sure to keep my voice low, so she’s the only one that can hear me. “What if we had another baby?”
She grins widely, as she asks, “Really?”
“I’m ready, if you are.”
Trixie begins to laugh, and I frown, wondering if I missed something. “It’s funny you say that,” she claims. As I wait for her to finish, Ava walks by, and she’s smiling from ear to ear. Not to mention, Viktor holds up his beer, as if he’s trying to tell me something.
“Okay, am I missing something here?”
She kisses me, and I can’t resist taking our kiss a little farther. It’s hard to keep my hands to myself, especially when I know she wants me just as much. As she pulls away, I give her a heated glance, and she bites her lip, knowing exactly what’s on my mind.
“I’m pregnant,” she states, and it takes me a moment to catch up. “I was going to tell you, but then, you said you’re ready for another one. It’s like fate is telling us we’re both ready.”
“Are you really?”
She nods, and I let out a laugh, wondering how in the world I got so damn lucky. Standing up, I pull her upright, so I can embrace her tightly. Caressing her face, I kiss her again, and again, thanking her for giving me such precious gifts.
She and I have been dealt with some extremely difficult times in our lives, but even with all the bad in our pasts, I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything that’s happened, has brought us right here to this very moment.
I couldn’t imagine my life without her or my daughter in it.
I don’t know how in the hell I ended up being so lucky finding Trixie, but I thank whoever is out there listening. I’m grateful, and every day is filled with so much love and joy. I told Trixie once that as long as she was by my side, everything would be better. I told her we would get through all the bad times, and this proves it.
