Fix Me

by Lexy Timms

  I felt safe in his arms and like no matter what the future held for me, Luke was there. He would be there to hold me and comfort me as long as I did my part. I couldn’t let myself get back to that point where I let the negative thoughts dominate my world.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Luke

  I KNOCKED ONCE ON THE back door before letting myself into the Sullivan kitchen. Bree was leaning against the counter, sipping her coffee. She smiled and for a brief second, I let myself believe she was looking at me. “Good morning,” she said.

  “Good morning. You look beautiful.”

  She laughed. “Thank you. I’m going to have to take your word on that.”

  “Good. You should. I know a beautiful woman when I see one.”

  “Guess what?” she said, sounding a little giddy.

  “What?”

  “Dr. Tanner called. She has an opening for today. I went ahead and scheduled it. Is that okay?”

  “That is absolutely okay,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

  We were still trying to do the professional distance thing, but I couldn’t help but steal a kiss now and again. She was just too damn tempting to ignore altogether. And she really did look good. There was good color in her cheeks and she had a spring in her step that had been missing for too long. Even her dad noticed the change and had asked me what I did. I told him I was honest with her.

  He didn’t understand and I didn’t expect him to. All that mattered was that Bree was happy and healthy. She had been talking about the surgery almost nonstop for days. It was a good sign. Positivity was just as effective as the best medicine in the world. I had seen it first hand on numerous occasions.

  “She said she wants to give me a quick exam and if everything looks good, we can schedule the surgery.”

  “Awesome. That’s really great.”

  “I made you coffee,” she said.

  I looked at the counter and smiled. She was really getting the hang of moving around the kitchen. I was purposely late in the mornings, giving her more time to figure things out for herself. I knew that Ellis was confident the surgery would be a success, but I knew there was still a chance it wouldn’t work. I didn’t want Bree to be totally devastated. If she had a little taste of what it could be like to be blind and independent, it would help her through what was sure to be a difficult time.

  “Thank you. Do you want me to make some eggs or cut up some fruit for you?”

  She shook her head. “I already had toast.”

  We moved to the solarium, another part of our morning routine. “Maybe we can go for a swim before we go the appointment.”

  “You’re just trying to distract me,” she said.

  I laughed. “Busted.”

  “A swim would be good. I want to look healthy and alive when we see her. If she thinks I’m sick, she’s going to postpone again.”

  I knew it had been hard for her to wait to schedule the surgery, but it was for the best. Now that she was on board with the idea, she was the one pushing to get it done. I had a feeling that’s what Ellis was waiting for. Bree had to want it.

  “Will your dad be meeting us there?” I asked.

  “No. I didn’t tell him about it.”

  “Bree, he’s going to want to know.”

  “It’s just another consult. He doesn’t need to be there. I don’t want to get his hopes up if she says we have to delay it again.”

  “Okay. It’s your call.”

  “Yes, it is, and I cannot tell you how good it feels to be able to say that. No matter what happens, I am going to be different. I’m not going to let myself sink into the pit of despair again.”

  I reached for her hand, my thumb stroking over her palm. “You deserve to have a few bad days. You’ve been through a lot.”

  “I’ve had plenty of bad days. I think I’m good for a while.”

  I mulled over what I wanted to say next. It was something that had been bothering me, but I wasn’t sure how to address it. I wasn’t even sure I had the right to say anything at all.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said. “And if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.”

  “What is it?”

  I took a deep breath. It was too late to turn back now. “Are you still in love with Nate?”

  She choked. “What?”

  “I understand if you are. You guys were together a long time and maybe the night of the accident was just a fight. You guys might have gotten back together the next day. I just want to know.”

  “Luke, no. Nate and I were over long before we ever broke up. I don’t feel like I ever loved him. I never felt for him anything close to what I feel for you. I suppose I care about him a little, but only as a friend. Not even a friend, as an acquaintance. I don’t wish death on him, but I don’t actually want to be his friend. If we bump into one another at a party, I will say hi, but I don’t love him. I really have a hard time liking him at all.”

  I had to believe her and I wasn’t going to interrogate her. “Okay.”

  “Why do you ask?”

  Once again, I debated lying to her. “You say his name a lot when you’re asleep.”

  She hissed. “I’m sorry. It isn’t the reason you think.”

  “It’s okay,” I assured her again.

  “This is going to sound really weird, but it isn’t really Nate I’m dreaming about. Sometimes, it is, but those dreams are usually the dreams, nightmares really, about the accident. I told you, we had a hell of a fight before I got in my car. It’s usually just a replay of the night. Over and over.”

  “If it isn’t Nate, who is it?”

  She winced. “You.”

  “Me?” I asked, not sure if I was offended that she was calling me Nate or not.

  “I don’t know what you look like. I have a good idea, but I don’t have an image of you in my mind to fall back on. It’s crazy, but I see your body, at least the body I have felt, but when you look at me, you have Nate’s face. I recognize you as you, but I get so angry that it’s Nate. I’m not dreaming about him or fantasizing about him.”

  I grinned. “But you are fantasizing about me?”

  There was a slight blush on her cheeks. “Stop it.”

  “I dream about you—a lot.”

  “Do you?”

  “I do. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I want to be with you. It’s pretty much all I think about. We have to get through this surgery and once that is done, we can see where this goes. If you want to.”

  “I do.”

  “Good,” I said, giving her hand a good squeeze.

  We sat in silence, drinking our coffee and enjoying the peacefulness of the morning. I often felt like an old married couple. We had our usual routine. It was nothing fancy or exciting, but it was very us. I thought about what our lives would be like if her surgery was successful. Truthfully, I was a little worried that things would change between us.

  “Do you think you’ll want to see other men if you get your sight back?” I asked her.

  “What? No!”

  “You said you were in a long relationship with Nate. You never got the chance to really live it up. If you had a new lease on life, it wouldn’t be unheard of for you to take advantage of that. I just want to be prepared.”

  She turned her face towards me and smiled. “Now who’s insecure?”

  I laughed. “I’m not going to deny it. You’re gorgeous. Men are going to be chasing after you.”

  I didn’t say it, but I couldn’t help but consider the things my mom had said about our differences in status. She was wealthy and would have wealthy men after her. They would be able to whisk her away on their private jets and take her out for lavish dinners. I couldn’t compete with that.

  “I don’t want them. I want you.”

  “What if you don’t like what you see?”

  “For just this once, I’m going to tell you your little insecurities are very cute. I don’t have to see you to know I like you. I don�
��t care what you look like. I know what you feel like.”

  The words were intimate and sexy and oh so powerful. It was tempting to take her right there. We were alone. “We should go for that swim.”

  “I’ll go change,” she said, getting to her feet.

  I watched her walk out. She moved with more confidence. I found myself falling more in love with her every day and I hoped she was given the future she deserved. I wanted the best for her, even if she chose to be with another man.

  She returned ten minutes later, wearing one of the many bikinis she owned. I was always amazed by her beauty. I took her hand and led her to the pool. We spent the next hour swimming and splashing one another. It felt good to have my old Bree back.

  We got to the hospital twenty minutes early. I wanted to give us plenty of time in case she had a panic attack. I wanted her to have the luxury of taking her time without worrying about being late for the appointment.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked, as we rode up in the elevator.

  “Just don’t let go of me,” she whispered.

  I held her hand. “I’ve got you.”

  Thankfully, Ellis was running ahead of schedule. “Hi guys,” she greeted us enthusiastically.

  “Hi,” Bree said.

  I guided her to a seat. It was a little strange to be sitting with Ellis after the last conversation, especially with Bree sitting right there.

  “How are you feeling?” Ellis asked.

  “Good,” Bree answered. “Much better.”

  “You look good,” Ellis commented.

  I was more of an observer, as Ellis and Bree talked a little about nothing in particular. I knew it was Ellis putting Bree at ease.

  “Can I do it?” Bree asked.

  Ellis looked at me and smiled. “I think you’re ready. I’ll have the nurse take you down for a quick physical and then we will schedule the appointment.”

  “That’s great. The sooner the better!”

  Ellis left the room and returned a minute later with a female nurse who led Bree out of the room. I got up to leave when Ellis stopped me. “Can I have a minute?” she asked.

  I hesitated. “Sure.”

  “I wanted to apologize for that very awkward conversation,” she said with a smile. “I don’t usually flirt with clients or clients’ boyfriends.”

  “It’s me who should apologize. I should have been clearer in the beginning.”

  She laughed. “After spending the last thirty minutes with the two of you, I can see how much you care about her. She’s a lucky woman.”

  “I appreciate that. I know it isn’t professional, but I can’t help what I feel for her.”

  “Sometimes it just happens, at least for the lucky ones. You are one of the lucky ones. It’s clear she is absolutely in love with you as well. I take it you are responsible for changing her mind about getting the surgery?”

  I slowly shook my head. “It wasn’t me. This is all her. I said my piece and we stopped talking about it. This had to be something she decided. Bree is a stubborn woman and she wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. It needed to be her choice with no pressure from me, her dad or anyone else. She needed to decide if she wanted to accept her situation and move forward or to give it one last try.”

  “I can see that, and it will be good for her. I just hope she’s ready for the recovery. It might be difficult. The patients I have worked with in the past really hated the waiting. It isn’t instant and that can be frustrating. She has to take it slow and be prepared for a gradual recovery. I believe that was the worst part for those in the study.”

  “I’ll be with her,” I said, sounding very possessive. “I will make sure she gets through the recovery. I’ll keep her spirits up as best I can.”

  “Good. She’s lucky to have you. I am happy for you. And her. You guys make an excellent couple.”

  I laughed. “We’ll see about that. It’s all kind of new.”

  “Thank you again for doing this.”

  “It’s my pleasure. This is going to be important for everyone. There are a lot of people that will benefit from this surgery. Once her surgery is recorded as a success, it will be the start of something new. She is going to be the positive light that others need to see. Medical journals are going to want to interview her. She is going to be one of the first in the United States to get this.”

  I laughed again. “You sound confident.”

  “I am. You know me. If I say I can do this, I can do this. I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t sure I could help her. Obviously, there is always that tiny chance it might not work, but I choose not to dwell on that.”

  I nodded. “I trust you.”

  We said our goodbyes with the promise to see each other soon. I waited in the waiting room for Bree, praying the exam went okay. It would crush her if she was told the surgery would have to be on hold once again.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Bree

  LUKE’S HAND RESTED on my elbow, guiding me down the hallway of the hotel we were staying in. I could smell cleaning solution and what smelled a lot like cigarette smoke. Someone had smoked and tried to hide the odor with the cleaner. They had done a shitty job of it.

  “Right here,” Luke said.

  I heard the card key and then the door open. He led me inside the room, giving me a quick rundown of where the furniture was. “I’ll just move slow,” I told him, knowing there was no way I would remember the layout.

  “It’s a nice room,” he said. “You guys really like to travel in style.”

  I grinned. “Perks of being a spoiled princess.”

  “I guess so. Your dad is in the next room. He texted and said he ran into someone in the lobby and would be up in a bit.”

  “Of course, he did. I swear he knows people everywhere.”

  He put his hands on my shoulders. “You ready for this?”

  “I am. Don’t try and talk me out of it now. We flew all the way to Chicago. I am ready. So ready. Thank you for coming with me. I don’t think I could do it on my own. I know I couldn’t. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not nervous. I am. I’m terrified, but I’m okay with that.”

  “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  I smiled. “Thank you. I know this really isn’t in the scope of your job.”

  “I’m here as your friend,” he said. “I’m not here in a professional capacity. This is me supporting you.”

  “And you do it very well.”

  He chuckled. “Another time, we’re going to have to come back here and do some exploring.”

  “I hate that I can’t drink tonight,” I groaned. “This is a night I could really enjoy drinking. I could just get drunk and forget about the fact that there will be a sharp blade stuck into my eyes.”

  “It’s probably for the best. You have to report to the hospital at six a.m. I’m not that hardcore and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with you anyway.”

  I laughed. “You’re old.”

  His warm laughter washed over me. “I am old and boring. That last binge with Austin reminded me just how old I am.”

  “Now, if I can just get the idea of her putting a scalpel in my eyes, I’ll be fine.”

  “You’ll be out cold though, so you won’t even know it.”

  “I’ll know, trust me. I’ll know. Heightened senses, remember?”

  We both had a good chuckle at the joke.

  We spent the evening with my father, enjoying a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant before turning in early. Luke and I were sharing a room, which I suspected my father wasn’t thrilled with, but he was going along with it. I’d had a private conversation with my father, letting him know that Luke and I were close friends and one day, we might be more. He could either be okay with it or not. It was my life and my choice.

  “Bree,” I heard Luke’s soft voice.

  I groaned, rolling over and throwing my arm over my face. “Go away.”

  “It’s time to get up,” he said, in that same g
entle tone.

  Just like that, I suddenly remembered what day it was and butterflies immediately filled my stomach.

  “Oh shit, this is it,” I breathed the words.

  His hand touched mine. “This is it. Are you okay?”

  I nodded, fighting back the onslaught of emotion. “I am. At this point, I just want to get it over with.”

  “Then we better get a move on.”

  Thirty minutes later, we met my dad in the hall outside the room. His arms came around me, hugging me like he was never going to see me again.

  “How are you doing?” he asked.

  I tried to smile but the nerves were getting the best of me. “I’m okay. Just a little anxious.”

  “I’ve got a car waiting for us,” he answered.

  “Someone wants to say something to you,” Luke said.

  “Bree, it’s me,” I heard Mel’s voice.

  I turned my head left and right. “Mel?”

  “She’s on FaceTime,” Luke explained, putting the phone in my hand.

  “What in the world are you doing up right now?” I asked her, keeping my voice down as I was led down the hall towards the elevators.

  “I wanted to call and wish you good luck. I cannot wait to see you and I cannot wait for you to see me again. You’ve got this girl. I know you are going to do great.”

  I smiled. “Thank you. I will have them call you as soon as I’m done.”

  “You better or I will use my daddy’s jet and fly out there and kick some ass. Don’t leave me hanging.”

  I laughed again. “If I don’t call you personally tonight, I will make sure Luke texts or something. I’m not sure how I will be feeling, but I won’t forget about you.”

  “I’m so proud of you,” she said. “You are a fighter and you will come through this with flying colors. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Goodnight Mel, and thank you for calling.”

  I held the phone out. Luke took it and we were suddenly plunged into silence as the elevator slid down. I couldn’t believe I was in Chicago and on my way to get the surgery that could change my life. I couldn’t believe there was a real chance at me being able to see again. I was afraid to believe it. I didn’t want to wake up from the surgery and find myself still in darkness.