Meet Me at Fir Tree Lodge

by Rachel Dove

  A list for our life

  1. We must all make time to ski. There is nothing better than the view from the top of a mountain.

  2. We must be daring. We must always say yes to challenges, enter competitions. Be in it to win it!

  3. We must protect the things we love, at all costs.

  4. We must never be too scared to try. Failure is part of life.

  5. We must always take photos, make videos, and make memories.

  6. We must make our house a home. Love is where you lay your head.

  7. We must never be sad, when things don’t go our way. Getting back up is what counts.

  Rebecca drew a deep breath when she read that line. If this was Luke’s mother writing this, she was not surprised that Luke was such a good guy.

  The rest were more specific: days out, camping trips. Luke had mentioned some of them in passing when they’d been talking. They talked a lot now, even if the deeper stuff was still something she pushed down. Inaudible.

  It made sense now, why he was coming to do this. How could he not, having seen this? He’d started right at the top. Putting the paper outside, she began to read Luke’s letter. Tucking her legs under her, she sat back against the headboard.

  Rebecca

  I’ve been trying to tell you why I came here, but we always seem to get interrupted, or I fall over and take half your worldly goods out with me. My mother died when I was born, and my father seemed to watch the film Finding Nemo once and take life lessons from Marlin. He followed that list, the list that he and my mother made before I was a twinkle in their eye. Dad raised me all on his own. I had a great childhood, but I didn’t really experience a lot of the things that other kids did. The crap stuff like the dead mum, obviously, but not the fun stuff. Drinking cider in the park with my mates, throwing up behind the slide. All rites of passage type stuff. It never really bothered me that much to be honest, till now. These last few weeks have opened my eyes in more ways than one.

  Dad had a stroke. They caught it early, but he still needs to work to get better, to come home. Mobility and fight is needed, and my dear old dad just wants it to be over, I think. I did think that he might find love again, he has a friendship with a woman from the sandwich shop that is basically marriage, without the acknowledgement or funny business. And now I’m thinking about funny business and my dad, and I’d better sign off. I just wanted you to know why I’m here. I want to enter that competition, and even if I break my neck, if it gets my dad off his arse, it’s worth it. My dad lost the person he loved most in the world, and so he kept me close, so nothing could happen to me. The only trouble was, by doing this my whole life, nothing did happen to me. None of the lows, or the life lessons. He didn’t take risks. Getting better to go home to a lonely isolated life, I think he’s realised he doesn’t want that, but he’d rather die than try. I really think if I do this, if I show my dad how life CAN change, be better, full of colour, I really think I can save him, or get him to save himself, and that’s what brought me here. It’s been worth every single awkward moment too.

  Especially because I met you. It’s corny I know, but I am glad, Becks. So very glad I fell into your café doors that day. Come find me when you’ve read this. I need to kiss you, and see your face. Don’t laugh at me being soppy.

  Yours,

  Luke

  Rebecca read the pages twice, and let the puzzle pieces of Luke form a complete picture in her mind. This was a man who fell over his own shadow, but he was fighting to keep his family together. And his own life, judging by how busy his clients kept him. She put the papers back into the envelope and pushed it back into her apron pocket. Opening the drawer beside her, she pulled out the competition entry for the Alpine Challenge. She’d filled it in, it was ready to go. She tapped her finger on the form, making it bob up and down in her grasp. Luke was going to the offices later to take his entry in, she could go with him. Take hers. Enter. Shut her mother up. She could manage one, surely? Even if she tanked, so what? She wouldn’t be trying to beat her own record then, she wouldn’t have that pressure. No one had failed there yet. It was brand new. Until she failed of course, and that would make her the first loser for the comp. Nice.

  The door knocked downstairs then, and Eloise shouted out ‘Sorry Bec, but we’re filling up!’

  Damn it. She’d been up here a while. Dropping the form on the bed, she ran downstairs.

  ‘No worries, coming!’

  *

  Luke’s phone rang, the shrill tones making him jump. He’d just finished a long day with Hans, and he needed to get showered for his date, and get his entry form taken into the competition offices.

  ‘Urggghh,’ he moaned when he saw who had called him. One of his best clients. He had to get it, even though he was super pushed for time. The guy was due to open his first business the following month, he was imploding with panic over his website, and Luke leaving had seemingly sent the man over the edge.

  ‘Hello?’ He tried to be as professional as he could whilst half naked and still thawing his body parts out. ‘No, don’t worry about that. Can I help?’

  Last night had been another amazing night. The best date. Not that Luke had a wealth of dating history to choose from, but he had been on dates. He wasn’t exactly a virgin, but he might as well have been. In Rebecca’s bed, he felt like everything was brand new. He stroked her pillow as his client explained his problem, and then stopped himself because it was a bit stalkerish. The perfume sniffing was bad enough. He just loved being here, with her. The client kept chatting in his ear.

  ‘Right, okay,’ Luke spoke into the handset. ‘Let me get a pen, you tell me what you think you need to change, and we’ll get it sorted. Plenty of time before the grand opening.’

  He was good at what he did. He always felt confident with work. IT never let him down. His dad used to joke that he was more computer chips than boy growing up, and he wasn’t wrong. Luke had loved technology for as long as he could remember. I think it’s how it connects us to people. It makes the world feel a little bit smaller, a little less scary. Dad always said that people were what mattered.

  Looking round at his surroundings right now, he could only agree. Getting out in the world, whether online or in person, was better than not connecting at all.

  ‘Do you have a pen?’ the client asked. Luke looked across at the bedside table, but it was empty bar a glass half full of wine from the night before.

  The client was already chattering away. Luke looked around for a pen, padding around the room naked and trying to ignore the fact that his toes felt like they were going to shrivel up with the cold and drop off. Along with other parts of his body if he wasn’t quick. He shuffled around as quietly as he could, one hand on his wedding tackle and one scrabbling in drawers, on the desk in the corner. Nothing. What kind of person didn’t have pens? Luke got his delivered every month for work. He decided not to tell Becks that. She would only take the piss, call him a stationery nerd.

  Whirling around, his head bent with the motion of pinning the phone to his ear using his bare shoulder, he saw Rebecca’s bedcover was lying half over a piece of paper. Frowning, he lifted the sheet and saw a competition form sitting there. Completed, in Rebecca’s name, for the Alpine Challenge. Wow. She was entering! The client hadn’t drawn breath yet, and he was forgetting points already. Looking away from the form, he pulled open the drawer and found a biro. He didn’t want this job to take all day. Rebecca had told him that she wanted to take him somewhere after work, and he had no ruddy intention of being plugged into the matrix all night.

  ‘Yes!’ he shouted, brandishing the pen in victory. The client stopped talking abruptly. ‘Sorry about that Steve, just very excited here at the prospect of these changes!’ He spied an empty white windowed envelope and wrote across the back of it. They chatted for a few minutes, and placated and happy now, Steve ended the call. Luke dropped the phone onto the bed, taking a deep breath as he waited for his heart rate to return to normal. That was not
a nice, easy start to the day, and they’d both stayed up late last night. He was feeling it today. Putting the pen back in the door, he started to put the things back into the drawer, feeling bad for rummaging in Rebecca’s things. It was weird how comfortable they had gotten with each other already. He’d never felt so close to someone he was interested in, and he’d had relationships longer than a package holiday before. He knew that this was different somehow. He made sure that the drawer looked untouched, and sat down on her bed. A second later, he got back up, realising he’d just sat naked and cold on her new sheets. She would know, the woman was like a bloodhound. Smiling to himself at the thought of Rebecca, he looked back at the entry form. It was just sitting there on the bed, all filled in. Picking up his phone, he gave the form one last look, and headed for the shower.

  *

  When Luke got back from the competition offices later on, she was waiting for him outside Fir Tree Lodge, ready to ski. Boots on. He spotted her immediately, his face lighting up as he walked towards her. It was dusk, the slopes were quietening off, the colder air sending the families indoors for warm baths and early nights.

  ‘Wow,’ he said simply. ‘Is this your surprise date?’ She really is healing.

  Rebecca shook off the last of her nerves.

  ‘Yep. You put your forms in?’

  ‘Eh?’ He looked behind him, as if the offices were standing right there. ‘Er yeah, all in. Shall I get changed?’

  *

  They headed out and Rebecca didn’t say much for a while. He followed her lead, and he could tell that she was being cautious on his behalf, taking an easy route out to where there was space to be alone. They took things really slowly, till she came to a stop at the side, pushing her skis out and sitting down on the snow. Luke followed suit. Well, he aimed himself in that general direction and she caught his legs and pulled him to safety.

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m good.’

  They took their headgear off, pulling up their fur hoods around them. He shuffled across awkwardly, putting his arm around her. She settled into his side, her head on his shoulder.

  ‘Look at the view,’ he marvelled. It was great here. Every time he looked around him, he couldn’t believe it was real. It looked like a painting.

  ‘Still takes my breath away every time.’

  He smiled, holding her that bit closer.

  ‘Back in the bubble,’ they said in unison.

  ‘What?’ Together again.

  They both sat up, looking at the other in shock.

  ‘What did you say?’ they said together yet again, before laughing at each other like maniacs for a full five minutes. This let to high-fiving, more laughing, and then a fair bit of kissing. They snogged each other’s faces off till they couldn’t feel their lips anymore, and they laughed about that, making silly noises with their icy lips.

  ‘It is like we’re in a bubble though,’ he said eventually. ‘Whenever we’re together, I feel like we’re just on our own, and everyone else just kind of …’

  ‘Melts away?’ she finished for him. He kissed her again. He couldn’t bear not to. ‘I read the letter. Was it your mum?’ She’d done nothing but think about it all afternoon. She’d barely been able to put her eyeliner on without jabbing her retina before their date. Dates with goggles demanded excellent eye make-up.

  He couldn’t see her face, so it made it easier to answer her. She’d surprised him. She had a habit of doing that.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘She was like you. Loved the snow.’

  ‘Is your dad in a bad way?’

  He nodded, and she looked up at him when he didn’t speak.

  ‘I’ll help you, you know. Hans is great, but another pair of skis won’t hurt. When it’s quiet.’

  Luke felt himself relax for the first time that evening. Properly relax. Having a night like this, a week like this, was amazing. He was loving every moment, but the gnawing knot in the pit of his stomach had still been there. It had been there since the moment he’d gone to change for the offices, and seen Rebecca’s entry form on the bed. The drawer was shut, it was filled in, signed. He had literally been about to walk out of the door and take his form to the same office. It had felt so easy. No drama, no stress for Rebecca.

  But it was a risk.

  ‘Are you sure you’re up to it, giving me lessons? I think we’ve established I’m not a natural out on the slopes,’ he asked her now, dropping a little kiss on her nose. He hoped to God she said yes. It was too late to take back now.

  She reached up and put her hand around the nape of his neck, slowly pulling him in. Her eyes were on his.

  ‘Yes.’ She touched her lips to his. ‘I want to help.’ He went to open his mouth, to check she wasn’t just toughing it out, but she kissed him again and he forgot his own bloody name for a second. He thought his skis might curl up with his toes at one point. ‘And I call bubble. No more talk.’

  Luke looked at her and nodded his head.

  ‘Bubble. Now kiss me again.’

  Chapter 9

  Saturday morning, and Frank was awake as usual. Dante would be coming into his room any moment, to open the curtains and make him get out of bed. Frank lay there, slowly trying to wake his body up. Some parts of his body still felt alien to him, as though someone had removed a limb and replaced it with another. One that didn’t connect with his body. His left arm was a dead weight when he’d come to. Dante’s face gave him away whenever he looked at it, lying there on a cushion. Frank looked at it himself now. His wedding ring was still on. They’d tried to take it off in the emergency room, worrying about swelling and circulation. He didn’t let them near it. His right hand was still strong enough to slap a doctor or two if they got a bit close. That ring had never been off his finger, and he wasn’t about to let them take it now. He wanted to be buried with it, with his wife. She was still wearing hers. The funeral home had offered him it, at the time. He’d booked all the appointments for the same day, wanting to confine the misery to one horrible twenty-four hours. He had a son to raise now, and he was not going to let his beloved wife down.

  He still remembered sitting there in the draughty old council offices, a tiny bundle in his arms. His son slept on, full to the brim with formula milk and oblivious to the fact that they were there registering his birth, and his mother’s death. It was just too sad for words. Even the registrar took a break halfway through. He could hear her sobs in the little side kitchen next door. When he got to the funeral home, and they asked about the ring, he declined. He wanted it with her. To be honest, if he could have got in there with her himself, he would have. In a heartbeat. Anything to avoid the sheer gut-wrenching pain of missing her, and knowing he could never get her back. To just close his eyes and surrender, that would be sweet relief.

  Then his son had woken up, with a little chicken squawk as he opened his beautiful blue eyes. When Frank looked at him, he smiled through watery, tear-filled eyes.

  ‘Hello, little man. You awake?’ He could hear the registrar pulling herself together, splashing her face in the sink. ‘We’re having a horrible day, I know, but it will get better.’ The little pair of eyes opened a little bit further. Frank leaned in and kissed his son on the top of his head.

  ‘Truth is, the bad days are all we have for now, but it won’t always be like that.’ He thought of the plans they’d had, and his resolve hardened. ‘We will have adventures, you and I. We shall see the world.’ His smile dimmed a little. ‘Your mother was the wild one, you know. I never quite understood what she saw in me. The adventures were her idea really.’ He thought of how carefree his wife had been, how full of life. She’d never showed any fear, on the slopes, in life. Not even in the delivery room, when things started to go bad. She kept her bravery till the end, but then it was snuffed out. Now, looking down at this tiny human, totally dependent on him now, his chest clenched tight. He had to protect his son. That was his new life.

  As the registrar click clacked back into the room
, giving them both her best professional smile, Frank made his mind up. He would love this little baby enough for the both of them, and never let anything happen to him. Ever.

  His leg flinched as he moved in the bed now, feeling frustrated. He wished he could go back, shake the sad little lump that he was out of his melancholy. It’s too late though. My boy is grown, and I’m stuck in this bloody bed. His memory was much clearer, but his anger was still there. His frustration. It had lessened, but only to conserve energy. Frank had never felt so tired before. Well, he had once. When he’d walked through the doors of his house, the one he still owned, a new father and a widower, all in one day. The weeks and months that had followed that day were one big blur now to Frank, but he remembered the small details. The registrar office. The little white romper his baby son had worn at the funeral. Frank hadn’t let him out of his sight that day. The cards, letters and Pyrex dishes of food left on his doorstep, the packs of nappies for the baby. Marilyn, the woman who owned the sandwich shop, and had been their friend for years. His friend for long after. She was the annoying woman who waggled the fake pot at him. She was there at the accident, he felt sure. She was the one that held his hand.

  She was raising her boy alone too, and the two had bonded over the years, at the school gates and in the shop. She would be here at the hospital too, after the shop was closed up. She’d come through those doors, smelling of sandwiches and perfume, all smiles and nervous jokes to fill the silence he left around him. He hated talking, he’d been practising on his own, when he could make sure no one would hear. He sounded a little drunk, his mouth still slack on one side. His arms were improving, but only because he did the bare minimum of the treatment they offered him. He knew he was wasting their time, but he just couldn’t help it. He wanted them to give up. He’d even flipped them off once, but they all just clapped him for the achievement. The cheek of it!