by Sarah Pond
Rachel was woken by the alarm at eight, and she quickly showered and dressed. She made a cup of tea, and ate a couple of mouthfuls of cereal, but her stomach kept churning over. She was desperate to see Lea. Sue arrived just before nine, and Rachel gave her a hug. Sue thought that Rachel looked terrible, and could see that she hadn't had much sleep, much like herself.
When they arrived at the nurses' station, Sue greeted the nurse, who knew her by name. Sue had a chat with her, and introduced Rachel, and they were allowed to go in. As Rachel walked into the room, Lea appeared to be sleeping peacefully, with wires connecting her to machines with flashing lights and beeps that were monitoring her. Lea's head was bandaged, and there were scratches and bruises on her face. Under the sheet, her left leg was in plaster. Lea looked so small and vulnerable, and Rachel swallowed hard. Sue stood back to give Rachel some space. Rachel pulled a chair up to the side of Lea's bed, and stroked her face. 'Oh, Lea. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't here. Please forgive me. I love you so much.' As soon as she had said the words, she realised that she had never said them to Lea before. Please, let it not be too late. The thought of losing Lea started her crying again, and she held Lea's hand, as tears ran down her face.
Sue found it hard to watch. She was only just keeping things together herself. She left the room to go and get them both some drinks. When she returned, Rachel was still holding Lea's hand, talking softly to her. Sue pulled up a chair, and handed a cup of tea to Rachel. Wiping her eyes, she smiled at Sue and thanked her. Sue said that she had asked the nurse for an update, and that Lea was stable. 'Lea will be pleased that you're here.'
'I hope so. They say that hearing is the last of the senses to go, I hope she can hear me. I have so much to say to her. I never told her I loved her.'
Sue looked at Rachel sympathetically, 'I'm sure she knows. It's obvious, you've only got to see the two of you together.'
'What about her parents, do they know she's here?'
'I doubt it, I wouldn't know how to contact them. I'm actually listed as her next of kin.'
'Lea never talks about her parents. Did you say they live abroad?'
'Yes, they went when she was eighteen. She didn't want to go with them, she loves it here so much.'
'And what about the car that hit her. Do they know who it was?'
Sue nodded, 'Yes, the couple in the car called the ambulance. They're quite elderly, a Mr and Mrs Anderson. They were really shaken up. Apparently, Lea just walked out in front of them. They've been calling the hospital to ask after her.'
Rachel stayed by Lea's bedside for hours. When her friends from the studio came in to see her, Sue made Rachel go and get some lunch in the cafe, saying that she wouldn't be any good to Lea if she made herself ill. They chatted over lunch, and Rachel was so grateful to have Sue's help and be able to talk to her about Lea. 'Thank you for picking me up, and everything. I'm so glad I didn't have to do this on my own.'
'You're welcome, it's a relief to have you here. Do you know how long you can stay?'
'As long as I need to. Tom will cover things for me in London. Right now, Lea is the only thing that matters.'
Sue put her hand across Rachel's, and as they looked at each other, no other words were necessary.
When Sue was leaving that afternoon, she couldn't talk Rachel into going home. Sue made her promise that she would get some rest. As there was no one else visiting at the moment, the nurses let Rachel stay. She bought some magazines to look at, but most of the time she held Lea's hand, stroking it and talking softly to her. 'Please wake up, my mermaid. There's so much I want to say to you. Please don't leave me, I couldn't bear it.'
Rachel was woken up by the nurse, it was gone nine thirty, and time for her to leave. She booked a cab back to the cottage, and when she arrived back, she called Sue to update her. Sue was very sweet and comforting, 'Lea will be glad that you were there today.'
Rachel's voice cracked, 'Oh Sue, I can't bear to see her like that, it breaks my heart.' As she said the words, she was immediately reminded of Lea's last message to her, and she broke down.
Sue was quiet on the other end of the phone, and Rachel knew that she was crying too. Eventually, Sue said, 'We have to stay strong for Lea, she's got both of us to help her.' Rachel sniffed, and wiped the back of her hand across her face to mop up some of the tears. 'I'll pick you up same time tomorrow, sweetie.'
'Thank you, Sue.'
There had been no developments over night, and late in the afternoon, Sue said that she was going to head home, making Rachel promise not to stay too late. They hugged goodbye, and Rachel made her way back to Lea's room. She stood by the bed, and gently stroked Lea's hair back from her face, tracing her fingertip gently down her face. Please wake up, Lea, I love you so much.
Rachel must have drifted off to sleep in the chair, for she woke with a start. As she sat up, she felt a movement in her hand. Lea's fingers were moving, and Rachel's heart started to race. 'Lea, can you hear me?'
Lea's eyelids began to flutter rapidly, then her eyes opened momentarily, before closing again. Rachel felt a bubble of relief and excitement in her chest, and she fumbled to press the button to call the nurse. As she came in, Rachel said excitedly, 'Her fingers moved, and she opened her eyes. That's great, isn't it?'
Once the nurse had finished her checks, she said that Lea was stable, and told Rachel to go and get some sleep. She was kind, but firm, 'Both of you need rest, you can come back tomorrow.'
Rachel headed back to the cottage, feeling optimistic for the first time since she had heard about Lea. She called on Sue to let her know the good news. Sue's eyes glistened with unshed tears, and she hugged Rachel. 'I'm so glad you're here. She just needed to hear your voice.'
The next morning, Rachel was back at the hospital at nine. She sat down next to the bed, and chatted to Lea whilst holding her hand, as she had the previous day. It was a long day, and when Rachel went to the cafe for some lunch, she checked in with Tom, updating him on Lea's progress. Back in Lea's room, Rachel read aloud to her. It was late in the afternoon when Lea opened her eyes again. This time, they stayed open for a few minutes. The nurse came in again, and asked Lea some questions. Lea didn't answer, but she was watching what was going on. When the nurse left again, Rachel smiled at her, and Lea smiled back. Rachel's heart leaped for joy. Then Lea closed her eyes, and slept again.
The next couple of days were similar. Between Rachel and Sue, they hardly left Lea's side. Lea's fingers would twitch occasionally, and she would open her eyes for a few minutes at a time now, but she still hadn't said anything. After being so optimistic when Lea had first opened her eyes, Rachel was getting panicky now. She was trying not to say anything, because she didn't want to voice the terrible thoughts swimming around her head. Also, she didn't want to worry Sue any more, although Rachel realised that she may well be having the same thoughts. It was when she and Sue were having a drink in the hospital cafe, that Sue's soft voice cut across Rachel's thoughts. 'It might be better to just say it.'
Rachel looked up, wide eyed and startled. 'What?'
Sue looked at her kindly, 'I can see you going over and over things in your head. Sometimes it's better to express what's going on, give it an outlet.'
Rachel spoke very quietly, 'I'm afraid to say it.'
Sue took Rachel's hand, 'It's okay.'
Rachel's eyes filled with tears. 'What if she doesn't get her speech back. What if she doesn't recover? I was being so positive, but I'm finding it so hard, when each day seems the same.'
It was taking all of Sue's self control to keep her voice steady. 'She will recover. Lea has such a strong spirit. It might take some time, and however long it takes, we'll be there for her.'
'I'm so glad you're here. Thank you.'
The following morning, Rachel went to the hospital alone. She sat down, and began chatting to Lea, telling her about the weather, and nothing in particular. Rachel went off to the cafe for some lunch, and when she returned, she started talking t
o Lea about their first visit to the cove. She couldn't stop the tears running silently down her face, and wiped them away intermittently. At some point, Rachel must have drifted off to sleep, still holding Lea's hand. She came to, aware of a movement in her palm. She looked up, and Lea was opening her eyes. She seemed to look at Rachel for an eternity. Smiling at Lea, Rachel said, 'Hi.'
Lea spoke very softly, 'Hi.'
Rachel's heart soared, and she felt an overwhelming wave of happiness. She wanted to jump for joy, and all the things that she wanted to say to Lea rushed into her head at once. Instead she said, 'I'm so thrilled that you're awake. How are you feeling?'
'Thirsty.'
Rachel called the nurse, and asked for some water. Holding it to Lea's lips, she sipped it, and closed her eyes again. Rachel was willing her to stay awake. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes again. She whispered, 'You have a kind face. What's your name?'
'Rachel,' she whispered, tears filling her eyes. Lea closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep again.
On her way home that evening, Rachel stopped off to see Sue. Rachel explained what had happened. 'That's wonderful news.'
Rachel nodded, and started to cry, 'She doesn't know who I am.' Her body wracked with sobs.
Sue hugged her, 'My dear, she will. She's had a trauma. She's responding to you, her eyes didn't open until you got here. Remember that.'
'I wanted to hold her, to kiss her. I've missed her so much. This is so hard.'
'I know. You must focus on the fact that she's awake now. That's wonderful news.'
Rachel wiped her eyes. 'I still think we should try and contact Lea's parents. Surely they would want to know.'
'I'm not sure that Lea would want that. If she wants to see them, then we can contact them. I wouldn't feel happy doing it without her say so.'
'And you don't know what happened between them?'
Sue shook her head, 'I'm not really sure, she doesn't like to talk about it. Lea deals with things in her own way. We have to remember that it's not our decision to make. Look, I think you need to get some sleep.'
Rachel nodded, and hugged Sue goodbye.
The following morning, Rachel walked in to Lea's room to see the nurse with her. Lea was awake, and propped up. Rachel beamed at Lea, and went to kiss her, then stopped herself. 'Hi, how are you?'
Lea spoke very quietly, 'Okay. My head hurts. Actually, everything hurts. You were here yesterday, weren't you?'
'Yes. I'm Rachel.' Rachel sat in the chair next to her.
When the nurse left, Rachel excused herself, and followed her out. 'Excuse me, can I have a word. Lea doesn't seem to remember me. Is that a short term thing?'
The nurse smiled kindly, 'It's hard to say for sure. With comas and head traumas, memory can be affected. It's an individual thing. As she wasn't in a coma for too long, the possibilities of long term damage are much less. It's early days.'
Rachel thanked her, her heart feeling so heavy, and went back to Lea. She smiled as she saw Lea, and Lea smiled back. Apart from leaving for lunch, Rachel sat by Lea's side all day. Lea slept on and off, and now she was able to eat for herself, with a bit of help. Lea didn't eat much for dinner, and afterwards, she said, 'Thank you for helping me. The nurses said I had an accident a few days ago. I don't remember it.'
'That's okay, you just need to rest, and get better.' Rachel reached out for Lea's hand. Lea looked at Rachel, but her usually clear eyes were glassy. Rachel felt her eyes welling up, and turned away. She didn't want Lea to see her upset. 'I feel like I know you.'
Rachel nodded. She didn't trust herself to speak. Just then, the door opened, and Sue came in. Rachel was so pleased to see her. She stood up, so Sue could talk to Lea. 'Hi Lea, it's Sue. It's so good to see you awake. How are you?'
'Sore. My ribs hurt.'
After an hour, Sue and Rachel decided it was time to leave, Lea needed to sleep again. 'See you tomorrow.' Again, Rachel wanted to kiss Lea, but until she remembered, she would have to check herself. She didn't want to stress Lea in any way.
As soon as Rachel and Sue were outside, Rachel burst into tears. Sue hugged her, and Rachel cried into her shoulder. 'I wish it was me in her place, I can't bear seeing her like that.'
'She's in very good hands. Come on, sweetie, let's get you home.'
Rachel was exhausted, and once she was back at the cottage, she fell asleep on the bed, fully dressed.
Over the next couple of days, Nicola from the cafe visited, as did Lea's friends from the studio. Flowers and gifts were piling up around Lea's bed. The doctors checked on Lea, and the nurses got her out of bed, into a wheelchair. Once she was a bit more mobile, and her ribs weren't so sore, they would get her on crutches. She was healing well, and eating more now. The bruising on her face had come out, and was changing from purple blue to a more greenish colour. Rachel was pleased that Lea seemed so cheerful, too. She would read to Lea, and play games if Lea wasn't too tired. Rachel would take her to the cafe in the wheelchair for a change of scenery. Lea knew that they were friends, but Rachel hadn't said any more to her, as she wanted Lea to remember on her own. When Lea was resting, Rachel would work on her laptop, and check in at the gallery with Tom or Lisa. 'Tom, I'm sorry to just abandon you like this. I really don't want to leave Lea. She doesn't have any family here, just Sue, really.'
'It's okay, you need to be there. There's three of us here, and Max has been helping out, too, so we're fine.'
The following day, Rachel asked Lea if she would like to listen to some music. She plugged her portable speaker into her phone, and the first song was Locked Out of Heaven. Lea looked up, 'I know this song.'
As she listened to it, Rachel watched her as Lea was remembering. She smiled at Lea, willing her to say more. Please, please remember.
Then Lea looked right into Rachel's eyes. 'Rachel.'
Rachel looked hopeful, 'Yes.'
'Rachel, you were dancing.'
'Yes, I was.' Tears were running down her cheeks now. 'Do you remember anything else?'
'I wanted to kiss you.'
'When?'
'When you were dancing, I wanted to kiss you.' Rachel nodded, seeing some recognition in Lea's eyes.
Very softly, Rachel said, 'I want to kiss you now.'
Lea nodded, and Rachel leaned forward, kissing Lea softly on the lips. Where Lea's memory was hazy, her body remembered, and she kissed back. Rachel was so relieved, tears falling down her cheeks again. She thought again how she had never cried so much since she had met Lea.
CHAPTER TEN
Over the next couple of weeks, Lea's memory seemed to have mostly returned. Sometimes she would forget the name of something or struggle to find the right words, but she was improving daily. She was still getting headaches, but the doctor said that they would get better over the next few days. Lea was managing well with her crutches, although her ribs were still tender. She and Rachel would go to the cafe in the hospital for a bit of exercise and a change of scenery. Rachel chatted to Lea about the gallery, and Tom. She talked about Sue, Nicola and her artist friends. They talked about Rachel's holiday, when they first met.
Lea still didn't remember the accident or the hours leading up to it. Rachel was relieved that Lea's memory had otherwise returned, but she was also really worried about how Lea would react when she remembered why she had gone to the station. That was, of course, if that part of her memory came back. Rachel had heard that sometimes when people have a trauma, it gets buried in the unconscious mind, like a safety mechanism. Rachel didn't want to talk about it until Lea was ready, but at the same time she was feeling a gut wrenching guilt over what had happened.
Now that Lea was recovering so well, the doctor said that she could go home, providing there was someone to look after her. They didn't want her living on her own just yet. Rachel said that she would stay with her, and the hospital said that they would arrange a check up and some physiotherapy sessions if she needed them. 'Rach, are you sure about this? You've been away from home for
weeks now.'
Rachel looked at Lea lovingly, 'Yes, I'm sure. Getting you better is what's most important.'
'I am looking forward to getting home.' Lea smiled up at Rachel.
'Right, let's get you packed up, then.'
Sue drove them home, and Rachel unlocked the front door. Helping Lea out of the car, Rachel passed Lea's crutches to her. As Lea stepped inside, she took in her surroundings. It felt so good to be home. By the time that Rachel and Sue had got Lea unpacked and settled, Lea was very tired, and ready to go to bed. Rachel helped to undress her, and found a baggy t shirt and shorts which would fit easily over the plaster. As Lea lay back on the pillows, she looked at the photograph on her bedside cabinet. It was of herself and Rachel, arms around one another, laughing. 'That's a really good photo of us.'
'Yes, it is.' Rachel smiled fondly at the memory.
'Are you going to sleep with me?'
'It's up to you. I can sleep on the sofa if you'd rather. I don't want to knock your ribs or leg.'
'No, I like having you close. You make me feel safe.'
Rachel got Lea settled in, then went downstairs to make herself a cup of tea. When she was ready for bed a while later, she cleaned her teeth and put her pyjamas on. She slid under the covers quietly, so as not to disturb Lea, who was sleeping peacefully. For a while, Rachel watched the gentle rise and fall of Lea's chest as she slept. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, and Rachel was overcome with a profound feeling of gratitude to have Lea back home. Rachel had been terrified of what might happen, and now that they were back together again, she could hardly believe it. She leaned over to gently kiss the side of Lea's head, then lay down and closed her eyes. With Lea beside her, Rachel knew that tonight she would finally be able to sleep.
