by Sarah Pond
Rachel was getting worried, she had never heard Lea like this. 'Lea, you've got it wrong.'
But Lea was in full flow now. 'It was the one thing I asked of you. I thought you respected that.'
'Please, listen to me. I didn't contact your parents.'
'They said they'd received an invite from you. They said you wanted it to be a surprise.'
Rachel was starting to panic. 'For fuck's sake, will you stop a minute.'
'No, you've got to stop.' Lea's voice was hard and cold. 'I'm going to stay in Italy for another week or two. That will give you time to move out.'
Rachel felt like she'd been swallowed up by a bad dream. 'What?'
'I can't do this. I can't be with you like this. This is exactly what happened with Ann.'
'Lea, please. I don't know what has happened, or who the hell Ann is, but you've got this wrong.'
'My parents were very clear about it. They may be many things, but they are not liars.'
Rachel's head was spinning, and she felt sick. 'I can't believe this is happening. Think about it for a minute.'
'There's nothing to think about. I can't be in a relationship if I can't trust you.'
Rachel was crying now. 'You can trust me. You know me. Lea, please.'
'You're the one person, apart from Sue, who I thought I would always trust. I'm really sorry it had to end like this. Bye Rach.'
Rachel felt numb. As she put her phone down, she felt as though she was disconnected from herself. It really was the strangest feeling. Rachel had no idea how long she had sat at her desk, staring into space. Janine came to the office to say goodnight, and was worried when she saw her. Janine asked whether she was okay. Rachel went onto autopilot, 'Yes, thanks. Just tired. Goodnight.'
'A long as you're sure. See you tomorrow, then.'
Once they had left, Rachel picked up the phone to call Tom. 'Rachel, how are you?'
'It's over.'
'What are you talking about, darling?'
'Lea. It's over. Can I come and stay with you for a couple of days?'
'Of course. Whenever you like.'
'Is tomorrow okay? It's too late to come now.'
Tom decided that he would ask Rachel what had happened when he could talk to her in person.
'Of course. You've got a key still, let yourself in. Is there anything I can do?'
'Just knowing I can stay is what I need.'
'I'll see you after work tomorrow, then.'
'Yes. Thank you.'
Rachel locked up the gallery, and made her way home on auto pilot. The enormity of what was happening hadn't sunk in yet. In her mind, Rachel would pack her weekend bag, and would be visiting London, just like she always had done. Nothing different there, then.
Lea was feeling shellshocked. She couldn't believe that Rachel would go behind her back like that. Maybe she thought her parents wouldn't say who had contacted them, they had said it was meant to be a surprise. The thought of living without Rachel made Lea feel so empty, and sad to a depth that she had never felt before. But she couldn't stay with Rachel. She couldn't be with anyone who didn't respect her choice to leave things be with her parents. It was her life, her parents, no one else's business. Rachel had seemed okay with it. Lea had overheard Rachel's mum and dad asking about her parents. Maybe that had started her thinking about it. Also, Lea remembered showing Rachel the photo of them. Had she misconstrued that as Lea wanting to get in touch with them? Regardless, she had always been very clear how she felt about it.
As soon as Tom arrived home from work the following day, he called out to Rachel. She called back, and he went to give her a hug. Feeling his arms around her, she felt safe, and the tears started to flow. She didn't know how long she cried for, but it felt like hours. Tom had never seen Rachel in so bad a state. When she and Lea had broken up before, Rachel had thrown herself into her plan to win Lea back. At that time, she had known that she needed to balance her lifestyle, and not bury herself away. This was something entirely different. Rachel couldn't understand what had happened. It must have been a misunderstanding, but how did it all unravel so quickly. Lea had been so angry, and cold towards her. She hadn't even let Rachel explain. But then, what was there to explain, she didn't have a clue what was happening.
Katy received a call from Tom, and she went to see Rachel. She hated seeing her sister so devastated. 'I was so pleased to hear you were in London, but I'm so sorry it's under these circumstances.'
'I'm glad you're here. What am I going to do?' Rachel started crying again.
'How could she do this, without hearing you out?'
'She said her parents said I had told them to come.'
'That's crazy. But, who did contact them?'
'I have no idea.'
The next day, Lea's parents returned to the gallery. 'You disappeared yesterday, so we thought we would come back today.'
'Sorry about that. I had something urgent to take care of.'
'Is everything alright?'
Lea's face was set hard. 'Yes. Fine, thanks.'
'When we saw you yesterday, we realised that we had let things go too far. We would like to stay in more contact with you, if that would be okay with you. We were pleased when your partner told us about your exhibition.'
Lea felt her whole body go cold. 'Can we change the subject please.'
'Please can we take you for a coffee, so we can sit down and chat?'
Lea hesitated for a moment, then agreed. It had been years since she had seen them.
Lea suggested a good cafe nearby. The conversation was rather stilted, but they all made the best of the situation. Gradually, Lea began to thaw a bit, and became less defensive. Her parents explained that they were coming to terms with her 'situation.' It was at this point, that Lea almost got up to leave, until she saw the look in her parents' eyes, and could see that they were at least trying to be understanding. Maybe things could change, but she wasn't going to hold her breath.
Lea's dad said, 'Your partner is very attractive.'
'I suppose she is.' Lea was wondering whether they were trying a bit too hard.
'That seems an odd way to talk about your partner.' Lea's parents exchanged a look.
'What do you mean?'
'Is there a problem between you?'
Lea looked down, 'I don't want to talk about it.' Then a thought occurred to her, 'Hang on, you've never met her.'
'We saw the photograph of you together in the newspaper. She said we must come and see your exhibition.'
Then the cold truth dawned on Lea, and she felt the blood drain from her face. Feeling sick to her stomach, she said. 'Oh my god, what have I done.'
When the phone rang, Rachel considered not answering it. Then she realised that she was going to have to speak to Lea sooner or later, so she may as well get it over with. Lea's voice was like a rush of words in the wind, 'I was wrong. I'm so sorry. My parents thought you were Marcella. Marcella was you. I don't know.'
'What difference does it make?'
'All the difference. Rach, I want to see you, I want to make this right, but I'm still in Italy.'
Rachel's voice was hollow, 'We're over, remember?'
Lea was desperate. 'No, no we're not. It was a mistake.'
'You told me to move out.' Her voice was as cold and brittle as ice.
Hearing those words spoken coldly from Rachel's mouth sent a shiver down Lea's back, and she began pleading, 'I don't know what I was thinking, I was upset. Please give me a chance, I'm so sorry.'
'Lea, you broke my heart. You were so cold towards me, I would never have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears. I'll sort out collecting my stuff when I've got my head around it. You can box it up if you want and leave it at the gallery. I'll be selling the Mermaid Gallery so I can move back to London.' Rachel ended the call.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Lea caught the first plane home that she could. On the flight home, she kept replaying that last conversation over and over again. She real
ly had done it this time. How would she get Rachel to forgive her for this?
Arriving home, as Lea walked into the cottage, she could see that Rachel's shoes and jackets were no longer there. She went up to their bedroom, and then it really hit home that she had left. Lea started to cry, tears silently running down her cheeks. She needed to talk to Sue.
When Sue opened her door, she was at first delighted to see Lea, and instantaneously worried from the look on her face. 'Sweetie, come in, and tell me all about it.'
'I've really messed it up this time.'
Lea explained to Sue what had happened, and Sue listened patiently, without interrupting. Lea could see from the expression on Sue's face how shocked she was.
'Oh, Sue, what am I going to do?'
'You'll think of something, you always do.'
'I can't lose her. Why didn't I listen. I was so sure.'
'Look, you got caught up in the moment. It's not too late. You two have weathered a hell of a lot between you, and you always get through it.'
'But I told her to go, and she just went. Just like that.'
Sue looked stern, 'Did you give her a choice?'
'No. But even so.'
'You made it clear, and Rachel respected that.'
Lea looked so defeated, it pained Sue to see her like that. 'Exactly. Rachel has always respected my decisions and choices. I still can't believe what I've done.'
After dinner the next evening, Tom said to Rachel, 'You know, I know Lea didn't hear you out, she was so caught up in her own stuff. But when you think back, is it that different to how you stopped things cold after that first holiday. You wanted no contact between you. Remember how devastated she was?'
'Yes, but I had already said it couldn't be more than a holiday romance. This is completely different. We've built a life together. I sold up and moved to Kingsand, for fuck's sake. I've bloody done it again, opened myself up, and what happens? I get my heart broken. What the fuck is wrong with me?'
'Nothing. You're both passionate people, and have had to deal with a breakdown of trust. But with both of you, it was previous relationships that let you down. You both have to stop letting the past interfere with your love for each other. I've never seen a couple better suited to be together. So, get over yourself.' Tom had got rather carried away, and hoped that he hadn't overstepped the mark. Rachel looked rather shellshocked.
That night, Rachel lay awake for hours thinking about what Tom had said. He was right, of course. Still, could she forgive Lea and move on? The thing was, she had respected Lea's choice, and would never have interfered with the relationship between Lea and her parents. But the way that Lea had turned on her, the thought of it hurt so much, it was like a physical pain. Remembering those words, and how coldly Lea had spoken them, tears sprang into her eyes again.
The next morning, when the phone rang, Tom asked Rachel to answer it. As soon as the receiver was up to Rachel's ear, she heard Lea's voice, 'Please let me explain.'
For a moment, Rachel was going to slam the phone down, but her arm stayed where it was, as if her elbow had been fused into position. Lea could hear Rachel breathing, and continued, 'I am so sorry. More sorry than I can ever tell you. It was Marcella who contacted my parents. They saw the photo in the paper, and thought Marcella was my partner. I know that's no excuse for what I said to you.' Still there was no answer from Rachel. 'It happened once before with my ex, she went behind my back and spoke to my parents. She said that I wanted them to call me. It was because of that, that I broke up with her. I'm sorry that I thought you were doing the same, you're not her, I know that.' Then Rachel could hear Lea crying, 'I miss you so much. I can't believe how badly I screwed up. Please, please can we get together to talk. I need to see you, please Rach.'
'I don't think I can. I know what you're saying, and I know you're sorry. I want to move on, I truly do. But my heart just feels so heavy. It feels like a great weight on my chest.' With that, Rachel started to cry, big, heaving sobs.
'Oh, Rach, I wish I could go back and do it again. I would never say those things. It feels like I can't breathe. I need you. Please can I come and see you?'
'Remember, this is the second time you've dumped me. Surely something isn't right.' Those words were shocking to Lea's ears, cold and hard. 'I still don't know how you could do that. After everything we've been through, you just kicked me out, just like that. I'm not sure if I can move past that.'
Lea was crying hard now. 'Rach, I'm so sorry. Please, give me another chance.'
'And risk it happening again? Once bitten is one thing, but twice... I can't go through it again.'
'Just tell me what to do. Anything, and I'll do it.'
'Leave me alone. Please.' And with that, she was gone.
Rachel stayed in bed for the next two days. In the evening, Katy came round to see her. 'Tom called, said you wanted a bit of company. Fuck, you look terrible.'
Despite herself, Rachel laughed. 'Since when do you swear?'
'Since I see my sis having everything she wanted in life, end up in bed like a sulky teenager.'
'Why do you care, anyway. You thought I was crazy getting together with Lea.'
'Well, that was before I knew anything about her. Also, it was before I saw how crazy happy she makes you. So get your fucking arse out of bed, and sort your shit out.'
'Katy, if Mum and Dad could hear you now!'
'Yes, well, I've nearly used my expletive quota for the year! Now, go and get showered, I'm taking you out for dinner.'
Rachel opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. Actually, this was one time when she loved that Katy was doing her bossy big sister bit. It was just what she needed at the moment.
Over dinner, Rachel talked everything through with Katy. As Katy didn't really know Lea, it somehow made it easier to talk. Katy hadn't been involved, so was much more objective about everything. 'Look, I know what Lea said to you, but it sounds to me as though you're crazy about each other. Are you really going to throw all of that away, all on account of hurt pride.'
'It's not just hurt pride, is it. Do you remember about the bit where Lea kicked me out? Just like that, over the phone.'
'Yes, but she was upset.'
'Whose fucking side are you on?'
'The side that means you will start getting out of bed in the morning. The side that means that you'll get yourself together. Whether you get back with Lea or not, it's time to sort out what you're going to do.'
'That's easy for you to say. You don't have a broken heart.'
'Look, we all make mistakes. Lea was the victim of the misunderstanding, too. Her parents had thought it was you who had invited them. She thought you'd done the one thing she trusted you not to do.'
'I'd never do that.'
'When you thought Lea was having an affair, did you stay around to talk to her?'
That comment cut right to the core, and tears sprang up in Rachel's eyes, as she remembered what happened. 'I, I nearly lost her. For real.' All those feelings of loss came rushing to the surface, like a wave crashing against the shore, and Rachel thought she'd be swallowed whole by them.
Katy held her sister's hand across the table, 'Don't lose her again.'
The thought of losing Lea was like a wake up call. 'I do want her back. I miss her so much.' Tears streamed down her face.
'Then tell her.'
Rachel took a deep breath, and wiped her face. 'Thank you. I'm going to call her. I'll just go and sort myself out. Back in a mo.'
When Rachel walked back to the table, Katy wasn't there. But Lea was.
Rachel stopped a few feet from the table. Lea said, 'If you want me to go, I will.'
Rachel shook her head, and walked over to the table, sitting down opposite Lea. Still, she didn't say anything.
Lea desperately wanted to hold Rachel, and she was relieved that Rachel hadn't asked her to leave. She said, 'I don't think there's anything I can say that will change your mind if you've made it up. I just hope it's not too
late. I know I hurt you, and misjudged you. I know I shouldn't have let my past affect us, now.' Her voice choked up as she spoke. 'All I can say, is that I love you with all my heart. I miss you so much, I'm so sorry.'
Rachel spoke at last, 'These last few days have been...' she couldn't find the words to describe the hurt and desolation she had felt.
Lea could see how much she had hurt Rachel, and was terrified that it would really be over between them. 'Rach, I can't bear being apart from you. I love you so much. Please come home.'
Unlike before when she thought she had lost Lea, Rachel knew that this time she had a choice. She softly whispered, 'Yes.'
At this point, Katy walked over, to see Rachel and Lea holding hands across the table, and smiling at one another. 'About fucking time. Right, you two, I'm going to leave you to it.'
Rachel said, 'Thank you. For everything.' She got up to give her sister a hug. 'I still can't get over your swearing.'
'Well, that's my quota up, now!'
Lea stood up to hug Katy, 'Thank you.' She was too choked up to say any more, and they smiled and nodded at one another.
'Any time. Enjoy the rest of your evening. I've taken care of the bill. Goodnight.' And with that, she was gone.
'I love your sister!'
'She is great. She and Tom managed to talk some sense into me.'
'You know, Katy rang me. I was in such a state when she called. The restaurant thing was her idea. I told her I wasn't going to come, that you told me to leave you alone, and I was going to respect that. Katy told me I was talking bollocks, and made me promise to come. She said you'd spent days in bed.'
Rachel was looking down at the table. 'It hasn't been good.' As she looked up again, she noticed a tear slip down Lea's cheek.
'I don't know how I can make it up to you.'
Rachel wanted to change the subject. 'How was the rest of your time in Italy?'
'Miserable, without you. Even my parents were keen for me to make it up with you.'
