The Lily Harper 8 Book Boxed Set

by HP Mallory

  Bill sighed with a quick glance over the cliff again. “Yeah, I guess so.” Then he looked back at Tallis. “Which tunnel we takin’?”

  “The one ta the right,” Tallis answered, without even a fleeting glimpse over the edge of our pipe. Apparently, he did know these sewer tunnels pretty well.

  Bill nodded as he then leaned over the edge of our tube and eyed the tunnel in question, probably in order to judge how far away it was. He pulled himself back into our tunnel again and closed his eyes. A second or so later, he squeezed them even tighter. Then he pursed his lips together and looked like he was suffering from constipation. When he reopened them, he said, “So the hell much for that.”

  I sighed with a smile of consolation. “Guess we’re all going swimming then.”

  “Ye will joomp an’ then swim ta the corridor off ta the right,” Tallis instructed Bill, clearly anxious to get a move on. “Ye can swim?”

  Bill rolled his eyes. “Dafuq, dude? ’Course I can swim.” Bill looked over the edge of the pipe again before answering Tallis. “You swear on that dead dude who’s possessin’ you that I’m not gonna get attacked by some enormous, freakin’ shit alligator? Or some monster that’s made outta demon turds?”

  “Ah swear,” Tallis replied calmly.

  “You can’t be killed, Bill,” I reminded him.

  “Yeah, but that ain’t to say that it wouldn’t seriously suck to be some demon’s chew toy!” Bill replied with another whine. “It’s been real, Lils,” he said as he scooched himself to the end of the pipe and closed his eyes while pinching his nose. He sort of plopped/rolled off the ledge of the tunnel, cannon-balling into the sewage below.

  “Bill!” I called out once his body was entirely submerged. “Bill, are you okay?”

  When he surfaced a second or so later, he looked like he was treading water as he cleared the muck from his eyes. He started spitting, and shaking his head as more and more droplets of sewage water dripped off his hair and slid down his face. “Dude! I think I just drank some!” he yelled as he continued to cough and spit. “I think I just freakin’ swallowed a gulp of demon shit an’ piss!”

  Looking back at Tallis, I half-smiled. “Looks like he’s okay.”

  Tallis smiled in return and leaned over the edge of the pipe, calling out, “Swim ta yer right!” Then, facing me again, he muttered: “Bludy stookie angel,” while shaking his head. A few moments later, he nodded at me. “’Tis yer turn, lass.” I nodded and crawled to the edge of the pipe as I took a deep breath. At the feel of Tallis’s hand on mine, I looked back at him. “Doona be afeared, Besom,” he said in a hushed tone. “Ah will make it mah mission ta keep ye safe.”

  “Thank you, Tallis,” I whispered, genuinely taking comfort in his words, although at the same time, they surprised me. In general, Tallis wasn’t exactly demonstrative about caring, or showing compassion of any sort, so moments like these really threw me for a loop.

  I didn’t say anything more as I sat back on my butt and let my legs dangle off the edge of the pipe. I had to readjust my sword in its scabbard which was strapped across my chest, so the tip wouldn’t scratch the pipe. Then I took another deep breath, reminding myself not to open my mouth, and pushed off the ledge. I was airborne for a few seconds, my mouth clamped shut tightly before the icy water engulfed me. I pawed through the water, kicking my legs at the same time to force myself upward. When my head cleared the water’s surface, I wiped the disgusting sediment from my eyes and spat out several times to ensure that nothing seeped into my mouth. Then I started swimming for the tunnel on the right, where Bill was standing and leaning down with his hand extended to me. The tunnel was a bit higher than the cesspool, by about three feet, so thankfully, there wasn’t any sewer water in it at all.

  “Give me your hand, Babydoll,” Bill said as soon as I got close enough. I nodded as I reached for him, using the edge of the brick platform beside the tunnel to heave myself out of the water. As soon as I stood up, I looked back to find Tallis already swimming our way. As for the aqueduct: from my new vantage point, I could see it in its entirety. The cavern was completely comprised of bricks and the ceiling was maybe forty feet high. The walls became concave as they rose up to meet the ceiling. The pipe we’d just traveled through was located about halfway up the side of one of the brick walls.

  “Do you need help?” I asked Tallis once he reached us.

  “Nae,” he answered, gripping the sides of the brick platform and hoisting himself up. He shook himself off before checking his sword, which didn’t look any the worse for wear. It reflected the yellow light provided by the wall sconces that illuminated the entire cavern. That was when something occurred to me.

  “Tallis,” I began as he cleared the brown water from his eyes and shook his hair out, wiping the hideous sewer water from his face. I wasn’t sure why, but suddenly the scar that ran down one side of his face seemed more pronounced somehow. It almost appeared to be glowing. Maybe it was just a trick of the light.

  “Aye?”

  “If we are actually in the Underground now, why am I not having the same reaction that I did when we traveled to the Underground previously?” The first time I set foot in the Underground, I basically started dying.

  “Ye still carry mah blood in yer veins,” Tallis answered nonchalantly, walking past Bill and me and starting for the entryway to the brick tunnel. Luckily, this tunnel was a good ten feet high so we wouldn’t have to crawl again.

  “Oh,” I answered, as I wondered how long Tallis’s blood could survive in my body. Tallis didn’t seem to be in a very conversational mood, though, so I figured I’d file the question away for later. For now, we just had to get through the sewer tunnels.

  “Shit!” Bill yelled out as he palmed his shorts and reached inside his pocket, pulling out his phone which was dripping with sewer water. “My phone is soaking wet!” he said as I felt my heart skip a beat. Without Bill’s phone, we didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of locating the misplaced soul. That meant our entire trip down here would be for nothing. And who knew if we could even manage to make it back out of here alive? Well, who knew if I’d make it out of here alive, anyway?

  “’Twill work,” Tallis said, showing little interest in the phone or Bill’s complaint.

  “Um, not sure how well you did in science class, slick, but submergin’ electronics in shit water ain’t good for ’em.” Then he glanced over at me and frowned. “I bet the frickin’ thing’s broke.”

  “It isna broken,” Tallis responded calmly before he stopped walking and turned to face us. “The Oonderground has a verra strong electric force field surroundin’ it, which enables anythin’ electrical.”

  “That’s great an’ all, Einstein, but when you put a phone in water, the thing shorts out,” Bill insisted.

  Tallis frowned at Bill who was already scowling back at him. “If ye doona believe me, look at yer phone.”

  Skeptically, Bill flipped open the top of his phone, pressed a few buttons, and a huge smile lit up his face. “Shit, Tido’s right!” he announced, looking at me. “Frickin’ thing ain’t broke.” He studied the phone for a little while longer before nodding. “An’ looks like our soul in question ain’t too far away.” Then he addressed Tallis. “Thanks for the science lesson, yoze. Shit, maybe you will turn out to be my mantor after all.”

  “Yer what?” Tallis asked even as he faced forward again and started walking, with Bill and me right behind him.

  “Like mentor, only mantor,” Bill started, but Tallis shook his head as if to say he still didn’t get it. Bill sighed. “Like the man I aspire ta be. Like the ideal dude, ya know?”

  “Aye,” Tallis responded but then shook his head again. “I doona wanna be yer mantor.”

  “Yeah,” Bill answered. “Now that the moment’s passed, I’m startin’ ta think of you as the Yeti again,” he finished while looking over at me with a shrug. “It was good while it lasted, nips.”

  “What does Dante say about this level?�
� I interrupted, my mind wholly obsessed with what awaited us in the sewer system. Although Tallis and Bill could discuss such trivial things like whether or not to be a mantor, I couldn’t. As the only one of us who risked being killed, I guessed it only made sense that I would take our mission the most seriously.

  “Ah, shit balls,” Bill answered with a scrunched up face, which I assumed meant that he’d forgotten Dante’s book.

  “Bill, the book was your responsibility!” I chastised him. “We agreed to that!”

  “I know, I know; my bad,” he answered as he shook his head. “I totally forgot the damn thing on Conan’s table.” Then he cocked his head to the side and studied me. “I actually did us a big ol’ favor though ’cause phones might not get screwed up in vortex land, but books ain’t gonna fare well in water.”

  “I guess you have a point,” I conceded with a sigh of frustration. “But how are we going to find out what’s lying in wait for us in this part of the Underground now?”

  “Cerberus,” Tallis answered, glancing back at Bill and motioning for Bill’s phone, which the angel was carrying in his right hand. Bill didn’t say anything as he handed it to Tallis, who flipped it open and studied it for a few moments. He flipped it closed again and passed it back to Bill. “The soul is at the apex o’ the sewer,” he answered. “Nae doubt, bein’ guarded by Cerberus.”

  “Cerberus?” I repeated. “As in the three-headed dog?” I could feel fear as it spiraled up inside me when I uttered the words.

  “He doesna have three heads,” Tallis responded.

  “Then why did Dante say Cerberus had three heads?” I inquired, although I should have probably known better, seeing how familiar Tallis was with this place.

  “’Tis jist another detail ’twas incorrect,” Tallis responded. “Cerberus doesna have three heads, though he is ta be reckoned with, all the same.” He took a breath and then looked back at me from over his shoulder. “He is the leader o’ the pack o’ demon dogs.”

  “What the hell kind o’ dogs?” Bill asked.

  “Demon dogs,” Tallis answered. “They patrol the sewer an’ tear at the damned.”

  “How much longer until we reach them?” I asked, my voice beginning to quake. I tried to remember my lesson from Tallis on how to remain calm. Demon dogs, just like demon clowns, could be defeated, I reminded myself. I breathed in for a few counts and out again for a few counts, remembering Tallis’s instruction. But I wasn’t sure if it helped.

  “They patrol these toonnels,” Tallis answered.

  “So we could come across them anytime?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Ah’d advise ye ta be prepared though the threat isnae so great as ’twill be at the center o’ the aqueduct, where the souls o’ the damned reside.”

  “An’ how much further ’til we come across that fun little party?” Bill asked, kicking something in his way. It bounced off the brick wall with an echo.

  “Bill, don’t make so much noise!” I reprimanded him. “We don’t want to broadcast our arrival!”

  “Aye, we dinnae,” Tallis concurred as he eyed us both. “The water level deepens here. Ye’d do well ta take plenty o’ caution.” The tunnel went downhill, and as I watched, the water level began to rise. I continued following Tallis with Bill behind me and tried to ignore the freezing temperature of the water as it rose up to my ankles, then my knees and finally, my upper thighs. The tunnel began to straighten out again and when it did, the water level was waist-high.

  “How long is it going to be this high?” I whispered, but Tallis suddenly stopped walking and stood stock-still as he turned his head and appeared to be listening to something. He held up his right hand, indicating he didn’t want either of us to continue forward or to say another word. I felt my heart drop all the way to my feet.

  I doubt if I even had the chance to take one quick breath before the water in front of Tallis began to ripple. It looked as if something were swimming around in circles, directly in front of him. Tallis drew his blade and stood with it poised over his head. Moments later, something grey and circular burst through the water, and as I watched in horror, a creature emerged from the cesspool. The water dripped off its light grey, slimy skin, which looked like it was peeling off the creature’s body in rivulets. The creature was nowhere near as tall as Tallis, but seemed about my height or maybe a few inches taller. It didn’t have any hair, just a round orb for a head with two large, black cavities for eyes. Inside the black orbs, I could faintly detect two small pupils, which seemed to glow grey.

  “Son of a bitch!” Bill screamed as soon as the thing fully revealed itself from beneath the water. “It’s Aquaman! Aquademon!”

  “We’re oan Afterlife Enterprises business,” Tallis announced, his voice steely, but calm. “We dinnae want any difficulties.”

  I know who you are, the creature responded even though it didn’t have a visible mouth. It must have communicated with its thoughts, because I heard its voice in my head. I guessed its voice was sounding in Tallis’s head too because his body language showed that he was listening to something. The thing’s voice sounded strange—almost robotic.

  “I think I’m gonna shit myself,” Bill whispered. “I think I’m gonna shit myself. I think I’m gonna shit myself.”

  “Then grant oos passage,” Tallis requested from the thing.

  The thought that I probably should have been prepared for battle crossed my mind, and I drew my sword from its scabbard and held it aloft, ready to strike. I mean, who knew how many of these water creatures lived in the tunnel? The creature inclined its head toward my direction.

  I will not harm you, it said in my mind before turning back to face Tallis again. I have been sent by the keeper of the Underground City, it continued. He requests the favor of your company.

  “Like fuck we’re gonna go visit the devil!” Bill roared back. “You musta swallowed too much o’ this piss water, yo, ’cause this shit’s messin’ with yer head!”

  The creature simply glanced at Bill but said nothing.

  “We are here oan a mission,” Tallis replied tersely, in a controlled but annoyed tone. He was still holding his sword although he was no longer in striking stance. He must have believed to some extent what the creature was saying.

  The master is aware, Bladesmith, the creature responded. He will allow you to capture the soul in peace, if, afterwards, you will agree to visit him in his headquarters.

  Tallis was quiet for a few seconds. “As long as Alaire will allow mah friends ta return ta the Dark Wood oonharmed,” he answered. “Then Ah will go with ye.”

  The creature shook its head and looked at me. The master also requests an introduction to the woman.

  “Nae,” Tallis responded immediately. “Alaire has nae business with her.”

  “That’s right,” Bill suddenly piped up. “Both you and the devil want nothin’ ta do with us. We’re just here ta get in and get out. We don’t want no trouble.”

  The master is not interested in you, the creature responded before settling its attention on me again, as if to say, Alaire was mostly interested in meeting me. Why? I had no clue. Maybe he was pissed off that his two clowns got killed during my first trip down here. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more that line of thinking made sense. Maybe Alaire was going to kill me in revenge for the deaths of his two henchmen?

  The master does not want to harm you, the creature said as it stared at me. It was starting to freak me out because I wasn’t sure if it had just read my mind and was now responding to my thoughts or what.

  “Well, the maestro really shouldn’t be too thrilled over Bubble Butt neither,” Bill interrupted, shrugging. “She’s just a touron,” he continued. Then he glanced at me, nodding. “She’s a mix ’tween a tourist and a moron. Girl’s so dumb, she can’t do nothin’ to save her life. Seriously, the master dude wouldn’t be missin’ a single thing by not meetin’ nips.” He cocked his head to the side and his eyebrows reached for the ceiling as he started nodd
ing again. “She reeeeeal dumb; know what I’m sayin’?”

  I am merely repeating the master’s orders, the creature announced, as if it had no interest in whether I was intelligent or not. The creature faced Tallis again. I am to inform you that he will not harm her. He wishes only to make her acquaintance.

  “Why?” Tallis demanded.

  The creature shook its head. I was not entrusted with that information, it responded.

  “An’ if Ah dinnae agree, what then?” Tallis barked.

  Then we cannot guarantee your protection or safety during your mission. The thing glanced back at me. Nor that of your fellow travelers.

  Tallis was quiet for a few seconds before he took a deep breath and simply nodded to the creature, indicating his consent. The creature turned around and started forward, moving through the sewage water as if it were swimming. I caught up with Tallis and gripped his forearm. “Why did you agree for us to meet Alaire?” I demanded.

  “Yeah, that didn’t sound like such a great idea to me neither,” Bill piped up from behind me.

  Tallis leaned down and whispered in my ear, “’Twas the only way ta guarantee yer safety, lass.”

  “You think meeting Alaire will guarantee our safety?” I repeated in a hushed tone, shaking my head. “You think we’ll be any safer than if we just fulfilled our mission and got out, like our original plan?” I continued, clearly unconvinced. Bill, apparently disinterested in our conversation, lagged behind a few paces and I could hear him humming something I didn’t recognize.

  “Och aye,” Tallis whispered back at me. “Alaire is merely curious ’bout ye, lass. We can troost his word.”

  “The word of the devil?” I snapped back at him. My eyes narrowed with skepticism as I shook my head, not getting how he could place any trust in someone who ruled the Underground.

  Tallis shook his head as he studied me, a slight smile pulling at his lips. His smile made him downright handsome. “Alaire isnae the devil, Besom. He is merely the keeper o’ the Oonderground. They are two verra different things.”

  “Regardless of what he is, are you sure he isn’t going to want to get even with me? Don’t forget, Ragur and Kipur were killed during my mission!” I responded, paranoia beginning to occupy my entire body. I just couldn’t understand why Alaire, supposedly a pretty important person as head of the Underground, could be bothered with me, a nobody.