by HP Mallory
“Was that the reason you came to see me in Edinburgh? Because you wanted to take me back to the Underground just so you could turn me over to Alaire?” I demanded. Waves of anger inside me made me clench my hands into fists at my side.
“Aye,” Tallis replied before dropping his heavy gaze to the ground. He was quiet for a few seconds and appeared to be inspecting the terrain in front of him. Moments later, his eyes met mine. “At least, that was the reason Ah gave mahself as tae why Ah shoowed oop oan yer doorstep.”
“That was the reason you gave yourself?” I repeated scathingly. Then I scoffed as it occurred to me that maybe, he was just trying to avoid making it look like he didn’t care about me, and most likely, never had. “What other reason could there have been?”
Tallis cleared his throat, but didn’t drop his eyes from mine. “Ah wanted tae see ye agin,” he answered softly. He shrugged his massive shoulders as if to indicate it was no surprise that he’d wanted to see me again. “Mooch though Ah didnae want tae admit it tae mahself, Ah felt drawn tae ye.” He cocked his head to the side and seemed to be in deep thought. Moments later, surprise was all over his face. “Mayhap that was part o’ the reason Ah was sae determined tae leave ye wif Alaire, ’cause Ah didnae like how mooch Ah … that Ah … cared aboot ye.”
I couldn’t comment. Part of me wanted to laugh at his words sarcastically, while the other part yearned desperately to hold onto them and believe they were true. “So the whole time you were training me on how to use my sword,” I began, trying to clarify his intent. I refused to lose myself in anything pretty that might emerge from his mouth.
“Aye, Ah had already made mah decision.”
Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and forced the tears to cease. The last thing I wanted to do now was cry in front of him. “So why did you bother training me, if you knew you were just going to turn me over to Alaire anyway?” I persisted, finally feeling like I was in control of my emotions again.
“If anythin’, Ah wanted tae give ye a fightin’ chance wif ’im, lass.” Clearing his throat, he stood up and began to pace back and forth, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Let meh make somethin’ verra clear tae ye,” he started before facing me.
“What?” I asked when he appeared to lose his train of thought.
“Ah didnae want tae give ye tae Alaire,” he answered. His voice sounded more determined, and almost angry.
“And yet, that’s exactly what you were going to do,” I countered. I had to make damn sure I didn’t let him off easily.
“There was naethin’ Ah hated more than imaginin’ his hands all over ye, an’ heem forcin’ himself oan ye, an’ hurtin’ ye,” Tallis continued. His gaze was so intense, I preferred facing the fire instead. “Ah couldnae sleep at night,” he explained. “Ah couldnae escape the horrible images o’ him wif ye.”
“Then why did you agree to the terms?” I demanded, finding no solace in his words. “If you hated the idea of him hurting me and using me, why did you decide to go through with it? Why did you ever allow him to meet me?”
“Because Ah wanted tae believe Ah could do it,” he spat back, rubbing the back of his head again.
“You wanted to believe you could do it?” I repeated and shook my head as I wondered how I could have ever been so misled by Tallis. Here I’d thought he was this wounded man who was atoning for a past that bothered him deeply. I’d been so terribly mistaken, so absolutely wrong.
“Ah was the worst sort o’ person in mah past,” he explained, his voice growing calmer and softer again. “An’ Ah wanted tae be able tae find that power inside meh again.”
“But when I met you, you were atoning for your wretched past!” I protested before glancing at Bill. I wanted to make sure my voice wasn’t so loud that it woke him up. He needed his sleep as much as I needed mine. When I faced Tallis again, I lowered my tone of voice until it was as soft as his. “You were making amends for all the horrible things you did when I met you. You were doing penance. You were trying to become a better person!”
“Aye,” he answered but then shook his head as if my point wasn’t valid. “Ah thought Ah was repentin,’ boot Ah was only kiddin’ mahself,” he admitted. “Ah knew as mooch as soon as ye came intae mah life.”
“Why would my entrance into your life make you decide you were kidding yourself about repenting for your past?” I demanded. I failed to see how I could have had anything to do with his epiphany.
“The first time Ah saw ye, Ah had tae keep mahself frae takin’ ye,” he seethed at me. “Ah wanted ye frae the verra beginnin’ an’ it joost got harder frae then oan. When Ah made mah agreement wif Alaire, Ah wanted tae stop feelin’ anythin’ fer ye, lass. Ah wanted tae free mahself frae the flame Ah carried fer ye.”
I swallowed hard because the truth was, I’d also wanted him from the first moment I saw him. But my sexual attraction to Tallis didn’t upset or alarm me like his for me obviously did. If anything, his attraction to me was the very thing that spurred him into making such a horrible pact with Alaire. It was almost as if he truly wanted to get rid of me, simply in order to banish his feelings for me. “So … the whole time we were traveling together, through the sewers of the Underground City, you knew in just a short time, Alaire would demand his introduction to me?”
“Aye,” Tallis agreed. “Ah didnae know when, nor how, boot Ah knew Ah was tae bring ye tae Alaire oan that fateful trip.”
I was quiet for a few seconds while trying to get my emotions under control. Anger and deep sadness were tearing my brain and insides apart. It was all I could do to take a deep breath and promise myself I wouldn’t cry—whether the tears came from anger or melancholy. “So when did Alaire realize you didn’t intend to go through with your side of the arrangement?”
“He knew joost afore we arrived at his office.”
“How is that possible?” I asked, shaking my head. “I was with you the whole time before we met him! There was no way you could have told him anything.”
“Ah didnae tell Alaire,” Tallis responded. “Ah told Grashnelle, an’ he told Alaire.”
Grashnelle was the water creature who’d appeared in the sewers while we were retrieving a soul from Cerberus. Grashnelle had served as a messenger for Alaire, also informing us that Alaire wanted to meet me.
Shaking my head more vehemently, I tried to make sense of Tallis’s story but parts of it weren’t adding up. “You forget, I was there the entire time Grashnelle was with us! And I don’t remember you saying anything to him.”
“Aye,” Tallis agreed as he nodded. “Boot if ye recall, Grashnelle could also communicate telepaffically, sae Ah didnae have tae rely oan the spoken word.”
I didn’t answer as I quietly thought about everything Tallis just admitted to me. My head was brimming with too much information that suddenly made me exhausted again, as if all the sleep I’d managed to get over the last couple of days was no more than a mere nap. But, I wasn’t finished with our conversation. There was still way too much that I didn’t understand, and still needed to know.
“When Alaire approached you with his bargain, what did he say to you exactly?” I asked, eyeing him pointedly.
“Lass, why dooze it matter?” Tallis asked me. Then, he shook his head, as if all of this were wasted breath. “All that matters noo is ta git ye home safely, so ye never haftae see meh agin.”
“No, that’s not all that matters!” I railed back, hearing my voice crack. “What matters most to me is knowing the chain of events in sequence, so I can fully understand how you could …” I didn’t finish my sentence because my voice failed me. I was moments away from unleashing a barrage of tears.
“Alaire said he wanted meh tae bring ye tae heem an’ leave ye thaur. ’Twas all he said tae meh.”
“What for?” I demanded, renewed anger starting to churn inside me, although it felt better than wallowing in self-pity. “Why did he want you to leave me with him?”
Tallis cocked his head to the side. He was quiet for
a few seconds before he returned his gaze to mine. “Ah dinnae know fer certain, boot Ah imagine he wanted tae steal yer innocence frae ye.”
“You mean, he wanted to rape me?”
Tallis inhaled a long breath as soon as I said the word “rape.” When he exhaled, his attention fell onto the robust fire. “Mayhap,” he answered in a soft whisper.
“Maybe?” I repeated, shaking my head as the conflagration inside of me started to burn out of control. “What else would his purpose have been?”
“’Twould hae bin more than joost takin’ye ‘gainst yer will, lass,” Tallis started. His eyes met mine and were suddenly just as angry as I’m sure mine must have been. “He would hae wanted tae keep ye, tae never lit ye go.”
Just like Hades did to Persephone, I told myself before facing Tallis again. “And you were willing to assist him in doing that?” I asked incredulously before erupting into an acerbic laugh. “And to think that I trusted you! I always thought you had my best interests at heart!” I fell silent as I took the struggle inward and thought about what a total and complete moron I’d been and was.
Tallis swallowed hard and his attention fell onto the fire again. “At the time Ah made the decision wif Alaire, Ah could only see mah oon freedom, ’tis true.”
“You didn’t care about me,” I said in a haunted voice. “You never cared about me.”
“O’ course Ah cared aboot ye,” he started, spearing me with a persuasive gaze again.
I shook my head fiercely as soon as I started to cave. I so wanted to buy into what he was saying but I wouldn’t allow myself. I couldn’t allow myself. “Obviously, not enough.”
He shut his mouth and didn’t say anything more. Instead, he just stared at the fire as if he were becoming mesmerized by it.
“So why couldn’t you go through with it then?” I demanded, my voice now razor sharp. “Since you agreed to leave me to my fate with Alaire, why didn’t you go through with it when you had the chance?”
“Ah couldnae,” he answered, his jaw set tight. He refused to look at me.
“Why not?”
“Two reasons,” he started, but his voice died away.
“What two reasons?”
“Yer sword was one.”
“My sword?” I repeated skeptically. My eyebrows arched up to the sky as the boulder in my stomach continued to roll. I didn’t know why but I’d hoped his response would have been something more personal. I wished it were something more along the lines of how he’d grown closer to me, and therefore, didn’t want to deliver me to a wolf.
“Aye,” he answered. “Ah couldnae leave ye wif Alaire because Ah remembered how, when ye first held yer sword, ye saw Fergus Castle, the one that had bin in mah family fer centuries.”
“So what?”
He shook his head, defeated, as if I didn’t understand the significance of his point. When he looked back at me, his eyes were deep and hollow. “Ye seein’ Fergus Castle, somefin that Ah’ve always cherished, told meh that ye were pure o’ heart, that ye were oontouched by the oogliness that haunts moost men,” he answered. His gaze returned to the fire again. “Knowin’ ye waur sae pure, Ah couldnae turn ye over tae Alaire.”
“But I saw Fergus Castle way before we ever ventured into the Underground City,” I argued, violently shaking my head to let him know his reasoning didn’t make any sense. “So you knew I was pure of heart long before you agreed to bring me to Alaire.”
“Aye,” Tallis confirmed as he nodded sullenly. “Boot Ah thought it wouldnae matter tae meh. Ah made mahself believe that whit mattered most tae meh was riddin’ mahself o’ Donnchadh, an’ endin’ a life Ah wanted nae part o’.”
“So your bargain with Alaire was freedom from Donnchadh?” I inquired, wanting to make sure I fully understood what he was saying. He nodded. “But wouldn’t the release of Donnchadh from your body mean that you would die in the process? Isn’t Donnchadh the only reason you’re immortal?”
“Aye, Ah would’ve died,” he answered simply with a shrug, as if to indicate it was no big deal. “An’ Ah would hae welcomed death.”
I hated thinking of Tallis dead. As soon as the thought occurred to me, I mentally banished it from my mind. But what bothered me even more was how he seemed to welcome his own death. I hated the fact that Tallis wanted, above all else, to lose his life and himself. His self-hatred ran so deep, it had no bounds.
“You said the first reason you couldn’t go through with it was because of your sword,” I started, trying to get back on track. I still couldn’t fully understand why Tallis had made the decision he had. And in order for me to move on and never look back again, I needed to understand it. “What was the second reason?”
Taking a deep breath, Tallis just stared at the fire for a good four seconds. When he looked up at me again, his eyes appeared heavier than before. Still, he didn’t say anything. We just stared at one another as the fire reflected the deep lines of his cheeks and the fullness of his lips.
“The second reason,” he began before biting down on his lip. His eyes narrowed as he dropped his gaze back to the fire. I could see the conflicting emotions behind his mournful eyes and in the tightness of his jaw. He looked up at me again and my breath caught in my throat. I’d never seen Tallis look so completely broken, as if he were stripped bare and helpless. I felt like I could see right through him, and glimpse his soul.
“Tallis.” I heard my voice, but didn’t even realize I spoke his name.
“The second reason was ’cause Ah loove ye.”
PERSEPHONE
Book 4 of the Lily Harper series
by
H.P. Mallory
“Now onward goes, along a narrow path…”
- Dante’s Inferno
ONE
I was stupefied.
I was so stunned, I was speechless. Staring at Tallis, I wondered if maybe I’d just imagined the last five seconds of our conversation. I must have been having an out-of-body experience, one of those moments where it feels like you’re a spectator of yourself. It was almost as if the situation unfolding before me were on a screen, and I had no personal connection to it whatsoever. But then I remembered I was not only involved, but also one of the main players. Yes, I was the one who was on the receiving end of Tallis’s proclamation that he loved me! But Tallis was completely incapable of loving.
Or so I thought …
“Yoze, Conan, where’s dunch?” Bill suddenly chirped from where he was sitting on the ground. He was leaning against one of thousands of dead trees in the Dark Wood. He was supposed to be sleeping. At least, he was snoring loudly only a few minutes earlier. Now, however, he glanced down at his new iPhone and then back up at Tallis, scowling all the while.
Turning to face my less-than-perfect guardian angel whose sense of timing sucked, I repeated, “Dunch?” It was no big surprise that I had no clue what he was talking about. Bill’s vocabulary, in general, always required translation.
Bill shrugged before pulling his knees into his man-boobs, and the groaning of his hungry stomach became very audible. “Y’know, way past lunchtime, but too soon for dinner? Soze I’m callin’ it dunch,” he explained before facing Tallis again. “Dude, if you’re gonna insist on playin’ the third wheel, ya need to carry your own weight.” Tallis didn’t answer, although his expression told Bill he wasn’t amused. “That means you gotta go get us some grub,” Bill persisted, while Tallis remained rooted in place, standing right in front of us. “Chop-chop, dude,” Bill finished.
Physically, Bill was maybe five foot five, and probably that same distance in girth. If it weren’t for his arms, legs and head, you could have probably bounced him. His thick, dark brown hair had never had the fortune of being introduced to a brush or comb in the time I’d known him.
“You do realize,” I started, using my mom tone of voice, which was guaranteed to drive him nuts. Not that I was a mom, but I usually ended up playing that part where Bill was concerned. “That whatever time your phone says,
is actually way off?”
After two days and two nights through the Dark Wood, we were happily on our way home. And trekking through the Dark Wood was no pleasure stroll either. Bordering on the Underground City, which was akin to hell, the Dark Wood contained plenty of its own creatures that went bump in the night. Owing to the Dark Wood’s proximity to the Underground City, it existed in perpetual darkness, and eternal night, meaning, it was impossible to tell what time of day or night it was. Besides that, an electric force field around the Underground City caused all electronics to malfunction. Interestingly enough, I noticed my cell phone did stay powered, but I couldn’t rely on the clock function and the service was shoddy … at best. The only way to determine that we’d been traveling for two days and nights was because Tallis was somehow keeping track.
Tallis Black, also known as the Bladesmith, lived in the Dark Wood and knew the haunted forest like the back of his hand. It also didn’t hurt that Tallis was a two-thousand-year-old Celtic Druid who had made the Dark Wood his home for nearly as long.
“It’s gotta be dunchtime somewhere,” Bill insisted with a shrug. Staring at Tallis, who stood beside me, stone-faced, Bill glared at the much larger man for a good few seconds before shaking his head and sighing as he faced me. “I’m like so freakin’ over Tido’s Nicholas Cage Syndrome.”
“What?” I asked, even though I knew better.
“Dude has the same facial expression no matter what! If he’s angry, happy, sad, bein’ a dickhead … shit, the list goes on, but the face never changes!” Bill explained as he eyed Tallis again. “Yo, He-Man, smile a little bit for fuck’s sake!” Shaking his head with a dramatic sigh, Bill made several efforts to change Tallis’s expression, but Tallis only raised his eyebrows toward the black sky. “You must be really fun at parties.”
