by HP Mallory
“Nae, we have nae seen the spites,” Tido answered in a big voice as he addressed the mountains.
Epi started rattling his chains like an economy-sized Jacob—or Bob(?)—Marley. “How can something so disruptive to the Underground City remain so elusive, brother?”
Pro rattled his chains too but only ‘cause he was shrugging his shoulders. “All I know is that our lost Spite remains so, Epimetheus. And we are in no position to find it, which is why we—”
For the first time while conversating, Epi interrupted his bro, and even added some chain rattling. “The lost Spite must be found! So long as it roams outside the borders of Tartarus, it will bring ruin and disaster to all who cross its path!”
“Who the fuck’s Tartar?” I asked, shaking my head ‘cause whatever the hell’s they was goin’ on about, I weren’t following.
Conan leaned in and gave me a quick whisper. “Tartarus is the ol’ name fer the morgue.”
“Can this Spite thing cause some permanent damage?” I asked, gettin’ worried like ‘cause if these rock dudes was afraid of some spite, I figured good ol’ Bill oughtta be scared of it too.
Tido’s face had the kind of bleakness you see on guys that are about to die. “None o’ the Spites are anythin’ tae trifle with.”
Nimrod started freaking the fuck out again. And, ‘course he made as little sense as ever but his tone sounded like he was two seconds from a deadpanic attack. Pro looked at him with a firm set of his man-moth jaw.
“I am aware of what I said before, Nimrod. But apparently, things have changed.”
Tido did another bench-pressive lift of his hair using just his eyebrows. “Whit things have changed?”
I could’ve sworn I saw Pro smirking at the Druid. “You may certainly ask, Tallis Black. But surely you, of all people, realize the answers you seek are not always forthcoming.”
I did my best imposteration of a pogostick and hopped right over that one. “What the hell does that mean?!”
The smirk I saw straightened into a line. “It means, William, that I have told you all I am willing to divulge at this time.”
It felt like the same kind of admonication I got from Uriel when I was still in training. It sounded like Pro was being a big ol’ dick.
Then the smirk popped back on Pro’s face. “Besides, I believe the location of Lily Harper is of far greater importance to the both of you, is it not?”
Conan attemptried his best to concealiate it, but his body language told all. I’d absolutely kick his ass at poker.
“Then ye have seen her?”
Epi started makin’ a whole bunch of awful noises, but Pro just gave him the side-eye. “Epimetheus, being blind, has not seen anything in centuries. But I believe he has a tale to tell; don’t you, brother?”
Epi didn’t cut to the chase. He was too busy making some weird-ass noise. It sounded like a laugh, a sob and a cough blended together into a smoothie. After two minutes of that racket hangin’ around like a wet fart, I couldn’t take it no more.
“Well, spit it out already, Epi!” Tido nailed me with his stink-eye and a snake hiss but I was long past giving a shit. If he had something to say, I wanted to hear it. If he didn’t, I wanted to find somebody who did.
Epi seemed to get the hint. He settled down and leaned his head forward. That’s when I got a good look at his eye-boulders. What truly captivacated my attention was all the gunk I saw ringed around them. It looked like his eyes had been leaking out the funky stuff forever, and whatever it was, it sure as hell weren’t tears.
He pulled a deep breath into his mouth before he finally talked. “Someone showed up recently… a sweet child. She has visited us for several nights now…” He grunted as he looked over at Pro. “Did the child actually appear to us, brother, or am I—”
Pro spoke with authority. “Unless I shared the same dream, Epimetheus, the one you speak of has come more than thrice to visit you.”
The next words from Epi sounded like he was barely holding off an epic man-cry. “Then I am doubly grateful. The thought that this slip of a girl, who climbed onto my body to wipe my eyes… the fear that she may have never been real…”
Conan buried his right hand into his beard. I wondered how many fingers lost their way in the overgrowth. “This sounds like Besom,” he said, mostly to hisself.
As Besom’s personal guardian angel, I could agree. Still, it sounded a little too good to be true. “I dunno, Tido. Helpin’ folks out? Yeah, Nips has been doin’ that since forever. But this mountainursin’ shit? Be nice if we got us a genuwhine eyewitness account from somebody who actually saw her.”
Pro looked kind of embarrassed. “You have to understand, William. While personages like yourself and the Druid are notable enough to warrant our full attention, the same is not true of the dead. They are no more than tiny motes to us, indistinguishable from dust.”
“But Lily ain’t dead,” I argued.
“Regardless, Epimetheus’s caregiver never once uttered a word while attending to him. So none of us can truly say that she is indeed the one you seek,” Pro finished.
The idea of givin’ this man-mountain the benefit of the doubt didn’t sit well in my crawdaddy. At that moment, I was convincified he knew a lot more than what he was telling us. “Yeah, I get that. I mean, how many o’ the recently deceased come by an’ see you guys anyways?”
That casual line got me some info I never saw coming. “Now that you inquire, there have been quite a few such beings to come by of late. We were advised that a civil war is currently being waged within the Circle beyond us.”
I saw the way Tido subcutaneously stiffened up until he was standin’ there, like super straight, like he was trying to hold in a huge ass fart. Little did he know that the key ain’t in holding it in. Key’s in letting it rip real slow like so it don’t make no sound. The smell you can’t do nothing ‘bout though.
“A civil war?” he repeated. “An’ who’s fightin’ who?”
Epi sighed like a parent giving an explanationary to some kid who couldn’t understand the answer. “We do not know.”
Conan started wiping off more pieces on the path so he could pace.
“What disturbs you so, Tallis Black?” Pro asked.
Tido kept on pacing but his eyes were paddle-locked on Pro’s face like heat-seeking missiles. He didn’t answer so Pro kept on talking.
“You believe that I am less than forthcoming, Tallis Black.” The big eyes on Pro narrow-margined on Conan as if he was barely two steps from crossing a line. And his comment weren’t no question. The way he said the words made me once again gratefulfilled for the chains holdin’ the three of ‘em in place.
I wondered what the big, dumb Scottish hick was trying to do. Arguing with the guy guarding the door was seriously ill-bad-vibesable. “C’mon, Tido, how do it matter? Outside o’ Nips’ location, there’s not much else we wanna know anyways.”
That managed to stop Conan dead in his tracks. But he didn’t look any less mangry at me or Pro. “If’n a man lies aboot one thing, stookie angel, he’ll lie aboot another… like knowin’ the whereaboots o’ Lily.” He looked back at Pro an’ his eyes narrowed. “An’ Ah know ye’ve got the seer’s gift. Yer damned name means ‘forethought’! So Ah’d say ye know quite a bit more than yer tellin’ oos.”
Pro’s expression turned as stony as the path beneath us. “Be that as it may, Lord of Fergus Castle, neither I nor my brothers have anything further to share with you this day. Make of that what you will.”
I elbowed Tido in frustration. “Nice going, dumbass! Now he’s never gonna let us through.”
Pro chuckled like I made a pretty good joke. “On the contrary, William, we are perfectly willing to allow both of you pass… for a small price.”
“Uhh, no disrespect, Pro,” I started. “But we ain’t got nothin’ more than the clothes on our backs.” I glanced down at Tido’s ugly feet. “Well, minus a pair of shoes.”
Pro opened his mouth when Epi
wheezed out a few words. “The price is this: find the girl… the one who took such good care of me. Lead her to the world above. She does not belong here.”
Even with his back to me, I knew Tido was eyeing Pro something fierce. “Epimetheus speaks fer ye, Fire-Thief?”
Pro gave his bro the stink-eye but nodded. “He does. The duty of extracting tolls falls upon his shoulders.” He continued nodding. “And regardless of the girl’s true identity, Epimetheus is correct. She does not belong in this place.”
“Do you accept our terms?” Epi asked.
I didn’t think Epi’s caregiver would be Lils. Still, it wasn’t an unreasonable demandate an’ it meant Tido an’ me didn’t have to continue on our quest naked. So there was that.
“Aye, ye have me word,” Tido said.
Pro smiled like he just got hisself a brand new Playstation. “Very good… Nimrod, if you please?”
I controlled myself this time. Swear.
Nim-wha sucked up the air so hard, he swallowed some of the clouds with it.
“Ah, shit,” I muttered while grabbing Tido’s leg. Sure enough, when Nim-wha blew all that wind out, every one of them clouds flew right back into our faces. I hung onto Conan’s leg for dear life. Tido was steady as an oak and didn’t even budge… I figured he’d prolly summonated that freaky Druid magic and made his feet grow roots or something.
When the clouds passed, there was good news and bad news. The good news? All that sucking an’ blowing uncoverated the path for us. The bad news? The same trick exposasized the ground all around the path. It was pulserating in waves like the ocean, if the ocean was fulfilled with sand instead of water. Every once in a while, a glob of red stuff that looked anything but good popped out from underneath the sand. I had ta wonder what happened to Tido’s boots. Then I decided I really didn’t want to know.
I notarized that the path went right under Pro’s feet when he lifted one of them gargantuan things up. “Our unpleasant conversation aside, we wish both of you abundant good fortune in the tasks that lie ahead.”
I releasified Tido’s leg and started walking. “You know, I’d offer all o’ you man-mountains the same sentimentalments but, well…”
Pro’s big, booming laugh pushed back the clouds a little more. “Well spoken, William. Do take care of yourself as well as your companion.”
I looked up at him and nodded. “LLAP, yo.”
“I am not familiar…” Pro started.
“Live Long and Prosper,” I filled in for him.
It took a lot less time to pass under Pro’s foot than I thought it would. Conan seemed a little tense while we was walking. I configured he could use something to take his mind off whatever was givin’ him brain constipation.
“So… Lord o’ Fergus Castle?”
“It’s nae oop fer discussion.”
I held up my hands. “All right, all right, I just find it kinda hard ta believe that you ever had anything more than that Lincoln Log cabin you coinhabitate out there in the Dark Wood, yo.”
“Nae as hard as believin’ anyone e’er called ye ‘William’.”
“Only other guy that ever called me that was Uriel.”
That tasty morsel hit me hard, harder than all the torture I’d suffered in Blondie’s personal dungeon. But that were somethin’ I wanted to talk about even less than Tido wanted to talk about his castle.
A lot of wrecked buildings were visibearable just past Pro’s shoe. I watched the tube of black smoke snaking its way towards the sky and my empty guts monkey-wrenched. “Ever git the feelin’ we really put our feet in it this time, yo?”
Conan sucked in a breath through his teeth before answering. “Ah cannae disagree, stookie angel. But, then again, fer the likes o’ oos, whit’s new?”
“Not he who loses but who gains the prize.”
-Dante’s Inferno
SIX
LILY
I was doing my best not to fangirl out.
Yeah, I was still stuck in the Underground City. And I’d barely survived a plane crash. But! I was flying on the back of a bird woman with the freaking Red Baron! How many girls could say that?
The rest of the Fury flock swarmed around us like a living force field. Originally I had believed there were just three furies in the Underground City who were duty-bound to protect the crown that had once housed the soul of Persephone but upon Donnchadh asserting his control, the rest of the furies had come and joined our cause.
Before we’d taken off, one of them brought me some rope to tie up my prisoner’s hands… hands which were now securely restrained behind him. Not wanting to take any chances, I still held his pistol to his back.
But, really, between my security measures plus the distance between us and the ground below, the Red Baron had no incentive to misbehave. To his credit, he didn’t try. He did exactly what he was told, and spoke only when spoken to. He was so blasé about it, you’d think getting captured was part of his daily routine.
Despite being surrounded by—well, maybe not friendly faces but certainly, less hostile ones—I started feeling lonely. If Bill were here, he’d be complaining about something in his usual word salad. If Tallis were here, he wouldn’t say much but… he wouldn’t need to. Just having Tallis around made me feel… safe. Even without Donnchadh, Tallis was a survivor and he knew The Underground City like the back of his hand. I guess that made sense considering he’d been the Master of the Underground City at one point.
But instead of Bill and Tallis, I had a bunch of literal man-eaters at my side. Their idea of a conversation sounded more like the squabbling of chickens, pecking at each other. Every now and then one of them would erupt into a loud squawking that was beyond nervewracking.
Being in the presence of an actual human—and a celebrity to boot—was actually pretty exciting. Too bad none of my old self-help books offered any useful pointers on starting a conversation with a flying ace who’d been dead for over a hundred years.
I cleared my throat. “Do you mind if I ask you a question, Captain Von Richtofen?”
A ghost of a smile appeared as he looked over his shoulder at me. “If I may point out a pertinent fact, Fraulein Harper, being your prisoner, I am hardly in a position to refuse such a request.”
Feeling a little flustered, I decided to press on. “Yeah, true but… compared to some of the demons I’ve encountered in the Underground City, you’ve been very polite, at least, so far.”
The smile on his lips became wider. “Dare one say I’ve been a model baron?”
I really didn’t know what to say after that. On the one hand, I wanted to talk to him but on the other hand, he was my prisoner. And I didn’t want to get too chummy with him. For all I knew, he would use my kindness against me.
He cleared his throat and wet his lips. “I believe you wished to ask a question of me…?”
Shaking my head to clear out the mental cobwebs, I replied, “Why did you attack us back there?”
Just the mention of our previous aerial battle was enough to rouse Donnchadh. Interrupting him with my fear of crashing to the ground left him with a bad case of unsated bloodlust. Now he was straining against the magic of the runes like a water reservoir stressing the restraints of a dam. And Self or no Self, I had serious doubts on this dam’s ability to hold back that red deluge.
“My standing orders and duty are to secure this Circle’s outer perimeter,” my prisoner answered. “Supplies that are vital to our ongoing efforts come through this area on a regular schedule. As such, my commanding officers fear intruders could either take or destroy said supplies.”
Okay, that made a lot of sense but I was still a little pissed at being targeted. “And you thought we were those intruders?”
“When one is a soldier, one’s duty precludes all independent thoughts on matters beyond one’s control. Thus, when I am instructed that any outsiders should be considered enemy combatants, I do not question. In our current struggle, there can be no neutral positions.”
I was about to ask him exactly what this struggle was about when I heard another plane buzzing through the clouds. I started to get nervous and looked around myself, seeking any signs of an attack. As testament to their own paranoia, my flock of Furies began doing the same.
My prisoner, on the other hand, remained as calm as ever, gently shaking his head. “Let me reassure you, Fraulein Harper, we are quite safe at the moment. Judging from the acoustics, that particular plane is following a heading that will carry him well out of our own flight path.”
I jammed the gun a little deeper into his ribs. “Now you wouldn’t be saying that just to make me drop my guard, even a little, would you?”
He seemed upset with me and turned around to face me with a frown. “Have I been anything less than truthful since I became your prisoner? My word is literally all I have left to call my own. Without that, I am nothing.”
I eased the pressure of the gun barrel, my cheeks burning again. “I’m just… accustomed to dealing with demons.”
He nodded sympathetically. “Your distrust is the natural outcome of the nature of our acquaintance.”
A distant explosion on the ground caused me to look away. Donnchadh snarled at me internally because I’d just given the captain the perfect opportunity to attack me. I shoved my spiritual misanthrope back down in his hole so I could concentrate on the hellscape below us. Even by Underground City standards, what existed below us was much worse than grim.
Near as I could tell, two big armies were battling on the streets of a cityscape. There was enough open space in the middle of the street for a pair of soldier columns to face off, each of them a mile long.
Both sides kept firing at each other when they weren’t hacking away with their blades. Sometimes it looked like a fair fight—guns versus guns, swords versus swords. But other parts of the battlefield revealed some seriously lopsided matchups. Sword-wielding soldiers were getting massacred by rifle and machine gun fire, artillery shells pelting down on them like explosive raindrops.
Some areas generated enough smoke to completely obscure the clashing forces. But the clanking of steel-on-steel and the incessant chatter of gunfire left no question as to what was actually going on behind the smoke.
