Ryder

by Diana Gardin

  I haven’t given her a reason to trust me that way.

  Maybe I should.

  “Indian it is,” I answer. “When I was on a mission with my team in Sri Lanka, I had some of the best Indian food I’ve ever tasted. Since then, Indian food has been my favorite, even though it’s hard to get it anywhere near as good in the States.”

  Curiosity plucks at the center of her forehead, giving her expression a cute Y in between her brows. “Were any of the NES guys on your SEAL team?”

  I nod. “Bain was. Ben, Lawson, and Grisham Abbott from the Rescue Ops team all served together on the same SEAL team, but Bain and I were on a different one. The bond is that we were all SEALs. But not everyone who works at NES was. Once we join the team there, it doesn’t really matter what our background was. You know?”

  Frannie nods. “Like Sayward? She wasn’t military, right?”

  “Exactly. She’s one of us, and she wasn’t military at all. She proved herself on a mission a few months ago. Drug cartel in South America. She’s been through some shit with her own family. We all have a story, and everyone has their own abilities and talents to offer. Jacob Owen realizes that, and he’s willing to let people bring their own unique set of skills to the table.”

  Frannie’s quiet for a minute. She peruses the Indian menu and points to what she wants, and I use my phone to order our food online. Then she asks me more of what’s on her mind. “You must know Bain really well, then.”

  I chuckle. “I do. About as well as anyone can know Bain.”

  Her eyes narrow. “That’s what I thought. He seems pretty closed off, and he’s kinda scary. Where does that come from?”

  For a minute, I’m taken back to a certain mission where Bain, the normally quiet, reserved SEAL, received a call from back home that changed him completely. He went on leave after that, and none of us expected him to return. He did, but he was never the same.

  “Bain’s been through more than any of us. He’s a good guy, truly. But he’s seen darker shit than most people should ever have to go through. I don’t think he’s ever recovered from it, and I’m not sure if he ever will.”

  Her eyes soften at the corners. “That’s really sad. Grief and loss hit all of us at some point in our lives. I’m sorry that it had to happen to him.”

  “Yeah. He’s a brother to me, so when it hits someone like that, someone who’s that close to you, it’s like it’s hitting your heart too. And when you’re already dealing with your own pain…”

  I trail away, letting my words end with the ache suddenly taking hold in my chest.

  Frannie’s hand covers mine.

  “What happened to Echo, Ryder?”

  I expect the question to crush my heart, to turn it into dust inside my chest. Whenever I’m forced to think of Echo, to recall what happened to her that night in detail, it breaks me all over again. But I take a deep breath, and then another, and instead of reliving the pain associated with Echo’s death, I remember the beauty that was associated with her life.

  And that’s how I know I can recount her story without breaking.

  “I had a pretty normal childhood. Two parents, a sister three years younger than me. My mom was a teacher, Dad worked in insurance and worshipped the ground my mom walked on. My sister was what I’d call a free spirit, an artistic kid who did what she wanted when she felt like she needed to do it. I was the rule follower, made sure she was okay most of the time. Beat up kids who messed with her, that kind of thing.”

  Frannie smiles, like the thought of me kicking some kid’s ass who messed with my little sister makes her happy. I smile too, because thinking about those days makes me happy. Echo was a precious part of my childhood; every good memory I’ve ever had has her in it.

  “She fell in with the wrong crowd of kids when she got to high school. I knew it was happening, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. I was three years ahead of her, and I had my own shit going on. Sports, and I always knew I’d join the military at some point. Then our mom got sick. Breast cancer. She got surgery. Thought she was getting better, then it came back. Went through chemo, and that shit came back aggressively. She went fast. My dad completely lost it. Checked out. Took the life insurance money and his life’s savings and went on a bucket list trip. On his own. Went to see all the places my mom never got to see while she was alive. Echo was seventeen, still a senior in high school.”

  “Shit,” Frannie murmurs.

  “Right.” My blood starts to boil when I think of my dad. I haven’t spoken to him, contacted him, in so long. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him for it. I never even contacted him when Echo died. Didn’t think the bastard deserved to know. I’m sure he found out eventually, but it wasn’t from me. And we aren’t in contact now.

  “I was left to pick up the pieces. Echo and my mom were so close; my sister went off the deep end. If I thought she was hanging out with the wrong crowd before, she went off the rails when Mom died. Moved in with a friend who was just as wild as she was. Started hanging out with dealers. It was bad, Frannie. And I was trying to check in with her, keep an eye on her. But at twenty years old, I was doing the best I could. I just couldn’t keep my little sister in check. I should have done better. I should have kidnapped her, put her under lock and key.”

  I don’t even realize how shallow my breaths are coming, how fast my heart is beating, until Frannie pulls me into her. My face presses against her chest, and her hand smooths over the back of my head as my tears wet the cotton of her dress.

  “You had no way of knowing what would happen.” Her voice is firm. “Thorn, you were still a kid yourself. And God, you loved her. You loved her so fucking much. I can tell.”

  My body is shuddering, her arms wrapping around me as far as they’ll go, and I’m caving in to her grasp like a little boy giving in to his own grief.

  “I lost her one night, Frannie. I got a call from her, begging for my help. So I got in my car and drove to her apartment, and her roommate didn’t even know where she was. And when I finally found her…”

  I trail away, and the sobs rack my body. I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.

  “Finish this, Thorn. You have to tell me what happened. So you can heal. What happened when you got there?”

  My chest hurts. My whole body hurts. My mind takes me back there. Back to that fucking drug dealer’s apartment. Back to my beautiful little sister, broken by her grief, lying on the floor in an apartment belonging to someone who didn’t care about her. Crumpled in a ball on the floor. She called me. She called for help.

  But I didn’t make it in time.

  “She was lying there, on the floor. She’d taken too many pills. She’d overdosed. I called 911. I did CPR. I tried everything I could until the ambulance got there. But she was already gone. My little sister, the light of my life, she was gone, Frannie. And I couldn’t save her. Fuck, I couldn’t save her.”

  The words break, and the sobs I can’t control anymore break free.

  Frannie grips me tight, and I let her.

  Fuck me, I let her.

  17

  FRANNIE

  This man is dismantling me. One tiny piece at a time. I don’t know how to stop it. Or if I even want to.

  Thorn Ryder is the strongest man I know. If given the chance, he’d take apart any man trying to hurt me and string him up by his balls. Then he’d interrogate him and find out why he was trying to hurt me, who sent him, and what it would take to get him to stop coming after me.

  And yet he’s showing me weakness.

  And for this simple fact, I think I just fell for Thorn Ryder.

  Never, in the years I spent with Eli Ward, had I seen him show me an ounce of weakness. He’d only been worried about showing me how tough he was, what a man he was. When he was controlling me, hurting me, dominating me, he was making sure he knew that he was in charge, in control.

  But Thorn Ryder is completely different, and as I hold him and stroke his hair and whisper in
his ear, I fall for him.

  Recklessly. Involuntarily. And irrevocably.

  And I think about Dove. How good he’ll be for her. How wonderful she’ll be for him. My little girl has healing powers. One look at her, one cuddle with her in his arms and it’ll be like a balm for his heart. And suddenly, I want that. I want them to meet. I want to see if they’re as compatible as Ryder and I seem to be. Because as much as I’m feeling for him right now, it’s all for naught if he can’t feel something for my Dove. And vice versa. The next step is for him to find out about her. And I don’t want to keep her from him any longer.

  I just have to get to her first. And make sure that she’s okay. Make sure that she’s prepared to meet him. Make sure that Lo knows that I’m going to be taking Dove back into my life, and that I have someone with me who can protect my baby. It’ll be a transition for all of us, but hopefully one that everyone can handle.

  A smooth transition. That’s what we all need.

  A chime sounds throughout the penthouse, announcing a visitor from the lobby, and Ryder sits up slowly, my hands reluctantly letting go of his hair one strand at a time.

  “Food’s here.” He offers me a wry smile, hesitant and reluctant, and I beam at him in response.

  “It is. And when we’re finished eating, I’ll still be here.”

  His eyes brighten. “Yeah?”

  I reach out to touch his cheek. “Yeah.”

  His gaze takes hold of mine for a moment, reading it, capturing it, and he must understand what he sees there because he nods before he gets up and strolls to the elevator. He presses the intercom and lets up the deliveryman.

  Five minutes later, he’s spreading out the Indian food on the table, and we’re digging in. I took some of his advice on new dishes he suggested we order, and it’s all delicious.

  “Mmm,” I moan. “I think I have new favorites.” I shove a piece of curried chicken into my mouth. “I promise to take your advice from here on out when it comes to ordering food.”

  One blond eyebrow arches as his fork pauses halfway to his mouth. “Just when it comes to ordering food?”

  I nod solemnly. “Yes.”

  He laughs, drops his fork, and stands, advancing on me. I place my fork down on the table and scoot my chair back. When he’s close, I turn and flee for the bedroom. I’m about to cross the threshold when Ryder catches me from behind. I squeal as he lifts me against his chest, wrapping me into strong, viselike arms. His lips graze my ear as he whispers. “Caught you.”

  My breath comes fast as a giggle bubbles up from my chest. “What are you going to do with me?”

  “Oh, baby.” His voice is low, dangerous, as he walks me forward until I’m pressed against the bedroom wall. “Everything.”

  “Oh,” I breathe.

  “Yeah,” he whispers. “Oh.”

  He plants his palms against the wall on either side of my head, his breath hot and heavy against my neck. “Lift up that little dress you’re wearing.”

  I do exactly as he says, pulling the dress up and over my head and allowing it to drop on the floor. There’s a difference between the order Ryder gives me and the ones Eli used to give. With Ryder, there’s no condescension in the commands. With every word he says, there’s a choice. If I say no, or tell him that I don’t want to, I have every confidence that he’ll back off. That wasn’t the case with Eli. He led me with fear, where Ryder leads me with pleasure and a kind of dominance that leads to excitement and pleasure that I can’t wait to experience.

  “That’s my girl,” Ryder growls close to my ear.

  I shiver, his voice sending ripples of pleasure up and down my spine. “Damn, this thong is sexy as fuck.” His hand flattens against my bare ass cheek, stroking my skin. “Do you know how fucking sexy you are?”

  His nose rubs against my neck, caressing me as his lips create a trail against the soft skin of my neck. His left hand grips my hair, making a ponytail as he pulls it to one side, giving him easy access to one side of my neck. I didn’t wear a bra with the sundress today, and the cool air catching my nipples makes them peak, as do the dirty words Ryder whispers in my ear.

  “Been waiting all day to touch you,” he murmurs against my ear. His right hand snakes around, two fingers reaching inside my underwear to trail through my center. They come away wet, and he groans.

  “Wet for me. Fuck, baby…this is exactly what I needed.” He switches to his left hand, using his fingers to dip inside me. I cry out, pushing back against him, feeling the rough ridge of his erection pushing back. With his right hand, he undoes the button of his jeans, flicking down his zipper and freeing himself from his pants. He runs his rock-hard cock down the seam of my ass, making me moan, and then dips his thick head into the wetness between my legs.

  “Is this what you needed, Frannie?” His tone is serious, urgent. “Tell me you needed me as much as I needed you.”

  “Oh God…Ryder, yes.”

  I reach behind me, shoving so that his jeans fall down to his ankles. A low note of approval sounds in his throat. “That’s my impatient girl. Let me get a condom on.”

  He bends, reaching for the pocket of his jeans. The next thing I know, he’s spreading the cheeks of my ass so that he can reach my folds with his tongue. At the first lick, my legs start to tremble. At the second pass, I scream his name.

  “Ryder!”

  And as he takes the bud of my clit into his mouth and sucks, his hand squeezing my ass, my knees buckle. He stands, quickly sliding the condom on, and in one swift movement, fills me with a forceful shove. I brace my hands against the wall and stars dance against the backs of my eyes as my lids are forced shut.

  Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. It’s never been like this.

  The size of him, the feel of him…everything Thorn Ryder surrounds me. The sound of his grunts filling my ears, the feel of his cock filling me to the brim, the scent of his sweat and cologne surrounding me and swirling inside my head…everything is him. It’s almost too much. My walls start to clench almost immediately.

  “That’s it, baby…I want you to come for me. I want you to come so hard you remember it’s me who made you scream my name and that’s it. Just me. Only me.” His words are a growl in my ear as his knees bend and he shoves upward, filling me again and again, until my body rocks and explodes.

  “Thorn!” I scream, his name erupting from my lips in a way that I’ve never screamed before.

  “Yes, fuck me, yes, Frannie…” Relentless, he rams into me again and again in a frenzy. He’s lost control and I don’t mind, because this is the Thorn Ryder who isn’t holding back, who’s showing me everything he’s got.

  And it’s everything I want.

  And when he’s cresting over the edge, he pulls me close to his body, one hand over my breast, his mouth to my ear, and he chants my name over and over and over again as he peaks.

  And God, it’s everything.

  It’s everything.

  After he’s left me shaking against the wall to throw the condom away, he returns, scooping me into his arms and carrying me to our bed. He lays me down naked and pulls me in close beside him. As our breathing settles, he pushes my hair off my forehead and stares into my eyes.

  “This isn’t just sex for me. And I’m pretty sure you’re not the kind of woman that it’d be just sex for you, either. So I’m going to lay it all out on the line. When I took you to see the kids today, that meant a lot for me.”

  I press my hands against either side of his face. “I could tell how much they mean to you. And God, that little Nevaeh. She was so sweet. And I can tell she’s been through so much. She’s missing a lot in life. She needs you, Ryder. It’s so obvious. The fact that you let me into that fold…it meant a lot to me.”

  His hands wrap around my wrists. “It meant a lot to me too. Everything. Those kids picked up the pieces for me. They fill in the gaps where work can’t. When I lost Echo I filled in the missing pieces, I healed with the military. And when I came back stateside, NES wa
s waiting for me. It helped. But where it couldn’t fix me, the kids did. And where the kids can’t…God, Frannie. There’s you. Where’d you come from? How’d you find me?”

  I smile. “How’d you find me?” I pause. “After Eli…” I shudder. Ryder scowls. “After Eli, I never thought I’d be able to trust a man again. I thought there’d be guns, and there’d be…protecting myself and anyone else around me who needed protecting. I thought it was just me. From here on out. But then I met you. And the whole NES team. Everything changed. I don’t know how it happened, but you made me fall for you. And I’m scared shitless, but I’m willing to try. Okay? I’m willing to try.”

  “I lost my whole world a long time ago,” he admits. “And since then, I swore to myself that if I ever found it again, I wouldn’t be afraid to admit it.”

  I hold my breath.

  “So don’t let this send you running, Pistol Annie, because I’d really like you to stay. I’m pretty sure I love you.”

  18

  RYDER

  During the following days, Frannie and I stay close to home. She seems more content with being inside the condo, getting used to ordering meals in and hanging out by the pool. And I can’t complain about seeing her in her bikini most of the day, every day. The words that I offered her four nights ago hang between us, but they aren’t awkward or heavy. Instead, every time Frannie looks at me, she tilts her head to the side and smiles this secret smile. But instead of making me uneasy, whatever it is she’s thinking about fills me with elation for what might be coming in our future.