Prisoner of My Desire

by Johanna Lindsey

  yer higher than those kitchen lackeys, so stay away from them, too. Ye will have

  enough wenches to choose yer friends from that be under my care, but do ye take

  my advice, ye will not make that Celia one of them.?

  Rowena was not interested in ?that Celia,? even if she was Warrick?s favorite.

  She was more concerned with her own predicament. She knew she was to be one of

  Mary?s

  ?wenches,? but she had yet to be told what that entailed.

  Her shock over her new servant status was only mild, for she had already

  suspected that her fate would be something of that nature by the clothes she had

  been given. And one of the first things Warrick had said to her, back in

  Kirkburough, was that she was lady no longer. The irony was that she could

  remember wishing for this very thing, that she were no more than a lowly serf

  with naught to her name that could be coveted and fought over. Verily, she would

  have to be more careful of her damn wishing in future.

  Warrick could not, however, make her a true servant, for she was nobly born and

  raised, and that could not be taken from her, no matter how much he might wish

  it. But he could have her treated like a servant, had already ordered it so, and

  there was naught she could do about it, for she was, in truth, a prisoner at his

  mercy. Yet when it occurred to her that he could have had her sent back to the

  dungeon instead, and without the kindly John Giffard?s protection, she had to

  consider herself lucky, more than lucky. A servant had free movement, went about

  almost unnoticed. A servant could escape.

  Chapter 19

  ?This be where ye will spend most of yer time,? Mary said as she opened the door

  to the weaving room on the floor above the Great Hall.

  Three women immediately dashed from the window where they had been watching the

  men practice arms in the exercise yard. But they did not quite resume their

  seats before Mary noticed. And she could not help but notice the spindle with

  thread attached that rolled across the floor to disappear under her skirts. One

  of the women had quickly tried to continue spinning with it, but had dropped it

  instead.

  Rowena took in the small room while Mary glowered at her workers. There was a

  basket full of spindles with stone whorls, enough to spin a great amount of

  thread if there were more women to do it, but there were only these eight.

  Larger baskets of newly treated wool lined the walls, ready for spinning into

  thread. There were six large looms, and another stack of smaller hand looms in

  the corner, but only three of the large ones were presently threaded, and only

  one had woven cloth nearing completion. The single window gave ample light, so

  at least there would not be the problem of candle smoke staining the newly made

  cloth.

  Mary finally got around to blasting the women with her displeasure.

  ?Wasting time again, are ye?? she admonished sternly.

  ?Ye will finish what yer due for the day, or there will be no dinner for the lot

  of ye. And if I find ye idle one more time this week, ye will find yerselves

  demoted to the laundry. There be others than ye with nimble fingers, if I have

  to bring them up from the village.?

  So saying, she slammed the door shut again, surprising Rowena into saying,

  ?I thought I was to work here.?

  ?Aye, ye are, but there be enough for ye to do the rest of this day, for ye not

  to start weaving and spinning now, and sharing in the punishment of those lazy

  wenches.?

  Rowena could not agree more after what she had already suffered, and in

  gratitude, she informed Mary ?I know how to produce a fine thread, though it

  takes longer with a double spinning, and I am capable of instructing the weavers

  to get a better quality cloth, fine enough for the ladies of the castle.?

  She had had little opportunity to direct servants in the past three years, other

  than those Who served only her. But she had been ten and five when her life

  changed so drastically, and her mother had already taught her all that she

  needed to know in the running of a castle. And anything that she could direct to

  be done, she could do herself, for how could she direct properly unless she knew

  exactly what needed doing? Yet there were some things she could do better than

  others.

  Having gained Mary?s complete interest, she continued.

  ?But my talents would be wasted in this area, for I am better skilled with a

  needle.?

  ?So my lord must have thought, for he has also ordered ye to have the care of

  his clothes, and the making of new ones for him, though we have better than the

  spun wool for that. But ye can teach others to get a finer weave, ye say??

  Rowena was still flushing over what she considered a further punishment, to be

  forced to handle his clothes, so she only nodded stiffly. But Mary did not

  notice her high color in the dimly lit corridor; she was merely surprised.

  ?Did ye have the care of the weavers at Kirkburough?? she asked.

  ?Nay, I was not there long.?

  ?Well, I would not take it amiss did ye do a little instructing of my wenches

  whilst ye do yer own weaving, but ?tis not what I was ordered to have ye do, and

  ye will have little enough spare time with all ye do have to do.?

  And then she turned to leave, adding only ?When ye finish for the day, ye can

  return here to sleep with the others.?

  Rowena pictured that small room with so little cleared floor space and asked ?All

  of them sleep in there??

  ?Nay, only three. The other five are as sluttish as Celia. They all have men

  they sneak off to at night.?

  Mary stopped at the top of the stairwell to pin Rowena with narrowed eyes.

  ?Yer not of that bent, are ye??

  Rowena knew that people had seen her enter the lord?s solar three days ago, and

  others had seen her leave it this morn. Though Mary did not seem to know that,

  she was bound to hear of it eventually. If Rowena was to be under Mary?s care

  and discipline, as it seemed, she did not want to make enemies of the woman by

  leaving her to be surprised later by facts that Rowena could make clear to her

  now. And Mary did not seem to be a mean woman, just a beleaguered one. Mayhap

  she could even help Rowena, if she could gain her sympathy.

  ?I would be immensely grateful, Mistress Blouet, if you could keep all men away

  from me, butthere is a thing you should know, if your lord did not tell you. He

  kept me in his solar these last three dayschained to his bed.?

  ?Nay, he would never!? Mary said indignantly.

  ?Why do ye lie??

  The last thing Rowena expected was to hear someone staunchly defend that cruel,

  vengeful man. Was it possible Mary had no idea what kind of man he really was?

  ?Enid knows ?tis so, and I doubt your lord would deny it, for he had reasons to

  punish me so. I tell you only so you do not wonder if he singles me out for

  further punishment, for ?tis not likely he is through having his vengeance on me.?

  Mary still looked skeptical, though she allowed ?Aye, likely not, for yer other

  duties, now I think on it, can be seen as a punishment if they be not to yer

  liking. Ye are also to serve Lord Warrick at table for all meals, see to the

  cle
aning of his chamber with only Enid?s help, and attend him at his bath, which

  Celia is likely to take umbrage at, for ?twas previously her duty, and one she

  relished.?

  Rowena felt sick to her stomach. And she had thought at least the worst was over,

  that being demoted to servant class would be the end of it?

  ?There is one other thing you should know. I am with child, and Lord Warrick

  knows ?tis his.?

  ?And he gives ye more work than any other serf here? Nay, I cannot believe that

  either.?

  ?Why would I lie when the proof will begin to show in a few months? time??

  ?Then he does not know of it,? Mary insisted.

  ?No other has ever touched me, Mistress Blouet. The child is his and he even

  means to to take it from me.?

  Mary gasped.

  ?Now ye go too far in yer accusations, girl. If it be true yer breeding, likely

  my lord will find ye a husband, so say no more about it to me. Now come along.

  Ye have the cleaning of the solar to do the rest of this day, for it has been

  neglected these? last? three?

  Mary did not finish what, in truth, supported one of Rowena?s claims. She pursed

  her lips tightly and headed down the stairwell.

  Rowena did not follow immediately, feeling overcome with a new dread that Mary

  had unwittingly given her. Warrick could marry her off, and to a serf, to the

  meanest villein. Please, God, do not let that occur to him.

  Rowena hated entering that solar again, but found it was not nearly so

  oppressive when she was not lying bound in the bed. Getting anywhere near that

  bed was out of the question, though. She would rather scrub the floor on her

  hands and knees, and did, while Enid saw to changing the bedding, dusting, and

  general tidying. Rowena would have taken the rugs out for a beating, too, but

  Enid shook her head. They had laundry to see to today instead, Enid the linens,

  Rowena his clothing. She was told this by having the clothes dumped in her arms

  and Enid, with her own arms full, beckoning her to follow.

  Rowena had washed clothes only once before in her life, though she knew well

  enough how it was done. ?Twas not a pleasant chore. The sheets could merely be

  soaked in a wooden trough with a solution of wood ashes and caustic soap, then

  pounded, rinsed, and hung out to dry. The servants? coarse woolen clothing could

  be done the same, but not so the lord?s fine clothes. These had to be boiled and

  washed by hand with a milder soap, then boiled again and rinsed not once but

  three times before they could be hung.

  With the great cauldrons of water in the washhouse constantly boiling, the

  wilting steam, the milder though still abrasive soap reddening her delicate skin,

  Rowena decided this still was not the worst of her chores, especially since the

  other laundresses were all friendly, and some even came to help her once Enid

  left. Nay, she had not gotten to the worst chore yet, but hopefully the Lord of

  Fulkhurst was not a fastidious man to demand a bath more than once a week, and

  mayhap she would have a few days? grace before she had to deal with that duty.

  When she returned to the hall, it was to find the trestle tables for the evening

  meal already set up. Warrick was not present yet, but the lord?s table was

  beginning to fill with those privileged to eat there: his daughters, several of

  his knights, the steward, who was also a knight, and a lady past the middle

  years who was tutor to the daughters in the household arts.

  One of the knights there was Sir Robert, and Rowena made haste to the kitchen to

  see what needed carrying to the lord?s table, hoping she would have a chance to

  speak privately with him before Warrick arrived. She had not forgotten the

  knight?s help in assigning her John Giffard, or her promise to thank him for it.

  And it would not hurt to cultivate his friendship, for help given once might be

  gained again, and she would need all she could get to escape this place.

  But when she returned with her first tray of meats, Warrick was in his seat, and

  his eyes lit on her the moment she entered the hall, nor did they leave her

  until she was gone from sight. She did not see this, she felt it, for she

  refused to look at him again after that first glance. But there was something so

  unnerving about his regard, she did not mistake it.

  She was amazed to find Warrick waiting for her at the top of the stairs when she

  came up with her second tray. And his expression definitely boded ill for her.

  ?Did I not warn you to watch me when in my presence?? he demanded.

  ?II forgot,? she lied.

  That only half appeased him.

  ?Will you forget again??

  ?Nay.?

  ?Nay, what??

  ?My lord,? she gritted out.

  That appeased him.

  ?Mayhap you need something to remind you of who you belong to now,? he said in a

  thoughtful tone, just before his hand reached for her breast.

  Rowena jumped back so quickly, her action took her into the stairwell, where she

  lost her footing. Warrick grabbed for her, but it happened too fast and he could

  not catch her in time. She did not scream. She felt an instant of relief to have

  her misery ended in this way, before regret filled her mind. But this feeling,

  too, was too brief to provoke a scream, for she fell no more than two steps,

  right onto the manservant corning up behind her with another tray of food.

  Both trays hit the stone steps with a clatter as the man reached out to keep

  himself from falling. It was fortunate he did not grab her, however, or she

  might have experienced a painful wrenching, for Warrick hauled her off the man

  about as quickly as she had crashed into him. Nor did he release her at the top

  of the stairs until he had shaken her hard at least twice.

  ?Never try to avoid my touch again, wench, or worse will happen to you than a

  tumble down the stairs. Now clean up the mess you caused, and you will do so

  quickly, because I will not eat until you fill my trencher yourselfand I am

  hungry.?

  In other words, she could expect his anger to mount with each passing minute

  that he had to wait while she cleaned the stairs? ?Twas no wonder her hands were

  trembling before she finished.

  Chapter 20

  Rowena was furious over the anxiety Warrick had caused her, for when she finally

  got back to the hall with a new tray of food, it was to find him picking on what

  was already available on the table, and so deep in discussion with his steward

  that he likely had not given her another thought. But he did still insist she

  fill his trencher, merely pointing to what foods he wanted. And he also insisted

  she remain there to refill his tankard with ale, though a young page stood

  behind his chair with a pitcher of the brew to do just that. And all the while

  she had to keep her eyes on him.

  Rowena was furious about that, too. She did not like to look at him and see his

  every nuance of expression, to know exactly when his thoughts turned to her. But

  she knew this was just another form of revenge, his forcing her to watch his

  cruel visage, just as serving him at table was. Both were calculated to drive

  home the fact that she was still at his utter mercy, and he still had none.

  When
he was almost finished with his meal, he beckoned her forward with a wave

  of his hand without even looking to see if she noticed. She would have been in

  trouble if she had not, and knew then that he was also testing her to see how

  well she obeyed him, though he obviously expected full compliance. That, too,

  made her furious, that he was so arrogantly sure she would do everything she was

  told to do. Did no one ever defy him? Did no one ever deliberately provoke his

  anger? A stupid thought, since even when he was not frowning, he was frightening.

  And no matter how angry he made her, she did not have the nerve to tempt a

  beating or other added punishmentnot yet.

  ?I require a bath this eve,? he told her when he sensed her presence at his side.

  He still did not look up at her.

  ?Go and see to it.?

  Rowena closed her eyes briefly in regret that she would not be granted a

  reprieve from that after all. She heard one of the daughters giggle, then a

  stern admonishment from the lady tutor, and felt herself blushing. Everyone

  there would have had to be blind not to notice how Warrick?s attention returned

  to her throughout the meal. And anytime a lord singled out one of his female

  servants for his notice, she was almost guaranteed to end up in his bedor so

  they would all think. That was not the rule in her case, for she had already

  suffered that unpleasant experience.