Prisoner of My Desire

by Johanna Lindsey

  been for several weeks, sheer disgruntlement.

  ?Now that you have interrupted our work,? she said crossly ?what do you want??

  ?I have just spoken with your mother.?

  Rowena?s expression changed to surprised delight.

  ?She is here??

  ?Aye, and you can see her anon, but I needs speak with you first.?

  ?Not now, Warrick!? she said impatiently.

  ?I have not been with my mother for three years. I saw her only once some months

  ago, when??

  Her words trailed off with a frown, causing him to prompt her.

  ?When what??

  ?It does not matter.?

  ?It does. When d?Ambray beat her??

  ?She told you that??

  ?Ayeand more. Why did you never tell me he had threatened her life??

  Her eyes flared wide, then lit with a glittering blue fire.

  ?You dare to ask me that? You would not listen to reasons! ?Never mention to me

  again an excuse for what you did.?

  Those were your words, my lord.?

  He winced.

  ?I know. At that time, ?tis like to have made no difference if I knew. I was

  that angry. But now it matters.?

  He hesitated then, but he had to know.

  ?Did he also force you to spy on me??

  ?I told you, he never thought of that. He was too busy thinking of how he could

  use against you the army he had just gained.?

  Warrick leaned back against the closed door, his expression bleak.

  ?Then I erred even more than I had first thought? My God, you were innocent of

  it all, even the deceit I most recently accused you of.?

  Rowena stared at him incredulously.

  ?Innocent of it all? I raped you. Are you forgetting that??

  ?Nay, I forgave you that. But?

  ?When did you forgive me?? she demanded.

  ?I heard no words to that effect.?

  He scowled at the interruption, and at her obtuseness.

  ?You know exactly when, wench. ?Twas the day you asked me for a boon the night

  you had no sleep.?

  Color came hotly to her cheeks.

  ?You could have mentioned it,? she grumbled, only to add as she recalled these

  past weeks ?Not that it matters now.?

  ?You are correct. That matters not at all when there was naught for me to

  forgive. But there is eveiything for you to forgive. Can you??

  She stared hard at him for a long moment, then shrugged indifferently.

  ?Certainly. You are forgiven. Now may I see my mother??

  Warrick frowned.

  ?You cannot absolve me of my guilt that easily.?

  ?Can I not? Why not? Or has it not occurred to you that I simply do not care if

  you are sorry??

  ?You are still angry,? he guessed, nodding, as if that explained her strange

  behavior.

  ?I cannot blame you. But I will make it up to you. We will be married, and when?

  ?I will not marry you,? she interrupted quietlytoo quietly.

  Twas his turn to stare hard, then to explode.

  ?You must marry me!?

  ?Why? So you can atone for your guilt?? She shook her head slowly.

  ?Were you not listening the day I told you that whatever I felt for you is no

  longer there? Why would I want to marry you, Warrick?? And then her composure

  slipped.

  ?Give me one good reason!?

  ?So our child will not be a bastard!?

  She closed her eyes to hide her regret. What had she expected? Because I love

  you?

  Rowena sighed. When she looked at him again, she was without expressionjust

  barely.

  ?Well, there is that,? she allowed tonelessly.

  ?But that is not reason enough?

  ?Damn it, Rowena, you!?

  ?I will not marry you!? she shouted back at him, her endurance gone and every

  bit of her resentment released.

  ?Do you try to force me to do it, I will poison you! I will castrate you whilst

  you sleep! I will?

  ?You need not go further.?

  He wore the same expression he had duped her with once before, that of a man

  racked with pain. She did not fall for it this time.

  ?If you want to atone for your guilt, Warrick, set me free. Relinquish claim to

  my child and let me go home.?

  After endless moments Warrick?s shoulders droopedbut he nodded.

  Chapter 47

  He did not come. She was to give birth to his daughter any day, nay, any moment

  now, but he did not come. And it would be a daughter, her child. That was a fine

  little revenge on her part, not to give Warrick the son he so wanted. She had

  decreed it so, willed it so, so it would be a girl child. Luck did finally have

  to come her way sometime.

  But Warrick did not come. Why had she thought he would, just because he had

  ridden to Tures once a month, every month, since she had left Fulkhurst?

  He still wanted to marry her. She still would not. She was rude to him. Twice

  she had refused to see him at all. But he kept coming back. He kept trying to

  convince her that she belonged with him.

  So he was contrite. What did she care? ?Twas too late.

  But he was ruthless about it. He got her mother on his side, and Anne was very

  good at badgering. She had been saving it up for three years.

  ?His wanting to marry you has naught to do with his guilt,? Anne had assured her

  on one of her many visits.

  ?He was going to marry you before he knew he had aught to be guilty about. He

  made the decision when he brought you to Ambray Castle. Sheldon told me so.?

  Sheldon was another sore subject. As far as Rowena was concerned, he had stolen

  her mother from her. He had taken advantage of Anne?s vulnerability, seduced her

  affections, then married her before she could catch her breath. Now he had her

  convinced that she adored him, when she could not possiblynot a friend of

  Warrick?s.

  And then last month, when Rowena?s spirits had been particularly low, Anne

  showed up with another revelation.

  ?He loves you. He told me so himself when I asked if he did.?

  ?Mother!? Rowena had complained, horrified.

  ?How could you ask him that??

  ?Because I wanted to know. You certainly never bothered to ask.?

  ?Of course I would not,? Rowena replied huffily.

  ?If a man cannot say it on his own, without having it pried out of him?

  ?That?s just it, my dear. When I then asked if he had told you, he said he did

  not know how.?

  Her mother would not lie about thatbut Warrick would. Tell a mother exactly what

  she wants to hear. How underhandedly clever of him.

  But it meant naught to her. She was not going to break down and marry the man,

  even if he was proving to her that she was not as dead inside as she had thought,

  that her heart could still race when he was near herthat she could still crave

  his body, even in her condition! But her awakened desires made no difference.

  She was not going to play the fool again and open her heart to another rending.

  Today she sat in the window embrasure of her room. She might be Lady of Tures

  now, but she had wanted the familiarity of her old chamber when she arrived here,

  rather than the much larger solar.

  She patted the cushioned seat under her, smiling smugly because it was so much

  nicer than Warrick?s hard benches in his window alcoves. Of course, he had two

  windows, while she had only the one, and his
had costly glass, whereas hers had

  been broken during one of the recent sieges. It now had just a thin oilcloth

  covering that she could barely see through ordinarily, but it had come loose and

  was flapping in the April wind, giving her clear glimpses of the road that

  snaked around to the gatehouse. Twas still empty, that road, except for a

  traveling merchant and his baggage wain that could not hold her interest.

  ?Twas not the first time the window had been broken. She had broken it herself

  when she was nine, an accident, but it had not been replaced for nearly two

  years. The window overlooked the forebuilding, which was one story lower than r

  the tower. Its top floor housed the chapel, and ?twas the roof of this that she

  looked down on just six feet below her window, though a little to the left of it,

  for the front wall of the forebuilding was actually directly below it.

  Rowena had jumped out that window once before it was repaired, landing right on

  the footwide battlements, then hopping down the other three feet to the chapel

  roof. She had done it on a dare to frighten another maid.

  She had frightened the other girl, all right, who had run straight to Anne

  screaming that Rowena was dead, fallen out the window straight down to the

  forebuilding stairs, which did happen to be under the left half of her window,

  and two stories down. Rowena had wished she were dead after the tongue lashing

  she had received, as well as confinement in her room for? she could not remember

  how long now.

  She smiled with the memory as she patted the huge girth of her belly. Her own

  daughter would never do anything so foolish, not with the iron bars Rowena would

  have installed over her windows. But she could now understand her mother?s

  frightened rage. She could have killed herself. One slight misstep and she would

  have turnbled?

  ?Daydreaming, my lady??

  Rowena went deathly still. It could not be. But she turned, and it was Gilbert

  inside her door, closing her door, walking toward her.

  ?How did you get through the gates??

  He laughed.

  ?That was the easy part. Today is merchants? day, when they come up from the

  town to tempt your ladies to part with a few coins. So today I am a merchant.

  Tis getting an army inside that is difficult, not one man.?

  ?Do you still have an army to speak of??

  That got rid of his good humored boasting.

  ?Nay, but Mary be praised!? he exclaimed when he was close enough to see her

  rounded form.

  ?So it worked.?

  That calculating look came over him, where she could almost hear the exact bent

  of his greedy thoughts.

  ?You will not claim this is Lyons child. I will deny itand Warrick de Chaville

  knows better.?

  ?That is right,? he snarled.

  ?He had you!?

  ?You gave me to him!? she shouted back.

  ?Or do you forget that it was your idea, your greed??

  ?Be quiet!? he hissed, looking back nervously at the door.

  ?It matters not whom the child belongs to, as long as I can make use of it.?

  She stared at him wide eyed.

  ?You do still think to claim Kirkburough? How can you??

  ?I have to. I have naught else. Even now that bastard has besieged my last keep.

  I cannot go there. I have nowhere to go, Rowena.?

  She realized he wanted her to understand and mayhap feel sympathy for him. She

  wondered if Warrick had driven him a little crazy in his relentless hounding of

  him. Or was this what desperation did to a man?

  Her brows narrowed suspiciously.

  ?That cannot be why you came here, for you knew naught about the child. What did

  you come here for, Gilbert??

  ?To marry you.?

  ?You are mad!?

  ?Nay, you have back all of your properties, all in your control,? he said,

  explaining his reasoning.

  ? Tis profitable to wed you now, for as your husband?

  ?I swore fealty to Warrick,? she lied.

  ?He will not let you have me.?

  ?He cannot stop me. Let him try. He will have to retake those castles he gave

  back to you, as well as your others. He will deplete his own resources this time,

  and then I will have him at last.?

  ?Gilbert, why can you not give this up? You have lost. Why do you not leave the

  country while you still can? Go to Louis?s court, or Henry?s. Start anew.?

  ?I have not lost, now that I have you.?

  ?But you do not have me,? she told him calmly.

  ?If I would not marry Warrick, whom I love, God knows I would not marry you,

  whom I detest. I would as soon jump out this window. Shall I prove it??

  ?Do not speak foolishness!? he snapped, furious at her threat and her revelation

  of her love for his enemy. But at the moment, he was more concerned with the

  threat, for she sat too close to that window.

  ?Ifif you do not want me to bed you, then I will not, but I have to marry you,

  Rowena. I have no choice now.?

  ?Nay, you do have a choice,? Warrick said from the doorway.

  ?Draw your sword and I will show you.?

  Rowena was so startled by his appearance, she did not have a chance to react

  when Gilbert leaped toward her and placed a dagger at her throat.

  ?Drop your own sword, Fulkhurst, or she dies,? Gilbert ordered, his voice almost

  exultant with triumph.

  ?Warrick, do not!? Rowena cried, assuring him ?He will not kill me.?

  But Warrick was not listening to her. He was already throwing his sword down.

  That easily would he give away his life? Why, unless? ?

  ?Come here now,? Gilbert ordered him.

  Rowena?s eyes flared incredulously when Warrick took a step forward without the

  least hesitation. He was actually going to walk to Gilbert and just let him kill

  him. Nay, not while she still had her wits about her.

  Gilbert stood near her, but closer to the entrance to the alcove than across

  from her. His dagger was not even touching the skin at her throat, and his eyes

  were only on Warrick.

  Rowena drew her knees up and kicked him toward Warrick, then immediately swung

  her legs over the window ledge and slipped outside. She heard both men shout her

  name as her feet touched on the flat square of the battlements with a jarring

  impact. God?s mercy, it had been so easy when she was youngerand not so

  encumbered. Jumping the last three feet to the roof of the chapel was out of the

  question. She was carefully sitting down on the edge of the wall to ease herself

  the rest of the way down when Gilbert stuck his head out the window and saw her.

  ?Damn you, Rowena, you frightened me half to death!? he roared at her.

  Only half? God?s mercy, when was she going to get lucky?

  But he did not stay there to berate her further. The sound of swords meeting in

  deadly combat came clearly through the window to tell her what had distracted

  him. So the two of them had finally got their wish to kill each other? Never

  mind that she was out here sitting on the edge of the battlements wall with a

  hundred foot drop to the bailey at her backwell, seventy five feet mayhap, since

  the forebuilding was not as high as the tower.

  The cramp caught her unawares, making her sway, then gasp as she nearly lost her

  balance. Heart racing, she no longer took her t
ime getting to the roof, but

  jumped the remaining distance. Twas another jarring landing, and another cramp

  protested it. She bent over this time, holding her breath until it eased, but

  then a cold chill passed over her. Nay, not now. Her daughter could not want to

  be born now.

  She glanced back at her window as she got a firm footing on the two foot wide

  stone wallwalk that surrounded the flat wooden roof of the chapel. Though she

  was compelled to get back up there to watch what was happening in her room, she

  doubted she could manage it without help. Getting down off the three foot high