The Husband Checklist

by Miller, Jasmin

  I pretend to give this some serious thought. “Did you play games on your phone to distract yourself?”

  She shakes her head.

  “Take some funny selfies?”

  Another chuckle, this one vibrating through me, reminding me of how much I like to see her happy.

  Ugh. Make it stop. Brain, conscious, subconscious, or whatever is feeding me these thoughts. Shut it.

  “No, silly. But when Chad was finally done talking about his boring office job, he continued to move on to his even more boring stock adventures he does in his free time. At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore and pulled out my phone under the table.”

  I tip my head in her direction. “Yes, I got that. Just tell me already, Jules. The suspense is killing me.”

  Not really, but she doesn’t need to know that. For all I know, she was planning her next date.

  An impish smile makes her mouth twitch. “I finally had the time and inspiration to write my real husband checklist.”

  She looks at me expectantly, clearly wanting a reaction, so I throw my hands up in the worst fake jazz hands performance ever. “Oh, the joy.”

  She sticks out her tongue. “You’re so bad.”

  “Sorry. Let’s hear it.”

  Her fingers keep pushing on her phone, lighting up her face. It’s easy to tell by the remaining smile how excited she is about this.

  “Okay. Are you ready?” She turns her body to face me.

  Her leg brushes mine in the process, one of her knees firmly pressed against the side of my thigh. I shouldn’t react to something completely non-sexual like this but I do. Not to mention the fact that her dress has ridden up with her new sitting position, exposing even more of her gorgeous creamy skin.

  I’m so doomed.

  So fucking screwed.

  After clearing her voice, she holds her phone up. “Here we go. Julia’s Husband Checklist:

  Number One: Good sense of humor

  Number Two: Commitment/Monogamy

  Number Three: Family values

  Number Four: Steady communication

  Number Five: Emotionally stable

  Number Six: Confident

  Number Seven: Responsible

  Number Eight: Respectful (especially to his mom)

  Number Nine: Honest

  Number Ten: Driven

  Number Eleven: Romantic

  Number Twelve: Reliable

  Number Thirteen: Kind

  Number Fourteen: Same life outlook

  Number Fifteen: Sexual attraction

  Number Sixteen: Good with children.”

  My brain has tried to keep up with the list, inadvertently comparing myself to every item.

  Air is suddenly stalled in my lungs, and my mouth is dry. Since the only thing around is the warm, stale beer, I cough, hoping this feeling will go away. “That’s quite the list you got there.”

  The smile she gives me is dimmer than the previous ones. “The conversations we had since Nate called things off helped a lot. Also, my dinner date gave me lots of additional inspiration of what I don’t want. The evening obviously didn’t exactly turn out the way I wanted, but that’s okay. Even though he didn’t feel the same way. He actually thought we had a great time and asked if I wanted to come over to his place for another drink. Talk about not being on the same page.”

  Her words make my skin all prickly. I have to do something about this. It definitely can’t continue this way. “Wow, he sounds like a real winner.”

  I don’t say anything else, not wanting the choice words that come to mind to ruin the moment.

  “Exactly. Like I said, not who I thought he was at all. But I’m happy anyway. At least now I have my list.”

  “A very long list.”

  Julia pushes loose hairs behind her ear. “It is. But I only want to settle for what’s best for me and nothing less. Is that so wrong?”

  Shit. This whole conversation has put me more on the spot than I liked. “No, it’s not. You deserve all that and then some. Hopefully, you can find someone who will be just right for you.”

  Even if I won’t like it.

  Even if I will hate seeing her with anyone else, despite knowing how irrational that is.

  But of course, I don’t mention any of that to her. She seems happy in her world of denial.

  “Thank you.” The look she gives me is soft, maybe a little hopeful. Shit. I feel like I was just punched in the gut, because it makes me want to be everything on that list just to make her look at me like this every day. Every damn day.

  But we both know I’ll never fulfill the requirements of her husband checklist. I am many of those things. Most of them really, except the most important one: same life outlook. I can’t share that. I can’t see marriage in my future, not after my parents have proven me time and time again how foolish love and relationships are, and that nothing good can ever last. And that’s what Julia deserves. A love that will stand the test of time and last forever. A marriage like her parents had. A marriage where love is enough.

  Julia leans her head on my shoulder and we stay like this for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts, with one thought especially loud in my head. When she finds her husband, we’ll never get to do this again, and a weird scratchy feeling inhabits my chest. How the hell do I get it out?

  Chapter Seventeen

  Julia

  Two dinner dates in three days.

  Well, technically only one since I’m not going on a real date tonight. Carter and I are only meeting up with Ollie and his girlfriend.

  Staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror, I smooth over the black dress I bought with Carter at the store last week. I love the way it accentuates my hourglass figure. At first, I wasn’t sure if it’s too much, but I knew I had to have it when I saw Carter’s eyes light up the second I came out of the dressing room.

  Maybe, just maybe, it played a little role in me choosing it for tonight too. Who am I kidding? It totally did. Watching him drool over me has given me a confidence boost like nothing else has.

  Which is a whole other problem.

  It shouldn’t matter what clothes he likes on me.

  It shouldn’t matter that I want him to like the way I look.

  Yet, it does.

  This whole going-back-to-our-old-relationship thing has been a total bust so far, if anyone asks me. Carter has such an undeniable presence—sensual—even in everyday tasks. Like . . . putting away groceries.

  How is that even remotely sexy?

  It shouldn’t be.

  I mean . . . crap. Crap, crap, crap.

  I’m hopeless when it co—

  “Jules, are you done in there? We have to leave soon to be on time.”

  Carter’s words, paired with the knock on my bedroom door, snaps me out of my thoughts, the lingering feeling of them making my heart beat faster. If he only knew that he’s been invading my mind all week long, starring in some of my late-night fantasies. Okay, maybe not just some, but all of them.

  I went out with Chad the other night, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Maybe that’s why the date was extra bad because he couldn’t possibly compare to Carter.

  To tell the truth, Carter was on my mind a lot too when I constructed my husband checklist. He ticks off most of the items, probably more than he realizes, but of course, the commitment issue is a real no-no. And that may never change. At least not until he finds the woman he wants to change for. Which stings a little.

  Our sexual chemistry isn’t enough to forgo something that’s really important to me.

  With a heavy sigh, I grab my things and open the door.

  And oh.

  Goodness.

  Wow.

  Carter looks as sharp as nails in his black suit pants and a blue shirt that’s unbuttoned enough for me to see the beginning of the light dusting of chest hair. Knowing his chest tattoo is an inch or two behind the opening doesn’t help me stay calm either. I bite my tongue so I don't droo
l at the sheer sight of it. On second thought, clenching my fists to keep my hands from reaching out to touch the exposed patch of skin might not be a bad idea either.

  Just to be on the safe side.

  This man really does it for me. And contrary to my belief that a night, or rather two nights, in Vegas would be enough to get him out of my system, I’m not sure how much time would actually be sufficient to get there. The craving for him, the incessant need to be close to him, has only grown since that first kiss.

  This is how I imagine addictions start. You get a taste of something you’ve never had before, something that’s incomparable to anything you’ve ever experienced and might never experience again. You think you can get away with a little taste and stop, but you’re lying to yourself from that very first second, knowing the greed will only grow with each passing second.

  Addictive part of my brain, meet Carter. Oh wait, we’re already past that point.

  I’m screwed.

  His gaze is so intense, I feel the hair rise on my arms and the nape of my neck. And if his cocky smile is anything to go by, he can read me like a book, knowing all the dirty little things my mind visualizes about him.

  I wave my hand in his direction like a total idiot. “You look um . . . nice.” The words sound formal coming out of my mouth, and I want to smack my forehead.

  A deep chuckle rumbles through his chest. “Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself, Daph.”

  He follows his statement with a wink, and somehow that irritates me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I want to throw myself at him—despite knowing I really shouldn’t—but he looks completely unaffected by me.

  Did you hear that, brain? Carter’s not interested. At all. Zero. Nada.

  “Thanks. Let’s go.” The words come out more like a low grumble than anything else, and I make my way into the kitchen to open the door to the garage.

  Carter trails behind me but stays quiet as we get into his black car and make our short drive to the restaurant.

  After a few minutes on the road, he breaks the silence. “I might not have told you the truth at the house.”

  I turn to him, a weird feeling settling in my belly. I hate lies, and even in these few seconds that pass, my mind goes a mile a minute, wondering what he could mean. “What?”

  He scrapes a hand through his thick hair, making a beautiful mess out of it. “When I said you don’t look too bad yourself.”

  I tug at the hem of my dress, suddenly feeling exposed and uncomfortable, wondering if it’s too late to turn around and get changed.

  We’re at a red light when he turns to me. “What I should have said instead, is that you look stunning. The dress looks like it was made specifically for you.”

  A car honks behind us, and Carter makes a turn into the parking lot of the restaurant, his hand softly brushing against the exposed skin of my leg as he uses the gear stick. My breath catches in my throat at the barest of contact, robbing me of any logical thought. My skin feels like it’s on fire.

  “Jules, I . . .” He shuts off the engine while my gaze is still fixated on the spot he just touched.

  Carter’s gaze meets mine for a nanosecond before he shakes his head and springs into action, pulling the key out of the ignition before opening his door. “Please, allow me.”

  Before I realize what’s happening—he thinks I look stunning?—he’s at my side, opening my door for me.

  I place my hand into his outstretched one, noticing his is trembling. When I look up at him, his eyes brim with heat, periodically flashing to my lips. My hand is still in his, the lingering contact setting my nerve endings aflame. When he leans down, my breath quickens, the intensity of this moment throwing me so far off-balance, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get through dinner.

  Just when I think he might kiss me right here in the parking lot for the world to see, a car door slams close by, and Carter stops. He blinks a few times before dropping my hand and shutting the door behind me.

  “Hey, guys.” My brother’s voice snaps me back to reality, pushing away the rest of my Carter-induced haze as much as anything will tonight.

  Thankfully, he’s still across the parking lot, giving me time to step away from Carter. Instead, I focus on Ollie’s girlfriend, Cora, who has her arm linked with my brother’s, both of them wearing matching smiles as they approach us.

  Cora’s absolutely gorgeous, with her wavy blonde hair and bright blue eyes, but she’s far from the typical stick-figure model we expect in the greater Los Angeles area. Instead, she’s tall, curvy, and toned, not afraid to show off her assets in the gold dress she’s wearing.

  Can I be her when I grow up?

  They definitely make a stunning couple. No doubt about that.

  And she’s the type of woman I could see Carter with. Beautiful, athletic, confident, sexy.

  All things I’m not.

  After being introduced and receiving a heartfelt hug from Cora, we all make our way inside where we’re immediately seated in an elegant corner booth with black leather seats. Of course, Ollie and Cora sit on one side while Carter and I sit on the other.

  The conversation flows easily. Cora is charismatic, and she fits right in. I actually enjoy her company so much that I push all thoughts of Carter aside. Well, maybe not all of them, but most. Because no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible not to react when I feel his gaze on me, our eyes meet, or our hands accidentally brush when we both reach for the bread basket.

  We order and our conversation slows down as we devour our food.

  When the main dishes are cleared, Cora looks at me expectantly, the corners of her lips quirked into a light smile. “I know we’ve only just met, and I’m sorry if I’m too nosy, but how long have you guys been dating? I always find it so romantic when people date their childhood friend. And you guys make the cutest couple.”

  I draw a complete blank, afraid my brain’s gone into hiding, and I’m pretty sure my mouth hangs open a little too. I’m not absolutely sure though since I’ve lost all ability to control or feel my body at the moment. It’s not helping that no one else says a word either. My brother’s eyes are wide as they go back and forth between Carter and me.

  “Did I say something wrong?” Cora turns to Ollie, rubbing the skin at her throat.

  A sharp pain in my butt cheek makes me jump, successfully snapping me out of my daze.

  What the hell? Did Carter just pinch me?

  Just when I turn to look at him, he starts to laugh. “You must have gotten something mixed up there, Cora.”

  Cora glances at Ollie. “Didn’t you say they went out on a date the other night?”

  “No, honey.” My brother shakes his head, reaching out to take Cora’s hand. “I said they both went out on dates but not together.”

  “Ohhhh, I must have misunderstood. Sorry. My bad.” Her gaze flickers back to Carter and me, her lips pressing together. “That’s too bad though. They look great together.”

  Ollie laughs so hard, he sounds a little hysterical. “Absolutely not.”

  I’m still trying to figure out how to feel about his reaction when it hits me what he said about Carter.

  Instead of letting it go, which might be the smarter thing to do, I turn to face my bench partner. “You went on a date on Wednesday too?”

  Carter shakes his head. “I was going to, but plans changed.”

  “Oh.” My mind is racing, upset over feeling like an idiot for having to ask, even though I have no right to feel like it seeing as I actually went on a date. My body doesn’t like the visit of the green-eyed monster. The burning sensation in my chest, along with a flash of anger, can both go wherever the hell they came from, because they’re certainly not wanted. Not one bit.

  I’ve never been the jealous type, hating how completely irrational it feels, yet I seem to be unable to ward off the ice-cold shiver running down my back or the anxious way my heartbeat has picked up.

  I stay quiet after this, feeling Cora’s
eyes on me for the rest of the time the four of us spend together, and I’m pretty sure she knows something’s up. The only positive thing about this whole ordeal is that, thankfully, my brother still seems oblivious. Let’s hope it stays that way.

  We wrap up the evening and walk out of the restaurant to say our goodbyes.

  Cora walks next to me while Ollie and Carter walk ahead of us, deep in conversation.

  She lets out the barest of sighs. “This was fun. I wish we could have stayed longer, but I have to get up for work at an indecent hour in the morning, so I need to get as much sleep as possible. But you’re just as amazing as your brother said you were.”

  I easily return her smile, completely at ease with her, on top of being thrilled she’s my brother's girlfriend. “Thank you. And likewise. I hope we can do something again soon.”

  “Me too.”

  Cora’s hand lands on my arm and we both stop walking. She opens and clothes her mouth several times before spitting out whatever seems to be occupying her mind. “Listen. I know it’s not really any of my business, and I’m sorry if I’m butting in too much, but I saw you guys in the parking lot when we arrived.”

  My eyes are as wide as they go, and I slap my hand over my mouth before I even know what I’m doing, my brain thinking back to when Carter almost kissed me.

  Cora mirrors my shocked look, shaking her head and waving her hands at the same time. “No, no. Ollie didn’t see anything if you’re worried about that.”

  I cover my face with trembling hands before releasing a huge breath.

  “I’m so sorry. That was the worst way to start that conversation. I didn’t mean to freak you out.” She grimaces, and oddly enough, I chuckle.

  “If you ever need someone to overreact, you know where to find me.” I shake my head at my own inability to keep it together.

  Cora reaches out once more, giving me a sympathetic look. “That was my fault. Sorry.” She looks over my shoulder before letting go of my arm. “I just wanted to bring it up. And for what it’s worth, I think you guys make an incredibly cute couple. I’m sure your brother would come around and get used to the idea too. You know, if you wanted to approach this subject and all, but I won’t say anything to him.”