The Husband Checklist

by Miller, Jasmin

  “Kind of seems like it.” My voice is rough, and I wonder why the tightness in my chest won’t loosen.

  A dog howls in the distance as my mom stares at the orange tablecloth.

  When her gaze lifts back to mine, her eyes are glossy. “I know I didn’t always make the best decisions when it comes to love and definitely rushed into most of my marriages. I should have taken time to see how things developed first, but I’ve always been such a sucker for love. I was also trying so hard to give you a more stable home life that I unfortunately did the opposite. Repeatedly. You have to believe me though that I always did what I thought was best at that moment, for both of us, and I loved each one of them in my own way. And even though my first four marriages turned out to be mistakes, I don’t regret the relationships. They prepared me for the best one.”

  “You don’t even regret Dad? Even after he cheated on you and left us in the middle of the night without saying a single word?” My mother’s the only reason I refrain from slamming my fist on the table. Instead, the venom collects in my voice as I push the words through gritted teeth.

  In a weird twisted way, I love my dad. We sometimes talk on the phone, but I’ll never forgive him for the way he treated my mom, even though he did apologize to her several years later.

  At my comment, she laughs, and I wonder if I missed something.

  “Your dad might be my favorite mistake of them all because he gave me you.” She chuckles some more at the grimace I can’t keep off my face. “Was your dad a crappy husband? Absolutely. Probably not the best dad either. But I still won’t regret the time I had with him. You know, love and relationships can be incredibly tricky. I’ve always fallen in love too fast and clearly accepted marriage proposals too quickly. Most people are a lot smarter than I am when it comes to this love business. I’ve always thought too much with my heart and not enough with my brain. Thankfully, I’m done with that now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Tom is it for me, silly. No relationship has ever felt this right before. I’ve never felt so content or happy either. There was always something missing before, something that felt incomplete, but since that was all I knew, I believed it was normal. Turns out I was wrong. It was due to the wrong partners. Now, in hindsight, I believe you know when you’ve met the right partner, and you should never settle for less like I did so many times. Being in love with the person you’re meant to be with, is single-handedly one of the best things that can happen.”

  We’re both quiet for a moment while I try to absorb everything she said, her words replaying in my mind as images of Julia pop up in my brain. I let out a low groan, and my mom pats my arm reassuringly, probably mistaking it as a reaction to what she said.

  “Honey, I can’t ever tell you how sorry I am for screwing up your view of relationships, because it breaks my heart to see you alone. I want you to find your other half and experience how wonderful a great relationship can be. Life is so much better when you can share it with someone you love. It changes everything.” She studies me for a moment. “I’m guessing there’s a reason you’re wondering about this now?”

  I’m sure I look like a sullen teenager when I cross my arms over my chest and shrug. It’s less because I don’t want to tell her though and more about not knowing why I suddenly need this answered.

  Her tone is gentle, the same way it gets whenever I’m hurt or she’s worried. “You don’t have to marry the next available girl that comes knocking on your door—actually, please don’t do that—but maybe you can test out the waters? Really date someone and give a relationship a chance before you throw it out the window? If you decide it’s not for you after all, then that’s what it is. Just don’t miss out on something special because of my mistakes. I don’t want you to regret it later when it might be too late.”

  Her words hit me in a way I didn’t expect them to. Am I worried about missing out on something special? Or it actually being too late for me at some point?

  It awakens something inside me I can’t identify. Something I’ve never felt before. It’s strong and wild, just like my heartbeat right now.

  “I’ll think about it, Mom.” I push my chair back and walk around the table, hugging her extra tight before I say my goodbyes.

  I still can’t get my head around the fact that she doesn’t regret any of her marriages. How is that possible? I saw her heartbreak. I saw her tears. But every time, she bravely picked up the pieces of her failed marriages and started over. I hated watching her get hurt, especially knowing there was nothing I could do to help her heal.

  But why did I come here now? Why have I finally found the courage to ask her rather than assume she regretted each and every relationship she’s been in?

  Julia.

  She’s the reason. Her husband checklist, her passion for life, her strength, her ability to make me feel whole. Tomorrow, I’ll spend time apartment hunting with a girl I can’t stop thinking about. Tomorrow, I’ll help her leave us.

  Leave me.

  And then Mom’s words hit me again: Life is so much better when you can share it with someone you love. It changes everything.

  It changes everything.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Julia

  “What do you two think about this one?” Linda, our real estate agent says, looking at me and then Carter.

  Even though she knows we aren’t a couple, she keeps treating us like one. Or maybe she just thinks I’m incompetent. It might be my leggings and tank top outfit that throws her off, which couldn’t be more opposite to her designer clothes that are only outshone by her sparkly jewelry.

  If this doesn’t show my failure at upgrading my wardrobe, I don’t know what does. I did buy those dresses with Carter and wore some of them in Vegas and on dates, so I’ve maybe upgraded it by about ten percent. I’m sure that’s considered a success, isn’t it?

  Linda’s phone rings, and I’m relieved when she excuses herself to take the call. We listen to her high heels click across the hardwood floor until she steps outside and shuts the door behind her.

  “I don’t think she likes me very much.” I blow up my cheeks and slowly push the air out of my mouth. I’m definitely in a mood, which seems to amuse Carter, who laughs in response.

  “Who cares if she likes you? You’re apartment shopping, not friend shopping. She’s only here as a favor to your brother, but she’s been doing a good job so far, so don’t complain.”

  At that, I groan. I hate being scolded in any way, but I guess he’s got a point. Which makes it even worse, and I only manage a grumble. “Fine. She does seem to like you though.”

  He offers another bemused smile. “Maybe that’s because I’m not scowling at her all the time.”

  I shake my head and feel the bun on top of my head loosen, a few strands falling out of it. “Nah. She had her eye on you before she even saw me.” Which is typical, of course, because Carter is looking seriously hot in his navy slacks and gray button-up, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. No tie, but the man doesn’t need it to be the sexy executive. He did admit to dress to impress though, whereas I clearly missed the mark on that one.

  Pushing his hands in his pockets, he levels me with an even stare. “I can leave if you’re bothered by it.”

  “What?” I almost scream before switching to whisper-yelling. “Don’t you dare leave me alone with her.”

  Thankfully, he laughs, the deep rumble of it immediately relaxing me.

  “All right. Let’s focus then. The faster we can find a place you like, the faster you can leave your new frenemy.” He winks at me, and I give him a well-deserved eye-roll in return.

  When his eyes don’t leave mine immediately, I fight the desire to flee. Carter’s acting a little strange today, and it’s throwing me off. I prepared myself to hear lots of comments about wanting to move out, maybe some flirting since that seems to be his thing.

  Instead, I’ve felt his intense gaze on me often, but it’s not been in a sexual way. He is
n’t sending me any I-want-to-drag-you-into-the-next-room-and ravage-you looks, but looks that suggest I’m this new puzzle he’s trying to figure out. Which makes even less sense. Because nothing has changed since I saw him last.

  My effort to figure out what’s different about Carter is interrupted when Linda comes back, her hips sashaying so rhythmically I expect music to blast from invisible speakers at any point. Apparently, that’s more likely than the possibility that she naturally walks like this. Her focus immediately settles on Carter as it has been for most of the day, putting on her dazzling smile to show off her perfect teeth.

  Ugh. I want this to be over.

  “So, what are we thinking?” Her voice is falsely bright.

  Pfft. We. As if she cares about me.

  I remember Carter’s words and put on a smile that matches hers. “I think this is my favorite so far, but there’s still something missing. You said we still have one more on the list, right?”

  For a moment, she looks taken aback by my friendly demeanor, and I’m pretty sure I just felt Carter shaking beside me, but I don’t dare look at him.

  Linda composes herself and nods. “Yes, we do. It’s a little over your budget, but I think it’s worth it.” She hands me a sheet of paper, pointing at the price with her manicured finger. “Shall we look at it now, or would you rather do it on a different day?”

  I'm still immersed in the details of the apartment when Carter responds for me. “Right now would be great. We’ll head over and meet you there.”

  * * *

  “I still can’t believe I just applied for my first apartment. Did you hear what she said? If everything works out, I can move in at the end of the week.” I clasp my cheeks in my hands, afraid my face will otherwise split in two from the huge grin I’ve had since we left the final apartment.

  Thank goodness Oliver prepared me for the application process, just to be on the safe side, and I brought copies of everything I needed to apply right then and there.

  Carter shrugs. “You liked it and went for it.”

  I’m bouncing from foot to foot, feeling like I’m high on life. “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it? I’ll need to be creative with the space since it’s a little smaller than what I had in mind, especially with all my work materials, but the big deck makes it worth it. I don’t care if I’m forced to work on the floor for that. Too bad it doesn’t have a direct ocean view but it’s still fantastic.”

  “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure. Ollie and I are there to help with whatever.” We’re almost back at his car when he suddenly stops. “Are you hungry? We haven’t really had a break to eat today, and I’m starving.”

  I wasn’t planning on spending any real alone time with him, but he’s been looking at apartments with me for hours on end, so the least I can do is get him something to eat.

  My hands fly to my stomach. “Yes. My treat.”

  Since we’re only a few streets from the beach, we check out one of the little cafés that offers an ocean view.

  It’s perfect.

  “I love it here.” Taking in a deep breath, the salty air fills my nose, and my insides feel like they’re vibrating. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a cell in my body that hides my excitement at the moment. “I can’t wait to live here.”

  “It’s a great area.” His reply is short and simple, but somehow it gives me hope that we might actually have a normal relationship again at some point.

  It might take some time though. Going back to being friends with him is not going to happen in a day or two. Ignoring the longing to throw myself at him will take a little longer than that to go away.

  Even right now, my nerve endings are firing because he’s within grasp.

  I try to focus on the hypnotic motions of the waves in the background, but even that isn’t enough to ignore Carter’s eyes on me.

  Luckily, our food arrives soon after, and the silence becomes less awkward.

  A groan escapes my mouth after the first bite. “This is the best egg salad sandwich I’ve ever had.”

  Carter gives me an amused grin but nods, looking pretty happy with his own food too.

  I wipe the corners of my mouth with my napkin. “Sorry, food just makes me . . . happy.”

  Now he’s chuckling. “No need to explain, Jules. Nothing wrong with enjoying your food.”

  When Carter’s done, he wipes his mouth with a napkin and leans back, his gaze focused on the ocean. “I went to see my mom yesterday.”

  I’m surprised about the sudden change in topic and almost choke on my bite. “You did?”

  Their relationship isn’t the strongest mother-son relationship out there, so I’m not sure what to think of it, especially that he brought it up. I don’t think he’d do that if it wasn’t for a reason. “How is she?”

  He pulls his gaze away from the waves, focusing back on me. “She’s good, really good actually. She’s very happy with her current life, and things are still going well with Tom.”

  I’m finally done eating and take a sip of my water before I speak again, thinking over my words first. “That’s awesome. You like him, don’t you?”

  He looks relaxed when he tips his head once. “I do. He’s treating her like I think she should be treated, so that earns him all the points in my book.”

  I almost reach out to touch his hand but refrain. “That’s wonderful. She deserves a good guy after all those losers.” I flinch as my words register. “Sorry.”

  He waves his hands in a nonchalant manner. “Nothing to be sorry about. You’re absolutely right. Some of them were better than others, I suppose, but they were definitely never good husband material.” A chuckle comes out of his mouth, surprising me. “I’m sure, none of them would have met the requirements of your husband checklist.”

  I lean back and cross my arms over my chest. “Very funny. It is incredibly imperative to have this list fulfilled. It will guarantee my happiness.”

  “We’ll see.” His gaze bores into mine before he shakes his head as if to clear cobwebs from his mind. “She asked about you when I told her you’re back.”

  “Maybe I can go see her at some point. It would be fun to catch up. Plus, she always tells the best stories about your childhood.”

  “I think you mean the most embarrassing ones.” He grimaces before dipping his chin.

  Both his reply and his reaction make me chuckle. “Aren’t those the best ones?”

  “Maybe if it’s about someone other than yourself.”

  “Fair enough, I can see your point.” I sigh for a moment as memories flood my mind, my brain going back to my own childhood. “I always hated when my parents told embarrassing stories about me. Now, I wish more than anything they could tell some more. But I guess that’s how life goes. We don’t know what we have until we lose it. Sad but true. How great would it be if we could actually treasure the people in our lives the way they deserve to be treasured before it’s too late?”

  Carter leans across the table and takes my hand. “You’re right, Jules. My mom said something similar. Told me not to wait around until it’s too late and I lose something special.” He’s looking into my eyes as he says this, and a small shiver goes down my back. I’m thinking she said more than that going by his subdued demeanor today. But he sits back quickly, taking the comfort of his hand and connection with him.

  After a few more minutes of reminiscing, I pay our check—much to Carter’s complaint—and we decide to walk along the beach to see what else this small beach town has to offer. It’s only one town over from my family home, but for some reason, I’ve never been here.

  On our walk back, we can’t resist the little ice cream store, and decide to sit on one of the benches facing the ocean, watching the waves roll in as the sun slowly makes its descent. I close my eyes for a moment to fully enjoy the soothing sounds around us. The wind blows through my hair and the last rays of sun warm my skin.

  “I think we should tell Ollie about us.” Carter’s words come out low and rushed,
ripping me out of my peaceful moment like someone dropped a bucket of cold water on me.

  I turn to stare at him in disbelief, hoping he’s joking, but the expression on his face is dead serious.

  What the hell?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Carter

  I’ve thought of different ways this conversation could go, but I didn’t end up with Julia’s ice cream in my face in one of those scenarios.

  “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.” She covers her open mouth with her free hand, but I can see the laugh lines around her eyes twitching, right before her shoulders start shaking too. She’s moments away from bursting into laughter.

  Thankfully, they gave us some napkins at the ice cream shop, and I grab one to wipe my face as best as I can. That seems to do the trick for Julia, because she's suddenly bent over from laughing so hard. I let her have her moment, unable to keep my own grin at bay.

  For now, I prefer this reaction over her yelling at me, but that could still be coming.

  After putting her ice cream on a napkin, she grabs another one from the stack and pours some water from her bottle on it. “Come here.” One of her hands is on my jaw to steady it while she wipes away the remnants of her ice cream attack from my face.

  The contact doesn’t last long, but the tingling sensation of her touch stays with me long after.

  After throwing the napkins in the nearby trash can, she looks at me. “I really am sorry, Freddy. You know my reflexes are awful sometimes.”

  “I do know that, Daph, very well too. I’ll never forget the moment I almost lost my crown jewels when we were teenagers.” I flinch at the memory, making her laugh again.

  A snort escapes her as she squints at me, her eyes lit with a twinkle of mischief. “You totally deserved that. Who in their right mind goes into a girl’s bedroom in the middle of the night when she’s sleeping?”