Always Loving You

by Sydney Landon

  He lifted an eyebrow, looking surprised at the personal question for a moment before shrugging. She thought he was going to let the subject drop, but after a long sip of his drink, he finally answered, “Gwen and I are neighbors. I saw her first, I guess you could say. I didn’t even know she worked for Danvers until Mac started dating her.”

  She gave him a sympathetic look, recognizing a kindred soul. “So you waited around too long and someone else moved in on your girl? Yeah, I can relate to that. I mean . . . not the moving-in-on-the-girl part, since obviously no one moved in on my girl . . . um, not that I have a girl, but . . .”

  Dominic laughed, holding his hand up to stop her fumbling explanation. “I get it, Blondie. Yeah, we do have some things in common, although you kind of dropped the ball in a much bigger way than I did. Hell, I had just seen Gwen around our apartment complex and thought about asking her out. Honey, Mac has worshipped the ground you walk on for years. He was so messed up over you when we were in Afghanistan, I’m surprised he didn’t get his ass blown off.” In a gentler voice, he continued. “I get that you had some bad shit that happened to you and you’ve been hurting over it, but time waits for no man or woman, Blondie, and it looks like you’re starting to see that. Hell, I am as well.”

  He saw her look of surprise when he mentioned her past, and he covered her hand briefly with his. “Declan, Mac, Gage, and I are brothers in every way that counts. There are few secrets between us. We lived in too-close quarters for many years for that. Secrets get you killed over there. I don’t know all the details, but I know someone hurt you, and I’m sorry as hell about that. I really am. I know that the kind of emotional baggage that normal people never experience even in their worst dreams does something to you. It changes everything you are. Believe me, I know that. We all do. It makes me hesitate to do something seemingly easy and normal like ask a woman out who I’m really attracted to. It makes you afraid to show the man who loves you that you feel the same way and it makes Mac afraid of ending up alone. We all have the pieces we need to make something good happen in our lives. We’re just fucking up with putting the puzzle together correctly.”

  Ava sat staring at Dominic, shocked by the almost poetic way that he spoke. He seemed to give new meaning to the saying ”still waters run deep.” She found herself responding to his speech by wanting to do one of two things: cry her eyes out until she was a blubbering mess or blurt out some deep, dark secret just to see what his take on it was. “All your reports were wrong; I haven’t dated anyone or been with a man since that night.”

  She studied Dominic’s almost comical reaction as the hot dog he was holding froze on the way to his mouth. “Come again.” He blinked as if he had misunderstood her statement. Shit, maybe this confession isn’t such a good idea.

  “I picked men up in bars periodically and paid them to come home with me for a while. I knew that Mac kept a tail on me to . . . watch over me, and I didn’t want him to know that I’m not normal.”

  Dominic set his hot dog back down without taking a bite and leaned forward on the table, looking stunned. “What did these men do who came home with you, then? Some of them were there all night.”

  Ava looked down, rubbing her finger in circles on the tabletop. God, this had gotten embarrassing. Admitting how messed up she was to a macho man like Dominic was almost impossible, but there was no way he would let it go now. He looked determined to get some answers. “Well . . . I told them all I was trying to make my boyfriend jealous and offered them a couple hundred bucks to come home with me for a while. We, um . . . played video games, Monopoly, or sometimes they fell asleep and I just let them stay on the couch until morning. I also locked my bedroom door, though,” she rushed to assure him.

  Rubbing his head, Dominic slumped back in his seat. “Blondie, do you have any idea how fucked-up that is? Aside from the fact that you almost killed Mac every time I had to report in that you had some guy at your house for the evening, do you have any idea how dangerous that was? Shit, you of all people should know that you can’t trust a complete stranger. How could you possibly let someone you didn’t know into your house with you? Damn, you even let some stay while you slept. Ava! Shit, that’s completely whacked.” When a tear slid down her cheek, his expression softened in apology. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, Blondie, but it looks like you’ve been living on the edge for years without evening acknowledging it. Riding a motorcycle is nothing compared to what you’ve been doing. I just . . . I’m blown away here. I’m the last one to judge, but Mac needs to seriously spank your ass for pulling a dangerous stunt like that repeatedly. I mean, what were you thinking?”

  More tears fell now as she realized the truth of what he was saying. She had risked her life repeatedly and for what? To prove to Mac that she had a normal life with normal desires? When she really thought it through, it sounded absurd. She had been raped by her prom date, someone she actually knew after several dates together. Yet she had trusted complete strangers to spend hours alone with her in her home. God, she had seriously lost her mind. Even though she now realized how bad it sounded, she felt the need to defend herself. “After the first few, I had a referral system of sorts. Most of the men in graduate school here are really broke. So they started telling their friends about me.” She didn’t add that one of them had accidentally let it slip that the other guys had said that the crazy cat lady from the bar would pay you two hundred bucks for a few hours to pretend to be her fake boyfriend. “They were actually nice guys. One of them fixed the drip under my kitchen sink and a few of the others repainted my kitchen. They even took the trash out when they left.”

  Suddenly, Dominic’s body started convulsing in laughter. Ava watched him warily, wondering if she had pushed him completely off the deep end. It seemed unusual for a man whom she had rarely seen smile before today to actually fall against the table as full belly laughs erupted from him. “You’re . . . too . . . much!” he gasped out as his big frame continued to shake. She sat waiting patiently for him to catch his breath, wondering what the joke was. Finally, when she was getting ready to upend her Coke over his head, he managed to reel it back in. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he settled for grinning at her while shaking his head. “Mac should pack his shit and move to another state, because he’s never going to survive you. You know he’s going to blow his top when he finds out about this, don’t you?”

  “So maybe I don’t tell him that part?” She had meant it as more of a statement, but it came out as more of a question.

  He still looked vastly amused as he shook his head again. “Blondie, if you want to have a real relationship with Mac, then you have to tell him the truth. Trust me, as a man, I can tell you that he will be constantly dwelling on the fact that your bedroom seemed like the local Do-Drop-In for years. He’s got to be wondering why, if you’re screwed up by your past, you’re more than willing to sleep with a lot of other men, but not him. That’s actually pretty cold. Couldn’t you have found a less painful way to convince the man that you were functioning normally? Hell, even a pretend lesbian relationship or two would have been fine.”

  Groaning, Ava rolled her head, trying to release the tension there. “Okay, it wasn’t my best idea. I just . . . wasn’t ready to be involved with anyone, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. It seemed like the only way to keep him at a distance, romantically, but still have him in my life. He didn’t push me for anything else as long as he thought I was . . . seeing someone else. Plus, it made it appear that I was capable of . . . you know, of sex.” Suddenly, it hit her that she was telling a virtual stranger all her secrets. Was this it, then? Was she so desperate for a friend that she had moved Dominic into the role of her own personal Dear Abby? Of course, she had talked to Emma and her friends at lunch, but that was different. Dominic probably thought a lot like Mac, which gave her some much-needed male insight.

  Dominic started clearing off the remains of his food from the table, signaling the end of their meal. When he had cleared Ava
’s place as well, she stood to follow him back out to the bike. “All right, Blondie, for tonight, I think it’s enough that you just rode on the back of a bike. You need to get used to the sensation before you try to actually drive one.” Ava wanted to drop to her knees and thank him. She hadn’t been looking forward to her first lesson and was grateful to have a reprieve. When a couple of girls rolled past them on skates, Dominic pointed after their retreating backs. “Want another way to drive Mac crazy? Take up that hobby. Do your skating on the sidewalk in Garden City, though. Mac goes right through there on the way home every night.”

  Her eyes brightened as she looked around at the other people skating down the boardwalk. Wow, it looked a lot safer than riding a bike, and if she could manage to make sure Mac saw her at least part of the time, it would be perfect. She gave Dominic an impulsive hug, saying, “Great idea! That’s exactly what I need to try next. Do you think you could text me when he leaves the office every evening? If I try to wait on him at work, I’ll never make it to the sidewalk in time.”

  “Ava . . . babe, I was kidding. That looks kinda dangerous actually.”

  “No, no, it’s brilliant. I could just stand around with the skates on. Like not really moving, but acting like I have been.” She jumped on the bike, pointing to the seat in front of her. “Hurry up. I’ll have time to stop at Walmart on the way home. They have everything there.”

  Dominic gave her a hesitant look for a moment before shrugging. “There is no way this is gonna go well, but what the hell?” With those words, he climbed on the bike, and soon they were heading back toward Danvers and her car. She was able to enjoy the ride back without fearing too heavily for her life. When Dominic dropped her off, she thanked him before hurrying to her car. She was determined to buy everything she needed for her next mission: Ava Stone, skating queen.

  * * *

  Mac threw his keys on the entryway table upon entering his home. He heard them slip off the table and onto the floor, but he continued without stopping. He was too pissed right now to pick up after himself. He had barely been able to contain his anger as he walked Gwen to her car. They were supposed to go somewhere for dinner, but she had made a last-minute excuse about needing to pack for her planned weekend away with her sister. No doubt, the thought of spending another hour with him in his present mood was more than she could take. He’d been so damn grateful for the cancellation that he had just barely caught himself before he thanked her. As it was, he was pathetically relieved that she was going to be gone for a few days. What did that say about the state of their relationship?

  He wanted to strangle Dominic, who was supposed to be his best friend. What in the hell was he thinking having Ava on his bike? And he planned to teach her how to ride it? Un-fucking-believable. Mac wanted to call and chew his ass out, but he didn’t want to risk distracting him. Damn it, his friends knew how much Ava meant to him. He’d never thought he had to worry about any of them putting the woman he loved in danger. Was that the worst of it, though? Was Dom interested in Ava? Things had sure looked friendly enough with their bodies plastered together on that damn Harley. Seeing her slender arms gripping Dom tightly was enough to make Mac lose his shit. He would probably have done something completely stupid and careless like taking off after them if not for Gwen standing there looking as though she was putting two and two together and coming up with a solid four.

  He stalked into his bedroom, jerking a pair of basketball shorts out of the laundry basket sitting on the floor. He might not be the best housekeeper, but he figured he got points for the clothes at least being clean. He made quick work of jerking off his usual work attire and pulling the shorts on. After a quick stop at the door to put on his running shoes, he made his way across the sand and to the nearly empty beach beyond. As his feet hit the wet sand, he quickly found his rhythm. He desperately needed an outlet for the anger coursing through his body, and it was either run until he dropped or go kill his best friend. Not much of a choice there at all.

  Chapter Seven

  Ava hadn’t thought about it being the weekend when she concocted her master skating plan. Mac wouldn’t be on his regular schedule today, which would make it a little trickier to get him to notice her on the streets of Garden City. She had also had a moment of panic when she thought that maybe he might not be alone. What if Gwen was with him? She’d already had the other woman staring at her on the back of Dominic’s bike last night. After she calmed down, she realized that she had one ace in the hole; she knew that Mac took his mother to breakfast almost every Saturday morning without fail. She had gone along with them a few times, and Mac always met his mother at nine. Therefore, at eight thirty she was on the practically deserted streets of Garden City in a bright pink tank top and black running shorts. She had her new speed skates, which the gum-popping teenager in the sporting goods section of Walmart had recommended. She had looked at the safety gear, but realized that Mac wouldn’t recognize her in a helmet. It didn’t really matter; she just intended to stand around, not actually do much skating.

  The only thing she hadn’t taken into account was the fact that skates tended to roll even without you trying, and coupled with the incline on the sidewalk, things happened . . . fast. She was sitting on a bench when she saw Mac’s black Tahoe turn the corner. She jumped up quickly, hoping he saw her before he passed. As it turned out, she didn’t have to worry about catching Mac’s attention, because she caught the attention of everyone within a two-mile vicinity as she flew wildly down the sidewalk before wrapping briefly around a NO PARKING sign, then ultimately running into the bumper of a Dodge Neon and finally falling backward spectacularly onto her ass.

  Birds were tweeting above her head like something out of a Tom and Jerry cartoon as she lay there stunned. “Honey, are you okay?” someone asked helpfully before yelling down the line of onlookers, “She’s conscious but has some road rash.” What does that even mean? she idly thought as she lay there wondering if anything was broken. Seemed she would have been better off on the damn Harley after all. She now hoped fervently that Mac hadn’t seen her. This was way too humiliating.

  “Ava?” She blinked like an owl when she heard her name uttered in a familiar voice. She moaned as she turned her head to the right, blinking against the glare of the sun. Mac stood in the middle of the crowd looking as if he’d seen a ghost. His mouth was moving, but nothing appeared to be coming out of it. Maybe some silent swearwords. She was sure she’d seen him mouth something that started with an F. He seemed to shrug off whatever trance he had fallen in and jumped into typical Mac damage control. Kneeling beside her, he took inventory of the scratches on her body. “Where does it hurt, baby?”

  She choked back a hysterical laugh before trying to pull herself up. “Where doesn’t it hurt would be a better question,” she muttered before her feet flew out from under her and again she landed backward on her sore ass. “Shit, that hurt.”

  He put a hand on her stomach, holding her down. “Avie, let me take these damn skates off before you kill yourself. What in the world were you thinking?”

  She looked at the crowd still standing around them. “Can we please save the lecture for when we’re alone? Just get me out of here.”

  At that, Mac looked around, seeming to finally realize that they were creating quite a spectacle. He quickly removed her skates before leaning down to scoop her up effortlessly into his arms. “Wha . . . what are you doing?”

  She sputtered as he ignored her protests. He carried her to his Tahoe as if she weighed nothing. “Mac, my car is right over there. Just let me down.”

  He continued to ignore her, shifting her weight on his hip to free his hand for opening the door. He settled her on the seat, slamming the door on her complaints. He stalked back through the crowd, picking up the skates and throwing them in the backseat before getting in the driver’s side. He turned the big SUV back toward his house before punching a button on his hands-free phone mounted on the dash. When Ava heard his mother’s voice come thr
ough the speaker, she slunk down farther in her seat, hoping Mac wouldn’t tell her what had happened. Luckily, he just said that something had come up and he’d call her later.

  They parked in front of his two-story beach house. “Stay where you are,” Mac ordered as he left his seat before coming around to her side of the car. One look at his tight face was enough for her to keep her mouth shut and let him carry her again. Normally, she would have taken a moment to appreciate the beauty of the rustic house with cedar siding that Mac had so painstakingly restored, but today it passed by in a blur. He refused to put her down while he struggled to get the key in the front door and disable the security alarm.

  Finally, they made it into the spacious living room, where he sat her down gently on the couch. He left the room, coming back a few moments later with a first aid kit and the same scowl sitting heavily on his handsome face. Wow, he looked seriously pissed. He lowered his large form to the coffee table in front of the couch and barked out, “Take your shirt off.”

  Now, that got her attention. “Um . . . do what?” Surely, she had heard him wrong.

  “Take your shirt off. I need to see if you have any damage to your back or your stomach. It looked like you damn near fell on every single inch of your body.”

  Ava sat silently for a moment, feeling the old familiar panic set in. Damn it, if she couldn’t even take her shirt off in front of the man she was supposed to love, then how would she ever convince him that she was ready for a real relationship with him? She was so tired of being scared all the time. Taking a deep breath, she silently cursed the fact that she had worn a plain white cotton bra this morning. She dearly hoped he didn’t notice the slight tremble of her hands as she gripped the edge of her top and slowly pulled it over her head. He removed the shirt from her nerveless fingers, dropping it to the floor. His gaze seemed to zero in on the creamy swells of her breasts exposed by her no-frills bra, and she was horrified to feel her nipples hardening under his attention.