Always Loving You

by Sydney Landon

  When Mac put his hand over hers, trying to pry her fingers loose, she realized that she was still gripping his cock while laughing like a loon. “Avie—baby, I’m really hoping there’s no connection between my dick and your attack of the giggles.”

  Releasing his vulnerable flesh, she sagged against him as her laughter died off. Now mortification was starting to set in. How could she have ruined the moment like that? No man wanted to be laughed at during sex, did he? “I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his naked chest. “I don’t know what happened. I was just . . . so relieved that I was . . . you know . . . finally doing this, and then I pictured what would happen if I accidentally pulled your pecker off because I . . . you know . . . tried high-fiving with it . . . like a fist pump and shit. I sound like a nut job, don’t I? I need to just stop talking!”

  Mac’s big chest rumbled under her cheek as he too finally found the humor in the situation. “Ah, baby,” he said, chuckling, “while parts of that explanation have my cock wanting to hide for its own safety, I get it.” Pulling back slightly, he stroked the curve of her face before wrapping his big hand around the nape of her neck. “I think this is a . . . major moment in your life. I’ve got you, though, Ava, and this only goes as far as you want it to. You want to hold my cock and laugh because you conquered your fears, then you fucking do it. Appreciate it if you left it intact, though.”

  And, just that fast, her emotions jumped to the other end of the spectrum as tears threatened to choke her. Mac . . . her Mac. The man who got her, no matter how crazy she sounded or acted. Her body should have always belonged to him—and only him. “Make love to me, Mac,” she whispered.

  Those words sent her gentle giant into immediate action. He undressed her, worshipping every inch of new skin he exposed with his hands and his lips. When he had her down to just her tiny black lace bra and matching bikini underwear, he stepped back. She looked in surprise at his retreating back until he clicked on one of the bedside lights. She started to protest, feeling too exposed. “I’ve waited my whole life to see you, Avie; I need you to come out of the shadows for me.”

  The new light in the room also allowed her to fully see the desire glimmering in his gaze and the unmistakable proof of his arousal straining against his shorts. Mac clearly thought she was beautiful, and in that moment, she finally saw herself through his eyes. Years of shame and revulsion started falling away as she drew strength from him. With less than steady hands, she reached for the front clasp of her bra. She needed to do this, she needed to show him that she could do anything for him . . . she could be strong for him—only him.

  Her heavy breasts bounced slightly as she released them from the lace material. Mac stayed locked into place, appearing completely riveted as she dropped the scrap of fabric before lowering her hands to the waistband of her panties. This part was a little harder, but she took a calming breath before lowering her last piece of clothing to the floor and stepping out of it. Oh God, what now? she thought while Mac stood staring at her. She fought the urge to cross her arms over her breasts as she continued to wait . . . and wait. Was she supposed to do something else? Had he changed his mind? Insecurity rose to choke her as her bravado began to falter. She looked at him pleadingly. The fire was still there, burning in his eyes, but his jaw had gone slack, and he was clasping and unclasping his hands in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. Mac was one of the most confident men she had ever met, even as a teenager. If he was suddenly acting so skittish, there could only be one reason. He didn’t want her after all, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She started backing away, not sure where she was going without her clothes, but she had to get out of this room.

  Her actions seemed to break Mac out of his temporary coma, and he lurched forward. “Oh, baby, fuck—wait!”

  “Mac, it’s okay,” she said, turning her face away. “I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. I know I’m not sexy and I don’t have a big—butt like Gwen.” She was trying to disengage her wrist from his tight grip as she continued to inch away. “We can still be friends. I . . . I’ll pretend this didn’t happen . . . Just, this never happened, right?”

  “The hell you will,” Mac roared as he stopped her hasty exit by anchoring her body to his. “What’re you doing? Baby, why would you possibly believe you aren’t the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, and why in the world would you mention Gwen’s ass?” He seemed genuinely perplexed by his last question.

  As she did so often when she was nervous, she started stuttering. “I . . . well, I took off my clothes . . . but you . . . I mean, you didn’t . . . do anything. Gwen, G-lo . . . Emma said . . . you like big butts.”

  “Whoa,” Mac said, pulling back slightly to take her face between his hands. He kissed the tip of her nose, looking as though he was biting back a grin. “First off, I’ve dreamed of you naked for so damn long that the sight of you in the flesh was something I had to stop and appreciate. Not to mention, if I had touched you immediately, I’d probably have disgraced myself by blowing my load before even removing my boxers.” As he pushed his hips into hers, she felt him, hard as steel, and sucked in a breath. “That’s right, baby, and I’m still close to that line. As for Gwen, Emma, or whoever, the only ass I’m interested in is the one that I’m fixing to fill my hands with. “I should have told you that Gwen and I are no longer seeing each other, but you, um . . . distracted me. It’s just you and me, Avie. there is no one else in this bedroom but us, baby, hear me?”

  With a trembling smile, she sighed. “I hear you.” After that, Mac wasted no more time with conversation. He turned her, backing her toward his bed. With a gentle push, she was sitting on the edge. He dropped to his knees, nudging between her parted thighs. He used his hands to pull her closer as he kneaded her ass. His mouth devoured hers, sipping, licking, and nipping at her lips. After an initial hesitation on her part, she shyly slipped her tongue into his willing mouth and thought that she’d never tasted anything sweeter. As he staked claim to her mouth, his hands glided up her back before slowly circling to the front. At his initial contact with her nipple, she stiffened. He used his other hand to lightly stroke her side, easing her back into a state of relaxation before he continued with her other breast. Soon, every squeeze of her sensitive peaks sent a lightning bolt of heat directly to her clit.

  When he lowered his head, sucking one of her nipples into his hot mouth, she gasped in pleasure. “Oh, Mac . . . Oh . . . ah!” She continued to moan, mumbling incoherently as sensation after sensation assaulted her body. She dug her fingers into Mac’s hair, pulling the short dark strands. If she was hurting him, he never let on. He eased her back on the bed, keeping her legs dangling off the end. When she would have scooted up, he held her ankles to stop her. She watched in nervous enthrallment as he shifted back before pulling one of her legs up and running his tongue down the length of it, before he repeated the process on the other leg. She looked at him uncertainly as he settled each leg over his shoulder, leaving her open and exposed, only inches from his face. Oh, dear Lord. “Mac . . . what—no! Oh!”

  When she had seen his intent, she panicked, trying to wiggle away. But when he held her firm and touched his tongue to her center, she shouted in surprise and pleasure.

  “Baby, you taste incredible, so sweet. I could stay between these legs forever.”

  At his fervent declaration, Ava felt her body start to relax. She still had to fight the urge to close herself off, but with every swipe of Mac’s tongue, her inhibitions were diminishing. Within moments, all she could focus on was the throbbing in her core. She was so close to the edge she just needed something—more to push her off the edge. Mac was anchoring her hips in place and she was ready to crawl out of her skin. Hearing her moans echoing off the walls, she tried to bite down on her lip to mute the sounds. All of that went out the window, though, when Mac pushed a thick finger inside her.

  A garbled scream ripped from her throat, probably waking the people a mile away as her body roared toward a toe-curling, hai
r-pulling, finger-clenching orgasm. “Oh God!”

  Mac chuckled as he kissed her thigh before standing. “I’m not God, baby, but I’m flattered that you think so.” With a sexy curl of his lips, he dropped his boxers and stood before her in all his glory.

  Ava’s eyes, which were already crossed from her epic orgasm, were about to bug out of her head as she took in all that was Mac. He made her ample-size vibrator look tiny in comparison. She felt a trickle of unease as she pondered how he could possibly fit inside her without tearing her apart. When he walked to the bedside drawer and pulled out a condom, she said, “I’m on the pill.” She didn’t want to put a damper on the moment and tell him that she had been since shortly after her attack. It was just another area of her life where she could ensure that she was safe. He looked surprised for a moment and then tossed the condom back in the drawer. She scooted backward on the bed as Mac started prowling toward her. He looked like a sleek jungle cat, and she felt like his trembling prey. She wanted him—so much—but now her overactive mind was worrying about the logistics of it all. “Mac,” she whispered uncertainly, needing his reassurance.

  As his body came down to cover hers, she felt another wave of panic. It was going to hurt, and he was going to be on top of her . . . holding her down with his weight. She grabbed his forearms, ready to fight to be free, when he suddenly shifted and in a move so fast it made her head spin, Mac was on the bottom and she was on the top. Without thought, she sat up on his stomach, feeling his hard cock pressing against her ass. Mac now had his hands firmly on her hips. “I told you, baby, you’re in control here. I would never force anything to happen that you didn’t want. You hold the power, you call the shots. I’m just here to give you whatever you want.”

  Ava listened to his words in surprise. How did he know? It was as if he had heard every crazy thought running through her mind. She wanted him so much, but he was right, she needed to be in control, at least this first time. All of her choices had been taken from her the last time. She had been completely helpless and at the mercy of another person. Someone bigger and stronger than she was. But now Mac was giving her back a piece of what had been so brutally ripped away from her. “Oh, Mac.” She sighed as she leaned down to take his lips in hers. True to his word, his hands stayed locked on her hips as he let her take what she wanted, how she wanted. She kissed and explored every inch of his upper body that she could reach. A heady sense of power filled her as Mac shuddered at her slightest touch. He growled wildly as she licked and nipped his nipples.

  She knew he could feel the dampness of her core on his stomach as she shifted restlessly, trying to ease the ache throbbing between her thighs. She wanted him inside her so badly it hurt, but in her innocence, she wasn’t sure how to take him slowly from this position. “What do you need, Avie?” Mac asked as she continued to wiggle against him, biting her lips in frustration.

  “I . . . just . . . need your help.” She felt her face flush as she stammered her request. She was embarrassed that she had no idea what to do next. If Mac hadn’t still been hard as stone against her bottom, she would be terrified that he was tired of her clumsy foreplay.

  His hands shifted to her waist as he started lifting her. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. You’re still in the driver’s seat, though. You tell me when you want more, okay?” At her nod, he stopped with her suspended over his cock, before lowering her just enough to push his thick head inside. They both inhaled loudly, and the room filled with their soft pants and groans.

  Mac held her weight as if she weighed no more than a feather. As she adjusted to his intrusion, she simply said, “More.” He lowered her an inch at a time, always waiting for the words before he went farther. Ava’s body struggled to accommodate his size, and prickles of pain warred with pleasure. She was stretched to overflowing, feeling as if his cock was sitting on her cervix when he finally stopped. His entire length was now inside her, and she was almost afraid to move. What if the pain outweighed the desire starting to burn brighter? Maybe she should start small . . . just to see. Experimentally, Ava wiggled her hips, lifting just a tiny bit before sitting back down on Mac’s cock. “Ohhh myyy,” she groaned, unable to comprehend the sensations brought on by that one small move. Under her, Mac had gone rigid, as if fighting for control. She lifted farther the next time, pulling up a couple of inches before slamming back down harder. Without conscious thought, her hands went to her breasts and she pinched her nipples tightly, whimpering with her need for release. “Mac, please,” she begged as she ground against the base of his cock.

  He thrust his hips upward, pushing his big member deeper inside her. Ava felt her vision blur as her body flew toward a bliss that she had never known before. Mac was using his big hands to lift her almost completely off his length before bringing her back down. “Lean over, baby,” he demanded. She fell against his chest, feeling his cock continue to stroke in and out of her as his lips took hers in a scalding kiss. They devoured each other’s mouths before he said, “Put your nipple in my mouth, Avie.” She whimpered as he sucked her stiff peak. He nipped the tip, before soothing the sting with his tongue. “Baby, you feel so fucking good,” he moaned as she sat back up, meeting him thrust for thrust now.

  Something was happening to her, and she was almost afraid to see it through. Her entire body seemed to be tingling. She vaguely wondered if Mac was giving her a heart attack. As she tried to pull back, scared by the intensity of the feelings racing through her, Mac seated himself deeply one more time while reaching a hand to pinch her clit. Her world froze in that moment, everything seeming to happen in slow motion. Her ears roared, her breath stuttered, and then it all came back into focus in one big explosion. Her body clasped around his as an endless contraction seemed to start deep inside her. She vaguely heard him yell her name before she collapsed weightless against his heaving chest. His hands were on her back now, stroking her, as they remained joined together.

  The room was still slightly out of focus when she felt Mac separate from her, despite her protests. He came back to the bed and cleaned her with a cloth before disappearing into the bathroom. She heard water running for a short time and then he was back, picking her up and sliding her under the covers and into his arms. Ava felt completely and deliciously spent as she traced lazy circles on Mac’s chest. “I . . . just—wow,” she said with a goofy smile. “I love your penis,” she added before clapping a hand across her mouth in horror. Shit, she hadn’t meant to say that aloud!

  Mac’s chest shook beneath her as he let out a booming laugh. “Is this the part of the night where I admit to loving your vagina as well?”

  Ava buried her hot face into Mac’s chest. Was she completely twisted that his praise of her vagina actually turned her on again? “Sleep, baby,” he said against the top of her head. When one of his hands cupped her butt, pulling her even closer, she was amazed to find that she actually could relax enough with a man—her man—to drift away.

  * * *

  Mac lay awake long after Ava had fallen asleep. He couldn’t believe the moment that he had dreamed of for most of his adult life had finally happened. Ava was tucked tightly against him after rocking him to his very foundation. He’d always expected sex with Ava would be good, but he hadn’t expected it to eclipse even his wildest dreams.

  He had felt her tense up while he was on top of her, and he’d known she was starting to panic. It would have killed him, but he would have stopped right then if necessary. Switching her to the power position had been his one attempt to see if she would be able to overcome her fear if she felt she was in control. He had continued to watch her for any sign that she was scared. After a few minutes, she had relaxed and taken charge. She was so incredibly sexy and responsive—he had been forced to grit his teeth and quote every useless bit of sports statistics that he could think of to keep from blowing his load early. Just the feel of her tight passage milking him as he buried himself in her inch by slow inch had damn near driven him to madness.

  His cock w
as still hard where it nestled against her thigh. He’d love nothing better than to slip back inside her. But the last thing he wanted to do was overwhelm her after she had taken such a big step. No doubt, she was probably sore as well after their intense bout of lovemaking.

  As the light of early morning started to slip into the room, he looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. He wanted to shout his love for her at the top of his lungs, but years of loving Ava had taught him a hard and painful lesson—she would run in the blink of an eye if she felt threatened. Where his instinct was to put a ring on her finger, what he needed to do now was to take things slow. She was here, in his bed. Now he needed to give her the space to accept that they belonged together.

  He’d fix Ava a nice breakfast when she woke and then take his cues from her. If she mentioned something about leaving, he would let her without making a big deal of it. He wouldn’t make the first move even if it meant a constant case of blue balls. He needed to let her stay in control, because he couldn’t stomach the thought of scaring her away now that things had finally progressed. “Whatever you need, baby,” he whispered against the crown of her head, and he meant it. If having her meant taking a step back, he could do that. If it meant that she would be with him for good in the end, he could do whatever it took.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ava had surprised Suzy by dragging her to lunch on Monday. Emma had a standing lunch date with Brant most Mondays, and Ava hadn’t wanted to take her brother’s fiancée away. Of course, if Emma had had any clue as to what Ava wanted to talk about, she would have kicked Brant to the curb in the blink of an eye. Truthfully, she couldn’t believe that Emma hadn’t picked up on what had happened to her over the weekend. She felt as if she had the words I’ve had amazing sex written across her face for all to see.