He snapped the paper shut. Well, first goal successfully accomplished. His gaze snapped to hers, drawn in tight lines of tension. “Avery.”
There was a warning in his voice. She’d only ever heard it when he’d spoken to those men at the inn. “Noah.” She’d not be intimidated by anyone. Especially not him. Not now. Her palms pressed to her thighs as she sat straighter.
“What made you bring that up just now?” he asked.
She drew in a breath. “Because.” Her lips pressed together as she looked into his eyes. They held none of their usual warmth. “You. You keep pulling away and it makes me feel like you’re not telling me something.”
He winced. It was subtle but there it was. He was withholding some important information. “I’m not.”
“Hogwash. What is it?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s not do this.”
“Why not? Ewan is here, he swears we need to marry. Let’s say it all and have it be done.” She ignored the trembling that told her she might regret forcing this issue.
“We. That is you and I…we have to marry.”
She blinked. That was it? That’s what concerned him? Ewan had repeated the sentiment ad nauseam the day before. There must be something else bothering Noah. Was he feeling guilty about last night? “What we did last night. I thought it was beautiful.”
Just a hint of a smile touched his lips then. “It was.”
“And just between us. We’re not obligated to anyone—”
“We are.” He leaned closer then. “That is what you’ve refused to acknowledge this entire time. We always have been.”
Her brow furrowed as her gaze narrowed. But her heart began to hammer in her chest. “What do you mean?”
He raised his head higher. “I made an agreement with Bash. Written. Signed. You are to be my wife.”
Her heart raced in her chest as she stared at him. She’d come here to tell him that she wished to marry him, but the way he’d just declared it showed her she didn’t have a say. She stopped. “I am?”
He pressed his hand to the table. “I know I made it seem like you had a choice.”
“I do have a choice,” she returned, standing. “I am still a person. You can’t force me.”
“You know as well as I do that what you just said isn’t the truth. Not here in this world.”
She shook her head. “I understand this world. Better than most. I lived under my father’s rule, I am aware of how it works. I thought it was different between you and me.”
He had the decency to look down at the table. “I wanted it to be so…for your sake.”
She choked on emotions that welled up in her throat, but she swallowed them back down. “Bash is a reasonable man. He’ll listen to me and he’ll allow us to choose.”
“I already did, Avery. For better or worse, I chose you.” But he didn’t look happy at all, in fact, he appeared completely miserable. “And Bash has chosen too. The moment he allowed me to take you away, the choice was made. There is no undoing it now.”
“You chose me last night?” She knew the moment the question left her mouth, she didn’t really want the answer. He’d already said it wasn’t the case, but she needed to hear his explicit response.
“No. I chose you the moment I signed the contract.”
She stood. “Well, I didn’t choose you.” That wasn’t entirely true. She actually had. But he’d been misleading her this entire time. He hadn’t been giving her room to decide, he’d been biding his time to make sure she came around to his way of thinking. He’d manipulated her all along. “I would never choose a man who lied to me. Who…”
Her words stopped short as another voice chimed in behind her. “Lied?”
Ewan.
Drat. She turned to look at her cousin. She had no patience for an interloper now. “If you please. This is a private conversation.”
“Ye’re an unmarried woman. Ye don’t have private conversations.”
She huffed a breath. “We’ve done just fine without you, thank you very much. If you wanted to play the unmarried card, you should have escorted me out of London.”
He grimaced, holding up his hands. “I’ve apologized for not stepping in sooner.”
“No apology necessary.” Her anger was rising like the tide in a storm and she had no patience for a cousin who showed up too little, too late to help her. “Thank goodness you were working undercover. None of my cousins would have ended up married with your meddling.”
Noah let out a short bark of laughter.
She spun on him, her fists clenching. “What is so funny?”
A flicker of amusement danced in his eyes. “I’m glad I’m not the only man catching your ire.”
“What I’m giving you isn’t ire.” And then her breath caught on a gasp that seemed a bit like a sob. “I am disappointed in you. I thought you understood.”
“I could mirror those words,” Ewan rumbled.
She spun back around. “Leave. We are trying to discuss our future and you are not helping.”
“I won’t.” Ewan crossed his arms over his massive chest. “I am supposed to be here.”
“Fine,” she cried. “Then I shall go.”
And with that, she stomped past him and out of the room.
Noah glared at Ewan. “You’ve done it now.”
“Me?” Ewan griped right back. “She was spitting mad before I even walked in the room. I’ll tell ye one thing, she got the Melrose temper.”
“Melrose temper?”
“My mother’s father. He was famous for it. My mother had it too. It’s prettier on a woman though.” Then he gave Noah a skeptical eye, looking him up and down. “What about ye? Have ye got a fiery nature too?”
Noah shook his head. “No. Apparently, I just tell half-truths and act like a selfish cad.”
Ewan scratched his chin. “Well. No wonder she had a fit of temper.”
He’d known of course. Avery valued her choice above all else and he’d taken it away. That was what he’d wanted, after all. He knew once he told the truth, she’d be furious. And now, he didn’t need to hold himself apart from her, she’d keep herself away from him.
Why didn’t that feel like a victory?
“This was supposed to be an arranged marriage with no emotional connection.” He rubbed at his temples, wishing he’d handled himself better this morning.
“All marriages are full of emotion. Even arranged ones without a drop of love.” Ewan slid into Avery’s seat and then took a giant bite of her blood sausage. “My parents never even met before their wedding day, but somehow they loathed one another. The question is, would ye prefer it to be filled with love or hate, because right now ye’re leaning toward the latter.”
Noah blinked back his surprise. Because the giant oaf of a Scot might be right. “Why am I talking to you about any of this?”
“Because there’s no one else here,” he said before taking another large bite. “And ye seem like ye need help. Honestly, yer mucking it up right good.”
He let out a noise of contention. “I watched you with Avery. You’ll likely only make it worse.”
Ewan smiled at that. “I think I actually like ye.”
“It can’t be.” Noah shook his head. Then he drew in a deep breath. “The problem is that if what you say is true, while I don’t want her to hate me, I don’t really want love either…”
“Why not?” Ewan took another giant bite and having cleared the plate, stood up for more. “A woman like that could make a man happy.”
He knew that. He wasn’t stupid. He could see how much love Avery had to give. How she’d nurture and lift him up. “I’m not sure I deserve happiness.” He scrubbed his face, the words reverberating in a hollow chest.
Ewan let out a long breath as he loaded up his plate. “I can understand that.”
Could he? How? “But I didn’t even tell you about my sister’s death and the surgery and…” He snapped his mouth shut.
Ewan
looked back at him. There was kindness in the other man’s eyes, compassion. “Did ye love yer sister?”
“Yes.”
“Did ye try? Really try to give her what she needed?”
The words made his body ache. Yes, he had. “It wasn’t enough and I’m still not certain if my efforts were for her or for me.” But Ewan’s words mirrored Avery’s. I could die happy tomorrow if someone loved me like that.
He pushed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. “Avery just wants me to love her and it’s the one thing I denied her today.”
“I’d guess if ye gave her that, the marriage would quickly follow.” Ewan returned with a heaping plate. Avery’s plate.
Noah snatched the plate from the table the moment the other man set it down.
“What are ye doin?” Ewan gave him an incredulous stare.
“Bringing Avery her breakfast. And…” He gave Ewan a meaningful stare. “Attempting to take your advice.”
Ewan grunted but his lips parted in a small grin. “Fine. I’ll make another plate.”
Noah gave a curt nod before he headed out of the breakfast room to find Avery.
Carrying her breakfast, he searched the music room, salon, and finally her room. But Avery was nowhere to be found. With each step, his heartbeat ticked faster.
He clutched the plate in his hand as he searched her room for clues. He noted that her embroidery was gone but there was no message. All that remained was the pocket square she’d adorned for him, neatly folded with his initials on the top. Fear made his limbs heavy. Was this a goodbye? He’d picked it up and caught a whiff of her scent.
He closed his eyes. She’d left, he knew she had, and now he needed to discover where. Because there was so much more that needed to be said. And regardless of how they’d just left things, she was still his to protect.
And whatever else he’d promised. Whatever he hadn’t given, he’d care for her no matter the circumstances.
Chapter Twelve
Avery wrapped her arms about her waist wishing she’d eaten that plate of breakfast this morning.
The sky was growing dark and she’d not had a bite to eat all day. Her stomach gave a hollow gurgle while her head ached.
What was worse, the temperature was dropping. And she was outside with no shelter and no money with which to purchase it.
Admittedly, running away had been an ill-hatched plan.
But honestly, in the face of two men insisting that she had no choice…she’d taken the only one she had left. She’d packed a few belongings and she’d set off toward the village.
The veil, with its sheer fabric, seemed only to capture the vapor of her breath, which quickly turned cold, pressing cool and wet against her skin and adding to her chill. She’d take it off, but she was afraid that the dark fabric was what kept her from being discovered as she crouched in a doorway.
What had she been thinking?
Yes, she wished for independence, but sitting here now, she wondered if she’d just chosen a slow death.
She sighed. Was she being dramatic again? She wasn’t certain. She’d told Noah she might be able to support herself as a seamstress, but in that fantasy, someone helped her purchase a shop, which wasn’t really independence at all, was it?
Had she been fooling herself?
Likely. Her father certainly would have told her so.
What was more, she’d had a great deal of time to consider Noah’s words, his position, and her feelings. And she’d come to a really difficult conclusion. One that made her head hang in shame.
This whole time, she’d been going on about creating her own future and having a say and all that. She did wish for control. But as much as she wanted that, she wanted something else too.
Something she’d barely allowed herself to acknowledge.
She wanted someone to love her. She’d wanted Noah to love her. And she’d thought…
Tears sprang to her eyes and clogged her throat, but she pushed them back down. She’d made her choices, she wasn’t crying now. In the end, she’d gotten what she’d wanted, to make her own future.
She looked about the doorway. So this was it?
Her heart contracted in her chest. When he’d given her room to breathe and think, she’d thought it was because he’d cared about her. It turned out, however, that he didn’t care at all. She was just an obligation and he hadn’t been giving her space to make choices, he’d just been manipulating her into compliance.
She cradled her head.
And she’d gone and fallen in love with him. Of course she loved a person who didn’t return her love. She’d have loved her father too if he’d given her a shred of affection.
That did make a sob escape her chest.
What was she going to do?
With a sigh, she knew that she had to go back. While she didn’t want to marry a man who didn’t love her, especially one she’d grown to care for so much, she also couldn’t run away from her problems, especially when she hadn’t made a plan.
She’d just have to stand her ground even if she were facing Noah, Ewan, and Bash.
Avery peeked down the street. The question that plagued her now was whether or not to leave the doorway now and try to travel back to Noah’s home in the dark or spend a long, hungry night in the doorway?
But as she looked both ways, she quickly pulled her head back into the shadows as a carriage rumbled slowly down the street.
Another peek and she noted that a man followed the carriage on the back of a horse. And that man was Noah. She recognized him even in the near darkness and her heart leapt into her throat.
He’d come for her.
This time a tear did slide down her cheek.
Because, whatever else she could lament, she did know one thing for certain. With Noah, she would always be safe.
And so she unfolded herself from the doorway and stepped out onto the street.
He stopped, staring at her for just a moment before he swung down from his horse. Without a word, crossed the street, taking her hand in his. “Will you please come back home with me?”
She gave a quick nod. She could hear the difference in his words. So many men would have said. Are you ready to come back home, as though it were a forgone conclusion that she’d fail. They might have even chastised her for her wayward behavior. But not Noah.
If only he could bear some affection for her!
Another tear slipped down her cheek, but they were obscured by the fabric on her face. He handed her into the vehicle and then disappeared.
For a moment she thought he’d ride home, leaving her in the carriage alone, but she heard him tie the animal off and then he climbed inside, snapping the door shut behind him. She sat on the bench facing forward and rather than sitting on the opposite bench, he slid on the seat next to her.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
She silently shook her head, not trusting her voice. It would surely break if she tried to speak. From his pocket he pulled a bundle of cloth. Unwrapping the contents, he held out cheese and bread.
“We’ll get you more as soon as we’re back.”
She reached for the food but then realized, to eat it, she’d have to pull back the veil and reveal her tears. She hesitated, hungry but not certain she could be any more vulnerable.
Without a word, he reached for the cloth and slowly pulled the sheer fabric off her face. Then, seeing her tears, he swiped at each one, removing them with a gentle stroke of his thumb. “There is so much I wish to say to you.”
She didn’t dare respond as she looked down at the food, hoping he didn’t see the fresh tears.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the darkness.
And not knowing what else to do, she buried her face in his shoulder.
He wrapped an arm about her and then lifted her up. She found herself in his lap, settled in his warmth, his arms wrapping about her like a blanket. “I’m sorry too,” she managed in a hiccup. “Leaving was…”
“B
rave,” he offered. He pressed his cheek to the top of his head, and she could feel his smile. “But please don’t do it again. You scared me.”
She didn’t respond. What was there to say? She was frightened too. Of her feelings for him, of her future, of her past. How was she to find her path with everything so jumbled and confused?
Noah held Avery in his arms softly rocking her as she silently cried in his arms. He closed his eyes, just glad to hold her close.
The more time that had passed, the more worried he’d become. What if something had happened to her while he’d searched?
Fear had been eating at his gut the entire day and now that she was here, he had no intention of letting her go.
Ever.
He tightened his arms and held her closer. “You haven’t eaten anything yet, love. You’ll feel better when you do.”
She nodded against him and then brought her hand up to her mouth, taking a bite of bread.
There was so much he needed to tell her, but all of it could wait. Right now, he needed to bring her home, safe, then feed her, bathe her, and wrap her up in a warm bed where he’d spend the night holding her. Tomorrow, they could talk.
And he’d tell her all the ways he’d been a fool. “Take another bite, darling,” he murmured. “What shall I feed you when we return?”
“Wine,” she murmured against his jacket.
“Do you like wine?” he asked, pulling away. He hadn’t seen her order it at either inn.
“I don’t know. I’ve never tried it.” She tilted her head back then. “But it seems to be what people do in these situations.”
He chuckled at that. “All right, then. What else?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Is that what we need to discuss? What I’ll eat?”
“Absolutely,” he answered with a nod. “It’s of vital importance.” He didn’t care if they discussed the weather, travel, or politics. Just as long as she remained in his lap.
She gave him a small smile and then tucked her cheek back against his chest. “Is there any way to avoid Ewan when we return? It turns out that the only thing more annoying than a meddling family is a meddling family that you haven’t seen in a decade.”
Earl of Infamy Page 8
