The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Or maybe not. “You mean Christy?”

  “If that is her name.”

  “She’s a friend.”

  “She is not my friend.”

  “Maybe, but you have to admit she’s useful in a fight. Hell, I wish those other mages hadn’t taken off.”

  “Oh, you mean the one called Grand Mentor?”

  “Yeah.”

  “They did not leave.”

  “Really? Then where...”

  “The witch who named your friend traitor caused my personal assassins much shame by escaping. It was an affront in need of rectification. I deemed it necessary to kill her colleagues as well, as I have neither the time nor inclination to deal with official protests.”

  “What?!”

  “Yes. I will ask my retinue where their bodies are hidden if you wish to desecrate them.”

  I opened my mouth to point out that her little murder spree was quite convenient, as now there was nobody left to point fingers at her, but just as quickly closed it again. From what little I’d seen, the Grand Mentor had been a total ass not unlike Harry Decker. Hopefully with that loose end cleaned up they wouldn’t bring any further grief to Christy. I just had to make sure Gan didn’t try anything stupid against her if we happened to survive this.

  I glanced over and saw Alex looking my way from where he directed the offensive. I didn’t need to understand ancient Greek to know he was mentally asking if I needed an engraved invitation. Also, it wasn’t like Gan’s power would stay with me indefinitely.

  It was time to go.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Being in charge of anything wasn’t really my cup of tea. I’d never considered myself management material. During my career, I’d been content to sit behind my screen, do as I was told, and then mock those in charge for their incompetence - all while doing little to change the status quo. What can I say? I like my routines.

  Now, I found myself leading the charge with a group of folks all better suited to the task than me.

  Hell, the first thing Thea said as we set off along the periphery of the auditorium was, “Dare to give me an order, child, and you will regret it.”

  I likewise doubted Gan would follow any command from my lips other than “Marry me!” and there was no way Hell had frozen over that much yet.

  As for Sheila, the only thing I wanted her to do was stay safe - not exactly a job the legendary Icon was cut out for.

  Most of the Jahabich were single-minded in going after the main defense awaiting them on the auditorium floor. With the battle condensed into two main factions, they seemed to sense victory. Thus, few appeared to pay us much mind. Thank goodness for a hive mentality.

  The handful that did spot us were dispatched quickly as three of our party possessed speed enough to move out, kill them, and then get back before drawing much attention.

  That was going to be the key to our living through this, at least from what I could see. Forget any of the elaborate traps or schemes my D&D characters had invested in over the years - most of those had failed spectacularly anyway. This needed to be quick and uncomplicated.

  We reached a corner of the room where the wall had partially collapsed, allowing us a vantage point from the rubble. The blast door was just a few dozen yards away, a straight run if there weren’t still enemies marching through, not to mention Farley and his douche-corps guarding it.

  The tide had slaked somewhat since their initial assault. Either this was the bulk of their force or their attention was now turned toward scouring the complex for Ed...

  No! I couldn’t let that weigh me down right now. Any indecision in this insane quest could potentially get me, Sheila, or Gan killed. Well, okay; I was mostly worried about those first two.

  I turned to my strike team, hoping Theodora didn’t tear my tongue out for speaking impertinently. “Let’s keep this nice and clean. We clear the doorway and the space beyond long enough for one of us to start closing things up. The rest then run like hell before we get locked out with a bunch of angry monsters.”

  “That is your great plan, Freewill?” Theodora quipped. “I begin to wonder if perhaps the prophecies actually do reference Vehron the Destroyer.”

  “I think it is brilliant,” Gan countered. “Simple and direct, much like my beloved.”

  “Wait a second...”

  “Relax, Bill,” Sheila said. “She’s right...about the plan being simple, that is. I’ll fight them back while you swing the door shut.”

  “No,” I replied. “No offense, but you’re not nearly fast enough. I’ll hold them off while you take the door.”

  “I shall fight them by your side, Dr. Death,” Gan added like a love-struck puppy. God, I so wanted to puke.

  “That door is huge,” Sheila protested. “There’s no way I’ll be able to...”

  “Yes you can, child,” Thea said dismissively. “It may be large, but it is perfectly balanced. A fly landing upon it could swing it shut. Once closed, the locks will engage automatically. There is one issue with this strategy, though. Before I offer my services, I need you to explain why I should willingly turn my back upon you.”

  “It is simple,” Yehoshua said, stepping from the shadows and joining us. “She is not our enemy.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “What are you doing here, Joshua?” Theodora asked. “Alexander decreed...”

  “I am of the First,” he replied. “I need not ask permission for anything. Besides, it is very simple. If one of us is beyond reproach in our testimony, then two shall no doubt be absolutely unquestionable.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I ask you to reconsider your position. Who better to further our agenda than one of the few who has a chance of felling our foe?”

  One didn’t need to be a genius to figure out he wanted to use Sheila to kill Alexander. Oddly enough, I could dig that - minus the danger of attempting such an insane move, of course.

  “How?”

  “Now is not the time for such speculation. For the moment, it shall suffice to perform our duties and cut off our enemies. If we then speak to the Shining One’s honor in upholding her word, we can ensure her survival. Even Alexander cannot deny that if enough of our brethren can be swayed. From there, opportunity will present itself.” Before I could mention just how vague that sounded, he finished with, “We shall make certain of it.”

  “And Sheila?” I asked.

  “The Shining One herself testified to not being our enemy. We may be able to forge an alliance of sorts that will serve to appease our people.”

  I glanced over at her and she shrugged. It was better than any other deal we’d been offered that day. I didn’t dare ask Gan anything. No doubt, she was already thinking of step three of this plan - eliminate the Draculas, take over, and marry me.

  Any way you looked at it, shit was not going to get any easier. It was like at some point I’d stepped into quicksand and, no matter which way I turned, kept sinking deeper into it. Goddamn it, when did life become so complicated?

  Oh well, I pushed that aside for now. It was time to do something far less complicated - like charge into the fray where our choices were simple: live or die.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  As far as Theodora was concerned, I could take anything that came out of my mouth and shove it back up my ass sideways. With Yehoshua, that was a different story, though. She obviously trusted him, or however close an ancient vampire could come to the concept. Thus, they took the lead.

  We waited for a momentary pause in the onrush of Jahabich and then hit them hard from the side. Thankfully, those already inside were focused on Alex’s group and continued onward, ignoring us as if we were of no consequence. Within moments, our group had cut off the charge and was busy hacking apart those trying to enter.

  What Gan’s blood lacked in strength compared to James’s, it made up for in speed. I swear, I kind of had an inkling of what Spider-Man must feel like, taking apart foes who we
re practically standing still compared to him. If it weren’t for the fact that I was terrified of adopting her craziness, too, I’d be tempted to ask for a few extra vials.

  Even so, I was practically a clumsy kid with a hammer next to Sheila. One of these days I really needed to gain access to our fabled archives and see what they said about Icons. What she could do was kind of the equivalent of that “I know kung-fu” scene from The Matrix. She expertly weaved through our foes, cutting and feinting, almost as if she knew what her opponents were doing a second before they did.

  OOF! A punch to the side of the head brought my attention back to the present. I quickly noticed the lack of my skull being split in half. That’s because the fist that had hit me had been human in shape and hadn’t struck home particularly hard.

  “Hey, Farley. I see you’ve gotten a promotion to doorman.”

  A part of me was sure that when he spoke, all pretense of the inexperienced grunt would be gone - that I’d find we’d all been duped by a trained killer ready to spill my blood upon the ground.

  Amazingly enough, sometimes expectations fail us in ways that don’t suck.

  “Shut up,” he mewled, trying to sound tough and falling a couple feet short of the mark. “I knew we should have killed you when we had the chance, but the master didn’t want it.”

  “Master? Let me guess...big guy, bitchin tats, tends to speak in long-dead languages? Sound about right?”

  “Mock the true Freewill all you wish, imposter. He will tear down the false coven and pave the way for the love of Ib.”

  “You do realize how stupid a name that is, right?”

  “The true First is beyond names. I only wish I had known about the pure one before handing you all over to these scum. I could have delivered him to the master myself and been bathed in eternal glory.”

  “Wait...pure one?” The Jahabich had said the same thing about Ed. The fuckers obviously didn’t know my roommate. “Vehron wants him too?”

  Unfortunately, I realized too late that having an expositional conversation in the middle of a pitched fight was probably not the brightest thing. The sounds of battle from beyond the open portal caught my ear just as two of the Jahabich charged straight at me. Fuck!

  Farley grinned and produced a handgun, pointing it my way. Obviously, he was of the mindset that three against one was a fair fight.

  He was wrong.

  That which is Dead Can Indeed Die

  Under different circumstances, Farley and I might have had a decent slugfest...or at least a slap fight. He looked about as cut out for the life of a soldier as I was. Sadly for him, I was the Freewill and he was just some low level putz who’d...well...somehow managed to overcome the compulsions of the most powerful vampires in the world.

  Okay, forget that last part. I still had no clue how the fuck he’d pulled that one off. What I did know was I was amped up on Gan’s blood and he wasn’t. Before he could so much as cock the trigger, I had grabbed him by the throat with one hand and lifted him off the ground - mainly because that move never fails to look cool in the movies. With my other, I grabbed hold of the weapon he held and crushed it...also probably awesome looking, but maybe not the smartest thing in the world. I could have probably used it.

  Oh well, when in a pinch, sometimes one must make do with what’s at hand. Interestingly enough, that happened to be my buddy Farley. I swung, using his body as a flail, and smashed both of the Jahabich aside. Judging by the sharp crack that sounded, I also pulverized Farley’s legs in the process. Oh well, can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

  I continued forward, using him as my personal meat shield to ward off any attacks. Ooh...that was a nasty hit to his kidneys. That was gonna hurt in the morning. Too bad, so sad the Jahabich didn’t seem to hold him in high enough regard to not pummel him into chopped meat in their quest to get at me.

  “It makes my heart proud to watch you brutalize our enemies so,” Gan said, stepping up to my side as we continued to gain ground.

  A part of me was sure I would feel bad the next day, but for now, giving an asshole his just deserts felt pretty darn good. Whoever said revenge ultimately left a hollow feeling inside had apparently never given it the old college try.

  Flashes of light out of the corner of my eye told me my squad-mates on this mission were dispatching Farley’s buddies...probably with extreme prejudice. There were few things scarier than powerful vampires with bruised egos. Likewise, I turned and caught sight of the white glow of Sheila’s faith aura flaring up as she swung her sword in an arc, taking out a Jahabich and two of the traitorous vamps with one swing.

  I allowed myself a nanosecond to think so fucking hot before concentrating on our objective.

  Gan pried a few of the monsters away from the hinges where they stood guard like living doorjambs, and then we were through. The scene in the room beyond was surreal. Piles of ash and discarded weapons lay everywhere, speaking to how the vamps on guard had been ambushed. Sadly, whatever was left in there didn’t seem particularly friendly to our cause.

  A column of both Jahabich and what I assumed to be more traitorous vamps stood guard outside. Multiple heads turned in our direction, and they did not look happy. One of the creatures stepped from its line and pointed its clubbed arm at me.

  “Freewill. We shall enjoy this.” Before my eyes, its features melted and deformed. Within a second, it had reformed into...fuck me...Mark.

  “Never let a witch do a vampire’s job,” I muttered.

  He grinned, revealing the blackened granite spikes of teeth in his mouth. “Kill the rest, but keep this one alive for questioning. He’ll know where the pure one is hiding.”

  His vampire buddies, obviously holding a very liberal concept of keeping me alive, all raised their weapons toward me. They’d ditched the silver stakes in favor of semiautomatic assault rifles.

  As for the Jahabich, about half of them took Mark’s lead and resumed their alternate forms. Unfortunately, those who did had seemingly been cloned from some of our uglier enemies. About a dozen Sasquatches, all sporting stalagmite dentures, charged us.

  Shit had just gotten surreal.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Shots rang out, and I wasn’t taking chances that they were aimed at anyone else. I held Farley - still ineffectually struggling against my iron grip - up to block them, hoping maybe he’d dissuade their ire. Unfortunately for him, the poor dude just wasn’t very popular and they peppered the fucker. Looked like silver too, from the way his extremities combusted. At least he’d had the foresight to wear a bulletproof vest.

  I dove to the side, out of the line of fire and, when I came back up, did my best Captain America impersonation - using Farley as my shield. I threw him with everything I had, nailing the vamps right in the middle of their lineup. Woo, bowling for assholes!

  There wasn’t time to gloat, though. What we were trying to do was painfully obvious, and our enemies closed in on us to put a stop to that shit. Theodora and Yehoshua took up positions to the left of me, engaging the Jahafeet - or whatever - while Gan raced forward on my right, intent on doling out some justice to the vampire traitors.

  Two of the monsters, still in their rock forms, came straight at me, but they didn’t expect me to come equipped with Gan’s speed. My claws extended, I erased both of their faces before they could even properly raise their clubs against me.

  I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Sheila had cleared the door of the last of the creatures blocking it open. We just needed to buy her a few more minutes.

  I turned back to the fight at hand, thinking that now would be the perfect time to knock Mark’s fucking head off his shoulders. I caught sight of his still grinning face, but he was backing up, letting the others swarm out before him. He was obviously trying to goad me into following, but as much as I’d grown to dislike him during our short acquaintance, I wasn’t that stupid.

  The four of us formed up into a loosely knit defense in f
ront of the door, trying to keep anything from getting past us. Even with two Dracs on our side, though, that was gonna be tough.

  Their initial clumsy charge repelled, the Jahabich began to line up in a formation similar to how they’d kept me and my friends penned down below - turning themselves into a living wall.

  At least several bodies deep from what I could see, they began to press forward. Every time we’d smash one to bits, another would take its place. They weren’t even trying to attack, just force us back - their goal obviously the opposite of ours, to keep the damned door open.

  And they were going to do it too if we didn’t hurry. As powerful as we were, they started pushing us back. Even Theodora’s fury, tossing the monsters aside like they were ragdolls, didn’t stem the tide.

  A small breeze on the back of my neck caught my attention, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Sheila was pulling the blast door shut - the massive structure moving silently and without much effort.

  “Wait for her to get it at least three quarters of the way,” Yehoshua said from the far side of our line where he’d just put his fist through a Jahabich skull, exploding it like a freaky-ass pumpkin.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t think we were going to make it. Sheila was only about a quarter of the way there, and the enemy was rapidly gaining ground. We may as well have been trying to fend off an avalanche with a snow shovel.

  It didn’t help that we couldn’t put our guard down to just push back either. The few vampires remaining on their end had regrouped. They were firing shots over the Jahabich, hoping for a hit on us - keeping us dodging and weaving...and occasionally throwing a severed rocky limb their way.

  Bright flashes of white light lit up the room from behind us and I had little doubt of the source. They were trying to shoot Sheila too, but she was ready for them - her shield flaring up whenever they were spot on with their aim. That in of itself was another danger. If one of us was too close to her when that happened, it was going to hurt.

  Fuck me. Talk about choosing between the fire and the frying pan.