The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  I tried not to look at my friends. Despite the dire seriousness of the situation, I knew they were all smirking like morons.

  Gan pulled back and glanced around. “I am happy that you survived, beloved, and I see that you have found your whore.”

  “Hold on,” Sally said, her eyes narrowing. “Are you talking about me?”

  Thankfully, Alex spared us that ugly scene. “What is the meaning of this, Wanderer? I ordered...requested...that you take charge of the counterattack.” His slip-up definitely did not go unnoticed. Was it possible the events of the day had ruffled even his legendarily stoic feathers?

  Unfortunately, James decided not to acknowledge the snafu. “It is done. There are straggles of resistance remaining, but the others are hunting them down as we speak. The main force, however, is in retreat. I have to admit it’s odd, though. One moment, they seemed resolute to fight to the last, and then the next, they had all but given up.”

  Alexander seemed to debate what to say next. He could technically still do to us whatever the fuck he wanted to and the others probably couldn’t say shit. On the flip side, vampire politics were a fucked up lot - all sorts of bullshit ceremony and such. “Any victory should not be frowned upon.”

  “I agree, but it was a costly one.”

  “Indeed,” Vargas agreed. “We haven’t counted the dead yet...”

  “Fodder is easily replaced,” Alex interrupted. “Now if you’ll excuse...”

  “I beg to differ,” James said. “We lost many dignitaries from amongst our allies, not the least of which were the humans.” He glanced over at me on that one. I pretended to find something interesting on the wall to study. “They are even now demanding answers. Druaga himself...”

  “Fled during the first moments.”

  “He has returned and is demanding to know who is accountable for the lapse in security when he was assured this facility was nigh unbreachable.”

  “I am not sure I like your tone, Wanderer.”

  James appeared to consider things. He glanced sideways at Vargas, who made it a point to look at his shoes. Finally, just as I was about to think he was gonna puss out, he said, “I believe the First have more important matters than tone to deal with, dear brother. Those recruits betrayed us. How is that even possible? They were insulated, compelled to loyalty.”

  “I am well aware of that.” The cadence of Alex’s voice was rapidly turning to one of annoyance. Despite his bullshit about the First being a council of equals, it was plainly obvious that was shit on toast. “Our enemy, The Destroyer, is...”

  “Is simply not that powerful,” James interrupted. A murmuring began in the ranks behind him. He quieted them with a glance, but I found myself wondering if both his appearance and choice of topics were not quite as coincidental as I had initially assumed.

  “To defeat one...maybe even more of us…is conceivable. But to overcome our combined measures? That speaks of power that, even as a Freewill, he should not have in his possession. Then there is the concern of the Jahabich. They are creatures of chaos. Why did they attack us here, and how has Vehron allied himself with them?”

  “We do not know that to be true, Wanderer. The traitors may have simply seen an opening and a mutual enemy.”

  “Then why didn’t those assholes just steamroll Farley and his pig-fucker buddies?” All eyes in the wide expanse of hallway turned toward me. I really needed to remember to keep my fucking mouth shut during times like these.

  Alex’s eyes actually flashed black, but James spoke up before he could order the masses to shit-stomp me. “Dr. Death has a valid point, even if he expressed it a bit colorfully. This was an unforeseen alliance. It means all of our assumptions may have been incorrect. Our intelligence has been compromised, as has our integrity. The entire war effort is in jeopardy while...”

  “Integrity, Wanderer?” Alex asked, an eyebrow raised. “A curious word to use. I would ask what you mean by it.”

  Oh crap. During the discourse, my friends had all gravitated closer to me. I glanced around and met the eyes of my roommates. They both echoed what I’d been thinking. Whatever James was doing seemed purposeful, but he’d possibly just taken it a step too far - shown his trump card before he was ready. He’d just potentially declared himself an enemy to Alex’s cause - something that had already cost two other Draculas their lives today.

  James seemed to realize his misstep. He paused just long enough to let doubt slip in to the crowd, but before he could say more, Alex continued. “While we speak of integrity, I am forced to question your own. Your arm. Have you forgotten your penance - your vow of absolution in the wake of your failure?”

  Fuck me, but I am an unobservant dickhead sometimes. I hadn’t even realized that James was sporting both of his arms again - the appendage having obviously grown back sometime during the fight.

  That started the gathered masses muttering again. Vargas glanced sidelong at James and took the slightest step away as if distancing himself.

  Just like that, Alex had turned the tide back against...

  “I believe the Wanderer has earned his absolution in full.”

  The entire assembly turned at the sound. I was no exception, craning my neck to look past Alex. It wasn’t possible. The voice that had made the statement belonged to a dead man.

  Despite that certainty, Yehoshua strode down the hall toward us. He was battered to all hell, his clothes practically rags hanging from his body, but he walked tall and resolute. In his wake followed three more of the First and their own contingent of soldiers.

  Alex was facing their direction, but I caught a look at his profile, and he was as utterly gobsmacked as the rest of us. Fuck, yeah. If I could bottle that look, I’d enjoy a glass of it on every holiday.

  “You...”

  “I am of the First. We do not die so easily,” Yehoshua said.

  Alex’s mask of neutrality quickly dropped back down. “So I see.”

  “Hold on,” I said, once more risking a beating for interrupting dudes who outranked and outclassed me by a shit-ton. “I saw you fall into their arms. How do we know...?” I let the question linger even though I hated to do it. One didn’t turn their nose up at a potential lifeline when it was offered, but I knew the tricks the Jahabich had at their disposal. If even one of them managed to infiltrate the most powerful group of vampires on the planet, we might as well all snap off broomsticks and shove them up our asses until they impaled our hearts.

  “Jackass here is right,” Sally said, her head tilting to the side as if remembering. “Those things can impersonate...”

  “Be at peace, my friends.” He smiled, showing off his teeth - his gleaming white, normal teeth.

  I could have filled up one of the Macy’s Day balloons with my sigh of relief.

  “Landing in the arms of the enemy,” he continued, “does not mean falling before them. It simply means one must prove their mettle that much more thoroughly.” He stepped forward, joined by the others of the First. There were seven currently present, a majority. He stopped and faced Sheila. “What I find odder than my survival, however, are the circumstances which made it necessary.”

  “It was an accident.” She opened her mouth to say more, but Yehoshua held up a hand.

  “That I believe. I heard the gunshot before the door was shut upon me.”

  He turned toward Alex. “Curious that it came from one of our own while a truce was in effect.”

  “Yet another traitor,” Alex replied. “He was immediately dispatched for his disloyalty.”

  “We seem to have a problem with traitors, I would say,” James added, earning a nasty glare from Alex.

  “Indeed,” Yehoshua replied. “Even more so since none of our elite guard have been to the compromised prefecture. It is most concerning.”

  “What are you implying, brother?” Alex asked, his tone dangerous.

  “Nothing, my friend. We are of the First and above reproach, after all. I d
o believe it warrants investigation, though.”

  “I would beg to differ. One lone dissident among the bunch shouldn’t require such an expenditure of resources in these dire times.”

  “Perhaps you are right,” Yehoshua said with a measured smile. “But we must not forget this day as we move forward to repair the bridges sundered.”

  And there it was. I was no mind reader, but I was pretty sure that Yehoshua and James had more or less just backed Alex into a corner. They were all “above reproach,” as each had said, thus any divide between them - anything that could cause doubt within the masses - would be a massive blow to Alex’s efforts. No amount of compulsion could contain that kind of dissent forever.

  A moment passed, feeling more like an eternity, when Yehoshua asked, “Theodora?”

  Oh fuck.

  Alex immediately regained his composure. Though his expression was grim, his eyes sparkled as he delivered the news. “Slain...”

  Oh shit!

  “...by the Shining One.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Alex pointed a finger and a collective gasp rose from the crowd, except maybe from Gan, who continued staring lovingly at me - little freak. Unfortunately, there was that beyond reproach thing again, this time biting us right in the ass.

  “I mourn for my sister, but I say it is fortuitous you have all arrived when you did, for I was just informing the Icon and her thrall,” Alex looked directly at me, “that her treachery effectively nullified our truce. You yourself saw us when you arrived, Wanderer, did you not? She and the witch were poised to attack, hoping to add yet another of the First to the scores of those slain today. Can you deny it, brother?”

  I hoped to Hell James would, for once, drop protocol and tell Alex to go take a flying leap onto an eighteen-inch studded iron dildo, but he simply shook his head. “I cannot.”

  “Then I say, before we can move forward, before we can regain the trust of our allies, before we can once again reassure the world that the First are unbowed and unbroken, we must conclude the matter for which we have gathered. The Icon and, by virtue of their association, the Freewill, the witch, and the two humans must be judged. I say they are guilty. Who amongst you disagree?”

  Fuck me. This wasn’t good. Alex might be in deep shit, but he was still a good swimmer while my friends and I all had hundred-pound anchors around our necks. Worse, Sheila’s aura of faith started to form around her. Don’t get me wrong - I’d fight and gladly die by her side, but I really didn’t want to...at least, not that death part.

  No voices dissented, so I raised my hand in a desperate bid to do anything to change our course. “If I might...”

  “You may not.” Alex’s voice was iron - cold, victorious iron. “You forfeited any say in the matter the second you allied yourself with this creature. And for what - love? An emotion for foolish children, nothing more.”

  Hey! I resemble that remark!

  Sheila glanced toward me. Our eyes met and hers held resolve in them. I desperately mouthed “Wait” to her, hoping for some flash of inspiration, but I could see the sadness in her eyes as she gave but a single shake of her head.

  “I sentence you to...”

  “Wait!” Yehoshua cried, his eyes darkening and his fangs descending. “You speak of love dismissively, Alexander, but I know its wonderfully cruel sting. This abomination has taken from me one who was more than sister in darkness. I claim right of vengeance.”

  “Such is his right.”

  “I am well aware of our laws, Wanderer,” Alex spat. He took a moment and composed himself again, but I could see it was taking some effort. “Vengeance is yours, Brother Yehoshua, so swears Alexander of Macedon. The sentence is death, but I grant you their execution. Dispatch them as you will.”

  Yehoshua stepped forward, eyes still blackened. Sheila raised her sword and her body erupted into white flame. I stepped to her side, close enough to char my skin. Ed took up a spot alongside of me, and Christy and Tom did likewise opposite us.

  “It’s been fun, guys.”

  “A fucking blast,” Tom replied, grinning, of all things.

  “I know this is bad timing,” I turned to Sheila, “but before we die, you really need to know how much I lo...”

  “I will not dirty my hands upon these creatures,” Yehoshua said.

  “What?” Sheila asked, her head alternating between the two of us.

  “Huh?” I muttered, quickly averting my gaze from her piercing silver eyes.

  Yehoshua took a step back and addressed the crowd. “Their sentence is death, but the method is mine to choose.” He looked back toward us, and his eyes had turned back to their normal brown. I expected to see rage smoldering within them, but instead I saw...understanding. “I sentence the Shining One to death at the hands of Vehron the Destroyer. Let these two cancers destroy each other.”

  “What?!” Alex roared. “You cannot...”

  “The right is mine, and my right is beyond reproach, Alexander of Macedon. Do you deny that? Do you break your oath?”

  Alex’s own fangs descended, but he held his tongue. All eyes, especially those of the present First, were on him and he knew it.

  “Very well,” Yehoshua continued. “Her allies are similarly sentenced. They will go forth and face the monster that has breached our walls today. May justice be served in whatever outcome fate so chooses.”

  Murmurs of assent were heard throughout the crowd. I couldn’t believe it. In one fell swoop, we were back on the path we’d originally planned on, this time with the blessing of the folks in charge - sorta.

  I turned to Sheila. “What do you say? I know you didn’t want to do things this way.”

  She considered this for a moment before answering. When she did, it was slow and deliberate. “I didn’t want to be the aggressor, turn into a monster. But if this vampire is the cause of all of this, then he’s a threat to everyone - innocent or not. I say let’s do this.”

  I smiled and made to give her a thumbs-up, but she wasn’t finished.

  “Also, I really want to hear the rest of what you were trying to say back there.”

  “Uhh...”

  “Think about it. I’m sure the words will come back to you.”

  “This all makes for fine theater,” Alex said, barely concealed contempt in his voice, “but we cannot trust them to stay true to their path. To let them walk free without...”

  “If I may, Lord Alexander,” James said.

  “You wish to accompany them? I will not allow it.”

  “Nor would I ask it. There is far too much to be done. The First are no longer whole, and that must be remedied. I was simply going to nominate a trusted minder to oversee that the sentence is carried out.”

  Gan looked up at me, a big smile on her face. Oh no, not her.

  “Sally.”

  “What? You cannot be serious,” Alex spat.

  “Indeed I am,” James replied. “You yourself exonerated her, proclaimed her loyal to our cause. I will likewise vouch for her integrity. I dare say she is also experienced with the foes who attacked us today. Should they indeed be allied with the Cult of Ib, she will prove most useful in devising an appropriate response.”

  “Wait a second,” Sally said, a wary look on her face. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the right person for this job.”

  “I concur with the whore,” Gan added unhelpfully.

  “Quite the contrary,” James replied, ignoring the munchkin. “You are the perfect choice for all the reasons I stated.”

  “But...”

  “As far as protecting our charge, would I be overstepping my bounds, Brother Yehoshua, if I were to include as part of their sentence that the accused are to make every effort to guarantee our emissary’s safety?”

  “Please indulge yourself, Wanderer.”

  “So be it.” James turned to me. “Freewill, Icon, Magi, and...friends, know that should any harm com
e to Sally, whatever extension your pitiful lives have been granted, shall be immediately forfeit.”

  Maybe it was me, but I could have sworn James threw a quick wink my way. Whatever the case, I quickly nodded my assent. “I swear, my life for hers.” Glancing back toward Sally, I saw her roll her eyes.

  There was hope for us yet. It wasn’t much and we were certainly walking into a far more dangerous situation than we’d originally thought.

  Even so, it was better than nothing. We had a chance and I, for one, was going to take it.

  The Magically Mystifying Epilogue

  I never thought I’d be so glad to sit on our cheap-ass couch. Once my ass was planted, though, I could have stayed there for an eternity. I really needed a shower, still clad in my burnt up body armor. My clothes smelled like they were close to gaining sentience, but they’d hold for a bit longer.

  More bickering had ensued in the underground halls of the bunker, lasting long enough so that eventually more, including the rest of the Draculas, joined us. I wasn’t overly pleased to see several other high-ranking dick-biscuits had likewise survived the onslaught, Colin and François chief among them, but that’s the problem with bad pennies - they keep turning up. Maybe that wouldn’t be the case for long, though. It was hopefully only a matter of time before someone remembered that Colin had been the one to coordinate our arrest - including the assignment of Farley and his buddies. I had a feeling that particular checkmark wouldn’t look all that great on his undead résumé.

  Couldn’t happen to a nicer asshole.

  Alex, unfortunately, would be a much bigger problem. Though he’d been momentarily outmaneuvered by James and Yehoshua, I had a feeling any loss of face on his part would be temporary at best. From what little bit of history I’d read up on him, he was the type who made sure that whoever gave him a bloody nose got their face chopped off in return. If I hadn’t made an enemy of him before, I sure as shit had now.

  Sadly, a lot of questions were still left unanswered. I’d hoped for a chance to speak with James before departing, but Christy had ixnayed that. The moment the majority of the Dracs agreed to our sentence, she’d ordered us to link hands - making a point of grabbing Sally’s, despite her protests. Before we’d even had a chance to offer the Draculas a complimentary “fuck you” as way of goodbye, she’d zapped us out of there.