The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “Two for the price of one,” Calibra purred. “First her, so you can watch, then you.”

  I spat a wad of blood into her face. “Sorry, bitch, but there’s only one person who’s going to be on the bottom of this threesome, and it ain’t either of us.”

  Before she could retort, or finish fricasseeing me from the inside out, I emptied the contents of the vial into my mouth and swallowed.

  There wasn’t a lot, barely enough to taste, but Gan had insisted that was fine. It wasn’t quantity so much as quality – a drop from each of the vampires at her command, including herself.

  The blood hit my stomach and I realized my wannabe paramour had understated her case. With Dr. Death’s power at my disposal, I was the physical match of ancient vamps such as Alex or Vehron. This blood, however, was like lighting a grill with liquid oxygen. I had no way of knowing the combined ages of all the donors, but if it was under two thousand years, you could have colored me surprised.

  Calibra mirrored my shock once I slammed a fist into the side of her stupid witch face, hard enough to rip the bottom of her jaw clean off.

  Her arm pulled free of me and she simultaneously dropped Sally, who’d been exploring whether blue was a good color for her complexion.

  It really wasn’t.

  Calibra staggered back a step, her body glowing, then someone threw themselves at her knees from behind and she went down on her ass.

  “Meg?”

  The witch looked up at me from her prone position, awake, and still herself for at least the moment. “Please don’t hit me again.”

  “Are you ... you?”

  “I don’t know. I think so.”

  “Good enough.”

  I took a moment to drop to one knee next to Sally, who was just now starting to regain her normal color. “You okay, Smurfette?”

  She gurgled, her neck still healing, but managed to hold up a mangled hand and flip me off.

  “You know, with half your index finger missing, it looks like you’re pointing at the ceiling. Kinda dorky, really.”

  “Meg!” Kelly and Veronica were racing in to help, but I had more important matters for them to attend to.

  I hauled Sally to her feet. “Get her back to her sisters, now, then see what you can do to help Christy.” I turned to Meg. “You, try not to change.”

  “I’ll do my best, but this feels really weird.”

  “Do what you can. If you feel yourself changing, get away from them. I’ll see what I can do about pulling Mommy’s leash off of you once and for all.”

  That was all the time I could spare.

  Calibra was getting back to her feet, her face already re-growing the parts I’d clubbed off. It was time to see if I could make that damage a bit more permanent.

  I doubted the boost from the blood milkshake would last long. There’d been precious little of it, but with any luck, it would be enough. I closed the distance between us and brought all my strength to bear. There was no time to waste. No more clawing at each other like the supernatural version of a slap fight.

  Every blow I threw was done with the intent of killing this fucking witch and sending her to whatever Hell she was thousands of years overdue in visiting.

  Head Games

  Calibra wasn’t stupid by any stretch. She saw that, perhaps for the first time in her long life, she was physically outclassed. But that still didn’t make the job easy.

  She managed to parry me, if just barely, as I went after her chest ... and not just in the interest of seeing her tits again either.

  “Kick her ass for all of us, Bill!”

  I caught a glimpse of Tom. He was standing with Ed on the very fringe of the battle. Amazingly enough, both were alive and apparently doing their best to keep out of the way of beings more than capable of kicking their asses. Tom’s chest was still sparking energy, but at least he wasn’t shooting out death rays anymore.

  Reinvigorated, knowing I had a cheering section watching me, I threw them a quick thumbs up, then raked a clawed hand at Calibra’s face.

  She uttered something unintelligible and a purple half dome of energy rose up between us, but not before I’d taken a chunk out of the arm trying to block me.

  It was a quick and dirty spell, only half formed, but it would serve to cockblock me long enough for her to get something more substantial going. I needed to make sure that didn’t happen.

  I extended my claws to their maximum and tried to force my way through. I’d seen enough science fiction to know that force fields could only take so much before they overloaded the generator. Fine, maybe the odds of Calibra blowing up were pretty slim, but let a guy hope.

  That didn’t happen, but the walls of the magical barrier began to bend under my assault, allowing me to inch ever closer to my target.

  Her eyes met mine and momentarily flashed ... orange? That was a new color. Maybe it meant...

  “MOTHER!”

  Oh, that’s what it meant.

  Jahabich from all over the cavern disengaged from whatever they were doing and began marching my way. In the end, her unwanted children were her last hope. Kinda ironic in a way. Sucky, too, at least for me.

  Heavy footsteps sounded behind me – Jahabich closing in from my six. I braced myself for whatever they could hit me with.

  But then there came a screech, like that of metal scraping against rock, followed by several thuds. I risked a quick look over my shoulder to find three dead Jahabich on the ground and Sheila standing over them as more converged on us.

  “I’ve got your back. Finish her.”

  Oh, I really could have kissed her right then – if I wasn’t sweaty, covered in gore, and it wouldn’t have gotten us both killed. Instead, I flashed her my most grateful smile and turned back to the task at hand ... just in time to catch a knee to the crotch, one moving with enough force to upend a truck. Sadly, Calibra wasn’t out of the fight yet, and definitely wasn’t above fighting dirty. The pain, immense as it was, only lasted for a moment before my healing took over, but what a long moment it was.

  The stars finally cleared from my eyes and I saw that the dome was still up in front of her, but a multi-hued ball of energy had formed in her hands. Strong and fast as I was, she had me point blank. There was no way I could dodge before she blew a hole in me wide enough to step through.

  I braced myself for it and threw everything I had into one last-ditch attack, hoping to at least take her with me.

  And then the power of both spells abruptly dissipated as the tip of a sword erupted from her stomach.

  Calibra’s eyes opened wide in shock, more so when the blade was given a twist for extra measure.

  Truth be told, I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved, angry, or terrified when Alex lifted his head over her shoulder and smiled at me.

  “Well done, Freewill.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “A tactical mistake, my dear Ib,” he whispered in her ear. He continued to work the blade in her while wrapping the claws of his free hand around her throat. “You focused your forces solely on one foe, allowing them to disengage from an equally dangerous adversary.”

  I was flattered. All it took was for me to master my Freewill power and then amp myself up above and beyond my limits for Alex to acknowledge me as a peer, however temporary that might be.

  And temporary it definitely was. Already I could feel the boost from the blood wearing off.

  “In case you’re wondering,” I said to him, “I’m not going to argue about who gets the honor. Dead is dead in my book, no matter who writes the last chapter.”

  “Wisely said. However, there is also the matter of this place and the power she has been drawing upon,” he replied casually, as if he’d just strolled in for a quick bite of lunch.

  “Not disagreeing in the least,” I offered, keeping one eye on Calibra. If she so much as blinked the wrong way, I would tear her arms off and shove them in different openings. “But maybe we can tal
k about real estate after she’s dead.”

  “Not to belabor the point,” Sheila said from somewhere behind me, “but any minute now would be just dandy.”

  I glanced back to find her still fighting the Jahabich, and she wasn't alone. James, along with several other vampires, had formed a rough circle around us to stave off the Jahabich, who seemed desperate to save their master. Gone was their normal method of fighting as one cohesive unit. Now, it seemed that each individual was making a play at it, only to be replaced by another when that one was destroyed.

  Cries of “Mother!” echoed throughout the cavern, sounding more like pleas for mercy than anything.

  “What she said,” I replied, hooking a thumb Sheila’s way.

  “Wait,” Calibra gasped, coughing up blood. Fast as her healing was, Alex was ensuring it didn’t have a chance to take hold. “I am the only one who can control The Source. I am one with it. Destroy me and you shall never know its secrets.”

  Alex let out a laugh, almost genuine sounding. He let go of her throat to pull something out of a pocket. It was a small flask. He gave his sword one more twist in Calibra’s gut, causing her – and subsequently the Jahabich – to cry out, then he yanked it out of her. Lifting the blade, he proceeded to coat it with whatever was in the flask.

  He then bent down to her ear again. “Do you honestly think I don’t know that? I am Alexander of the First. I am lord and master of all the covens of this world and all the vampires within them ... including you.”

  With that, he severed her head from her body with one clean swipe. I let out both a whoop of joy at the sight, as well as a massive sigh of relief. For a second there, I thought he might actually consider joining up with her. I mean, wasn’t that what the bad guys usually did?

  A howl of pain rose up from every Jahabich present as they abruptly ceased fighting, almost as if stunned at what had transpired and unsure of what to do next. It echoed for several long seconds before fading away, along with the last of their resistance.

  “Much better,” Alex remarked.

  I found it odd that none of the Magi seemed to race to their precious White Mother’s side. Maybe the whole vampire business had freaked them out.

  If so, then this next part was the topper on that cake. Calibra’s body burst aflame and melted into a puddle of goo. Not the usual way vamps went, but then she was a unique case.

  It took me a moment to realize the problem.

  Her body was no more, but her head was still there, staring creepily up at us, the eyes darting back and forth.

  That’s when it hit me. “No! You can’t be serious.”

  Rather than answer, Alex sent out a compulsion. “TO ME!!”

  It was wickedly powerful, but seemed to be focused elsewhere. He held up a hand and snapped his fingers, loud in the suddenly quiet cave.

  From the back, near the tunnels leading in, someone began pushing their way forward. It took me a few moments to make out any features among the sea of creatures still present, but then I caught a glimpse of his face.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

  Colin stepped past James, nodded once to his former boss, then walked up to Alex and presented him with a jar of blood. It was eerily similar to the ones I’d seen in a certain bedroom closet. Alex removed the lid, picked up Calibra’s severed head, and placed it inside, where it stared out at us with a look of horror upon its face.

  “A fitting trophy to replace those lost to me,” he said softly, looking at his new prize almost reverently. Then, as if not enough salt had been thrown in my wounds, he threw me a wink.

  Such an asshole.

  Showdown at the Earth’s Core

  The circle around us widened, giving me a greater view of the area. The Jahabich had indeed disengaged from the battle. They stood around, still very much alive, but unmoving. It was almost as if they’d crashed and were waiting for someone to reboot them. Sadly, the guy with the keys to the server room was worse than any virus I could imagine.

  I looked around and realized the answer to my question on where the Magi were. Turns out the vast majority of them were dead. Though I couldn’t see the entirety of the cavern from my vantage point, the bodies littering the floor were evident. Many had been torn to pieces, which brought to mind a certain little psycho who I hadn’t seen since the start of this debacle. I had no idea where she was, but I had a feeling the little ragamuffin wasn’t so easily disposed of.

  For now, though, I had bigger fish to fry.

  The remains of the First Coven gathered around Alex, although I can’t say their faces were entirely happy ones. Still, they kept their opinions to themselves. That is, until James stepped forward. “Is that wise, Lord Alexander?”

  Alex, for his part, seemed enraptured by the newest addition to his bookshelf. It took him a moment to realize he’d been addressed. “Ah, Wanderer. Why do you say that?”

  “Calibra ... Ib is infinitely dangerous. She hid among us unseen for countless eons.”

  “Right under your nose, if I recall correctly,” Alex remarked, still staring at Calibra’s noggin.

  “Yes,” James replied uncomfortably, the dig definitely not lost upon him. “Be that as it may, I will remind you of recent events with the Destroyer. Ib might be neutralized, but that does not mean she will remain so. She still has followers, believers. The Magi, if they learn of this...”

  “Will be dealt with accordingly. Speaking of which,” Alex turned his gaze toward James, “there is the matter of your absence.”

  “I was held prisoner.”

  “As I am well aware, just as I am also aware that Ib’s machinations have been moving forward for some time now. I am sorry to say, Wanderer, but before I can accept your counsel again, we must be certain you are yourself and have not become yet another of those machinations.”

  There it was, Alex’s genius on display – sowing doubt among the rest of the Dracs that perhaps James’s word could not be trusted. Mind you, that was total fucking bullshit, especially since he was advocating killing the very same person he’d be going out of his way to save if he was a Jahabich. Despite this, none of the other Draculas spoke up in James’s defense. Fucking cowards.

  “So be it,” Alex said before I could open my mouth. “A glorious day, my brothers and sisters. The false goddess has fallen. We now control that which she so jealously hoarded. Once we plumb the mysteries the so-called Source has to offer, we shall remake the world in our own image. None shall stand against us. An eternity of peace is within our grasp. A new era begins today.”

  “No!” Sheila stood from where she and Sally had been trying to help Christy. She put her hand on the grip of her still sheathed weapon.

  “Shining One,” Alex replied, sounding entirely unperturbed by her challenge. “You have my gratitude for your assistance. Know that the word of Alexander is law. As such, I grant you the thirty-day reprieve from persecution that was agreed upon.” He glanced down at the still unconscious Christy. “You and your allies may leave this place. None shall stand in your way and no harm shall come to you. Unless, that is, you choose to break your bond.”

  The threat was obvious, but Sheila was ready for him. “Me? You’re the one who broke your word first.”

  Alex raised an eyebrow, seeming genuinely curious. “A serious accusation against my honor. Did I harm you when last we met? Have I or any of my people moved against you in this battle? I think not.”

  “What about the Templar, you bastard?”

  “The Templar?” he asked. “I have not seen them since the Destroyer fell.”

  “You’re a liar,” she said, drawing some serious shade from the other Dracs. Toadies they might be, but they didn’t take kindly to smack talk.

  “I caution you,” Gaius said from behind Alex, “speak your next words carefully, Shining One.”

  “I don’t need to speak carefully,” she spat before addressing Alex again. “You had the Templar killed. Had t
hem turned into monsters like yourself.”

  “I did no such thing,” he replied.

  I stepped over next to her. “It’s true. I saw it. They were all turned.”

  “Not by my hand.”

  “Maybe not.” I pointed a finger at Colin. “But you don’t need to get your hands dirty when you have your fucking lackey around.”

  Alex turned to Colin, who looked as if he desperately wished to be invisible at that moment. “Is this true?”

  “My l-lord,” Colin stammered. “I thought it best to contain the potential threat they represented.”

  “IS THIS TRUE?!”

  “Yes,” Colin blurted out robotically.

  Something akin to actual annoyance appeared on Alex’s face. I got the impression a certain greasy vamp had been acting on his own authority again. “Why would you do this?”

  “Victory is ours, my lord,” Colin replied. “We need not apologize to lesser beings for our actions. We...”

  “You know that my word is law and yet you thought to impugn my honor?”

  “No, I...” He turned to James. “Wanderer, please.”

  James simply crossed his arms and said nothing to his former assistant.

  “Kneel,” Alex said.

  “My lord?”

  “KNEEL!!”

  Colin dropped to his knees. Alex didn’t put him fully under, however. Though his legs weren’t under his control, the look on his face said he was painfully, and terrifyingly, aware of what was happening.

  Alex turned to Sheila. “Despite what my Prefect here would have you believe, I do offer my apologies. What happened was not by my command. Though he has served my people well for four centuries, such slights cannot be overlooked. As recompense for his dishonorable actions, his life is yours.”

  Sheila wasn’t having any of it, though. “I don’t want his life. I want...”

  “Fuck that,” Sally said abruptly. “I do.” She stood and drew the sword from Sheila’s side. “Mind if I borrow this?”

  Sheila seemed to be taken by surprise and didn’t immediately move to protest. As for Sally, though her hands were already blistering from the touch of the weapon, she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she was smiling.