The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  I sat up and realized why. The light had changed. Gone was the perpetual blood-red glow. In its stead, the crystals gave off a twinkling twilight.

  I pulled myself to my feet to get a better look around, or at least did after the third try. It felt as if I’d been run over by a dump truck. Every inch of me hurt.

  At last, my head cleared and I remembered what had happened and who had done it.

  Tom!

  Sheila!

  I started toward where The Source lay, but then heard movement behind me.

  Not thinking much of it in my beaten down state, I turned, only to be greeted by Alex’s eyes staring daggers into my own.

  He did not look happy.

  His hand shot out and once more wrapped itself around my throat. Then he echoed the words Calibra had spoken in my head.

  “What have you done?”

  Dust in the Wind

  I expected my head to be torn right off, but Alex wasn’t gripping me with the strength he had before. In fact, it wasn’t nearly the same.

  Was he playing with me?

  Unpleasant as it was to be choked, I could still draw enough breath to respond. “The ... usual. Fucking things up for guys like you.” It was an empty gesture on my part, useless against a vampire like Alex, but I pulled my arm back and socked him in the jaw nevertheless.

  It was a solid blow, against myself anyway, and I felt something crack in my hand.

  Fuck, that hurt!

  Amazingly enough, though, Alex’s head snapped to the side. He released me and staggered back a few steps. When he looked at me again, a trickle of blood was leaking out the side of his mouth.

  He wiped it with his hand and stared at it incredulously. “You...”

  That was pretty much my reaction, too. I was as surprised as he was, but not as much as with what happened next.

  He balled his hands into fists, no doubt preparing to dole out some serious hurt upon my personage. I should have moved to defend myself, but I was too busy staring at him. What the fuck? Maybe it was the fucked up lighting, but his arms, normally toned and looking like they were made for smacking the shit out of guys like me, appeared all withered and veiny.

  He noticed it, too. “What is this?” His voice came out choked and surly, almost as if he’d decided to smoke a century’s worth of cigarettes in the last few seconds.

  Whatever was happening wasn’t finished yet. His hair turned from blonde to grey, then began to fall out. His skin cracked and became brittle.

  “Noooooo!” he croaked just before his eyes collapsed in on themselves. His skin turned to dust and melted off his bones, which then crumbled into a pile before me, before withering away to nothing.

  Holy Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Batman! What the fuck had just happened? Whatever the case, my heart leapt into my throat as I stared at the pile of moldy remains.

  Wait a second.

  No fucking way!

  My heart really was beating a mile a minute.

  My heart was actually beating!

  Just to make sure I wasn’t tripping on some bad cave dust, I placed two fingers against the side of my neck. Sure enough, I found a pulse, strong and steady, as if it had been there all along.

  Movement registered beyond where Alex’s remains lay. I turned to look, but couldn’t make out many details. All at once, it seemed like it was way too dark and everything was ... motherfucker! Everything beyond a few feet had suddenly become blurry, as if I were nearsighted again.

  I instinctively reached for my back pocket ... only to find nothing but a melted lump of crushed metal and glass. Goddamn it! Those were three-hundred-dollar frames!

  Fuck my life!

  I squinted, compensating for my shitty vision as best I could. My ears were able to confirm what I struggled to see, though – that more of the same was happening all around. Vampires were crying out, only to be silenced as their bodies aged and crumpled.

  In a panic, I looked down at my own hands, but they appeared normal. A bit bruised, but otherwise they were just my hands – the ones I had seen every day for years as I’d programmed, played video games, or touched myself in inappropriate ways.

  “I would not worry if I were you, Dr. Death.”

  I spun toward the sound of the voice and saw James walking toward me with Sally by his side. My heart leapt for joy at seeing they’d survived, but then a lump caught in my throat.

  James’s hair, normally brown and looking like it was ready for a fashion shoot, had already turned grey. “Near as I can tell,” he said, “all of those present are reverting to their natural ages. Since you are, in actuality, still in your twenties, I believe the effects will be barely noticeable.”

  “But how?”

  “The Source. You and your friends did it. The wellspring has been closed. In doing so, it would seem that whatever made us what we were has been sent back to wherever it belongs. Unexpected, perhaps, but not an entirely poor outcome, I would say.”

  I gasped as his once toned arms began to shrivel. “There has to be something we can do. Maybe we can...”

  He held up a hand to silence me. “Time waits for no man. It catches up to us all eventually. If anything, I have had the privilege of living far beyond my normal years. I have seen wonders few men alive have and now ... this. Trust me, my friend, I have no regrets.”

  He turned toward Sally. She smiled at him, and I spied a tear or two fall from the corners of her eyes, which she tried to wipe away before I noticed. She stepped in and kissed him on the cheek, before turning away.

  “It was truly an honor knowing you,” I said miserably. It seemed so inadequate for everything he’d done for us, but it was all I had.

  “The pleasure was all mine, Freewill.” His body began to age rapidly. Just before he fell to the ground, however, he said something that I couldn’t help but laugh at.

  “You truly were the terror that flaps in the night.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Are you okay?” I asked, stepping up to Sally.

  When she turned toward me, I saw that she’d changed ... albeit not all that dramatically. Some women just aged well and Sally was apparently one of them. Her skin had lost some of its youthful sheen and I caught the barest hint of crow’s feet when she smiled at me, but otherwise, she looked pretty darn good.

  “How bad is it?” she asked, trying to read my face as I looked her over.

  “Remember the ending of Old Yeller?” I replied solemnly. “Well, you might want to consider a trip out behind the wood shed because daaamn.”

  “Ass.” She punched me in the arm, proving she was indeed still in good shape. “Come on; let’s find the others.”

  We passed multiple piles of bones before coming to a familiar-looking glass jar ... one now filled with nothing but cloudy liquid, as if dust had mixed with the blood inside.

  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

  The vampires weren’t the only ones affected by whatever had happened. We passed by dozens of Jahabich, but gone was the ominous glow in their eyes. If anything, they seemed to be nothing but inert rock now.

  If so, then that meant...

  “This way!” Sally said, dragging me along.

  As we go closer, I caught sight of a figure that appeared to be crouched over another.

  “I’m sorry,” the one on top said, seemingly to herself.

  “Veronica?” I asked.

  “Back off!” She spun in a panic, then brought her hands up in a warding gesture. I expected to be blasted, but nothing happened save a few red sparks that fell from her fingertips before fizzling to nothing. Recognition filled her features and she immediately looked embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m a little on edge. Didn’t hear you coming.”

  “What happened?”

  She stepped aside to reveal Meg, now a lifeless statue lying upon the ground.

  “This,” she said sadly. “One minute she was her, and the next this. No matter what I tried,
I couldn’t...”

  I put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

  “We couldn’t save her, could we?”

  “No. I don’t think we could have.” I looked back at Sally and saw her wiping her eyes again. Though I couldn’t know her thoughts, she was probably thinking about Starlight. It wasn’t fair, but at least she was now free from Calibra’s control, along with all the other souls that had been trapped here. “Where are the others?”

  “Just over there,” Veronica said. “I’ll come with you.”

  We found Ed and Kelly standing guard over Christy, and they weren’t alone.

  “I don’t have the proper equipment to do a full exam here, you know,” Dave complained from where he was crouched over Christy. “Hell, I can barely see my hands in front of my face.”

  “You’re going to see my fist in your face if you don’t shut up and get back to work,” Kelly warned.

  “What she said,” Ed added before he turned and saw us approaching. “Bill!”

  He ran up and greeted us both warmly, hugs all around, at least until Sally said, “Watch those hands, mister.”

  He backed up a step, looking her over. “Sorry.”

  “You forgot to add ‘ma’am,’” I replied, before ducking another swing from her.

  “Do it and you both die,” she said.

  I leaned in toward Ed. “She’s got the looks, but she needs to work on the MILF attitude a bit.”

  “As if either of you losers would get that lucky,” she replied with a sniff before leading us over to where Dave was treating Christy on threat of an ass-beating.

  As we neared them, Sally suddenly cocked her head to one side. She bent down and retrieved a gun that had been dropped by one of the many combatants. Before I could ask what she was doing, she turned and pointed it my way.

  What the fuck?!

  Just as quickly, she lowered the barrel. “Oh, it’s you.”

  “Yeah, it’s me! You going senile in your old...?” I heard the crunch of gravel behind me and turned to make out a massive shape walking toward us from the gloom.

  It was Grulg. He’d survived, sorta anyway. Maybe it was a trick of my eyes being back to their normal sucky selves, but I could have sworn he looked ... translucent.

  “Did someone invite the snow ghost from Scooby Doo?” Ed asked.

  Whatever he was, hopefully it wasn’t some spirit of vengeance here to take revenge for all the beatings he’d endured to maintain the lie of being our prisoner.

  He stopped just short of us and took a deep breath through his nostrils. “Freewill T’lunta no more. She-T’lunta no more.”

  “So it would seem,” Sally replied.

  He nodded. “War over. No more enemies. No more stealing ... what is word?” He reached out and tapped my chest with one meaty finger. Though he might’ve been see through, he sure as hell felt solid enough, almost knocking me on my ass.

  “Um, heart? You were stealing hearts?”

  “No, stupid,” Sally said. “Remember what Calibra showed us? I think he means souls or spirits. That’s why your people hated us, isn’t it, Grulg? Vampires were a perversion of nature, stolen spirits combined with human souls.”

  Grulg nodded. “She-T’lunta smart.” He then turned to me. “Freewill T’lunta brave. Would have made good cubs.”

  Sally let out a pained sigh.

  “Grulg must go now. Can feel pull back to where Grulg and his people belong. Will miss this world. Good grubs, but time to go.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Grulg nodded, then faded away to nothing. From the sound of things, it wasn’t going to be just him either. Even so, I had a feeling it might be a while before I went camping again, just to be safe.

  “Stay down. You’re in no condition to...”

  “Get away from me before I hex you into another dimension!”

  We found Kelly helping Christy to her feet despite Dave’s protests. Fuck it all. The rest of this weirdness could wait a few moments. I needed to know she was all right.

  A bloody bandage was tied around her head and her face was black and blue, but she was awake and seemed alert.

  “Hey, you,” Sally said.

  “Hey, guys,” she replied weakly.

  I looked at Dave. “How is she?”

  “In need of an attitude transplant,” he replied. Then, after I glared at him for a few seconds, he added, “It looks worse than it is. Although I think she’s going to make some orthodontist very happy in the coming months.”

  “I think we managed to fix the worst of it before...” Kelly trailed off.

  “Before what?” Christy asked. As Dave had said, she was at least a couple teeth short of a winning smile. Still, it was a small price to pay for having pissed off the mother of all mages.

  “I actually have no idea what happened,” Kelly admitted. “One second, it was chaos and fighting. The next, poof!”

  Christy’s eyes opened wide in panic. “Oh my God! Kala, the spell...”

  I stepped in and put a hand on her shoulder. “Taken care of.”

  “What?” She turned and looked around, taking in the dead Jahabich, the piles of bones, the confused humans still milling about. “How?”

  I glanced toward Sally, a question in my eyes. She nodded. Yeah, there was no point in beating around the bush. “We stopped it, all of it, just like we planned, but...”

  “Tom?” she asked. “Where is he? Did that bitch hurt him? If so, I swear...” She gestured with her hand to no effect, save a spark or two falling to the ground. “What happened to my magic?”

  “I was kind of wondering the same thing,” Kelly added.

  “Does anyone else suddenly have a pulse again?” Dave asked from the edge of our group.

  I, along with everyone else, ignored him. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Tom and Sheila, they did a very brave thing. They figured out a way to stop the...”

  “The Source!” Christy cried out, pointing. “What happened to The Source?”

  I’d been so caught up in, well, being alive – and not just metaphorically – that I’d forgotten about it. I followed her gaze. Gone was the pool of orange glowing jizz. In its place appeared to be nothing more than the granddaddy of all mud puddles.

  “What’s that?” Kelly asked.

  I squinted, but couldn’t see anything aside from a big blotch of brown. “What?”

  “There’s someone in there!” she cried.

  There was?

  I hated to admit it, but watching what had happened when Sheila’s powers combined with the energy inside of Tom, I hadn’t even dared to hope that anything was left of them. It had just seemed so ... impossible.

  “Let’s go,” Sally said, leading the way.

  Christy, though looking halfway to death’s door, somehow found the strength to follow us as we made our way to the shore of what was once the gateway of all magic in this world, now closed, hopefully forever.

  Once we got close enough, I made out something. Was hard to tell without my glasses, but it appeared to be a big-ass lump of mud.

  Except, as we neared it, I realized it was sobbing softly. At first, I thought it might be some new form of Jahabich risen from the muck, but then, as we gathered around, I realized I was mistaken.

  It was Sheila, covered head to toe in grime, but somehow alive.

  The wound on her arm was still bleeding badly and at first I thought that was the cause of her pain, but then, as I stepped up to help her, I saw how wrong I was.

  In her arms was the charred plastic form of a Max Adventure doll.

  I knelt down in front of her. “Tom?”

  She looked up, tears streaming down her face, and gave her head a single shake. Then she threw herself into my arms and dissolved into tortured sobs.

  It was only after several seconds of shock that I realized I was crying just as hard as she was.

  ♦ ♦ ♦


  Christy joined us, the look on her face one of utter despair. She held out her hands, and Sheila placed the doll in them.

  “What happened?” she asked after she was able to get herself under control.

  I explained it to her – Sheila’s theory after being hit with the prism’s energy, Tom’s decision upon finding her unconscious. My attempt to stop them only to realize at the last moment that they were right. Finally, Tom’s resolve to do this for their child so she would have a world to grow up in.

  For a long moment, Christy refused to look at either of us. I felt shame – shame because I tried to save him, shame that it had been a selfish decision on my part, and shame because in the end, we had saved the world, but left her unborn child fatherless.

  After what seemed like an eternity of misery, though, she stepped to Sheila and looked her in the eye. “I forgive you.”

  They embraced for a long moment, both of them crying hard. Then, Christy pulled back and turned to me. Guilt at everything I’d done ate away at my insides as I looked into her eyes, and I opened my mouth to tell her again how sorry I was. However, she raised a finger to my lips to silence me.

  “You were there with him at the end?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. You were his best friend and I can’t think of anyone else I would have rather had by his side.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  There were several long minutes of tears, followed by hugging and more crying, and then finally laughter. The grief was real, but it was mixed with triumph. Tom’s sacrifice hadn’t been for nothing.

  The prophecy was fulfilled. Alex and Calibra were both dead. The side of light had won. Oddly enough, it seemed the other prophecy had been met, too, albeit not quite as expected. Aside from our friends, there weren’t many mages still alive in the cavern, but it was obvious, from watching the few survivors desperately trying and failing to perform magic, that the effects weren’t limited to us. In destroying The Source, Sheila had severed the Magi’s connection to their power, effectively destroying them as foretold, just in a much less genocidal manner.