The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  As for Christy, she looked sad, but otherwise in good health. I saw her and her daughter – my godchild – quite often, and knew they were doing fine. Turned out that Tom really had been more than meets the eye. Despite his constant dumbass behavior, he’d secretly taken out a massive life insurance policy at some point after learning of Christy’s pregnancy, listing her as the beneficiary. Considering his age and good health at the time, he hadn’t had any trouble getting covered, much to his insurance agent’s chagrin after the end of the world almost happened.

  Wherever my friend was, I was certain he was laughing about that one.

  More words were spoken. Most were about the bravery of my best friend, but there were a few stories of his idiocy as well, to lighten the mood. Then the service broke up.

  Sheila walked over to me from where she’d stood during the memorial. “Hey, you okay?” She shakily raised her left hand and put it upon my arm. She’d suffered some pretty major nerve damage from our battle, enough so that it would never be the same again, but it didn’t seem to bother her much. She claimed it a small price to pay for effectively saving the Earth from the supernatural horrors gleefully running amuck upon it.

  “I’m good. Just remembering.”

  “Me too,” she said. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to head back to the office yet. Up for a walk around the block with your boss?”

  I smiled and looked up, noting the clear sky and warm sun shining down upon us. “Nice day for one. Why not?”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Hopskotchgames had closed up shop for good after everything that happened. Though Manhattan hadn’t suffered nearly the same devastation as Boston, nor the same loss of life, it had taken a beating, and many areas were still in the process of being rebuilt.

  In the wake of it all, Sheila had retaken control of her company, refocusing Iconic Efficiencies toward helping businesses rebuild in the wake of disasters like that which had occurred. Needless to say, business had boomed. Though I wasn’t hurting for cash following my Village Coven windfall, I’d accepted an offer of employment nevertheless. It wasn’t quite the snazzy position Ed had gotten, but as Chief Technologist, I was kept busy enough – both fixing clients’ programming snafus, of which there was never a shortage, as well as developing our new branded line of network recovery tools dubbed Freewill Suite 1.0.

  As for Sheila and me, there wasn’t much to tell. We remained close as coworkers, but not in the way I had once wanted to. Despite what Sally had advised, the circumstances of our final battle had left an awkwardness between us that we didn’t really talk about.

  Still, I mused as we walked through the cemetery together, there were days when I couldn’t help but think we’d both taken the easy way out. Part of the problem was that old habits died hard. While I could talk to her now without sputtering like an idiot, it was always about business-related topics. Every time I thought to break the ice, maybe clear the air between us and see if we still had a chance, I found myself backing down.

  I’d definitely changed in some ways from my ordeal as a vampire, but in others I was very much the old me. Without Dr. Death egging me on in my mind, it seemed I kept coming up with excuses to put things off until tomorrow.

  The funny thing was, I got the impression it was the same with her. Go figure. Two fools who had faced hell together and lived to tell the tale, but, after everything, were still afraid of each other.

  Without a proper impetus to push us together, something even the end of the world couldn’t accomplish, it seemed a status quo that would never change.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “So how’s your meeting schedule look?” she asked, making small talk, neither of us in a hurry.

  “I’m booked at two and three, but otherwise, it’s not too bad.”

  We exited through the gate, turned, and began walking down the sidewalk, next to the high concrete retaining wall that surrounded the cemetery.

  “You’re lucky,” she said after a minute. “The Halsford account is up for renewal. They want to meet at five today.”

  “Assholes,” I replied.

  “Yes, but high paying assholes.”

  I chuckled. “If they’ve got the budget, then I guess we’re fated to deal with them.”

  “Fate is a fickle thing,” an unfamiliar voice replied from seemingly out of nowhere, “but I believe you know that already.”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin at the unexpected interruption. Judging from the look on Sheila’s face, her too.

  There, atop the retaining wall, just above our heads, sat a figure seemingly cloaked in darkness. I almost had a heart attack, but then realized that was only because their position put the sun in our eyes, casting them in shadow.

  “Excuse me?” Sheila asked after the shock had passed.

  “I said, fate can be a funny thing, as I am sure you are both aware.” The figure pushed off the wall and landed nimbly before us, revealing herself to be a girl roughly in her mid-teens, wearing what looked to be a school uniform. She was pretty, with Asian features, long black hair, and a pair of dazzling green eyes that stared back at us ... or, more specifically, at me.

  Something in my gut twisted as I noted the SpongeBob earrings she wore.

  No fucking way.

  It was impossible.

  “It can’t be,” Sheila whispered, echoing my thoughts.

  I wasn’t sure whether to run or piss my pants at the ... I had no idea ... ghost, maybe ... in front of us. For a ghost, though, she seemed pretty goddamned solid.

  It’s just a coincidence, I tried to tell myself. Nothing more.

  However, that illusion was shattered when she said, “It has been far too long, beloved.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The girl turned to Sheila and bowed slightly. “Shining One.”

  Sheila, for her part, was as gobsmacked as me. “I ... that’s not me anymore.”

  “If you say so, Shining One.”

  “Gan?” I asked, daring to say her name aloud.

  “Of course, my love.”

  “But, how? I mean, I saw Alex. He killed you. He...”

  A look of annoyance crossed her face, older and more filled out, but possessing that same arrogance I remembered. “I will admit to overestimating my chances against Alexander. However, gravely injured though I was from his blow, it merely incapacitated me for a time.”

  “But The Source,” Sheila said. “All the vampires, they aged, turned to dust.”

  She had a hell of a point. Unless Gan had access to the fucking skin cream of the gods, she looked way too good for a girl of over three hundred.

  Gan shook her head once and looked away, a thoughtful expression upon her face. “That, I cannot say. All I know is I awoke surrounded on all sides by the Jahabich. Despite feeling curiously frail, I prepared to battle them, but they were already dead. I was forced to climb over their bodies to freedom, causing further harm to myself that I saw, in my confusion, did not immediately heal.”

  Sheila and I glanced at each other as she spoke. From the look in her eyes, the hair on her neck was standing up as much as it was on mine.

  “I was surrounded by the dead, injured, but somehow still alive, and that was when I realized I was somehow mortal again.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “What little light was fading fast,” she continued, “so I took whatever supplies I could scavenge from the dead and sought to find my way out. I do not know how long I searched. Hours, perhaps days, but eventually I found a tunnel that did not terminate in a dead end.”

  “You were all alone down there?” Sheila asked, horrified.

  Gan’s eye’s glittered at us. “Indeed, Shining One, but fret not. My father prepared me well. I did not give in to despair as others might have. There was only resolve, to escape and be reunited with my love.”

  “Uh, yeah,” I said. “Listen, Gan. I’m truly sorry we left you. I didn’t know. If we had any
idea, we would have...”

  “Worry not,” she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. “My will to live was stronger than any of the obstacles that stood in my way, of which there were many. Eventually, I emerged into the light, far from home, but free.”

  Sheila put a hand over her mouth. “Oh my God! You must have been terrified. I mean, a little girl, all alone in...”

  “I am a woman!” Gan snapped before composing herself again. “Alone I might have been, but my father’s heir I still was. It was a minor matter to access the vast resources at my disposal.”

  “Vast resources?” I asked.

  “Yes, both my own and those formerly possessed by the First Coven. As daughter to the Khan and Prefect of his lands, I had access to all he knew.”

  I let out a sigh. “Let me guess. Including all of his bank records?”

  “Indeed,” she replied. “I am, I believe is the saying here, filthy stinking rich.”

  Of course she was. “But how did you...”

  “And,” she continued, “with such resources at my disposal, it has been a simple matter to keep tabs on you, my love.”

  “Hold on. You’ve been spying on me?”

  “Not personally, but through my many paid associates.”

  Fucking not-so-little bitch. “Fine,” I growled, not really all that surprised. “But why wait until now?”

  “For you,” she said as if I were a stupid child. “In the past, you have shown ... reluctance to my advances. In an attempt to assuage that, I thought it worthwhile to learn your culture, perhaps discover the cause of your hesitation toward our divine union.”

  “Listen, Gan...”

  “I purchased a residence here, brought over my servants, and enrolled in school ... a fascinating social experience, if entirely infantile. I even recently attracted a would-be male suitor. However, the fool seemed incapable of understanding that my indifference toward him was not, in fact, a sign of interest.”

  “A boyfriend?” I asked, probably sounding more hopeful than I intended.

  “His advances became tiresome, so I snapped his neck.”

  “What?!”

  “Fear not, my love. It is unlikely his remains will ever be discovered. It was quite the bother, though, for I was rather fond of the dress I was wearing at the time.”

  This was insane, although not as insane as she was. Where the few other vampire survivors I knew of reported feeling sane again, as if a deep seething hunger had been removed from them, Gan was still somehow Gan, leading me to believe that whatever spirit had once been in her hadn’t been steering the ship.

  “That is serious, Gan,” Sheila said. “Very serious.”

  Gan shrugged as if she couldn’t have cared less. “I am aware of the laws of the land, Shining One. As I have already mentioned, I have been studying your culture. I find it interesting, if tedious at times, but that is also why I am here.”

  Again, Sheila and I looked at each other wide-eyed. “Um, you didn’t, oh, I don’t know, frame us for that murder, did you?” I asked.

  She laughed at that, loud and musical. “And that is why I love you so, Dr. Death. You are always able to make me laugh. It is a trait I find so rare in this world. It is why I shall return in three years’ time to make you mine once and for all.”

  “Wait, what happens in three years?”

  “Have you not been listening, my love? I am aware of your ways now, the laws of your people, the cultural taboos you feel bidden to uphold. Though I have existed for centuries, I am aware my physical age does not match my long life. I have finally realized that is the cause of your hesitation. It has been three years since Ib was defeated, since I began to age as a mortal again. That puts this body at a physical age of approximately fifteen of your years. In another three, I shall be eighteen, which, if I am correct, is the age at which both your legal establishment acknowledges me as an adult and at which your silly taboos cease to have any hold upon your urges. As such, I will return at that time so that we might be joined forever and begin anew our plans to subjugate this world.”

  Holy shit! What a fucking nutcase. If I was hearing her correctly, that gave me just a few years to figure out how to fake my death and assume a new identity so far away I...

  “What I don’t understand is how you’re aging at all,” Sheila said. “How could you have survived when none of the others did?”

  At this, Gan grew quiet for a moment. When she at last spoke, she almost sounded embarrassed. “I do not know. I survived where others perished. Perhaps fate was not finished with me. Or perhaps, despite everything, there is still a little bit of magic left in this world after all.” She let out a sigh, then locked eyes with us again. “Regardless of that, I am here as a courtesy.”

  “A courtesy?”

  “Yes,” Gan said to me. “I am no fool. I am well aware of your fondness for the Shining One. As such, I am here to convey my wishes that you enjoy one another’s company in the time you have left. Be happy, my love, for that is how I remember you and how I wish to find you once I return.”

  I had no idea how to respond to that, but Gan wasn't finished yet. She turned to face Sheila. “Have a care, Shining One. Treat my love well, but know that I shall return and make him mine. It is fate and fate cannot be denied.”

  She spun on her heel and walked briskly away, leaving both of us to stare after her with mouths agape. We watched until Gan finally turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

  After a few more minutes of numb silence, Sheila said, “I think I’m going to cancel the Halsford meeting tonight.”

  “Huh?” I asked, still too horrified to form coherent thought.

  “I said I’m canceling my meetings for the rest of the day. You should, too. I don’t know about you, but I could use a coffee.”

  I let out a breath of laughter. “Fuck coffee. I could use a drink, maybe three.”

  “You buying?”

  “What?”

  “Well...” She looked away for a moment as if not sure what to say, but then she turned back to me. “I was wondering if you were planning on drinking alone or if you wanted company.” The sun glinted in her eyes and, for just a moment, they sparkled as if silver.

  The realization of what I’d been thinking earlier, that without a catalyst we’d be stuck in neutral forever, sank in and I smiled. “I could probably use some company.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “But, I have to warn you.”

  “Oh?”

  “If it gets late, I’m gonna want dinner, too. And if so, I might...” Holy crap, was I actually going to say it? “Want, no, insist, on buying some for you, too.”

  “Insist?” she asked with a smile.

  “You heard me.”

  “I guess it’s a date, then ... isn’t it?”

  I thought about it for a moment, then laughed some more, this time truly feeling it. “Considering we only have three years until the end of the world again, I think it is.”

  “Hmm, I don’t know. I mean, you are a married man.”

  “While I can’t say for certain, I’m pretty sure everything we did down below counts as an annulment. If not, I can maybe nail a dead squirrel to a tree somewhere.”

  “Fine, I’ll give you that one. You’re on.”

  I reached down and took hold of her hand. It trembled in my grasp for a moment, but then she squeezed mine back and we turned to continue along our way.

  As we walked off into the brightness of the day together, I had to wonder whether the next few years would be enough.

  I had no way of knowing, but I sure as hell would do my damnedest to ensure they were.

  THE END

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  Greetings and salutations, dear reader. I hope you’ve had a great time reading the epic conclusion to the Tome of Bill saga. While it’s a little sad to say goodbye (for now anyway) to these characters, hopefully I have done them justice in the five pl
us years it’s taken me to tell their tale.

  By the time you read this I’ll already be hard at work crafting new worlds to explore and new characters to take us on those journeys.

  For now though, let us reflect on what has come to pass. What that means for those of you skipping ahead and reading this first is that big fat spoilers are coming. Turn away now before it’s too late.

  You were warned.

  Bill and Sheila finally have some time to get to know each other properly. I can’t say if their relationship will be blissful or not in the long term, but for now they’ve both earned a little happiness.

  Sally is busy exploring the new person she’s become – a mix of who she was before and who she became after being bitten by Jeff. Above all else, though, know that she is now beholden to no one save herself. She may have lost a bit in the end, but what she gained is far more than she could have ever hoped for.

  Christy has had more losses to mourn than perhaps anyone else in the cast, but don’t fret because the wonderful child she’s brought into this world is her silver lining.

  Ed and Dave have both moved on with their lives to new and interesting adventures. At least one of them is wiser for the ordeal. I won’t say who, but I’m sure you can guess.

  As for Tom and James, don’t shed too many tears for them. Wherever they are now, one can be certain that James is viewing it with a sense of adventure worthy of one called The Wanderer and Tom ... he’s almost certainly still Tom and taking it all in with his typical snide humor.

  Did I miss anyone, like perhaps a small SpongeBob-obsessed megalomaniac? Maybe I did. But I’m sure that’s a small detail, easily overlooked. I guess we’ll have to see what the future holds on that one.

  All I will say for certain is that Bill’s powers might be gone, but his world isn’t, and mayhap there are still adventures left to be told there.

  For now, though, I had a lot of fun writing this series. I sincerely hope you’ve had a great time reading it.

  Rick G.

  Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this tale and I’d absolutely love it if we could stay in touch – no matter whether you’re interested in new releases, geeky news items of interest, or just occasionally shooting the breeze...