Death Head Valley

by David Charlesworth

  Instinctively he checked his phone. Still no signal, obviously. His message thread with her had ended with him receiving a smiley face. No kisses. That wasn't good. But still... after last year he was confident something would finally happen between them. They had wandered off together into the desert and lay beneath the stars and she'd nuzzled into his neck. She said she loved him, but then promptly fell asleep. The next day she couldn't recall anything, but the truth had leaked out in those drunken, dwindling hours and Philly just had to recreate that moment one more time and let it play out to its natural end.

  'Yo! You coming?' Donovan said, throwing an arm around Philly's shoulder, nudging him towards the camping gear.

  'Yeah. Let's do this,' he said.

  From where they were parked they had to walk up a gentle slope to where the ground evened out and across the way they saw the fire burning and the huge shape of Bilbo sitting before it. He'd gained weight since last year. To his side was Kevin and... someone else. At first Philly presumed it was Zoe due to the long, black hair, but they drew closer and he saw it was a skinny goth.

  'YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR BURGERS!' Bilbo called out as he used a long handled spatula to place the meat patties on the grill that stood over the campfire.

  'What's up, guys? It's been too long!' Kevin said, meeting them half way. They embraced and walked back together, Kevin taking some of their bags. Annie almost squealed as she threw herself into Bilbo's gargantuan arms and he gave her a long squeeze. Donovan put his hand out, looking for a handshake, but instead Bilbo tugged him off balance and gave him a massive bear-hug too.

  'And my little homie Philly!' Bilbo cried out, hefting himself out of his chair with no small exertion.

  'Hey Bilbo,' Philly smiled as he was swallowed whole by Bilbo's embrace.

  'We have GOT to talk about that new Skyrim DLC, my man. You played it yet? I set up a new Viking chick to play it and...'

  Bilbo's voice trailed away as Philly caught the gaze of the new guy, the goth. Philly nodded and the stranger returned the gesture but who was he anyway? He wasn't part of the gang. He suddenly felt a little bit sick at the prospect of their dynamic being shook up.

  With the introductions out of the way they began to arduous task of setting up their tents and gear around the fire. The smell of cooking food overpowered the spliffs which were being passed around and consumed along with copious amounts of booze. The gang were all chatting amongst themselves, Bilbo chewing Philly's ear off about his new character in his game, Kevin and Anton rambling to each other about music and Annie and Donovan just happy to sit there and take it all in.

  Annie got up and sat on Donovan's lap, wrapping her arms around him. This was perfect, she thought. It was just missing Zoe, but then again it'd be weird if she was actually on time. She sometimes felt guilty about the way she felt when she was with her friends, but Annie felt more of a bond with the people around her than she did with her own siblings at times. Not that she didn't love Timmy-Boo and Kara, but growing up the three of them had had their ups and downs. Although it was mostly forgotten, and the ugliness their conflicts had wrought were brushed under the rug, the simple fact was that they were blood and she had to forgive and forget with them. The family she had here, on the other hand, were flawless. There was nothing she wouldn't do for her friends and likewise they would move heaven and Earth for her. They had all chosen each other and there was no slipping there. You'd never accidentally steal from your best friends and expect them to just forgive you, and that was the difference.

  The sun vanished, the final rays peeking through the V-shaped valley receded, and the sky was replaced by the unpolluted and stunning view of the cosmos above.

  Though for the small gang sitting in Death Head Valley, the world ended with them.

  'I'm out. Damn, where do these things go? I swear I don't drink this fast when I'm not with you guys,' Kevin said, holding up an empty bottle,

  'You brought more, right?' Donovan said. 'I've got spare, but don't drink them all.'

  'Nah, it's cool. Got more in the trunk,' he said, getting to his feet. 'Anyone need anything while I'm down there?'

  'Hey, I need some more chips,' Philly said, getting up too.

  The pair set out into the relative darkness beyond the glow of the camp. Even when their eyes adjusted to the natural light of the stars and moon the surrounding woodland appeared to be a near impenetrable void.

  'Watch any good TV lately?' Kevin asked as they made their way down to the cars.

  He didn't need to ask though. They were both dying to talk in person about the thrilling twists and turns in the new season of the fantasy epic, 'The King and his Throne'. The zombie dragons had finally risen from their graves, ready to do the bidding of the Lich Lord who, as it turned out, was actually King Billy's third uncle.

  In the distance, within the darkness that made up the woods, a light flickered. Neither man saw it though, as they were so embroiled with their conversation. The lights blinked as it passed from tree to tree, gaining ground on them, and worse still, gaining speed. It wound its way towards them and then the lights were flicked off.

  Kevin grabbed a pack of tall boys and Philly got his chips.

  'What was that?' Philly said, hearing the roar of an engine, but unable to see its source.

  'Shit, is that a-' Kevin began before the lights flashed back on again, blinding them as they froze in place, like literal deers in headlights. Kevin screamed, dropping his tallboys, one of them burst as it hit the rough ground and beer began spraying across the soil. Philly held up an arm, as if that might save him from the incoming, barrelling tonne of metal... but it was over almost as quickly as it began. The car came screeching to a halt, the brakes wailing out into the still night.

  The car skidded, digging a trench into the soft earth with its rear tires and as the sound of the brakes pads faded and the engine died all they could hear was as tirade of swearing.

  'Goddamn piece of shit car! Bastard shoe! Asshole!'

  The main beams dipped out revealing Zoe's bug, painted yellow and adorned with hundreds of hand painted butterflies. Zoe's trademark and self proclaimed “Spirit Animal.” The door opened and she pulled herself out of the car. Loose curls framing her pixieish face. She wore a heavy corduroy coat over a loose, butterfly patterned dress that stopped just before her giant army issue boots.

  'Spare sandal got caught up in the accelerator pedal!' She exclaimed, a grin plastered on her face. 'I almost killed you both! Imagine!'

  'And hello to you too, Zoe,' Kevin said shaking his head before throwing his arms around her.

  'God, yeah. Sorry!' she cried out, her voice raising with excitement. 'Oh my God! How are you!'

  Philly watched on, heart pumping as the pair finished their greetings. Then she turned to him, 'And you!' she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and planting a kiss on his cheek. He tried to turn his head to meet her lips with his own, but she was too fast, the kiss calculated and clinical.

  'How have you been, Philly?' she beamed, taking his hands in hers.

  'Great!' he said, then found himself just grinning like an idiot. He had a whole spiel planned out for when he saw her. A poetic and soul soaring collection of words and prose that would make he fall in love on the spot. But instead he let out a whining laugh and bared his clenched teeth. She placed a hand on his face and smiled. Philly's heart melted and, just as quickly, she turned away and marched up towards the camp. Like a puppy, Philly followed.

  Zoe approached the campfire and screamed with delight as Annie leapt up and hugged her.

  'Finally!' Annie called out. 'I knew you'd make it, but you had us on edge there!'

  'I know, right? And I almost killed Philly and Kevin!'

  'What?' Annie's face dropped, but Zoe was away and on to Donovan now, giving his butt a playful slap. She liked Annie and Don well enough, but they were a little too perfect for her tastes. They gave her a serious “Village of the Damned” vibe with their perfect hair and te
eth. It was sometimes like they could read each other's minds. It was super creepy. It may have been jealousy talking though. She saw how Annie and Donovan bloomed so effortlessly, she wondered if they had ever been anything other than the butterflies that they were now. It seemed so easy for them, unlike Philly and Kevin who were, in her opinion, still gestating. She had tattoos, painted her car and had countless earrings depicting the beautiful creatures, only she knew she was faking it. She wasn't a butterfly, not even close. She felt she'd be a grub forever.

  'Hey Zoe, been too long, girl. You want to hit this?' Bilbo said, grinning at her. 'You always say to save the trees, so this ones just for you.' He held up a fat spliff, making her forget about the slight blip that tarnished her otherwise stellar (if forced) self confidence.

  'Oh my God! Bilbo you are the best,' she said, hugging him and sparking the joint, puffing away at it immediately. Now Bilbo was more her level. No pretensions there, no falsehoods. You got what you saw and what you saw was fun and a dude who was always holding the best weed.

  Then she turned to Anton. He looked up at her from across the firepit, the flames wreathing his features and casting him in an orange glow. He smiled, his lips splitting only slightly, showing of a sliver of teeth. She felt the energy between them immediately. She swore blind to people that she could see auras. It was bullshit, obviously. Another ploy to show the world that she was the most intriguing of Leidoptera. She could feel vibes, but anyone with half a brain and half an understanding of human emotions could do that. Still, if people did have auras, she was certain theirs would have been going wild at the sight of each others.

  'And you are?' she asked. They hadn't broken eye.

  'Anton,' he said, taking a measured swig of his beer.

  'I bet that jerk Kevin didn't even introduce you to everyone, did he? What a terrible host.'

  'Hey, we don't need introductions. We just talk and get to know people that way,' Donovan protested.

  'That's a load of bull and you know it, Donny.'

  Kevin and Philly caught up with her and she turned and pointed at Kev who was suckling at the burst tallboy, 'You! You are an awful host.'

  'Me? What did I do? I didn't do anything!' he cried out.

  'Nothing! Exactly!' she turned back to Anton and gestured to herself. 'Anton, my new friend. This is Zoe. This is Bilbo. This is Philly, Donovan and Annie. How hard was that, Kevin?'

  'Yeah, yeah. Queen Zoe does her thing. I get it,' Kevin smiled and sat back down next to Anton, passing him a beer.

  'Well, with that out of the way. Are we ready to get twisted or what?' she called out, finishing her joint.

  'Anton, could you?' Bilbo asked, gesturing to the portable Hi-Fi by his side. He was trying to reach it, but failing due to his bulk.

  'Just hit play?' Anton asked.

  Bilbo nodded and smiled. The button clicked and “Bilbo's Patented Party Mix” kicked in. He had the perfect ear for the music the group would all love, an eclectic mix of contemporary tunes along with a healthy dose of nostalgic tracks from their youth. Zoe squealed and began to dance, pulling Annie up with her because the first track was for her, “Butterfly” by Crazy Town.

  Kevin turned to check Anton's reaction, knowing his Satanist friend would disapprove of the music, Crazy Town had to be on his shitlist big time. But Anton was clearly enamoured with Zoe, beauty charming the wannabe savage beast. Though at the same time, sitting further into the darkness than the others Philly observed, watching Zoe glancing at the new guy who could not take his eyes from her. Philly's fingers had turned white with pressure as he tried, and failed, to crush the bottle in his hand.

  'You have NO idea how good it is to finally hear some decent music!' Annie called out as they danced. The first few songs were always for the ladies.

  'Don, you have those cheesy Eighties songs on again?' Kevin laughed.

  'You have NO idea!' she repeated.

  'Hey! Those tunes are called classics for a reason!' Donovan protested.

  'Classics for grandpa's, maybe,' Bilbo said, to much laughter.

  The hours passed as the drinking and smoking continued in full force. Eventually things began to wind down somewhat as Bilbo's mix took on a more chill vibe. Annie cuddled up with Donovan as Zoe sat besides Anton, her lavished attention fuelling Philly's exacerbated drinking. He was trying his damnedest to hide his spite, but Bilbo had picked up on it.

  'This can't be your kind of music, can it?' Zoe said to her new friend. 'You have a dark blue aura. I can tell this isn't your kind of music.'

  'So long as everyone's having fun. That's all that matters. That's one of the major teachings of the Church, even,' Anton said. Leading her to her next questions.

  'The church!' she echoed, purring her words as she sat besides him. 'The church... of Satan. Sacrifice any virgins lately?' Her words were honeyed and oozed provocations.

  Anton wasn't taken off guard though, after all this was why he'd gotten into the scene, wasn't it? Chicks loved the black sheep, bad boy act.

  'I don't know any,' he smiled. 'Purity is so hard to come by these days.'

  The group glanced at him sideways, not exactly sure how to reply to that. Kevin leapt to his friend's rescue.

  'It's not so much a church though, right? More guidelines to live by.'

  'I'm sure there's certain sects of Satanism and demon worship that go to black masses and offer blood sacrifices. I've read a few books about it and it's more popular than you'd think... but that's not what our kind of Satanism is about. At its core, the Satanism I follow is about realising that there is no God. That you, yourself, are God. Don’t be held back by some dead doctrine from hundreds of years ago, you only judge yourself. So, for instance if you want something, you take it.'

  He finished his spiel by turning to Zoe and flashing her another calculated grin which she returned.

  'Is that why you stole the gasoline?' Philly spat. 'To appease the devil?'

  Anton and Kevin's exploits had been a highlight of the evening. The kung-fu guy of the woods was set to be their most memorable character encounter. Perhaps moreso than the nudists they camped by a few years back.

  'No. I took that because I'm an asshole,' he replied, getting a big laugh from Zoe.

  'So cool,' Kevin said aloud by accident.

  'Man, you should have lifted his Playstation,' Bilbo said. 'And the TV and generator to play it on.'

  'He had a Playstation?' Zoe laughed. 'Tell me you're kidding.'

  'All true!' Kevin said. 'Makes you wonder why he even came out to the woods anyway. He basically had an apartment in the woods.'

  'Sounds insane,' Donovan said. 'Though at least we know he isn't going to go all Maniac Gardener on us and hack us to death in our sleep.'

  'Maniac what?' Zoe asked, laughing.

  Annie leapt to her feet, shaking her head and hands.

  'No! Don't get him started!'

  Donovan turned to Philly and gave him a smack on the shoulder as he rolled his eyes. Philly shook his head in response, as if to say chicks, man! They just don't get it.

  'Those cheesy horror movies?' Anton said.

  'Horror CLASSICS!' Philly snapped.

  'They don't make them liked they used to,' Donovan added.

  Annie made her way over to the cooler and fished out more beers.

  'What do you mean, “don't make them like they used to”? They're still making them! What are they up to now? Fifteen? They're stupid films. So, so... bewilderingly stupid.'

  'She's only saying that because she's only seen part three... And she's an actual village simpleton from the olden days,' Donovan said as she sat back on his lap, passed him a beer and then punched his arm.

  'So you thought this guy we stole gas from was a maniac gardener?' Anton asked.

  'No, he might have just been a run of the mill maniac,' Donovan said,

  'There's only ONE Maniac Gardener,' Philly stated.

  'Wait, I remember those films,' Bilbo said. 'There were TWO gardeners.'
/>   'Maniac Gardner 5: Topiary of Doom,' Philly said as Annie caught Zoe's eye and the pair laughed, shaking their heads. 'One of his victims who survived went mad and tried to take over his mantle. Underrated, but I think it's one of the better ones.'

  Donovan shifted forward and gestured with his beer filled hand, jabbing with an extended finger, splashing ale as he spoke.

  'That's the beauty of Maniac Gardener! It's a simple premise and doesn't try to do anything weird or fancy! It's just a gardener who went insane and anyone who messes with his garden is doomed to a grizzly garden theme fate!'

  'Lawnmowered,' Philly started.

  'Hedge clippers to the face,' Donovan continued.

  'Yeah. Cropsy style! Pitchforks as well, even if that's more a farm thing.'

  'Trowelled.'

  'Choked to death with the stems of a bouquet rammed down your throat!'

  'Beaten to death with a gnome!'

  'Classic. What about-'

  'OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!' Annie cried out, smacking Donovan about the head. 'You nerds and those crappy movies! Why do I even like you?'

  Bilbo began laughing and tried adding more kindling to the fire. He tried throwing it under the grille, but missed.

  'Well that guy in the woods sounds like a maniac alright, but it also sounds like he'd die if he went more than three feet from a plug socket.'

  'That's rich coming from you,' Kevin said, getting up and throwing the wood into the pit. 'I still find it crazy that we can get you get more than a block away from your X-Box and Lord of the Rings Blu-Rays,'

  Bilbo nodded.

  'That's true, that's true. In an ideal world I'd have a crib big enough for everyone to pile into. We'd all just chill and watch movies... marathon the Maniac Gardener collection as we get high as hell. But I live in a crummy, small squat. You all live on the four winds. So you know, when we do this little yearly getaway? Man... I'd sell all those Blu-Rays and game if I had to in order to hang with my friends and I don't care where it is or however many days I have to go without levelling my chick in Skyrim.'