Top Down Day

by Nicole Overby

  “These last few days have been some of the worst moments in our life, but within that great darkness there have been some very bright moments when reflecting and telling stories about my dad.”

  I take a moment to take in everyone’s smile. I know each person here has his or her own story to tell about Dad.

  “My dad loved to make everyone around him smile and laugh. He would oftentimes start a meeting, or break a tense situation, with some ridiculous joke that relaxed everyone. He took great pride in his ability to deliver and tell jokes with the correct accent, song, or punch line, often reminding us kids where we screwed up in our delivery of the same joke. My dad truly did enjoy laughing and having a blast. He eventually earned himself the nickname of ‘The Pusher’ in most social settings because he would push people to have a great time. However, that was not the only time that he was ‘The Pusher.’ He pushed me and my sisters to be the absolute best we could be in our lives. I will forever be grateful that he pushed us, because he has prepared us for our futures.”

  I turn to them and give them a wink. Making Natalie and Kristen smile is all I wanted to accomplish today.

  “My dad loved sports, and as much as the Vikings broke his heart, he still loved watching them. Especially on a nice Sunday afternoon with a big ‘ole pile of wings in front of him, beads of sweat running down his face from the heat of the sauce, and yelling “oooh yeah!” just because the Vikings completed a 3rd down conversion.”

  The laughter is filling the room and I have to add, “He loved the Vikings so much that he proposed to my mom right after a game!”

  I haven’t seen Mom smile as hard as she is right now in so long. I smile back at her and know I’m doing my job.

  “My dad lived a life that I will forever try to emulate. My dad was the perfect example for me of what a son, a husband, and a father should be.”

  I look down at my feet as the weight of the last line sinks in. I’ll never be as good of a husband or father as he was.

  “One final thing my dad loved was ‘his spot,’ everywhere he went he had ‘his spot’. Whether it was sitting at the end of the Stasa’s kitchen island, as we would watch Vikings football games, or the recliner in the media room, it was always the same. You would hear the heavy footsteps and then him yell out, “I call my spot”.”

  I take a second to find my breath before I finish.

  “I find comfort in knowing that he is now entering into heaven, yelling out to his sister and his mom, saying, “I call my spot.”

  Walking off stage, my shoulders rest easy. I hope I made you proud. Mom stands to greet me, alongside my sisters. We all hug in solidarity, knowing our goal today is to make him proud and nothing else.

  Dawn

  After each of the kids’ pieces, I’m amazed at how strong they have been. I finally notice they aren’t little children anymore. They don’t need me to hold it all in for them. I’m hit again with the realization that maybe I need them more than they need me.

  I squeeze Thomas’ hand as the four of us sit back down. I whisper to him, “I’m so proud of you,” before getting up to say the final words.

  My legs feel heavy and my nerves are high as I approach the podium. Everyone’s eyes staring back at me, eager to hear what I have left to say.

  “Thank you everyone for coming today. For supporting our family during these terrifying moments. It is so meaningful to have everyone joined in this room together. We are surrounded by the people Corey loved the most.”

  I take a moment to smile at those seated throughout the room.

  “He loved his job, and it’s clear in the stories you all have shared with us.”

  I’m so grateful for their stories, for getting to see Corey in a new light.

  “He loved his family more than anything, especially you three kids.”

  I’m looking directly at my kids, not breaking my gaze for a moment. This speech is for them; to give them the strength to finish school or to wake up and go back to their job. It is to remind them to make their father proud. It serves to tell them we are in this together.

  My eyes meet Thomas. “Thomas, he encouraged your love for sports and music. He gave you your kind heart. Don’t forget to keep that with you wherever you go.”

  He nods his head and a small tear falls from his eye.

  Moving my attention to the girls, my heart aches. “Girls, you had your father wrapped around your finger from the moment you were born. All he wished for was that you both found someone who was deserving of your love.”

  Scanning my eyes among the three of them, I finish.

  “I’m so proud of the people you three have grown to be and I know Corey is too. Be true to who you are and remember all he has taught you, and you will succeed.”

  Before I sit back down, I take a moment to look around at all of the people who have come this morning to celebrate Corey’s life. Corey made a difference in peoples’ worlds. These aren’t Facebook friends; these are people he’s listened to vent on a bad day, people he celebrated victories with, people he mentored. These people love him; I hope he knew that.

  |12:23 PM|

  Natalie

  Attendees exit the funeral home in a line, allowing them to give us one more hug and parting goodbye. I recognize most attendees from the night before. However, the woman next in line does not look familiar. She is shorter than many of the other women in line. Her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail, and she hasn’t looked up from the ground since she entered the line.

  Must be a work colleague who couldn’t make it last night.

  When she finally makes her turn to stand in front of us, she reaches out her hand. The pain in her eyes is captivating and I can tell she has a special connection to my dad. Then, she introduces herself, “Hi. I’m Donna. We’ve haven’t met in person yet, but we talked on the phone.”

  My heart stops. She came. Why? How? I have so many questions.

  |1:37 PM|

  Dawn

  The silence in the car is weighing us down. At a red light, I glance into the rear-view mirror and notice both girls staring out the window. I turn to face Thomas but he doesn’t seem to notice. Blank expressions are plastered on all of their faces.

  I have absolutely no idea what the future will hold for us. I haven’t a clue how I will wake up each morning and not have Corey by my side. I can’t imagine making family memories without him in it. But I do know I will not let these events define us. I will not let his death destroy our family. I will not let it derail any of our children’s goals, because if I do, I’ll have let Corey down. We will be strong. We will keep his presence among us. We will be there for each other. We will fight through this together.

  The ring is loud and familiar, yet different. I search around, trying to pinpoint the source.

  Kristen speaks out, “Did anyone hear that?”

  “I’ve been hearing that all week!” Thomas claims.

  Natalie joins in, “There it is again…”

  We all turn to our left, as if we finally know where it’s coming from, and watch the church bells slowly sway from the Victorian church we gradually pass. This ring sounds lighter, almost peaceful. “I think our angel just received his wings,” I whisper.

  I swear I can hear Corey whisper in my ear, “It’s a top down day, Dawn.”

  I hit the button to roll the top of Corey’s convertible down. The sunshine brings warmth to my skin and I feel a sense of comfort. I take a deep breath and inhale the fresh air.

  Corey, help me; help us. Be with us through the sunshine and each rain shower. Show us your presence on the holidays and during our birthdays. Remind us to celebrate you and hear your laughter with our own. Let us be surrounded by your love daily and use it to motivate us to live our lives for you; live our lives with you.

  I look back at my three grown children and whisper one more thing to him, “Thank you.”

  When tomorrow starts without me,

  And I’m not there to see;

 
If the sun should rise and find your eyes

  All filled with tears for me;

  I know how much you love me,

  As much as I love you,

  And each time that you think of me,

  I know you’ll miss me too;

  So when tomorrow starts without me,

  Don’t think we’re far apart,

  For every time you think of me,

  I’m right here in your heart.

  Epilogue

  -Four months later-

  You’re sitting at dinner with your boyfriend, watching his lips move but not hearing a word. The tightness in your throat is growing, making it harder to breathe. You try so desperately to be brought back, focusing in on his words trying to make out his voice. Instead you feel a tear slowly fall. How can I enjoy date night knowing my mom is eating dinner alone?

  -Six months later-

  You’re busy at work, sitting in on a meeting when you feel the vibration from your Apple watch. It’s your brother calling. Your heart aches as you ignore the call because you’re too new to the job to step away. You know you weren’t the first person he wanted to call but his first choice is no longer an option.

  -Nine months later-

  You’re tossing and turning in bed on Sunday. Offering another prayer, you ask that your sister’s first day of work goes as smooth as possible… because you know if anything goes wrong she won’t have her hero to reassure her that everything will be okay.

  -Ten months later-

  Your friends keep giving you grief for not coming out anymore. Your boyfriend feels replaced by your new job. You know if you don’t go home, your mom will spend another night digging through thousands of pages of medical records searching for an explanation.

  -Twelve months later-

  You stop working out. You stop reading. You get nervous more often, quieter in group settings. Saying you’re sorry when it’s not warranted. You lose confidence in your ability to make the right decision.

  The weight is too much.

  You lose yourself.

  Overwhelmed, you come across a quote. Simple, yet powerful. Easy to comprehend, but hard to put into practice.

  “You choose.”

  You make choices every day- what you wear, what you’re eating for dinner. Some choices are easier than others, but nevertheless, you have a choice.

  You have the choice to live your life with happiness and laughter. You have the choice to live your life in honor of theirs.

  Every death is unique and profound. It’s earth shattering, hard to comprehend, life changing… and I know that. I get it. But don’t lose sight that every day when you wake up you have the ability to choose to put the best foot forward. Let every morning be a reminder that after every dark day the sun will eventually shine. Don’t let your loss define your life.

  The choice is yours, it always will be.

  Author's notes

  Thanks for taking one of the most difficult journeys of my life with me.

  It is important for me to note some minor details of locations and names have been changed to respect the privacy of those I love. It is equally important to recognize the emotions I have drawn upon for each character is fictional because it’s impossible for me to know exactly how each member of my family was feeling during these devastating times. While I did communicate with family members to understand their emotions, I still believe it would be unfair to say I portrayed each thought completely and accurately.

  I hope you could feel the emotions of each family member, and if you’ve lost a loved one I hope this book helps you realize none of the emotions you may feel are abnormal, and you are not alone.

  This story helped me and my family process the events during the weekend of my father’s death. It was therapeutic to put my thoughts in writing, and it allowed me to reflect on others’ emotions during that time. I hope it encourages readers to find an outlet to help process the thoughts and feelings of death.

  Writing has become my therapy. What’s yours?

  Acknowledgement

  I have to start by thanking my mom and siblings. I would have never written this without your support and love. Your encouragement is what pushed me to finish writing our story. I hope my work makes you proud.

  To my amazing neighbor, who has probably read this story more than anyone else. Thank you for reviewing this book with an editor’s eye and providing the constructive feedback I needed to hear. More importantly, thank you for the friendship your family has provided.

  A very special thank you to my loving boyfriend; I don’t know how you put up with me. When I start to doubt myself, you bring me back on track. Without you, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

  Finally, thank you to all of those who helped my family and I get to this place of happiness and peace.