Tune My Heart (Chaos Book 1)

by K. R. Reese

  She glances sideways before placing her laptop in her bag. “No thanks. I have to go get ready for the show.”

  “There’s a party afterward. Celebrating our return, blah, blah, blah. We’re all required to make an appearance. You should come. Without the laptop and camera.”

  She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. “I don’t know what your plan is, Luk, but it isn’t going to work.” She sighs, though. “I’ll think about the party.”

  I watch as she walks out the door. Go after her. My mind and body were at war with each other. I knew what my body wanted. I was attracted to Haven, I couldn’t deny it and didn’t want to. But my mind knew it wasn’t right to try to have her. She screamed innocence and I wasn’t going to be the one to take that from her.

  Unfortunately, leaving her alone was easier said than done. It had been a few hours since our brief conversation and it was driving me crazy. What had I been thinking? She’d made it obvious that she wasn’t open to conversation unless it was direct questions. Why did this feel like a challenge to me? A challenge I had to win. My intention wasn’t to draw her closer, but I didn’t want to scare her off either.

  Haven had avoided looking at me throughout most of the show. She gave a few glances that I hadn’t missed, a few photographs, too; but she paid closer attention to the entire band. Now, I was sitting on our bus hoping she’d show up at the party later.

  “Earth to Luk! Did you hear a word I said?” Trey asked.

  I glance up at him on the other side of the kitchen.

  “You seem…out of sorts. More than usual.”

  I shake my head, hoping he’ll let it drop. No such luck. A giant smile crosses his face and doesn’t go away. I stare daggers at him and he just grins wider.

  “She’s getting to you. You’ve got a soft spot for the fancy little journalist. That’s where you keep disappearing to. At first, I worried – “

  “No, don’t go there. I know what you were about to say, and it won’t happen again. And whatever you think is going on between me and Haven, get it out of your fucking head.”

  Trey eyes me cautiously. He’s looking at me like I’m about to crack. “Don’t give me that look. I’ve held my shit together for six months. Six fucking months, Trey! You guys can stop walking on eggshells waiting for the pin to drop. I’m not going back there. I can’t.”

  I sigh, defeated. He still blames himself for not seeing it sooner. Not noticing the signs.

  “Sorry, dude. It hasn’t been very long, and we’re all worried about you. This is all new. It’s been two years since we’ve done this, and we don’t want the pressure to get to you.” He shifts uncomfortably, then glimpses over my shoulder. Lowering his voice, his eyes catch mine. “We’ve got company.”

  I tense instantly. The air in the bus crackles. Haven’s here. She may have just heard our whole conversation. I turn slowly, keeping my gaze locked on her. “How much did you hear?”

  She cringes, but composes her face quickly. “Enough to know why Chaos all but disappeared. I...I shouldn’t have come over. Kevin told me where to – to find you, but I should’ve knocked first. I’ll go.”

  As I watch her hurry down the stairs, my gut twists. Every tabloid in the country has been dying to know why we stopped, and I just willingly – even if it was unknowing – gave up that information to the very type of people I’ve avoided for years. Shit.

  “I’ll go after her. Meet you in twenty to go to the party.” Trey’s eyes give everything away. He’s worried about me lapsing, but now he’s more worried what everyone will think. What the fuck did I just get us into?

  Lukus’ voice keeps playing on repeat through my head.

  I’ve held it together for six months. Six fucking months. I won’t go back there. I can’t.

  “Fuck,” I whisper under my breath not to draw attention to myself. I have information that every reporter had been trying to get their hands on. Chaos disappeared after their last tour, and no one knew why. Carissa had researched for months. We’d spent hours going through every article trying to find some clue. But there wasn’t any. They’d hidden it well.

  He may be the asshole of the group and play that role perfectly, but I can’t out him. As much as I know the story would boost my career, and my standing with Mike, it didn’t feel right. He hadn’t known I was standing there. He would’ve never told me that on his own, even if I’d pried.

  “Haven! Haven, stop! Wait up!” Trey’s voice carried behind me. I spun on my heel to run right into a wall of muscle. Before I knew what was happening, my ass hits the ground. That’s going to be sore tomorrow. “Shit, that wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m sorry. Here, let me help you up.”

  I take his offered hand and get to my feet. My hip begins to throb as soon as I put pressure on it. “Fuck. Luk’s going to kill me.” That causes my gaze to snap to his. What the hell is he talking about?

  “It was an accident, Trey. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. Was there something you needed? I was going to get ready for the party.”

  Trey crosses his arms over his chest. I watch as his biceps flex with every movement he makes. I had to face the facts -- I was stuck on tour for a year with men who were completely alpha and totally hot. Too bad I wasn’t interested in being another notch in any of their bedposts.

  “Uh, yeah, about what you just heard. I wanted to ask if you would – “

  “I’m not writing it in an article.”

  His eyes go wide, and his mouth drops open. I understand their concern. If it got out that Lukus was an addict, it could destroy everything they’ve worked for. The tour would be over, and their new album would plummet. But staring at Trey, I knew that wasn’t the only concern he held. Lukus had only been clean for six months. Statistically, he’s due to lapse soon, and no one wants that to happen.

  “Listen, Trey, I’m a journalist, yes. But he wouldn’t have given me that information. If I had to guess, I’d say none of you would have given me that information.” I stop, gauging his reaction. His face contorts, and it almost looks like he’s in pain. “Whatever happened in the past is personal. This may be my job, but believe it or not, we’re not all vultures. And in this case, I understand better than anyone what you’re going through.” My voice cracks on the last word and I turn away from him. I run before he can see the tears fall.

  Damn it.

  I continue running until my breathing is labored and my legs are screaming in agony. The party was well underway by now, and I wouldn’t be attending. I was elated, but disappointed, too. It had been months since something had reminded me of my mother’s problems. Reminded me of coming home, finding her face down in her own vomit. It was a continuously looped nightmare for a while. I may be broken, but to everyone else, I was just shy and inexperienced. It was better that way. Knowledge was power, and I refused to let anyone control me again.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you just let her go!” I was pulling at my hair in frustration.

  I knew it wasn’t Trey’s place to babysit Haven, but he had gone to talk to her about what she’d heard, and she’d run off. No one had heard from her for a few hours. Her luggage, her phone, everything was in her hotel room. But the staff hadn’t seen her since that morning before the show.

  “I didn’t say anything to her that would cause this reaction. I barely spoke to her.”

  I turn on him, grabbing the front of his shirt and pinning him to her hotel room wall. “What the fuck did she say then, Trey?”

  There was a glimmer of concern in his eyes again, but it was for Haven this time. She was in a new city, by herself, in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to think about the multiple scenarios that could happen. Instead, I was trying to figure out how the hell this happened and why I cared so much.

  “She said she wasn’t going to write what she heard in an article. Something about not all journalists being vultures.” He shrugs like this isn’t a big deal. I tighten my hold on his shirt.

  “What else,
Trey? You’re a horrible liar. I can see it on your face that there’s something else you want to say. Spit it out.”

  I watch as his eyes close for a second before reopening with genuine concern showing. “The last thing she said was she knew better than anyone what we’re going through, worrying about you lapsing.”

  I let him go, my mind swirling with thoughts I don’t want to process. Was Haven a recovering addict? I couldn’t see it. She was too sweet. Too innocent. She was a breath of fresh air in all the madness. Or was that just what I wanted to see?

  “Luk, we’ve got to head back to the bus and get some rest. We’re leaving bright and early, and have a long trip ahead of us. She has all our numbers. She could’ve called any of us. And since she hasn’t, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to.”

  I stare at the door long after Trey exits. Bryce and Zane made an appearance at the party to keep Kevin happy, but we didn’t attend. We walked the streets with ballcaps and sunglasses, hoping we weren’t recognized, and looking for Haven.

  What Trey said didn’t make any sense. Haven wasn’t that type. I should know, I hung around them long enough. Looks could be deceiving, though, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Whatever this thing was between Haven and me was blurring the lines between right and wrong, and it was getting harder to fight my attraction to her with every passing minute.

  Of course, I may not have the chance to act on it since she’s gone. That causes an uncomfortable twisting in my stomach. My instinct tells me something is wrong; but without any clue to where she is, I have to ignore it. Trey’s right, there’s an early start tomorrow and I’ll be kicking my own ass if I don’t get some sleep.

  I sigh and step out of the hotel room. I click the button to go down on the elevator and wait. Just as the elevator dings, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and Zane’s name is flashing across the screen.

  “Trey headed back about ten minutes ago. I’m leaving the hotel now. I’ll be there – “

  “She’s here, Luk.” I notice the hint of anger he’s trying to hide. “Just got here, but she’s here.”

  “What aren’t you telling me, Zane? I can hear it in your voice.”

  He sighs through the line. “Just get here because she’s asking for you. None of us have spent much time talking to her, and I don’t think she’s comfortable with us.”

  I laugh, a sickening feeling churning my insides. “She’s not comfortable with me. She hates me. I infuriate her. Why won’t you tell me whatever it is you’re hiding?”

  “We’ll be waiting for you, Luk.”

  Zane disconnects the line before I can say anything else. “Son of a bitch,” I growl to the empty hallway. I take the stairs down two at a time. As soon as my feet hit the cement outside the emergency door, I take off running back toward the venue. Haven better be okay, or someone’s ass is getting kicked. Haven has to be okay.

  I can vaguely hear voices talking close by, but I’m too far away to understand what they’re saying. Someone’s growling angrily. I know that voice. I want to call out. I want to open my eyes. But my body isn’t cooperating.

  “We have to take her to the hospital, Kevin.”

  “There are serious ramifications if you do that…”

  “Fuck that. I’ll carry her. Trey, get a car.”

  My brain was trying to function, but I couldn’t make it work. I felt heavy and was fighting to stay awake. Lukus and Trey were taking me to the hospital, that much I understood, and I wasn’t going to let it happen. I was debilitated right this moment, but I knew the consequences of a few rock stars bringing a girl into the hospital unconscious.

  “Cars ready, Luk,” Trey said somewhere in the room. Hearing was still fuzzy. I felt when someone leaned over me to pick me up, though.

  “No, no, no, Luk!” I’d meant to shout, but it didn’t come out very loud. “Luk put me down. No hospital.”

  I may not be loud, but he could hear me. I felt the bed behind me again.

  “You need to see a doctor,” Luk sounded like he was pleading.

  “I said no.” I couldn’t open my eyes and see him, but I wasn’t letting them get into trouble for me. I don’t know what happened, but the implications Kevin talked about were a true concern for these guys. I wasn’t going to be the cause of it.

  I reach out, searching for someone. When I touch warm skin, I grab hold of their hand. “You aren’t taking me to the hospital,” I sigh, trying to get my point across.

  I vaguely heard a growl, but it was muffled. Sleep was pulling me under again. The last thing I remember is hearing Luk beside my ear, whispering. “I’m so sorry, pretty girl.”

  I didn’t want to open my eyes. Between the pounding in my head and the burning in my stomach, I felt nauseous. I peek my eyes open to be greeted with the glaring sunlight through the curtains.

  Rolling to my back, I hit a warm, hard body. I quickly look beside me to find Lukus fast asleep, his breathing even. “He fell out about an hour ago,” I hear a whisper from the doorway, looking up to find Trey staring at me. “Come on, let’s get some food.”

  I scramble to get out of bed, failing. As soon as I stand the room starts to spin. Trey catches me by the waist and walks me out to the main area of the bus. I mumble thanks as I slide into one of the booths.

  While I enjoyed being taken care of, I thought they were going overboard, although I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. Trey was worried, the trace of concern in his dark eyes.

  He turns and places a plate in front of me. “Eat up. You need to after last night.”

  I flush and tilt my head down, eating the food he made. He stands there for a minute, then heads outside without a word.

  I finish the omelet and place my dishes in the sink. I wanted a shower, but all my belongings were still at the hotel. Maybe someone would take me? I wander outside, only to find a new venue, overlooking hills and a beautiful sunset peeking through the clouds. Bryce – or was it Zane – was standing against the bus.

  “I’d throw a jacket on. The air will be this cool for most of the morning.” I turn to look at him, noticing a scar above his left eye. Zane. She remembered some of the research she’d done with Carissa.

  I was becoming familiar with the twins, trying to recognize them so I wouldn’t embarrass myself during an interview. The scar was easier to recognize than the matching tattoos on opposite arms.

  “I don’t have a jacket. Or I do, but I’m not sure where my luggage is. Which is what I came to ask. I need to get a shower.”

  Zane watched me carefully which made my skin prickle. I didn’t like being under a microscope, and he was studying me very intently. He shook his head.

  “I’ll find out where it’s at when Kevin gets back with coffee. I’m guessing you’ve never seen the Ohio hillsides at sunrise before?”

  My eyes widen, and I step out into the parking lot with him. I’m surprised the air was chillier than it should be in late August. Zane steps up, wrapping his arms around me, rubbing circles into my skin with his thumbs.

  The proximity made me nervous, but he wasn’t completely up against me. I didn’t want to be rude and pull away from him like he’d bit me, but alarm bells were going off in all directions.

  Quit thinking too much into it. He’s just being nice. Pushing the negative thoughts aside I lean back into him. While Lukus’ glance alone set her skin on fire, Zane held a certain charm that she couldn’t resist. He was quiet and resigned compared to the other band members, and I enjoyed his company the few minutes we’d spoke.

  “This is beautiful,” I whisper, unsure if he could even hear me.

  “Yeah, that’s why I bought a house here. It’s away from the city. I need a break from all the noise every now and then.”

  I continue to stare in every direction as the sun rises higher in the sky and the bite of the air slowly disappears. Zane still hadn’t removed his arms, but I wasn’t complaining. It felt nice to be cared for.

  “What the fuck?” A growl
comes from behind us and Zane’s arms quickly drop. I shiver and the zinging awareness of Lukus runs through my veins. The same sensation that’s happened from the moment we were introduced.

  I turn to see him glaring. His blue eyes had darkened to almost black and it scared me. I push the fear aside, though, and step around Zane.

  “No, you don’t get to do that, Luk. I am not a possession that you can keep locked away. Zane wasn’t doing anything wrong. I didn’t have a jacket because I don’t know where my bags are.”

  Luk flicks his gaze to me and his eyes soften. “Your bags are under the bus with ours. I brought them from the hotel last night.”

  I gape at him. “I need a shower and then I need to find a hotel to lay down until tonight.”

  He eyes me a minute and looks back to Zane before he says anything. “No, you aren’t. You can stay here, with us. We’ll all give you space, and you won’t have to pay unnecessary expenses. And, Trey can actually cook out of all four of us.”

  I can’t help the smirk. I assumed Trey had cooked my omelet this morning, but after all the interviews I’d watched, I knew he embarrassed easily. Mentioning how good breakfast was didn’t seem like a friendly thing to taunt him over.

  “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to intrude.”

  Lukus goes to say something and I hold up my hand. “I just want to go and get a shower.”

  “Fine, but I’ll drive you to and from the hotel, or someone else will.”

  I didn’t like being treated like a child, so I stomp away from them, back toward the bus.

  I drive on the freeway toward the only hotel I know in the area. I didn’t understand Haven’s refusal to stay on the bus, but I wasn’t going to push her either. I didn’t want to do anything that would make her run away.

  Last night had opened all our eyes. We’d all felt an overwhelming need to protect her, and while I understood my feelings, I wasn’t aware of theirs. They seemed to enjoy her company when they spoke, though. How couldn’t they? Haven was always laughing and happy, and it seemed she was going to keep them on their toes if how she’d snapped at me had been any indication. There had been a fire in her eyes that hadn’t been there before, and I may have liked it a little too much.