by K. R. Reese
I sit there while Kevin walks away. Lukus had been a drug addict. I’d guessed that after overhearing his conversation with Trey. Now he was a recovering addict and any stress could send him right back to it. I needed to talk to him as soon as the show was over tonight.
I continued watching as their last song ended. Trey, Bryce, and Zane come off the stage, each kissing her on the head as they pass to go to their respective dressing rooms. We’d all head back to the hotel separate or together.
Lukus saunters off the stage toward me, but instead of acknowledging I was there, he keeps walking and closes the door to his room. I stand there a minute before following him. Without knocking, I walk in.
I wasn’t prepared for the scene in front of me, though. Lukus was sitting on the couch, leaning over the table with a rolled up twenty in one hand and his finger over his nostril. The white powder split into lines on the notebook were a quick indication of Kevin’s concerns being true.
Images from when she’d come home to find her mom face down flashed through her mind. I must have gasped because his head shoots up and his eyes land on mine. I back toward the door as Lukus stands and walks to me.
“Haven, don’t run away. It’s not what you think. Please, come here.” I shake my head as he gets closer.
“What,” I clear my throat. “What was it then, Luk? You’re saying it isn't what I think, but I’m not stupid. Sorry I interrupted you.” I turn toward the door and he grips my wrist.
“Are you leaving, Haven? Is this goodbye?” His voice sounds broken, and I have to hold back my own sobs that are threatening to claw up my throat. I take a deep breath before I can answer.
“Yeah, Lukus, I’m going to go home. I’ll be fired for not finishing my assignment, but I can’t do this with you. I can’t stand by and watch you throw your life away. I’ve had to watch one person do it, and I won’t survive if I have to see it again.”
His sharp intake of breath catches my attention. “That’s what you meant when you told Trey you knew what they were going through. That you understood.”
I look back and nod, tears forming again. “I found my Mom and there was nothing I could do to save her. Everyone’s worried about you, Luk. I won’t tattle on you, but you may want to think about who else you’re hurting.” I pause with my hand on the door. “Bye, Lukus.”
Swallowing the bile rising in my throat, I walk away. Just hold it together. I find the first room I can and close myself inside. It looks like a storage room, but knowing there wasn’t anyone here, I let the tears flow. I didn’t know what love was. At least, I thought I didn’t. I was still inexperienced as ever, but the feelings that coursed through me with the mere thought of Lukus were a dead giveaway.
When I walked into his room and found him snorting coke, I almost ran away. My Mom’s face kept flashing through my mind, the images of coming home burned there. But it wasn’t just his future he was destroying. It was Bryce, Trey, and Zane’s future, too, and I’d come to care about all of them. Shit, I needed to find them. I wipe my eyes and hope they don’t notice.
The first room I come to is Trey’s. I knock lightly. “Come in, sweetheart.” He was seated on the couch, putting his shoes back on. He must have grabbed a shower after the show. “What’s up?”
I sit down beside him. “I just wondered if I could catch a ride back to the hotel with you?”
Trey eyed me suspiciously, but I gave nothing away. “Sure. Is everything okay?”
I nod and turn away. If he stared too long, he’d see right through me. I hadn’t lied to Lukus when I’d said I wouldn’t tell. I just hoped he listened to what else I’d said.
Trey had brought me back to my room almost two hours ago, and I wasn’t sure if I should try to get away. I’d called and talked to Carissa for almost an hour, relaying all the information of the past few weeks. It had made me feel better, but now that I was off the phone, I felt like hell.
A quick knock at my door caused my heart to race. I knew who it was before I looked. I was debating on answering when his voice comes through.
“Haven, we need to talk. Please open the door.”
The slur in his words was obvious. He’s drunk. I hesitate a second before pulling the door open and stepping back to allow him to enter. I couldn’t meet his gaze, so I focus on the wall beside him.
“We’ll talk tomorrow, Luk. I’m tired, and I’m going to bed. You’re welcome to stay here. Goodnight.”
I make my way to the bed and curl under the blanket. I couldn’t hear Lukus, but I feel when the mattress dips under his weight. He pulls me against him. I was mad, upset, and didn’t know what to do, but I relax under his touch and drift off to sleep.
Something tickling my neck jerks me awake. I open my eyes, frown, and roll toward the other side of the bed. Lukus is propped up on his elbow, leaning over me.
“I didn’t think you were going to wake up, pretty girl,” he whispers. He’s close enough I can feel his breath on my cheek. I can tell he’s still drunk, his words slurring together. But there was something else. His eyes were glassy and showed a hunger I’d never seen before.
“What do you want, Luk?”
“I want to kiss you, pretty girl.” His voice was full of emotions he wouldn’t show if he were sober. Promises of something more.
Am I being selfish? I don’t give myself time to think or change my mind. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him instead.
I open my mouth, inviting him in. The tip of his tongue tangles around my own and a moan escapes.
The sound causes an animalistic growl to erupt from his chest. He lowers his head to kiss down my neck, nipping at my ear, and causing a fire to burn low in my belly. My back arches, wanting more pleasure.
He cups one breast, squeezing just enough to cause another moan to escape. I push at his shoulders and he pulls away, staring down at me. I grip the bottom of my shirt and pull it over my head, then unclasp my bra.
Lukus’ eyes don’t leave mine as he pulls the bra away, exposing myself to him. He stopped last time. The thought nagged at me, but I didn’t think he would this time. He raised his hands and cupped both breasts causing butterflies to swarm in my stomach.
“Fuck, Haven, they’re perfect.” His head lowers again, but instead of kissing me, his lips close over one of my nipples. I cry out, unprepared for the sensations and all my muscles in my abdomen coil. My breathing becomes shallow as he continues licking my breasts.
When I can’t take anymore, I reach for his shirt and pull it off. I run my fingers over his chest and back as he goes back to my breasts for more. When he lightly bites, I cry out his name.
“Luk, please.”
He pulls away, eyes finding mine. Lukus pulls my shorts and panties down my legs, then kicks his off. His cock springs free from the boxers. He lies on the bed and pulls me on top of him.
I kiss him with all I have before trailing kisses down his neck, onto his chest. His muscles quiver with every touch of my lips. I continue lower, getting to his navel before he growls.
“Pretty girl, I won’t be able to stay in control if you do that. Come here.”
Instead of arguing, I crawl back up his body. Lukus flips me onto my back. His normally light eyes are dark and hooded. He uses his knees to spread my thighs and my breathing comes faster. This is really happening.
His finger finds my clit, making small circles. I whimper from the pleasure exploding all over my body. Unexpectedly, my mother’s words drift through my head. Girls like you don’t belong at parties. Guys are pigs and are only after one thing. I push the thought away. I didn’t think Lukus only wanted one thing. I trusted him.
Before long, ecstasy took over and I had to close my eyes. The pleasure was overtaking control. When his finger disappears, I open my eyes to find his mouth hovering over my most sensitive area. The longing in his eyes as he stares up at me takes my breath.
His tongue finds my clit and he continues licking, nibbling, and sucking until my hips are jerking on thei
r own trying to get closer. “Let go, pretty girl. Let the feelings take over.” A few more licks and my vision darkens as my body ignites again and I’m falling over the edge.
When I reopen my eyes, Lukus is sitting back on the bed, stroking himself. I have to clear my throat before I can talk.
“Luk, I need you. Please.” My voice is laced with desire and longing.
“I don’t have anything to protect you, pretty girl.”
I bite my lip and reach to drag him toward me. He hovers overtop of me, his cock rubbing on my stomach. “Are you clean, Luk?” I stutter over my words, face flaming in embarrassment. How many women they’ve all been with is a common topic of conversation.
When he nods, I lift a little to kiss him. Then I lie back on the bed, not breaking eye contact. “I want to feel you inside me, Luk. Please,” I finish with a whisper.
“Fuck, Haven.” He leans down to kiss me, tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. Lukus’ hands spread my thighs again before he grips himself and runs the head of his cock through my folds.
Slowly, Lukus enters me until he meets resistance. He stops and closes his eyes. “I can’t hold on much longer. You’re so tight, pretty girl.”
My body was aching for release, aching for the pleasure Lukus was offering. In that moment, I think he forgot I was a virgin. He felt so good inside of me, though, that I wasn’t going to let him pull away.
Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him like our lives depend on it. Lukus starts to move, rocking back and forth, stretching me a little more each time. As my inner muscles begin to tighten, Luk clenches his jaw. “God, pretty girl. So tight.”
My vision darkens again, little sparks exploding deep inside of me. “Luk…” I moan. “Oh, Luk…”
The orgasm rocks through my body. My muscles pull him deeper, and he thrusts deeper, making me cry out in pain and pleasure. My fingers dig into his back.
When Luk’s body starts to tremble, I know he’s close. The pain subsided slowly, and I lean up to kiss him again. When he stills and I feel his cock pulse inside me, I hold onto him. He lies on top of me before rolling off and pulling me to his side.
“I need to get a shower, Luk,” I whisper into the dark.
He yawns. “Go ahead, pretty girl. I can’t keep my eyes open.”
I watch his eyes drift closed again and walk toward the bathroom. When I come out of the shower, he’s still asleep. I take some napkins and clean the blood off him before finding my panties and a shirt and go find Trey’s room.
I wake with a sour stomach and pounding head. The sunlight streaming through the curtains tells me it’s late morning at least. I roll over and sit straight up. I’m in Haven’s hotel room. Where the fuck was she? And what the fuck happened last night?
Panic gripped my throat when I notice that I’m completely naked and all of her things are gone. The last thing I remember is her telling me she was going home. After she’d found me snorting coke in a room after the show.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I yell at the empty room. I jump out of bed and hurry to put my clothes on, going in search of Haven. When I exit the room, Trey’s walking toward me, an anger in his expression that I haven’t seen in a long time.
“What the fuck did you do, Luk?” Trey stopped short of where I stood frozen. “Haven came to my room late last night asking for a ride to the airport. She’s gone, Luk. I couldn’t talk her out of it.”
I can’t respond, heart hammering in my chest. Aside from what happened at the venue, I didn’t know what went on.
“I...” But he didn’t give me time to respond.
“I’ll tell you what happened. Haven found you after the show, getting high, and bolted. Her mother was an addict, Luk. She found her dead one day.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “Why the fuck were you in her hotel room?”
I couldn’t answer that question, so I stayed silent. The clench of his jaw caused me to tense. We’d fought a few times over the years, relieving all of our pent-up anger, but the look in Trey’s eyes was vicious.
“I don’t know why I was in her hotel room. I woke up there. Can we talk about this later? I need to find Haven. Maybe she can fill in the blanks for us both.”
I start toward the elevators, planning on heading straight to the airport. Trey pulls me back by the arm and shoves me against the wall in the hallway, his forearm across my throat.
“She’s gone, Lukus! There was a flight out this morning to take her home. Are you trying to ruin us before we even get started again!”
He was yelling now, in my face, and in the middle of the damn hallway. “Let’s go into the room before security gets called. The last thing we need is this to get out.”
He backed off and shoved me inside with the keycard. “The last fucking thing we need, Luk, is you going into a downward fucking spiral again. I don’t know what happened between you and Haven aside from what she told me. But, you using again? It isn’t happening, Luk! We may be family, always have been, but I won’t stand by and let you destroy the entire band because of an addiction you can’t fucking kick. You knew the stipulations for the label to sign us again, and one hint that you’re back to drugs, they’ll drop us all.”
I stared at a spot on the wall just over Trey’s shoulder. He was right, I knew that, but I wanted to defend myself. I deserved every bit of his anger. I deserved a hell of a lot more than that, but he was trying to keep control. I could see it in his eyes.
“Trey, I don’t want to use. I’ve been anxious lately, I’m sure you’ve all noticed. I’m trying really fucking hard to forget it all. It’s harder than you can ever imagine. Don’t give up on this, yet, though. I won’t do it again. I’ve got to keep my concentration on something else.”
He stared at me, eyes still wild. I held my breath, waiting for the hit. But it didn’t come. Instead, he nodded and walked out the door. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands.
Haven left without saying goodbye. She told me she was leaving, but I hadn’t expected her to do it in the middle of the night. What had happened once I got to her room? Was that why she left? Had I said something?
So many thoughts swirled in my head that there was only one way to find out. I dig through my pockets to find my phone. Snagging it, I dial her number from speed dial.
It rings three times before I hear her voice. “What do you want, Luk?”
I hadn’t expected the coldness in her voice. What the fuck!
“Where are you, Haven? I just got my ass reamed for you leaving and I don’t even know what the fuck happened aside from the coke incident.”
She sighs through the line and I hear a shifting of the phone. “I’m home, Luk. I told you I was coming home. You don’t remember anything from last night, do you?”
A lump began forming in my throat. She continued before I could answer. “Look, Luk, this shouldn’t be personal, but it is. I’ve watched someone destroy their life and give up. I’ve seen what drugs can do to a person. I won’t watch you go down that path. I can’t watch you do it.” Her words were a whisper at the end.
“Haven, I’m not going to do it again. I don’t know what got into me last night, but I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. Come back, let’s talk about this and you can fill in the blanks of the rest of the night.”
Quiet filled the other line for a minute before she spoke. “Do you know how many recovering addicts say it’ll never happen again? How many times did I hear the same exact thing from my mother for years? You can’t be sure of that, and I don’t fault you for it. It’s an addiction, I get it. But if you don’t remember last night, I guess you’ll just have to trust me when I say this. Nothing happened last night, Luk. I let you into my room because you were so out of your head that you could’ve wandered anywhere. After you fell asleep, I went to Trey, so I could come home.” She stops then starts again. “There’s nothing more to tell. Let it go. I hope you do beat it this time, for yourself and the band, Luk. But this will be the last time you speak to me
. Goodbye.”
The line goes dead. “Fuck!”
A knock on the door stops me from destroying everything in the room. “Bro, we gotta get on the bus. Get a move on.”
Zane’s voice echoes through the otherwise silent room. We didn’t have time for a detour, and even if we did, I had no idea where Haven lived. Passage was easy enough to find, I’d just have to Google it, but I knew it was in a larger city and she traveled there daily.
Deciding I’d figure something out, I walked to my own room and gathered my things. Walking onto the bus, everyone’s glare hit me at once. I ignored them and closed myself in the room at the back.
After a few hours of no response from Haven, I dialed her number again. But I got a message I hadn’t been expecting.
“This number is no longer accepting calls.”
She’d disconnected her phone. How the hell was I supposed to talk to her now? Instead of thinking too hard tonight, I strip down to my boxers and try to get some sleep. We had an early start tomorrow for the next show.
After my conversation with Luk and the many unread texts, I called the phone company to change my number. I couldn’t ignore him if he kept blowing up my phone, and while I felt guilty for ignoring Trey, Zane, and Bryce, it was for the best.
Their next show had gone flawlessly, as it always did, and I couldn’t help but follow all the articles. What I hadn’t expected was to find pictures of Lukus leaving with some tall blonde. It caused an ache in my chest that hadn’t soothed all weekend.
On my way to work, I was nervous. I’d talked to Carissa about quitting, and while she was angry at first, she understood, too. Mike, however, wasn’t as understanding and wanted me in his office by 9 AM. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me today wasn’t going to run smoothly.
