Every Step of the Way: (Smugglers Cove #1)

by Anna Lindgren

  “Does Charlie know you’re taking his boat out?” A judgmental question coming from the man sitting next to me.

  I shrug in response.

  Charlie and I used to hang out when I first moved here. He was someone I could waste my days with. He was nice, but everything felt surface level. He was familiar and reminded me of my past in a shallow, safe, sense. He had wanted me for what I could offer in any given moment. Not the version of myself I keep hidden away for fear of vulnerability.

  “Is it bad that I don’t care?” Jake pipes up, and I shush him as we continue to slowly drift into the channel.

  “Sorry,” he whispers with a silent chuckle. “I’ve never liked Charlie, so I don’t feel one way or the other on taking his boat.”

  I give him a skeptical look, wondering what all Ryan has told him about and wondering if I’m the only reason he doesn’t like him.

  “He used to date my sister.” I look toward him as he answers my unspoken question. My mind wanders with curiosity about Jake’s life before I knew him. He tilts back, looking up toward the night sky. “Broke up with her when she got pregnant.”

  “I didn’t know.” Guilt pangs in my gut.

  “I beat the living hell out of him,” he says as he wipes a hand down his face. “Is it okay if we don’t talk about this?”

  I nod, giving him a brief, sympathetic gaze.

  “Don’t look at me like that.” He shakes his head in embarrassment. “I don’t want your pity.”

  I laugh. “I don’t pity you, Jake.”

  “Sure looked like it just then.” He smiles, still seeming embarrassed.

  I rev the motor into a higher speed, sure not to break any sound barrier that would cause alarm. Not many boats are out on the water this time of night and for good reason, but tonight those reasons don’t seem as scary with Jake here with me.

  “What are you thinking about?” He asks.

  “I’m reminding myself not to fall for you despite how wonderful you are.” The thought broadcasted into words that escape me before I can stop them. I place a hand over my lips, what have I done?

  Jake begins to glow in the dark night, his grin confident and bright. He doesn’t speak. Just sits there, looking over at me as I try desperately to avoid his gaze. I’m concentrating incredibly hard on the sky above me, praying to God Jake doesn’t speak. Doesn’t ask anything of me.

  In this moment, I have nothing to give. Nothing he would want, anyway. I reluctantly glance over at him, swiftly returning my gaze toward the sky after seeing his face light up.

  “Don’t give me that look,” I say, feigning annoyance.

  He chuckles as he presses his tongue against his cheek. “No look, I swear.”

  I glare over at him. “Sure looks like a look to me.” I point toward his face with a weak smile as I hide my embarrassment.

  He leans in and whispers, despite us being the only ones around, “I’m just reminding myself not to screw this up.”

  “A man of few words,” I say as the motor putters out.

  We’re nearing the middle of the channel. I switch the motor off and allow us to drift along the sea aimlessly with no boats in sight. I climb to the bow of the skiff and lie on my back, stretching my legs over the side. I rest my arms behind my head and admire the night sky. There are so many stars here. Stars that aren’t diffused by city lights.

  I notice Jake shift next to me as he lies across the back of the boat, his head resting against the side and his feet dangling just above the water. I stifle a laugh as he shifts in the small skiff trying to balance himself in a comfortable position but failing miserably.

  It’s like watching a large man fit himself into a small sports car, all squished within the confines of the vehicle, Jake is horridly uncomfortable

  “Something funny up there?” He whispers loudly.

  Silent laughter shakes my body. I try and wave him off in an attempt to catch my breath, shaking my head, signaling that nothing is funny despite my giggling.

  “What’s so hilarious, huh?” I see him shift to his side so he can watch me suck in a large gulp of air. I try to regain my composure just in time to turn toward him and see his toe sink into the water.

  “Goddammit,” He hisses as he pulls his dampened toe from the ocean. This has me tumbling toward the floor of the boat in a hysterical fit of laughter.

  “Oh, that’s funny, is it?” he says before dipping his hand into the water and splashing me with it. I squeal and look up toward him in astonishment.

  “You did not.”

  “Oh, I did,” he says waggling his eyebrows.

  I dip both of my hands off the side of the boat and toss them, full of water, in his direction. Water soaks into his jacket and droplets dribble down his face.

  “You are going to pay for that,” he says before charging toward me, the boat swaying under the weight of each step. I squeal and crouch into a squatting position, hoping to hide myself from whatever my punishment may be.

  He scoops me into his arms and starts to tilt my head over the boat, my hair falling into the water. I yelp.

  “Please,” I shout desperately as I hook my arms around his neck and pull myself toward his chest, doing my best to remove my hair from the saltwater below.

  His laughter consumes me as it vibrates against my body, sending waves of pleasure through me. I’ve never known a pleasure like this. One so small and simple, only constructed through laughter and one another’s company.

  I rest my head tightly against his chest, feeling his heart pound against me, and only pull away when he promises a truce.

  I reluctantly push off his chest, only far enough to see the truth that lies behind his eyes. I don’t move a muscle as I lie in his arms, scanning his darkened eyes for answers I don’t know the question to. He gently starts to lower my feet toward the boat, sliding my body down against his, while our eyes stay locked on one another.

  “Ahem,” I clear my throat, breaking the eye contact. “I’m glad you let me down.”

  “Oh,” A statement dripping with disappointment.

  “Yep, I would have really hated having to kick your ass back there,” I say straight faced as I cross my arms against my waist.

  “Is that so?” he asks, folding his arms across his chest.

  “Oh, yeah,” I reassure him with a nod before casting my eyes toward the sky. “I’m quite scrappy when I need to be.”

  I glance toward him and see him smirking. When he notices my gaze, he rolls his eyes. “Alright, superstar, you going to show me your moves?”

  “I never show a man my moves on a first date,” I reassure him.

  “I didn’t realize this was our first date,” he says with amusement.

  “I didn’t—I mean, I don’t want—” I stutter.

  “If I would have known this was a date, I would have brought you flowers and dressed up a little,” he continues to make a mockery of me. I slap a hand against my head and sigh my humiliation away.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, attempting to clarify. “I just meant—”

  “No need to explain.” He puts a hand up as if to push the idea away. “I’m just teasing you.”

  “Well, that’s awful.”

  “No, what is truly awful is not getting to take you on a real date.”

  I turn and look at him while he stares down at me, his eyes searching my face for any sign of letting up. My body tells me to give in. To give myself over completely. My mind reminds me it isn’t worth the sacrifice, the heartache. All love ends in disappointment, I’m reminded.

  I turn away from him, and we lose whatever whimsical connection was just made.

  “We should be getting back. I wouldn’t want Charlie to call us in.” Decisively I stand and move toward the back, pulling the cord and revving the motor.

  “Of course,” Jake says as he returns to a seated position, his shoulder nearly grazing mine with every inhalation. “Wouldn’t want to give him another reason to press charges.”

  I
whip my head around in astonishment just to see Jake smiling next to me, a sloppy grin across his face. I playfully backhand him against his shoulder.

  “You jerk,” I say with a laugh and watch as he rubs his arm where I have smacked him.

  “Ow,” he mocks as our eyes meet once more. My smile falters recognizing the determination behind his eyes as he slowly leans into me. I give myself permission to lean into my discomfort and abandon any reservations I have left. His breath hovers against my lips, nudging my nose with his to tilt me toward him. Just as his breath closes in and he captures my lips in his we’re torn apart.

  “Hey,” A man shouts from the harbor. I startle and pull back away from Jake. “Hey!” the voice comes again, and I search, looking for its owner.

  “Shit,” I mutter as I see Charlie waving his hands over his head at the end of the dock like a maniac.

  “That’s my fucking boat,” He shouts again.

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake, shut up,” Jake mutters under his breath. “He’s going to wake the whole town up by the time we make it back.”

  I turn the motor up as fast as it will go as I boat back to the dock. We pull up, and Jake jumps from the boat to tie us off to the cleat. I quickly propel myself out of the skiff and greet a very angry Charlie.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he demands an answer, his stony dark eyes roam over me.

  “Charlie,” I say as I catch my breath. “I can explain.”

  “Explain what? How you just stole my boat?” he says, arms as wild and expressive as his dark, sleepy hair.

  “I’m sorry.” I drop my gaze, horrified at what I’ve done.

  “I could press charges, you know,” he informs me, tossing his boney arm toward my direction.

  I look up toward him to beg his forgiveness but before I can Jake scoffs beside me. “That won’t be necessary.” Jake’s stern and determined voice sounds behind me. “I think we can call this a wash.”

  “Oh, is that so?” Charlie nearly spits at Jake as he moves closer.

  “I’m curious,” Jake says more confidently stepping in front of me. “How’s your son?”

  It doesn’t escape me how Charlie’s body language stiffens at the mention of him. “He’s got to be, what, five now?” Jake continues.

  “I’m not sure how th—” Charlie tries to regain control of the conversation.

  “Last I heard, Theresa hadn’t received any child support from you in the past three years. I should let her know I’ve just run into you,” he says facetiously pulling out his phone to text her.

  “No,” Charlie snaps, losing his cool. He quickly clears his throat and lowers his voice. “No, that won’t be necessary.”

  Charlie lazily runs a hand through his hair before turning his gaze to me and meekly saying, “Next time, just ask me. Okay?”

  Like that, Charlie has come and gone with a dramatic flair. “Ugh,” I suppress the need to cleanse myself. “I don’t know what I ever saw in that guy.” I shake my head with disgust.

  “Wait,” Jacob says, putting the pieces together. “You and Charlie…” His face lights up, and he doubles over with laughter. “You didn’t.”

  “Alright, shut up,” I say, feeling remorse for my poor decision-making. I begin to laugh as I notice Jake struggling to catch his breath. “I’ve told you. I have awful taste in men.”

  Jake continues to laugh as he wipes away tears that have formed at the corner of his eyes. “Oh, God. I haven’t laughed that hard in forever.” He rests a hand against his abdomen.

  “What about you?” I say, trying to gain back control.

  “What about me?” he says as he continues to wipe his face free of tears.

  “Pimping out your nephew’s inheritance to get out of any legal troubles?” I say, feeling as though I may have the upper hand.

  “Oh, that.” He waves me off. “Theresa wants nothing to do with Charlie. She’d rather not have his money and do it on her own than get child support.” I smile as I shake my head, impressed by Jacob’s ability to play dirty. Jake continues, “She’d rather have his time than his money. She wants him to be a father to their son, not a piggy bank.”

  We meander back toward my place in silence interrupted by brief moments of observations.

  “It’s a beautiful night,” I say.

  Another moment of silence after silent nods.

  “It’s a little cold with that breeze,” Jake adds and I mhm.

  More awkward silence follows as my mind wanders back to the boat ride and how close I was to falling forward and crashing against his lips.

  “We should do this again sometime,” he interrupts my thought process as my heart starts to pick up pace.

  Is he asking me out?

  “Like a date?” I ask hesitantly, eyeing him with suspicion.

  He smiles over at me, and my cold exterior starts to melt away under the heat of his gaze. “Sure.” He shrugs nonchalantly.

  “Jake, I’m not—” I begin to say but he interrupts.

  “Cammie.” His voice a gentle warning. He turns to face me as we come to a stop. “I’m not expecting anything. With that said, I think it would be a disservice to both of us not to give this a chance. Whatever this is between us.” He looks at me, and I feel him obliterating the barriers I’ve left in place. “All I know,” he says as he steps toward me, “is that I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Maybe ever.”

  I see the determination in his eyes and realize he isn’t going to give up easily. Panic surges through my body as I’m reminded I’m not ready to commit to someone. If my track record with men is as accurate as I know it to be, then there is no way someone like Jake would be interested in me. That, or he isn’t a good guy after all.

  The thought hits me like a ton of bricks, and I feel my walls start to build themselves back up. My heart starts to pound, and my throat feels as though it’s tightening around the words I know I have to say despite the desire in my heart to give in.

  “Jake,” I cut him off after realizing that he’s still talking. “Sorry.”

  “Go ahead,” he says.

  “I can’t date you,” I say with a breath of relief.

  The hope behind his eyes diminishes, and his brow knits together with disappointment. “Why?”

  “Because, Jake,” I sigh, tossing my arms out at my side.

  He dramatically eye rolls before turning to walk along the street.

  “Where are you going?” I storm after him.

  “Why? It doesn’t concern you,” he touts, getting a scoff from me in return.

  “Just stop,” I say. “You don’t know what it’s been like for me.”

  He stops abruptly, whipping himself toward my direction. “I don’t!” He tosses his hands toward the ground. “But I am trying to figure it out.”

  Emotion grips tight around my throat as tears begin to prick. “Why?” I accuse him. “Why is it so important to you?”

  “Because,” he shouts, and I startle before he steps closer, lowering his voice just above a whisper. “Because I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I have to be near you. I’m drawn to you like a magnet. Like a plant needs sun and water to survive, I need you.”

  A lump of emotion clogs my throat as I stare down at my feet. Jake steps toward me, hooking a finger under my chin, encouraging me to meet his face. I reluctantly trail my sight along his body up to his eyes. Once mine are locked on his, he sees the pain behind the doubt, the hurt.

  “I just... I can’t. I’m sorry,” I stutter between words as my breath gets caught in my throat.

  Jake hangs his head in defeat for a moment before speaking once more. “Then I have no other option than to break down your walls, one by one. To prove to you that this is worth taking a risk on. That I am worth taking a risk on, Cammie.” He releases my face letting his hands fall to his side. “I promise, I won’t let you down.”

  With that, he looks back up to me, and I see the slightest glimmer of hope reflected in his eyes. I nod m
eekly as I agree to try. To try and let my guard down. To try and believe I’m worthy of love. To try and believe the words Jake speaks that he won’t let me down or walk out of my life like every man before him has.

  “Whatever the context, I’ll take it. I’ll take what you’ll give me,” he says.

  I look toward him. “Friends I can do.” I give a weak smile, and he returns it. We continue on in silence as we slowly approach my place, a quaint little two-bedroom, one bath painted a deep-sea blue with a bright-red door and cream-colored trim with wooden shutters around the windows.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” Jake asks before I walk inside. I stop, my hand still holding onto the handle.

  “Um,” I say, racking my brain for an excuse. When a moment passes and no viable excuse comes, I admit defeat. “I’ve got nothing.”

  “Great,” he says, still determined. “I’m going to take you out on the water. We can use Ryan’s skiff.”

  “Oh, you don’t need to do that. It’s your weekend. I’m sure you have better things to do.” I try and deflect the way my heart skips a beat, giddy with excitement.

  Stop it. I tell myself.

  “I’m sure I do, but I would rather spend that time showing you the places I grew up,” he says with a boyish grin.

  “Alright,” I say definitively before stepping inside to my place. “Good night.”

  “Night, Cammie.” He turns around and wanders out of the yard, latching the gate behind him when he leaves, leaving my heart cracked open exposing me to his mercy.

  Nine

  Jake

  My alarm blares at five the following morning. I reach over to turn it off, wiping a stupid grin from my face. Today marks the day I'm determined to show Cammie Smuggler’s Cove the way I grew up in it. I figure, the more time we spend together the better and also, the greater likelihood she will see that I mean what I say.

  I can’t explain why I feel determined to show her who I am and that I’m a man of my word. I want her to see that some people are worth the risk. Some lucky man won’t ever choose to leave her. Part of me wishes that could be me, and the other part knows for certain that I am utterly insane.