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Out of the Blue: Poems 1975-2001

Page 11

by Helen Dunmore


  out to the right.

  The reed-cutters go home

  whistling sharply, crab-wise

  beneath their dense burdens,

  the man on the mare weighs heavy, his broadcloth

  shiny and wom, his boots dangling

  six inches from ground.

  He clenches his buttocks to ease them,

  shifts Bible and meat,

  thinks of the congregation

  gathered beyond town,

  wind-whipped, looking for warm

  words from his dazed lips.

  No brand from the burning;

  a thick man with a day’s travel

  caked on him like salt,

  a preacher, one of those scattered like thistle

  from the many-angled home chapel

  facing all ways on its slabbed upland.

  US 1st Division Airborne Ranger at rest in Honduras

  The long arm hangs flat to his lap.

  The relaxed wrist-joint is tender, shade-

  cupped at the base of the thumb.

  That long, drab line of American cloth,

  those flat brows knitting a crux,

  the close-shaven scalp, cheeks, jawbone and lips

  rest in abeyance here, solid impermanence

  like the stopped breath of a runner swathed up

  in tinfoil bodybag, back from the front.

  He rests, coloured like August foliage and earth

  when the wheat’s cropped, and the massive harvesters

  go out on hire elsewhere,

  his single-lens perspex eyeswield pushed up, denting

  the folds of his skull stubble, his cap

  shading his eyes which are already shaded

  by bone. His pupils are shuttered,

  the lenses widening inwards,

  notions of a paling behind them.

  One more for the beautiful table

  Dense slabs of braided-up lupins –

  someone’s embroidery – Nan,

  liking the blue,

  one more for the beautiful table

  with roses and handkerchiefs, seams

  on the web of fifty five-year-olds’ life-spans.

  New, tough little stitches

  run on the torn

  wedding head-dresses.

  No one can count them

  back to the far-off

  ghosts of the children’s conceptions.

  Those party days:

  one more for the beautiful table

  the extinction of breath in a sash.

  What looks and surprises!

  Nan on her bad legs

  resumes the filminess of petals

  and quotes blood pricks and blood stains

  faded to mauve and to white and to crisp

  brown drifts beneath bare sepals –

  look, they have washed out.

  Lambkin

  (a poem in mother dialect)

  That’s better, he says, he says

  that’s better.

  Dense slabs of braided-up lupins –

  someone’s embroidery – Nan,

  liking the blue,

  Oh you’re a tinker, that’s what you are,

  a little tinker, a tinker, that’s what you are.

  One more for the beautiful table

  with roses and handkerchiefs, seams

  on the web of fifty five-year-olds’ life-spans.

  Come on now, come on, come on now,

  come on, come on, come on now,

  new tough little stitches

  run on the torn

  wedding head-dresses.

  The children count them

  back to the far-off

  ghosts of their own conceptions.

  Oh you like that, I know, yes,

  you kick those legs, you kick them,

  you kick those fat legs then.

  Those party days

  one more for the beautiful table

  set out in the hall.

  You mustn’t have any tears, you’re my good boy

  aren’t you my little good boy.

  What looks and surprises!

  Nan on her bad legs

  resumes the filminess of petals,

  she’ll leave it to Carlie

  her bad spice.

  Let’s wipe those tears, let’s wipe off all those tears.

  That’s better, he says, he says

  that’s right.

  She quotes blood pricks and bloodstains

  faded to mauve and to white and to crisp

  brown drifts beneath bare sepals –

  look, they have washed out.

  The green recording light falters

  as if picking up voices

  it’s pure noise grain and nothing more human.

  It’s all right lambkin I’ve got you I’ve got you.

  Dublin 1971

  The grass looks different in another country.

  By a shade more or a shade less, it startles

  as love does in the sharply-tinged landscape

  of sixteen to eighteen. When it is burnt

  midsummer and lovers have learned to make love

  with scarcely a word said, then they see nothing

  but what is closest: an eyelash tonight,

  the slow spread of a sweat stain,

  the shoe-sole of the other as he walks off

  watched from the mattress.

  The top deck of the bus babbles with diplomats’

  children returning from school, their language

  an overcast August sky which can’t clear.

  Each syllable melting to static

  troubles the ears of strangers, no stranger

  but less sure than the stick-limbed children.

  With one silvery, tarnishing ring between them

  they walk barefoot past the Martello tower

  at Sandymount, and wish the sea clearer,

  the sun for once dazzling, fledged

  from its wet summer nest of cloud-strips.

  They make cakes of apple peel and arrowroot

  and hear the shrieks of bold, bad seven-year-old Seamus

  who holds the pavement till gone midnight

  for all his mother’s forlorn calling.

  The freedom of no one related for thousands of miles,

  the ferry forever going backward and forward

  from rain runnel to drain cover…

  The grass looks different in another country,

  sudden and fresh, waving, unfurling

  the last morning they see it, as they go down

  to grey Dún Laoghaire by taxi.

  They watch the slate rain coming in eastward

  pleating the sea not swum in,

  blotting the Ballsbridge house with its soft sheets

  put out in the air to sweeten.

  The hard-hearted husband

  ‘Has she gone then?’ they asked,

  stepping round the back of the house

  whose cat skulked in the grass.

  She’d left pegs dropped in the bean-row,

  and a mauve terrycloth babygrow

  stirred on the line as I passed.

  Her damsons were ripe and her sage was in flower,

  her roses tilted from last night’s downpour,

  her sweetpeas and sunflowers leaned anywhere.

  ‘She got sick of it, then,’ they guessed,

  and wondered if the torn-up paper

  might be worth reading, might be a letter.

  ‘It was the bills got her,’ they knew,

  seeing brown envelopes sheared with the white

  in a jar on the curtainless windowsill,

  some of them sealed still, as if she was through

  with trying to pay, and would sit, chilled,

  ruffling and arranging them like flowers

  in the long dusks while the kids slept upstairs.

  The plaster was thick with her shadows,

  damp and ready to show

  how she
lived there and lay fallow

  and how she stood at her window

  and watched tall pylons stride down the slope

  sizzling faintly, stepping away

  as she now suddenly goes,

  too stubborn to be ghosted at thirty.

  She will not haunt here. She picks up her dirty

  warm children and takes them

  down to the gate which she lifts as it whines

  and sets going a thin cry in her.

  He was hard-hearted and no good to her

  they say now, grasping the chance to be kind.

  Malta

  The sea’s a featureless blaze.

  On photographs nothing comes out

  but glare, with that scarlet-rimmed fishing boat

  far-off, lost to the lens.

  At noon a stiff-legged tourist in shorts

  steps, camera poised. He’s stilted

  as a flamingo, pink-limbed.

  Icons of Malta gather around him.

  He sweats as a procession passes

  and women with church-dark faces

  brush him as if he were air.

  He holds a white crocheted dress

  to give to his twelve-year-old daughter

  who moons in the apartment, sun-sore.

  The sky’s tight as a drum, hard

  to breathe in, hard to walk under.

  He would not buy ‘bikini for daughter’

  though the man pressed him, with plump fingers

  spreading out scraps of blue cotton.

  Let her stay young, let her know nothing.

  Let her body remain skimpy and sudden.

  His wife builds arches of silence over her

  new breasts and packets of tampons marked ‘slender’.

  At nights, when they think she’s asleep,

  they ache in the same places

  but never louder than a whisper.

  He watches more women melt into a porch.

  Their white, still laundry flags from window to window

  while they are absent, their balconies blank.

  At six o’clock, when he comes home and snicks

  his key in the lock so softly neither will catch it

  he hears one of them laugh.

  They are secret in the kitchen, talking of nothing,

  strangers whom anyone might love.

  Candlemas

  Snowdrops, Mary’s tapers,

  barely alight in the grey shadows,

  Candlemas in a wet February,

  the soil clodded and frostless,

  the quick blue shadows of snowlight again missed.

  The church candles’ mass

  yellow as mothering bee cells,

  melts to soft puddles of wax,

  the snowdrops, with crisp ruffs

  and green spikes clearing the leaf debris

  are an unseen nebula

  caught by a swinging telescope,

  white tapers

  blooming in structureless dusk.

  Pilgrims

  Let us think that we are pilgrims

  in furs on this bleak water.

  The Titanic’s lamps hang on its sides like fruit

  on lit cliffs. We’re shriven for rescue.

  The sea snaps at our caulking.

  We bend to our oars and praise God

  and flex our fingers to bring

  a drowned child out from the tarpaulin.

  We’re neither mothers nor fathers, but children,

  fearful and full of trust,

  lamblike as the Titanic goes down

  entombing its witnesses.

  We row on in a state of grace

  in our half-empty lifeboats, sailing

  westward for America, pilgrims,

  numb to the summer-like choir

  of fifteen hundred companions.

  An Irish miner in Staffordshire

  On smooth buttercup fields

  the potholers sink down like dreams

  close to Roman lead-mining country.

  I sink the leafless shaft of an hydrangea twig

  down through the slippy spaces I’ve made for it.

  Dusted with hormone powder, moist,

  its fibrous stem splays into root.

  I graze the soft touches of compost

  and wash them off easily, balled

  under the thumb – clean dirt.

  There’s the man who gave me my Irish name

  still going down, wifeless, that miner

  who shafted the narrow cuffs of the earth

  as if it was this he came for.

  FROM

  SHORT DAYS, LONG NIGHTS

  (1991)

  Those shady girls

  Those shady girls on the green side of the street,

  those far-from-green girls who keep to the shade,

  those shady girls in mysterious suits

  with their labels half-showing

  as the cream flap of the jacket swings open,

  those girls kicking aside the front-panelled pleats

  of their cream suits with cerise lapels,

  those on-coming girls,

  those girls swinging pearly umbrellas

  as tightly-sheathed as tulips in bud

  from an unscrupulous street-seller,

  those girls in cream and cerise suits

  which mark if you touch them,

  those girls with their one-name appointments

  who walk out of the sunshine.

  The dream-life of priests

  Do they wake careless and warm

  with light on the unwashed windows

  and a perpetual smell of bacon,

  do their hearts sink at today’s martyr

  with his unpronounceable name

  and strange manner of execution?

  Do they wake out of the darkness

  with hearts thudding like ours

  and reach for the souvenir lamp-switch

  then shove a chair against the door

  and key facts into the desk-top computer

  while cold rattles along the corridor?

  Do they cry out in sleep

  at some barely-crushed thought,

  some failure to see the joke,

  or do they rest in their dreams

  along the surface of the water

  like a bevy of dragonflies

  slack and blue in the shallows

  whirring among reed-mace and water-forget-me-not

  while the ripples cluck?

  Do they wake in ordinary time

  to green curtains slapping the frame

  of a day that’ll cloud later on,

  to cars nudging and growling for space,

  to a baptismal mother, wan with her eagerness

  and her sleepless, milk-sodden nights?

  Do they reach and stroke the uneven plaster

  and sniff the lime-blossom threading

  like silk through the room,

  or do they wait, stretched out like babies

  in the gold of its being too early

  with sun on their ceilings wobbling like jelly

  while their housekeepers jingle the milk-bottles

  and cry ‘Father!’ in sixty-year-old voices

  and scorch toast with devotion –

  do they sense the milk in the pan rising

  then dive with their blue chins, blundering

  through prayer under their honeycomb blankets?

  Sisters leaving before the dance

  Sisters leaving before the dance,

  before the caller gets drunk

  or the yellow streamers unreel

  looping like ribbons

  here and there on the hair of the dancers,

  sisters at the turn of the stairs

  as the sound system

  one-twos, as the squeezebox

  mewed in its case

  is slapped into breath, and that scrape

  of the tables shoved back for the dance

  burns li
ke the strike of a match

  in the cup of two hands.

  Ripe melons and meat

  mix in the binbags with cake

  puddled in cherry-slime, wind

  heavy with tar

  blows back the yard door, and I’m

  caught with three drinks in my hands

  on the stairs looking up

  at the sisters leaving before the dance,

  not wishing to push past them

  in their white broderie anglaise and hemmed

  skirts civilly drawn

  to their sides to make room

  for the big men in suits,

  and the girls in cerise

  dance-slippers and cross-backed dresses

  who lead the way up

  and take charge of the tickets, and yet

  from their lips cantaloupe

  fans as they speak

  in bright quick murmurs between

  a violin ghosting a tune

  and the kids in the bar downstairs

  begging for Coke, peaky but certain.

  The sisters say their good nights

  and all the while people stay bunched

 

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