Wrong Bed, Right Girl

by Rebecca Brooks

  He took a step toward her. “It kills me to know I made you cry. It’s all I’ve been able to think about, the biggest regret I have. I just—” He ran a hand over his head and she could see on his face how torn up he was inside. “I panicked, Talia. I wish I could say something better, but that’s the most honest thing there is.” He let his hands fall to his side, as if to say This is me. This is it. This is all I have.

  Was it enough?

  She swallowed. Tried to get a handle on what was happening. For someone who always had something to say, she was as much at a loss for words as he was.

  “Come inside,” she said. “I need to sit down.”

  She led him into her dressing room, clothes everywhere, makeup a mess, and motioned for him to grab a seat. As she unwrapped her pointe shoes, she groaned out loud.

  “I wish you’d told me something was wrong that weekend,” she finally managed, once she had some feeling back in her toes. “Said it to my face instead of to everyone else.”

  “But that’s just it.” He slid his chair closer. “I didn’t panic because something was wrong.”

  She slid off her dress and put on comfortable sweats over her leotard, grateful to be halfway toward human again. Maybe it was her exhaustion, but he wasn’t making any sense, and she told him so.

  “I panicked because nothing was wrong,” he said, looking at her with such intensity. “That weekend proved it. How good we were together. How much I wanted you in every way.”

  “But—” She shook her head. How could this be happening? Sure, she’d imagined him barging back into his apartment as she was packing and begging for forgiveness. Maybe even entertained a fantasy or three about him tracking her down at Rose’s and singing to her through the open window, or something equally absurd and un-Reed-like.

  But that was make believe. This, right now, was real.

  Even if it felt like him rushing to her right after the curtain fell was the biggest fantasy of them all.

  Or maybe she was only pretending that was what was happening, because what was he going on about, anyway? “That’s…not at all the impression I got from how that weekend ended,” she said, staring at him.

  “I know.”

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  He cleared his throat. “Crap, this is hard,” he said.

  But Talia had done a few hard things herself today. He must have known it, because he took a breath and tried again.

  “I kept trying to come up with what to say, you know? How to make it right. And then I realized that if I kept planning, if I kept trying to make it perfect, I’d never make it over here. I’d never even give myself the chance.”

  “Then make it imperfect,” she said. “Make it messy.” She paused, then went ahead and asked for the only thing she’d ever wanted, all this time. “Make it real.”

  She was leaning back in her chair, and Reed reached out and lifted her aching legs. One at a time, he rested her feet in his lap. She grimaced. His suit was flawless. Her feet were anything but. She was going to lose her toenails by the time Giselle was over.

  But Reed took her feet in his hands and rubbed her arches, as though there wasn’t a single thing wrong with her. She could feel his strength, his warmth, the steadiness of his touch. The way the two of them still fit together in all the right ways.

  “I always thought I couldn’t bring someone into my life and keep them there. Ever since we met, I’ve been waiting for you to see the reality of me—all of me—and run away,” he said softly.

  “Your ex,” she said, realizing.

  “I wasn’t the right man for her. But maybe that doesn’t have to mean I’m not the right man for anyone.”

  “I don’t want to be compared to some part of your past,” she said. “I’m just me, you know.”

  “I do. I get that now. But what you did wearing the wire—” He shook his head. “That was stupid.”

  She was about to protest when he went on. “It was stupid…but it was also kind. It was brave.” He took the deepest breath she’d ever seen, filling out his chest. “And I love you for it, Talia. I knew, as soon as I heard your voice come through, that I wanted to kill you. And that I loved you with all of my heart.”

  Talia pulled her feet back and pitched herself forward so she was sitting on his lap. She reached for him, and he opened his arms to take her—all of her—against him.

  “I didn’t do it for you,” she said into his shoulder, neither of them caring that it was getting smeared with thick foundation. “It wasn’t some crazy stunt to get you back. I figured, if anything, you’d be so mad that you’d never want to speak to me again.” She paused. “But I knew I had to do it anyway.”

  He laughed against her. “I considered it.” Then he hugged her even closer. “Who am I kidding, no I didn’t. I was furious, but that only made me have to think about why I was so afraid.”

  “I did it because I love you, too, Reed.” She inhaled at the words and felt his own heart beating against her. “Not to make you love me.”

  She made herself lift her head, so she could look into his stormy eyes and know he was seeing her, really seeing her, too.

  “I’m sorry that I got so upset at your mom’s house, and that I was so quick to leave. I panicked, too, and I reacted way too fast. But I feel things, Reed. And when I feel them, I say them. There’s no pause button, no filter. I know that’s not the best. But I don’t want to make myself smaller, make myself quiet, just so things can be easy all the time.”

  “I don’t want you to,” he said immediately. “I don’t want you to hold back with me. Ever. I know you were faking it when you smiled and said goodbye to my mom. Please, no matter how ugly it gets, promise you’ll never fake it like that with me.”

  She had to dab at her eyes. “It might get ugly, though. We’ll fight.”

  “And then we’ll figure it out.”

  “I’ll be too loud,” she said.

  “I’ll be too quiet.”

  “I’ll work too much,” he said.

  “Me, too. And I’m too messy.”

  He laughed. “Me, too.”

  “We’re not that different,” she said.

  “We are.” He paused. “But that’s why I need you.”

  She pressed her forehead to his and let it rest against him, using his strength to prop her up. Using her own strength to hold him steady, too. “And that’s why I need you.”

  There was a knock at the door. “Talia, people are waiting for autographs!” a stagehand called.

  “In a minute,” she called back. All of that could wait. Everything could wait—except one thing that she couldn’t stop from doing another second longer. She kissed Reed, and in that kiss she put everything she felt. The tears and laughter. And all of the love.

  “I’ll pay for your dry-cleaning bill,” she said as her makeup got all over his collar.

  He laughed. “Not a chance. I’m keeping this suit like this forever. It’ll be the lucky backstage suit, for all your performances.”

  She groaned. “Don’t jinx me!”

  “You were amazing, Talia. Beyond amazing. I’ve never been transported like that. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

  “There are reporters here who want to talk to you!” The stagehand was getting impatient.

  “Go.” Reed nudged her up. “Your fans are waiting.”

  Talia shook her head. “I don’t want to leave you.”

  “I’ll be right here when you’re done. Always. I swear, Talia. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “How did you even get back here?” she asked as she gathered her things. “They’re not supposed to let anyone in.”

  He grinned sheepishly. “I told everyone I was your boyfriend and that you’d left your slippers at home that you absolutely needed after the performance. Sorry, I kind of made you sound like a diva.”

  She laughed and nodded toward the paper bag on the floor. “So that was your decoy. The stagehands didn’t just grab the bag from
you to give to me? They’re supposed to check these things.”

  Reed’s lips tightened into what she only knew was a smile because she knew him so well. “I may have also slipped in some cash and a line about how I wasn’t actually your boyfriend, but I damn well ought to be. And then I showed them the contents. I guess people know you, because instead of deciding I was creepy, they laughed.”

  “Okaaay,” she said warily. “But since I don’t have special my-feet-are-killing-me shoes, and apparently I have a reputation, I have to ask—what’s in the bag? And why’s it so heavy?” She leaned on his arm and did a graceful arabesque, her front swan diving to the ground so she could reach to open it. No matter how tired her muscles were, she couldn’t help wanting to dance when she was this happy.

  “I don’t even know what you’re doing right now with your leg in the air,” he muttered, “but it’s so fucking sexy.”

  “Do I smell chocolate?” She hinged upright and looked up at him.

  He reached down and carefully picked up the bag. Then he unfolded the top. When Talia saw what it was, her hands flew to her mouth. “It can’t be.”

  “You said flowers are boring.”

  “You weren’t supposed to remember that.”

  “I wasn’t supposed to do a lot of things,” he said. “But I did. I said things I didn’t mean. I didn’t say the things I did mean. And yes, I brought you an entire dark chocolate velvet cake on a cake stand and bribed my way backstage.”

  “Wow,” she said.

  “So I hope you weren’t kidding when you said that was your dream.”

  “You’re my dream,” she said. And she meant it.

  Not all dreams came true. Sometimes they changed, or had to be abandoned. Sometimes, they only led to heartache, and the crush of hearing “no” over and over again.

  But it would be so much worse not to have them at all.

  “Go talk to the reporters. Enjoy every second, because you earned it. When you’re done, we’ll eat cake with your friends and family. Everyone’s waiting outside the theater for whenever you’re ready.”

  “All I really want is for you to take me home,” she admitted. “My feet are killing me.”

  From the bag with the cake he pulled out another small pouch and handed it to her. She’d thought there was no other way he could surprise her. But when she opened it, she laughed in delight. In it was a soft pair of cushy shoes lined with shearling.

  “My lie started to seem like a good idea. And there are bath bombs, so you can soak in the tub.”

  “But you don’t have a tub,” she said, confused.

  “No, but you do. I can take you back to Stacey’s apartment tonight, where she has that ancient thing. The guys are arresting Jonnie”—he glanced at his watch—“right about now.”

  Talia’s eyes widened. “And you’re not there to make it happen?”

  “I had tickets for the ballet,” he said. “And someone more important to see.”

  “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

  But he only grinned at her.

  “I don’t want to go back to Stacey’s apartment tonight,” she said. “Not even for a bath.”

  “Then where do you want to go?”

  “Talia,” the stagehand called impatiently. “Should I tell everyone you’re not—”

  “Anywhere with you.” She planted a lipsticky kiss on his cheek. Then she put on the heavenly shoes and floated out to meet the crowds.

  There was plenty more to be nervous about. Interviews? Autographs? All those cameras clicking in her face? She wasn’t sure she could face it.

  But she smiled and took a deep breath, knowing she’d be fine. Better than fine.

  She was doing her best, living with her whole heart, trying as hard as she could. How could she expect any more from herself than that?

  How could she long for anything else, when her love was ready to thrive?

  Epilogue

  Reed hefted the last of the boxes from the moving van and lugged it up the stairs. Why was he marrying someone who owned so many goddamn clothes? Where were they going to put everything?

  But he didn’t care. They’d figure it out like they always did. Like they always would. There weren’t a lot of things he could count on, but he knew he could count on that—and on Talia always being by his side. In her dresses, her yoga pants, and—his personal favorite—nothing at all.

  He’d started off nervous. Hadn’t he done this whole moving in together, getting engaged, planning a future thing before? Hadn’t he thought he could never go down that path again?

  But looking at the boxes piled in the living room, all he could think about was how lucky he was. He and Talia spent all their nights together anyway, but now they were making it official—and not in either of their cramped, shithole apartments.

  After Jonnie’s arrest, Stacey had taken a longer leave of absence to spend six months studying at the Moscow Bolshoi Ballet, one of the best ballet companies in the world. Talia got to keep subletting her apartment. And, after a stunning performance as Giselle that left critics praising her “bold interpretation” and “raw athleticism,” Talia also got to keep her position as a lead principal dancer in the ballet. Even with Stacey back, there would always be roles for her, too.

  Talia had been worried for two and a half seconds about having to find a new apartment. But Reed knew the answer to that.

  “Are you sure you want me to move in?” she’d said. “For real? I know I’m at your place all the time anyway, but that’s still a really big step.”

  But Talia didn’t need to worry about whether Reed was ready. To him, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Inevitable. Like he’d been waiting his whole life to finally have her in it.

  He slept better with her around. He laughed more. He still cleared cases, but he did it without grinding his molars all the way down. After his promotion to lieutenant, thanks in no small part to Talia and Aaron’s work in nabbing Jonnie West, he was more grateful than ever for her smile, her perspective, her ability to boost him up when he needed it—and give him a reality check when he needed it even more.

  No, there was no question in his mind. He didn’t need his mom riding his case, or his brothers asking what the hell he was doing. There was no way he was letting this one go.

  “Don’t move into my place,” he’d said. “We barely have any space as it is. Let’s find somewhere bigger. A two-bedroom—in Inwood, maybe. Or Queens. Something near a park with lots of space to run around.”

  He’d never forget the look Talia had given him then. “Are you telling me I need to run around more?”

  He’d laughed. “Not a chance, babe.”

  “Are you telling me you want to get a puppy or something?”

  “That’d be fun, but no,” he’d said, sweeping her into his arms. “I was thinking about space for something else. Someone else. Maybe even someones.”

  And Talia, turning in his arms, kissing him, had known just what he meant, and said that she wanted that, too. Of course, she’d said it in a lot more words than he had, with a lot more waving her hands and calling her friends. But the idea was the same.

  They were each other’s, and there was no doubting it, and no turning back.

  “Where do you want the dresser?” Aaron called from the bedroom.

  “Let’s try putting it to the left of the bed,” Reed heard Talia say, and there was a flurry of movement as they pushed the dresser to one wall…and then another…before settling on a third.

  “You guys have done way too much work,” Talia said, coming into the living room, her face flushed and beaming.

  “I wish we could help you unpack, but we have to go relieve the babysitter,” Maggie said.

  “Aka Mom,” Aaron said. “Are you guys coming for dinner tomorrow?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Talia said, slipping her hand in Reed’s.

  “We’re hosting brunch tomorrow morning,” Reed said. “Then heading out to see
you guys.”

  “Then on Monday, our new couch gets delivered.” Talia clapped her hands together. That piece of junk from his old place was the first thing to go when they decided to take the plunge.

  “Thank God,” Amanda said. “No offense guys, but that thing was so uncomfortable.”

  Reed caught a hint of pink sneaking up Talia’s cheeks. Of course, they’d done plenty of things to that couch to wear it out.

  Everyone had come to help them move—Aaron, Maggie, Jessie, Shawn, Rose, Amanda, and even Amanda’s work crush, Luke. The only one who was missing was Rose’s fiancé, Jason. When Reed asked Talia what the deal was, she shrugged.

  “I don’t think he likes us very much,” she whispered so Rose, eyeing paint samples with Amanda and Luke in the second bedroom, wouldn’t overhear.

  “This might be a stupid question, but does he like Rose?” Reed asked.

  Talia frowned sadly. “This might be a stupid answer, but I really don’t know.”

  “As long as she knows she can stay with us anytime,” Reed said.

  Talia kissed him on the cheek.

  “What was that for?” he asked.

  “For being you,” she said. “For always being so perfectly you.”

  “I’m glad everyone came to help us,” he said. “But I still wish we had more time to christen our new apartment.” He nuzzled her neck, threatening to turn her chaste kiss into something more.

  She gently pushed him back in a way that said that putting space between them was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. “It’s your first case as a lieutenant—I know you have to go in to work today. And don’t worry.” She flashed him a grin. “We have all the time in the world to get christening.”

  “Just promise me you aren’t going to spend the rest of the day rehearsing,” he said. “You have weeks until the new show opens. You can’t go tiring yourself out for every new role.”

  “I won’t let her,” Shawn said, coming into the room. “It’s hot, and everyone deserves a drink. We’re going to Thunder and I’m keeping the beers flowing and ordering pizza. What do you say?”

  “I’d say my brother has the right idea,” Talia said, getting up from where they’d been sitting. “Sorry, Lieutenant. I’ve got a better deal calling.”