Never Enough

by Elliott, Kelly

  I shot him a warning look. “Take it easy.”

  “I will.” He popped a strawberry in his mouth. “Mom’s on her way over to get Blayze.”

  “Why?” I asked, slipping a perfect heart-shaped pancake out of the pan and onto the plate. I buttered it and poured a bit of syrup on it before following Brock to the table.

  “I asked her to. I wanted to talk to you. It’s time I told you everything about me and Kaci.”

  “Brock, what’s in the past is in the past. I don’t need to know.”

  He chuckled and then held on to his side. “If you’ve spent more than five minutes with Julia, I’m sure you and I need to talk. According to her, it was a heartbreaking love triangle between me, Dirk, and Kaci. In a way, I guess it was. But I need you to understand why I was distant for so many years and then attempted—but failed—to keep you away.”

  “We can talk, but I need you to know that I’m not pushing you into anything. I would never do that. So, no matter what happens here the next few weeks, I’m going to go at your pace, Brock. No more spooking you away.” I chewed anxiously on my lip. “At least, I hope not.”

  “That’s not going to happen. I promise you.”

  I gave him a forced smile. Oh Lord. If sex with no condom spooked him, a baby is going to freak him the heck out.

  Pacing the kitchen, I wrung my hands while Brock ate. Maybe I needed to wait to tell Brock. This was moving so fast.

  A baby.

  We were having a baby.

  My hand covered my stomach as I tried to keep the bile down.

  The doorbell rang, and I let out a small scream.

  “Jesus, Lincoln, what’s wrong?” Brock asked. “You’re pacing a hole in the floor.”

  “Sorry. I’ll go let your mom in.”

  I rushed out of the kitchen and barely beat Blayze to the door.

  I opened it to see Stella standing there. “Good morning! I’m here to see if a certain little boy wants to go to the park with me and Papa? Maybe fly some kites?”

  Blayze’s eyes lit up as he said, “Yes! I want to go!”

  “How fun is that going to be!” I said with a chuckle as Blayze ran out of the room and quickly came back with his on-the-go toys that he always had at the ready.

  “You excited, buddy?” I asked with a chuckle.

  “Yep,” he said as he flew past Stella and rushed to his grandparents’ truck.

  “Well, I’d say he was a bit more than excited. Bye, Blayze!” I called out.

  He merely lifted his hand and climbed up into the truck. Ty Senior buckled him in.

  “He just ate a pancake for breakfast.”

  Stella smiled. “Sounds good.”

  “Hi, Ty!” I called out as I waved my hand.

  He replied with a smile and a good morning. Then I felt Brock next to me.

  “Hi, Mama. How’s it going, Dad?” he called out.

  “Good. How are you feeling?” Ty Senior asked as he shut the truck door.

  “Better now that I’m home.”

  Stella reached up and kissed her son on the cheek. Then she turned to me and did the same. She moved her mouth to my ear and whispered, “Don’t be worried. He’s going to be over the moon.”

  My eyes widened and my mouth dropped.

  She knows about the baby?

  “Ty can’t keep a secret for his life,” she whispered.

  After a quick hug, she waved her fingers in the air and officially declared it grandparents’ day.

  I was still in shock as I watched her climb into the truck and drive away.

  “You okay? What did she say to you?” Brock’s voice snapped me out of my moment of daze.

  “Oh, girl stuff. You know.”

  He rolled his eyes and took my hand. “Come on. Let’s talk.”

  Swallowing hard, I followed him into the family room. Brock’s house was decorated with a rustic design. I loved every part of the house. It screamed of Brock everywhere you looked. We sat down on the leather sofa, and he took in a slow, steady breath and then winced.

  “Do you need a pain pill?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  I wondered if he was avoiding the pills because of Ty becoming addicted to painkillers after his accident. “Are you sure?”

  He nodded. “I’ll take one later this afternoon.”

  I turned and faced him, patiently waiting for him to tell me what weighed so heavy on his heart.

  “I know I’ve told you a little about Kaci before, but I left one important piece out. How she died.”

  “Okay.” My voice sounded shaky.

  “Has anyone told you?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  He furrowed his brows and then closed his eyes only briefly before speaking. “I never really understood why I couldn’t make Kaci happy. For a while, I wondered if it might be because she regretted picking me over Dirk. A part of me wishes we had never forced her hand on it. But over the years, I’ve looked back . . . and there had always been signs of how unhappy she’d been, even before we got married. I guess I just ignored them.”

  I reached for his hand.

  “Anyway, after we got married, Kaci started to pressure me into giving up bull riding. She wanted me to go to college, get into law. She worried about me riding and said the stress was too much. We fought a lot; Dirk put a lot of pressure on me as well to try harder to make her happy. Sometimes I wonder what her life would have been like, had she loved Dirk more than me.”

  He shrugged and got lost in his thoughts for a moment before continuing. “I tried so hard to show her I loved her. I did love her, Lincoln.”

  I squeezed his hand gently. “I know you did.”

  He slowly let out a breath and tried to hide the pain he was in. “After a while, I started to grow resentful toward her. The constant complaining about me being gone, wanting me to give up what I loved, and she got it in her head I was cheating. I never once cheated on her. Then, one day, she said she thought a baby would bring us closer. It was in the barn, in that tack room we were in. That day you asked me to make love to you in there, that memory came rushing back to me . . . and I felt like I was betraying Kaci. It’s been part of the reason I haven’t allowed myself to fall in love again. The guilt that I couldn’t seem to make her happy, and the fact that I was a selfish asshole for not putting her first.”

  “You’re not betraying her by loving me.”

  A soft laugh slipped from his lips. “I know that . . . now. Being in that room and wanting to make love to you, knowing we felt such a powerful connection, made me feel guilty. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t tell you I was falling in love with you . . . not in that room.”

  The room fell silent as Brock seemed to get his thoughts together.

  “About a week before Kaci went into labor, everything in our world seemed great. She was happy; she wasn’t pushing me to go to college; I thought things were going to work out. That the baby was already bringing us closer. The night before she went into labor, though, she called me. She was angry and not really acting like herself. She gave me an ultimatum.”

  “An ultimatum?” I asked.

  “Yeah. She told me if I wanted to be a part of our child’s life, I had to slow down on the tour, or she would leave me.”

  My hand came up to my mouth. “What?”

  Brock nodded. “I was so pissed at her. I told her she knew what I did for a living when we got married, and it wasn’t fair that she was asking me to walk away from it. We fought a bit more, she said something, I said something, and she hung up on me.”

  “Why would she suddenly demand this from you?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I think she was in a dark place; I just didn’t know it at the time. Kaci suffered from depression. I also didn’t know that until the day of her funeral. Her mama pulled me to the side and told me. I was so angry, but Kaci had made her parents promise not to tell me. Things might have been different, had I known. Dirk didn’t know either. She kept it from
both of us.”

  A tear slipped down Brock’s cheek, and I reached over and gently wiped it away.

  “The day she went into labor, I wasn’t that far away, at a PBR event. I was about to ride when I was told she was in labor, too early, and there was a problem.” His voice shook and he closed his eyes. “The helicopter was waiting to take me to her, and I . . . I was up to ride. Dirk was yelling for me to get off the bull, but I kept telling myself it would only be one to two more minutes. I could ride and still get out of there and to Kaci.”

  My chest grew heavy with sadness for him. “Brock,” I whispered.

  “I made the eight. Then reality came crashing in on me. I was putting bull riding first over my wife, and now I was also doing it with my unborn child. I cursed myself the entire trip back home. Dirk didn’t utter a word to me, and I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t even believe I had done it. The guilt was ripping me in half. In my mind at the time, I had made the right decision. I needed the win for a big sum of money. I justified it because of that.”

  He paused again, and I dropped onto the floor in front of him. Holding on to him. I could see the emotions growing, and I knew Brock had been carrying that guilt with him for so long.

  “I got there just after Blayze was born. Kaci smiled the moment I walked into the room. She knew I had ridden because Dirk had called to talk to her. He told her. It took me some time to forgive him for that, but I understood why he did it. He loved her, too, and was scared, wasn’t thinking clearly himself. Anyway, she told me we had a son. Those were her last words to me.”

  I lost my battle to keep my tears at bay.

  “The next thing I knew, my mother was screaming Kaci’s name and they were pushing us out of the room. The doctor later told me she died from a blood clot that must have come loose when she was delivering Blayze. Dirk flipped out on me and said it was my fault that it happened. He didn’t mean it, of course; I think he was upset with himself as well for telling her I rode.”

  I sat there, stunned. Every emotion I could possibly feel rushed through me. I was angry with Dirk for blaming Kaci’s death on Brock, angry at Kaci for forcing Brock’s hand, hurt for how Brock had carried around the guilt of her death, and helpless because he blamed himself. What a mess.

  “After all that, I vowed that I was never opening my heart again. I could never let someone get that close to me. I let her down when she needed me the most, and I wouldn’t do it again.”

  “Brock,” I whispered, taking his hand and kissing the back of it.

  “Then, I met you, and my entire world turned upside down. When I’m with you, Lincoln, I feel something so powerful and so real. It’s beautiful, and sometimes I feel like it’s beyond words.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “I feel the same. I need you to know something, though. None of what happened with Kaci was your fault.”

  He closed his eyes.

  “It wasn’t, Brock. I know if you could go back, you’d change some of it, but nothing you did led to her death. If she had a blood clot, that was not something you’d caused. And the day she went into labor, you can’t know why that happened. There could have been any number of reasons why she went into labor early. This guilt you’re holding on to—you need to let it go.”

  “I know,” he whispered. “I want to, and I feel like I have let a lot of it go, with you being in my life.” Brock’s eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry about that day in the barn, Lincoln. I was confused and scared. Still holding on to a lot of guilt.”

  “I understand why you ran away that day. But we have to promise each other that we’ll talk about everything we’re feeling. We have to be honest.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I wanted to push off talking about our future to another day. I wanted to pretend like we didn’t have this facing us head-on in a new, very fragile relationship. But we did. And I’d just preached about being honest with each other, so here went nothing . . . or everything.

  I climbed back up onto the sofa and turned to face him. “Where do you see us in five years?” I asked.

  This time, he slowly turned his body, and we were sitting face to face. “That’s easy. Married. Maybe a baby or two. I’ll be working full time on the ranch. I imagine you’ll still be working if you want, but you won’t have to. I’ve got enough money now to retire. Dad put me in touch with an investor, and I’ve done well with my sponsors and winnings. I thought maybe I needed another championship to really secure my future, but my eyes have been opened to more important things other than money.”

  “I don’t care about money, Brock. I care about spending the rest of my life with you and Blayze.”

  “Then marry me.”

  My eyes nearly popped out of my head. “Wh-what?”

  “Marry me. I know I love you, I know Blayze loves you, and you love us. Why not?”

  “Um . . . well, people will think it’s too soon . . . but then again, we sort of have a good reason.”

  “Hell yes, we do. We love each other, and I don’t give two shits about what other people think. We can have a big wedding or a small one. Hell, we don’t even have to tell anyone.”

  I shook my head. “No . . . if I marry you, Brock Shaw, I want to shout it from the tallest mountain.”

  He smiled, and his face lit up.

  “But I do have something important that I need to talk to you about.”

  “Okay.”

  I wore a concerned look on my face as I said, “It’s kind of . . . well, I’m not sure how you’re going to react.”

  He tilted his head and studied me. “Okay.”

  “Promise me one thing. You won’t freak.”

  “Uh . . . I’m sort of already freaking, Lincoln. Is something wrong with you? Are you all right?”

  I giggled. Suddenly, the happiness of knowing I was carrying this man’s baby hit me all over again. I felt like I was floating in a cloud of euphoria. I wanted this more than I could have ever imagined. Now, I just hoped he wanted it too.

  “I’m more than all right. I’m amazing. I’m overjoyed. I’m shocked as hell.”

  He pulled his brows in with confusion. “Shocked about what?”

  Blowing out a breath, I closed my eyes, counted to five, opened them again, and just said it. “I’m pregnant.”

  Brock sat there for a few moments in utter disbelief.

  I gave him some time to let it sink in before explaining, “When you were in the hospital, I wasn’t eating very well. I was also feeling sick, and I got dehydrated. I fainted.”

  “What?”

  I held up my hand for him to let me finish. “They admitted me and did a few tests. One of the blood tests showed I was pregnant. I was stunned when Kaylee and Ty told me.”

  His eyes widened. “They know?”

  “Yeah, the doctor told them because Kaylee said she was my sister. I asked how it’d happened, because I was on the pill and you’d worn condoms. I had been on some antibiotics that affected the pill. I had finished them up that first week we met. Then, I guess one of your condoms failed, and . . . well, we have a baby as the result.”

  Brock stared at me for the longest time before I saw a tear slide down his cheek.

  I wrung my hands. “Please tell me what’s going on in your head, Brock.”

  “We’re having a baby?”

  I nodded. “Yep. Surprise!”

  His hand went behind my neck and he pulled me to him. Our mouths crashed together, and he kissed me.

  This kiss felt so different from all the others. Maybe it was because we had told each other we loved one another. Or because everything between us was out in the open now. Brock wasn’t holding back anything from his past. Or maybe the knowledge that we had made a child together made us feel closer. Whatever it was, I could feel his love pouring into me through that kiss, and it made every nerve ending in my body tingle. It was magical. Beautiful. Intense.

  Then he stood, pulling me up with him.

 
“Come on. I need to make love to you.”

  “What? No! You can’t! You’re in no condition to have sex. And—wait, you haven’t said anything about the baby. I mean, after that kiss, I can guess you’re happy. Are you feeling anything else, though? Scared? Tell me, please.”

  He tossed his head back and laughed. Then he held on to his side and pierced my gaze with his. “I’m fucking over the moon, Lincoln. I’m freaked out, yes. Scared? I don’t think so. I feel, happy. We’re having a baby. We are having a baby!”

  My own tears fell now, and he reached up with both thumbs and wiped them away.

  “I love you. And, because of this bit of information, I want to marry you even more. As soon as possible.”

  I nodded. “O-okay. I want that too.”

  “Just family? Here or in Atlanta?”

  There was no thinking twice about my answer. “Here.”

  He smiled and kissed my nose. “Now, come on. Let’s get creative about this sex thing. You can be on top, but I want to be inside you right now.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  BROCK

  My heartbeat was racing as I guided Lincoln to my room.

  We’re having a baby. Holy shit. This is happening so fast—and I love it!

  It was amazing how things had changed for me the last few weeks. How admitting my love for Lincoln and telling her what had happened with Kaci had set me free. A weight felt like it had been lifted from my soul.

  “Brock, I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

  “You just told me you’re having my baby. Plus, you said you would marry me. I want celebratory sex!”

  She giggled as she walked up to me and pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor. Then she pulled my sweatpants down, careful to avoid my stitches. She kissed gently around the stitches, leaving me breathless and weak in the knees. I stepped out of my pants and kicked them to the side.

  “Commando, huh?” she whispered.

  “You should probably know that happens a lot when I’m home.”

  “Duly noted,” she replied in a sexy voice.

  Then she stood, and I was silently thanking God that she hadn’t wrapped those pretty lips around me, or I would have lost it.