Always Love Me: A Standalone Second Chance Romance

by Derrick, Zoey

  My eyes meet hers, and I see genuine sincerity in them. The ache in my chest returns. “What happens when that week is up?” I ask, wanting to figure out where her head is at in all of this.

  She looks down at the bottle in her hands and picks at the label. “I don’t know,” she finally manages to say.

  “What are we doing?” I question bluntly.

  “I don’t know anymore, Dirk. It’s all so fucking complicated.”

  “No, it’s not. Do you love me?”

  Her eyes find mine again. “You know I do.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Do I?”

  “I told you as much, I don’t know what else you want me to do to prove it to you.”

  “Stay.”

  She sighs. “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Why the fuck not?” I growl.

  She glares at me. “Because I have a company to run. I cannot just abandon them. It’s not as easy for me to work remotely as it is for you, Xavier. My company doesn’t function like that. I’ve got client appointments, I’ve got to be able to meet with them, or at the very least arrange for Rachel, my executive officer, to take care of those appointments for me. I left the office in less than 10 minutes after Randy’s phone call. I didn’t exactly have hours or days to plan my absence, and I’ve already been gone for a week and will spend this weekend catching up.”

  “It’s not like you need the money,” I argue.

  “No, I don’t need the money, Dirk, but I have 111 employees who count on me. Not going to work means they’re the ones who will pay for it. Not me, not my wallet, but them.” She takes a long swig of her beer before she continues, “This is what I was thinking about last night, believe it or not.”

  “When?”

  She gives me an ‘are you dumb’ look with the cock of her head. “When you asked me what was on my mind, and I told you I needed more time. I was trying to figure out the best way to handle Rebel Industries. The best choices for Jax, for you, for me. Randy has spent so much time with Jax while we’ve been here, and I know I can no longer keep him away from you or Randy.”

  “So, what were you thinking about?”

  She sighs. “I was trying to work through in my head if I could bring Rebel Industries to the West Coast, or if I should sell it off completely.” She lowers her head and starts picking at the label again.

  “What did you decide?”

  “Nothing. I have to actually look at the benefits of either. I don’t even know if Seattle has the marketability for a company like mine. There’s no point in moving the company west or expanding the company if there isn’t a market for it. I can’t honestly say moving the entire company here is the wisest idea, but it’s possible for me to expand out here. I only have a handful of western clients, including you. The majority of my clients are on the east coast. So, moving the entire company here doesn’t make any sense, and I’m not entirely sure selling it off is the best idea either. Rebel Industries has a reputation with its clients, and I do not want to compromise that by selling it off to someone else.”

  “It would be someone else’s problem, not yours.”

  “No, only my reputation. And that is something I am not willing to compromise. I worked to long and too fucking hard to build it up to what it is today. I’m not willing to destroy it.”

  “You don’t have to work.”

  “Yes, Dirk, I do. There is no way I can sit around raising babies while you’re off fishing. I absolutely refuse. It killed my mother, and I’m not confident enough that it wouldn’t kill me, too.”

  I don’t know what to say to that other than, “I plan to quit fishing.”

  “Why?” she gasps.

  “Because you and Jax mean more to me than spending months out to sea, risking my life. But like you, I can’t quit right away. I need to find a solid replacement. Dribbler could do it if he wants it. He’s handled trips for me in the past. Like for the gala or when I was having problems with my back. With Jessie on board, Dribbler can do anything in the wheelhouse.” I take a swig of my beer and look over at her. Our eyes meet and there’s a spark and intensity that always seems to pass between us that makes my mind go blank. “I need some time to set things up, make it so I can retire. But Randy isn’t exactly in the mind frame for this discussion. I need time.”

  “So do I, Xavier. Why can you ask for time to set things straight, but I can’t?”

  She’s right, of course. I’m being selfish just because I don’t want her to leave. I don’t want her out of my sight, but I don’t have much choice in the matter, not anymore. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you. I’m not saying no, Xavier, I’m just saying I need some time, just like you. I need to settle my affairs in New York before we make any final decisions on what it is we’re going to do. You and I need time, too. I feel like we’re rushing into this. Yes, I love you, I will always love you. But we’re just starting to get to know one another. I think it’s a little unfair of either of us to give up our jobs or to move across the country. What happens if we don’t work?”

  “I have a little more confidence in this matter than you do, it seems.”

  “What do you mean?” she asks with a cock of her head.

  “I just mean that if you can overlook my scars, and I can forgive you for keeping Jax from me, there isn’t anything we can’t get through.” I pull a fresh smoke from my pack and light it, waiting patiently for her to respond to what I said, but she doesn’t say anything. “Do you think I’m wrong?” I ask.

  “No, I’m not sure that I can. But you’re also asking me to dive headfirst into something I know very little about. I don’t know how to be anything but independent. I don’t know how to do this whole relationship thing, Xavier. You’re the only man I’ve ever slept with more than once. I couldn’t even spend three days on a boat with you, and yet I’m contemplating ways to make my company work here in Seattle. Or say you give up fishing, are you really going to move to New York?”

  “I told you I would,” I scoff.

  “Yes,” she says hesitantly. “But what do you plan to do once you get there?”

  I groan and stand, pushing the chair back and tipping it over in my haste to step away from her. “Fuck, Skylar, I don’t know. I don’t know what you want me to say or how it is I can explain all this to you. I just know I need to be near you. Whether it’s in New York, or if you decide to move out here. I don’t expect you to open your door for me to move in, and I certainly don’t expect to be a kept man. I just,” I sigh, “I have to be near you. Near Jax.”

  “Would you feel this way without Jax?”

  I turn around abruptly and glare at her. “Is that a serious question?”

  “Yes, Xavier, it is. I need to know Jax isn’t the only reason you’re wanting to move to New York.”

  “So, what if he was?” I counter. I’m so fucking pissed at her right now. “I have that right, Skylar, he is my son.”

  She downs the rest of her beer and puts the bottle back in the six pack with the rest of the empties while I take a long drag on my cigarette and an even bigger pull on my beer. I try to occupy my hands to eliminate the shaking from my anger.

  “I didn’t come here to fight,” she says coolly.

  “Then what did you come here for?”

  “You,” she breathes. She turns on her heels headed for the door.

  “Stop,” I snap.

  “I’m not going to fight with you.”

  “I’m not trying to fight with you. Dammit, Rebs. You’ve taken away so much from me when it comes to Jax. Forgive me if I want to be near him. Whether you move to Seattle or I move to New York, one way or another, I’m going to find a way to make it work so I can be near him.”

  “I understand that, I just need to know where that leaves me. Leaves us.”

  I take a drag and blow it out slowly. “I know you say you can’t do this, but I think you’re wrong. I think you’re trying to push me away so you don’t have to feel the things you claim
to feel. It’s what you do. But you’re failing to see that Jax is in the middle of this.” I take another drag. “Turn around,” I say as I blow out the smoke. “Please?”

  “I can’t do this right now,” she cries.

  “When, Rebel? When are we going to do this? You’re leaving tomorrow.”

  She finally turns around. Her eyes find mine and in the light of the porch I can see tears in her eyes. “Then come with us.”

  “I can’t. I need to stay here and look after Randy.”

  She swipes away a tear from her eye. “I don’t want to leave with things unresolved between us.”

  That’s a first. I don’t say it, though. I really don’t want to set her off again. I don’t want to set myself off. “We need time,” I breathe.

  She nods as she crosses her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to leave like this.”

  “Then don’t leave.”

  “I didn’t come here to fight.”

  “Then why did you come down here tonight?”

  “I came because…because I wanted to be with you one more time before we leave.”

  I take a deep breath, pulling one more drag off my cigarette, and toss it overboard. “Come here,” I say softly.

  She hesitates before walking across the porch to me. I wrap my arms around her, and she rests her head against my chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  “For what?” I ask.

  “For fighting with you. For arguing with you. I just…I’m scared. I’m emotionally worn out. I just…I’m used to being in control of things, and I feel so completely out of sorts.”

  I gently rub her back, soothing her. Having her in my arms calms me more than I think she realizes. But the ache in my chest continues. I absolutely hate the fact that we’re going to be apart, not only because of Jax, but because of us.

  She’s right, we don’t know what it’s going to be like to be with each other.

  “This last week, despite the circumstances behind it, has been amazing,” I murmur.

  She pulls back and looks up at me, her eyes finding mine, and there’s a curiosity that burns bright in her green eyes. “Is this what you want?” she asks.

  “It’s a start,” I grin. “I’ve really enjoyed what time we’ve been able to spend together.”

  “We’ve done nothing but have sex,” she chortles.

  I snort. “We’ve done more than that. We’ve talked, we’ve listened to music, played with Jax.”

  “And had a lot of sex.”

  I laugh. “Are you complaining?”

  “Nope,” she smirks. “Not at all.”

  My cock grows long and hard between us. Her eyes twitch slightly as she realizes her effect on me. “Yes, beautiful girl, this is what you do to me.”

  She blushes. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

  “I know you’re not.”

  Chapter 43

  Xavier

  When I wake the next morning, my bed is empty.

  I knew it would be.

  It’s what she does. I knew when I fell asleep, even after she did, that she’d somehow manage to wake before me and make her escape.

  I showered quickly and got dressed before heading to Randy’s in hopes of catching her there before they left. I knew she wouldn’t leave without saying good-bye to Randy. Only I was the one left in the dark since she and Jax said good-bye the previous night after Ryleigh and her boyfriend left for the airport.

  I saw the sympathy in Randy’s eyes, but it barely masked the pity for me and the anger he had for Rebel leaving me in the dark and not allowing me to say a proper good-bye to Jax.

  My anger keeps me going for much longer than it should. So much so that I can’t manage to send her a text message without blowing up at her. She deserves every ounce of ire and pain I feel, but I can’t bring myself to put all that on her. I suspect she’s doing enough of that on her own.

  DXT business soon overrode everything else, and I lost myself in keeping busy with that. I needed the distraction. It was exactly what I needed.

  Before I know it, the first month has gone by.

  Then the second.

  Then the third.

  Then Bearded Bean and king crab season consume my every waking moment.

  Rebel continues to consume my nights.

  No words.

  No contact.

  And my texts go unanswered.

  “You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else.”

  Unknown

  Chapter 44

  Xavier

  Three and a Half Months Later

  * * *

  “You look like shit,” Randy growls as he steps into my wheelhouse.

  “Thanks, asshole,” I grouse. “What’s up?”

  It’s been 68 days, 6 hours, 23 minutes since I realized she was gone. But no, I’m not keeping track. Two more weeks, and it will be four months. Two more weeks, and again, I will text her like the long-lost lovesick fool I am.

  “What’s your deal?” Randy asks, his tone is accusatory. “You’re grouchy, angry, pensive, too broody for comfort. You’ve been like this since June. Does this have to do with Rebel?” He fists his hands and puts them on his hips. It’s a classic, ‘Randy’s irritated’ move.

  I glare at him.

  “Man, she got you good, didn’t she?” he chuckles.

  Again, I glare at him.

  “Fuck, dude, she’s fucking in New York, a goddamn plane ride away. Go after her.”

  “You don’t think I’ve thought about that?” I bite back at him. God knows, I’ve fucking thought about it a million and one times. I’ve nearly done it a million and two times, but I can’t. I knew she’d leave. The night before on my houseboat, I knew she’d be gone by morning, but I didn’t expect it to be the way it was. I’d hoped like fucking hell she’d at least give me the chance to say good-bye this time. I thought we’d managed to at least make it to a point of mutual respect.

  “What about Jax? What about my nephew, huh? For fuck’s sake, man, if they mean this much to you, go after them.”

  “I already did that. It’s her turn to come back to me.”

  He shakes his head in exasperation. The little veins in his neck grow thick the way they always do when he’s angry. Though, I’m not sure who he’s angry at right now. Rebel or me. “She already did, back in June. Don’t you think it’s your turn to go to her? Whatever happened between the two of you has her completely freaked out and off the grid.”

  My heart, the cold, lifeless thing in my chest, sparks. “What makes you say she’s freaked out?”

  “She hasn’t taken my phone calls since the memorial. The only communication I’ve had with her has been terse, concise, and to the point emails.” He sighs in frustration.

  The spark of hope fades as fast as it came on. “How do you know she’s in New York?” I ask.

  “Because Dawson actually answers my calls. I get the ‘she’s unavailable’ bullshit every time, but he answers.” Randy’s eyes meet mine, then they rake over my body, landing on the fact my crutch is close by and I’m not wearing my prosthetic. “Pull yourself together. Get on a plane and go after her.”

  Cursing my lack of accessories and my ability to escape, I can’t go far, so I reply, “She doesn’t want me.”

  He snorts. “Bullshit. From the deepest pits of hell you’ve crawled out of for that woman, and you’re going to sit here doing nothing?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  He sighs, resigned. “Fallujah?” I close my eyes. “Working so hard to make yourself walk with confidence, so no one would ever know?” I shake my head. He continues, “Busting your ass on a crab boat. Busting yourself down so hard you made yourself a bloody mess being in your prosthesis so long. Don’t tell me you did all that for Jack’s memory, because I know damn well you didn’t. You did all that shit for her.”

  “She doesn’t want me.”

  “Bull-fucking-shit, Xavier, and you
fucking know it,” he snaps, pointing an angry finger at me.

  “She ran away.”

  “Come off yourself. This is the bullshit you keep telling yourself to justify your choices. You know damn well she ran because she feels something—something she doesn’t know or understand. She fucking fell in love with you. She hasn’t a clue how to process love, let alone the idea of it.” He takes a deep, steadying breath, and I know what he’s about to say. Every time he mentions her name, he has to do it. “Kathy and I tried. Dammit to hell, we tried so hard to prove to her how loved she is. But she feels betrayed. She feels like loving you is your kiss of death. Every person she has ever loved in her life is dead, Xavier.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers. A breeze coming off the water and onto my wheelhouse makes my hair move, tickling my face, reminding me of how Rebel always pulled my ties out.

  “Go after her.”

  “We leave tonight, I can’t walk away right now. You know that.”

  “What about the fucking boat, Xavier? Forget about the fucking boat. I will take care of it. You know that. Even if it means I run it for kings. I don’t fucking care. She walked off your boat with your damn heart, for the love of all things beautiful and Skylar. Go. After. Her.”

  “Why is this so important for you?”

  He sighs. “Because, if you love her even half as much as I do, or Kathleen did, or a third of how much I love Kathleen, you’re being ridiculous. You’re wasting time. Twenty-two years has already been lost between the two of you. If she means that much to you, stop wasting more time and go after her.” Tears well in his eyes. “I would give my life if it meant one more day with her. I would make a deal with the devil himself if I could spend one more day with her in my arms. Don’t spend the rest of your life wondering what if.”

  “I need her like air,” I admit.

  “Then go to her.”

  Chapter 45