The Gay Rebellion

by Robert W. Chambers

  IX

  THE collective and individual charms of the Board of Regents so utterlyover-powered Langdon that he scarcely realised what was happening to him.

  First, at their request, he sat cross-legged on the ground; and theywalked round and round him, inspecting him. Under such conditions no mancould be at his best; there was a silly expression on his otherwiseattractive face, which, as their attitude toward him seemed to waverbetween indifference and disapproval, became unconsciously appealing.

  "Kindly rise, Mr. Langdon," said Miss Challis, chairman of the board.

  Langdon got up, and his ears turned red with a sudden and burningself-consciousness.

  "Please walk past us two or three times, varying your speed."

  He walked in the various styles to which he had been accustomed, changingspeed at intervals and running the entire gamut between a gracefulboulevard saunter and a lost-dog sprint.

  "Now," said the beautiful chairman, "be good enough to run past usseveral times."

  He complied and they studied his kangaroo-like action. Miss Vining evenbent over and felt of his ankles doubtfully, and to his vivid confusionMiss Darrell strolled up, made him sit down on a log, placed one soft,white finger on his mouth, and, opening it coolly, examined the interior.Then they drew together, consulting in whispers, then Miss Challis camewith a stethoscope and listened to his pneumatic machinery, while MissVining carelessly pinched his biceps and tried his reflexes. After whichMiss Darrell pushed a thermometer into his mouth, measured his pulsesand blood pressure, tested his sight and hearing and his sense of smell.The latter was intensely keen, as he was very hungry.

  Then Miss Challis came and stood behind him and examined,phrenologically, the bumps on his head, while Miss Vining, seated at hisfeet, read his palm, and Miss Darrell produced a dream book and a pack ofcards, and carefully cast his horoscope. But, except that it transpiredthat he was going to take a journey, that somebody was going to leave himmoney, and that a dark lady was coming over the sea to trouble him,nothing particularly exciting was discovered concerning him.

  Miss Challis, relinquishing his head, produced a crystal and gazed intoit. She did not say what she saw there. Miss Vining tried to hypnotisehim and came near hypnotising herself. Which scared and irritated her;and she let him very carefully alone after that.

  And all the while Ethra sat on a tree stump, hands tightly clasped in herlap, looking on with pathetic eagerness and timidly searching the prettyfaces of the Board of Regents for any hopeful signs.

  Presently the Board retired to a neighbouring cave to confer; and Langdondrew a deep breath of relief.

  "Well," he said, smiling at Ethra, "what do you think?"

  "It will be horrid of them if they don't award you a blue ribbon," shesaid.

  "Good heavens!" he faltered, "do they give ribbons?"

  "Certainly, first, second, third, and honourable mention. It is thescientific and proper method of classification."

  Fury empurpled his visage.

  "That's the limit!" he shouted, but she silenced him with a gesture,nodding her head toward the surrounding woods; and among the trees hecaught sight of scores and scores of pretty girls furtively observing theproceedings.

  "Don't let them see you display any temper or you'll lose their goodwill, Mr. Langdon. Please recollect that there is no sentiment in thisproceeding; it is a scientific matter to be scientificallyrecorded--purely a matter of eugenics."

  Langdon gazed around him at the distant and charming faces peeping athim from behind trees and bushes. Everywhere bright eyes met hismischievously, gaily. An immense sense of happiness began to invade him.The enraptured and fatuous smile on his features now became almostidiotic as here and there, among the trees, he caught glimpses of stillmore young girls strolling about, arms interlacing one another's waists.The prospect dazzled him; his wits spun like a humming top.

  "Are--are many ladies likely to come and--and court me?" he asked timidlyof Ethra.

  A quick little pang shot through her; but she said with a forced smile:"Why do you ask? Are you a coquette, Mr. Langdon?"

  "Oh, no! But, for example, I wouldn't mind being rushed by that willowyblonde over there. I'd also like to meet the svelte one with store puffsand sorrel hair. She _is_ a looker, isn't she?"

  "She is certainly very pretty," said Ethra, biting her lips withunfeigned vexation.

  He gazed entranced at the distant throng for a while.

  "And that little grey-eyed romp--the very young and slim one," hecontinued enthusiastically. "Me for a hammock with her in the goosy-goosymoonlight. . . . And I hope I'm going to meet a lot more--every one of'em. . . . _What_ on earth is _that_?" he exclaimed, changing countenanceand leaning forward. "By Jinks, it's a _man_!"

  "Certainly. There are four men here. You knew that."

  "I forgot," he said, glowering at the unwelcome sight of his own sex.

  Ethra said: "Oh, yes, there are those first four men we caught--Mr.Willett, Mr. Carrick, Mr. Smith, and Mr. Green." She added carelessly: "Ihave been paying rather marked attention to Alphonso W. Green."

  "To whom?" he asked, with a disagreeable sensation drenching out thesparks of joy in his bosom.

  "To Alphonso W. Green. . . . And I've jollied De Lancy Smith withbon-bons a bit, too. They are having a lot of attention paid them--andthey're rather spoiled. But, of course, any girl can marry any one ofthem if she really wants to."

  Langdon gazed miserably at her; she seemed to be pleasantly immersed inher own reflections and paid no further heed to him. Then he cast ascowling glance in the direction of the young man who was gathering wildflowers and arranging them in a little basket.

  "Ethra," he began--and stopped short under the sudden and unexpectedunfriendliness of her glance. "Miss Leslie," he resumed, reddening, "Iwouldn't have come here unless I thought--hoped--believed--that you wouldpay _me_ m-m-marked----"

  "_Mr. Langdon!_"

  "What?"

  "Men do not assume the initiative here. They make no advances; they waituntil a girl pays them attentions so unmistakable that----"

  "Well, I _did_ come here because of you!" he blurted out angrily.

  "That is an exceedingly indelicate avowal!" she retorted. "If the Regentshear you talk that way you won't be permitted to receive any girlunchaperoned."

  He gazed at her, bewildered; she stood a moment frowning and looking inthe direction of the cave whither the Board of Regents had retired.

  "They're calling me," she exclaimed as a figure appeared at the caveentrance and beckoned her.

  "I won't be long, Mr. Langdon. I am perfectly confident that you havepassed the inspection!" And she walked swiftly across to the edge of thethicket where the three Regents stood outside their cave.

  As she came up one of them put her arm around her.

  "My poor child," she said, "that man will never do."

  "W-what!" faltered the girl, turning pale.

  "Why, no. How in the world could you make such a mistake?"

  Ethra looked piteously from one to another.

  "What is the matter with him?" she asked. "I can't see anything thematter with him. If his legs are a trifle--refined in contour--a bicyclewill help----"

  "But, Ethra, this is not a hospital, dear. This is not a sanitarium. Wedon't want any imperfect living creature inside this preserve."

  "W-w-what is your decision?" asked the girl; and her underlip began toquiver, but she controlled it.

  "The first vote," said Miss Challis, "was for his instant eviction, MissVining dissenting. The second vote was for his expulsion with theprivilege of taking another examination in three months--Miss Darrelldissenting----"

  "I think he's the limit," said Miss Darrell.

  "Why, Jessica!" exclaimed Ethra, swallowing a sob.

  "The next vote," continued Betty Challis, "was whether he might notremain here a day or two for closer observation. Jessica hasn't votedyet, but Phyllis Vining and I are willing----"

  "Oh, Jessica!" pleaded Ethra, c
atching her hands and pressing them to herown breast, "I--I beg you will let him remain--if only for a few days!Please, please, dear. I _know_ his calves will grow if scientificallymassaged; and if he is hygienically fed he will improve----"

  Miss Darrell looked curiously at her; under her hands the girl's heartwas beating wildly.

  "Well, then, Betty," she said to Miss Challis, "I vote we keep him underobservation for a day or two. Give him the yellow ribbon." And, bending,she kissed Ethra lightly on the lips, whispering:

  "I'm afraid we won't be able to keep him, dear. But if you'd like to havea little fun with him and jolly him along, why--why, I was a flirt myselfin the old days of the old regime."

  "That is all I want," said Ethra, dimpling with delight. "I want to seehow far I can go with him just for the fun of it."

  Miss Darrell smiled tenderly at the girl and strolled off to join theother Regents; and Ethra, her thoughtful eyes fixed on Langdon, cameslowly back, the yellow ribbon trailing in her hand.

  Langdon leaped to his feet to meet her, gazing delightedly at the yellowribbon.

  "I qualified, of course!" he said joyously. "When is it customary tobegin the courting?"

  "You haven't qualified," said the girl, watching the effect of her wordson the young man. "This is merely the probation ribbon."

  An immense astonishment silenced him. She drew the big orange-colouredribbon through his button-hole, tied it into a bow, patted it out intoflamboyant smartness, and, stepping back, gazed at him without anyparticular expression in her dark blue eyes.

  "Then, then I may be chased away at any moment?" he asked unsteadily.

  "I am afraid so."

  Thunderstruck, he stared at her: "What on earth are we to do?" hegroaned.

  "_We?_"

  "You and I?"

  "How does it concern _me_?" asked the girl coldly.

  "Doesn't it?"

  She looked him calmly in the eye and shook her head.

  "No, Mr. Langdon. However, as you are to remain here for a day or twounder observation, no doubt you will receive _some_ attention."

  "Ethra! Isn't it possible that you might learn to care----"

  "Hush! That is no way to talk!"

  "Well--well, I can't wait for you to----"

  "You _must_ wait! You have nothing to say about such things until somegirl asks you. And that isn't very likely. Those four perfectly handsomeyoung men have been here for weeks now, and, although they have receivedlots of attention, not one girl has yet made any of them an actualdeclaration. The girls here are having too good a time to do anythingmore serious than a little fussing--just enough to frisk a kiss now andthen and keep the men amused----"

  "_That_ is monstrous!" said Langdon, very red. "When a man's really inlove----"

  "Nonsense! Men are flirts--every one of them!"

  She laughed, made him a little gesture of adieu, refused to let himfollow her, and coolly sauntered off among the trees, heedless of hisremonstrances at being left to himself.

  He watched her until she disappeared, then, with misgivings, walkedtoward a tennis court, where the four men were playing a rather dawdlingand indifferent game and keeping a lively eye out for the advent of somegirl.

  They appeared to be rather good-looking fellows, not in any wayextraordinary, remarkable neither for symmetry of feature nor of limb.

  Langdon stood at the edge of the court looking at them and secretlycomparing their beauty with such charms as he was shyly inclined toattribute to himself. There could be no doubt that he compared favourablywith them. If he was some, they were not so much.

  One, a tall young fellow with blond, closely clipped hair, noddedpleasantly to him, and presently came over to speak to him.

  "I suppose you are a new recruit. Glad to see you. We're all anxious tohave enough men captured to get up two ball nines. My name is ReginaldWillett."

  "Mine is Curtis Langdon."

  "Come over and meet the others," said Willett pleasantly.

  Langdon followed him, and was presently on excellent terms with JamesCarrick, De Lancy Smith, and Alphonso W. Green, amiable, clean cut,everyday young fellows.

  To them he related the circumstances of his capture, and they all laughedheartily. Then he told them that he was here merely on probation for aday or two, naively displaying the yellow ribbon.

  Willett laughed. "Oh, that's all right. They usually say that. We allcame in on probation; the Regents couldn't agree, and some girl alwaysswings the deciding vote as a special favour to herself."

  "You don't think they'll kick me out?"

  "Not much!" laughed Willett. "First of all, your captor would object--notnecessarily for sentimental reasons, but because she caught you; you arehers, her game; she says to herself: 'A poor thing, but mine own!' andhangs to you like grim death. Besides, no woman ever lets any man loosevoluntarily. And women haven't changed radically, Mr. Langdon. Don'tworry; you can stay, all right."

  "Here comes Betty Challis," said Carrick, glancing at Alphonso W. Green."It's you for a stroll, I guess."

  Mr. Green looked conscious; more conscious still when the pretty MissChallis strolled up, presented him with a bouquet, and stood for a fewmoments conversing with everybody, perfectly at her ease. Other girlscame up and engaged the young men in lively conversation. Presently MissChallis made a play for hers:

  "Would you care to canoe, Mr. Green?" she asked casually, turning to himwith a slight blush which she could not control.

  Green blushed, too, and consented in a low voice.

  As they were departing, Miss Vining rode up on horseback, leading anotherhorse, which De Lancy Smith, at her request, nimbly mounted; and awaythey galloped down a cool forest road, everybody looking after them.

  Miss Darrell cut out and roped Willett presently and took him to walk inthe direction of a pretty cascade.

  A charming girl, a Miss Trenor, arrived with a hammock, book, andbon-bons, and led Carrick away somewhere by virtue of a previousagreement, and the remaining girls pretended not to care, and strolledserenely off in pretty bunches, leaving Langdon standing, first on onefoot, then on the other, waiting to be spoken to.

  Abandoned, he wandered about the tennis court, kicking the balls moodily.Tiring of this, he sat down under a tree and twirled his thumbs.

  Once or twice some slender figure passed, glancing brightly at him, andhe looked as shyly receptive as he could, but to no purpose. Gloomsettled over him; hunger tormented him; he gazed disconsolately at theyellow ribbon in his button-hole, and twiddled his thumbs.

  And all the while, from the shadow of a distant cave, Ethra was watchinghim with great content. She knew he was hungry; she let him remain so. Byabsent treatment she was reducing him to a proper frame of mind.

  The word had been passed that he was Ethra's quarry; mischievous brighteyes glanced at him, but no lips unclosed to speak to him; little feetstrolled near him, even lingered a moment, but trotted on.

  His sentiments varied from apathy to pathos, from self-pity tomortification, from hungry despair to an indignation no longer endurable.

  He had enough of it--plenty. Anger overwhelmed him; hunger smotheredsentiment; he rose in wrath and stalked off toward a girl who wasstrolling along, reading a treatise on eugenics.

  "Will you be good enough to tell me how to get out?" he asked.

  "Out?" she repeated. "Have you a pass to go out?"

  "No, I haven't. Where do I obtain one?"

  "Only the girl who captured you can give you a pass," she said, amused.

  "Very well; where can I find her?"

  "Who was it netted you?"

  "A Miss Leslie," he snapped.

  "Oh! Ethra Leslie's cave is over in those rocks," said the girl, "amongthose leafy ledges."

  "Thanks," he said briefly, and marched off, scowling.

  Ethra saw him coming, and his stride and expression scared her. Notknowing exactly what to do, and not anticipating such a frame of mind inhim, she turned over in her hammock and pretended to be asleep, as
hisfigure loomed up in the mouth of the cave.

  "Miss Leslie!" His voice was stentorian.

  She awoke languidly, and did it very well, making a charming picture asshe sat up in her hammock, a trifle confused, sweet blue eyes scarcelyyet unclosed.

  "Mr. Langdon!" she exclaimed in soft surprise.

  He looked her squarely, menacingly, in the eyes.

  "I suppose," he said, "that all this is a grim parody on the past whenwomen did the waiting until it was men's pleasure to make the next move.I suppose that my recent appraisement parallels the social inspection ofa debutante--that my present hunger is paying for the wistfulintellectual starvation to which men once doomed your sex; that myisolation represents the isolation from all that was vital in the timeswhen women's opportunities were few and restricted; that my probationamong you symbolises the toleration of my sex for whatever specimen ofyour sex they captured and set their mark on as belonging to them, and onview to the world during good behaviour."

  He stared at her flushed face, thoughtfully.

  "The allegory is all right," he said, "but you've cast the wrong man forthe goat. I'm going."

  "Y-you can't go," she stammered, colouring painfully, "unless I give youa pass."

  "I see; it resembles divorce. My sex had to give yours a cause forescape, or you couldn't escape. And in here you must give me a pass tofreedom, or I remain here and starve. Is that it?"

  She crimsoned to her hair, but said nothing.

  "Give me that pass," he said.

  "If I do every girl here will gossip----"

  "I don't care what they say. I'm going."

  She sat very still in the hammock, eyes vacant, chin on hand,considering. It was not turning out as she had planned. She had starvedhim too long.

  "Mr. Langdon," she said in a low voice, "if it is only because you arehungry----"

  "I'm not; I'm past mere hunger. You disciplined me because I took a humanand natural interest in the pretty inhabitants of this new world. And I_told_ you that I never would have entered it except for you. But youmade me pay for a perfectly harmless and happy curiosity. Well, I'vestarved and paid. Now I want to go. . . . Either I go or there'll besomething doing--because I won't remain here and go hungry much longer."

  "S-something--doing?" she faltered.

  "Exactly. With the first----"

  "You can go if you wish," she said, flushing scarlet and springing out ofthe hammock.

  He waited, jaws set, while she seated herself at a table and wrote outthe pass.

  "Thank you," he said, in such a rage that he could scarcely control hisvoice.

  She may not have heard him; she sat rigid at the table, looking very hardinto space--sat motionless as he took a curt leave of her, never turningher head--listened to his tread as he strode off through the ferns, thenlaid her brow between snowy hands which matched the face that trembled inthem.

  As for him, he swung away along the path by which he had come, unstrungby turns, by turns violently desiring her unhappiness, and againanticipating approaching freedom with reckless satisfaction.

  Then a strange buoyancy came over him as he arrived in sight of thegate, where the red-haired girl sat on a camp stool, yawning and knittinga silk necktie--for eventualities, perhaps; perhaps for herself, Lordknows. She lifted her grey eyes as he came swinging up--deep, clear, greyeyes that met his and presently seemed ready to answer his. So his eyesasked; and, after a long interval, came the reply, as though she hadunconsciously been waiting a long, long while for the question.

  "I suppose you will wish to keep this," he said in a low voice, offeringher the pass. "You will probably desire to preserve it under lock andkey."

  She rose to her slender height, took it in her childish hands, hesitated,then, looking up at him, slowly tore the pass to fragments and loosedthem from her palm into the current of the south wind blowing.

  "That does not matter," she said, "if you are going to love me."

  There was a moment's silence, then she held out her left hand. He tookit; with her right hand, standing on tiptoe, she reached up and unbarredthe gates. And they passed out together into the infernal splendour ofthe sunset forest.