I Do (Not)

by T L Dasha

  I couldn't help rolling my eyes.

  “Isn't that what you're doing, too, though? Putting up with all of this for the money?” I motioned with my hands to encompass the limousine, the meetings, the awkwardness-- everything.

  He blinked a few times. I couldn't tell if he was amused or upset.

  “Jake Conner. You are wasted on my brother.” He chuckled. “I've got my share of side ventures, but ultimately you're not wrong. It’s either for the money or some warped sense of familial duty. I'm not sure which.” He took another sip of whiskey, savoring it for a moment before addressing me again. “Tell me more about these relationship differences you have with your sister. Is she promiscuous while you're the square? Manipulative? Desperate? Where do you deviate?”

  “Quite the opposite. She's more ‘hopeless romantic.’ I'm more ‘romance is hopeless.’ She actually just got married last weekend.”

  “In Las Vegas?”

  “How did you know that?” My blood ran cold. Is he...

  “You held the ceremony in a Craig hotel. You know that's my region, right? I don't know why I didn't make the connection until now. Johnson and Conner.” He paused. “Why do you look so scared all of a sudden?”

  “Were you there?”

  “At the wedding? Of course not.”

  I exhaled.

  “I was at the convention next door. Aaron had flown out for it, too. You must have known that. It was a huge event. We run it every year.”

  And inhaled.

  “I see.”

  “You look worried.” That light brown gaze turned black as his eyes reflected a cruel amusement. There was that sensation again. Pins and needles. “I wonder what could possibly have you so on your toes.”

  The car came to a stop, and the driver opened the door. Trevor reached into his pocket, then tossed me a small metal piece of jewelry before stepping out of the limousine.

  The ring landed in my lap. I stared on in complete and utter horror.

  “I'll see you later, Mr. Jake Craig.”

  Chapter 4

  “Trevor-- wait!”

  I ran after him into the lobby, pushing through that rotating door with every ounce of strength in my body. He had a head start, but I couldn’t let him get away. He kept his back to me as he entered the elevator with his arrogant swagger.

  I didn’t know why I was chasing after him, or what I expected to do when I caught him. This was the last place I wanted to cause a scene.

  But my mind couldn’t think straight. Nothing was straight right now.

  The doors began to close, and I made one last run for it, managing to slip in between the cracks just in time to make it inside. As my escape route disappeared behind me, the elevator began to lift us upward.

  “We need to talk!” I couldn’t seem to get ahold of my panic or my breathing. Had he been playing with me this whole time? I didn’t want to believe I was legally bound to him. How much of me did he remember, and why couldn’t I remember any of him?

  He twisted around to face me. In one smooth motion, his arm had swept me by my waist, and my body was tightly against his. His lips were pressed into mine, his hand grasping my hair with a commanding force, and his tongue gliding skillfully inside of me. I grasped onto his sleeves on instinct as he dipped me down lower, unintentionally pulling myself closer and deepening our contact. The flavor of whiskey melded with his breath, creating a taste that could only be described as the perfect combination of sex and rebellion.

  I felt the cold metal of the elevator wall as he pushed me into it, not releasing my mouth for even a moment. His hand now found its way on my thigh, pressing his fingers into me with animalistic strength as he slid them upward, inching closer and closer to the edge. My voice seemed to have been lost in the heat of his body. He moved his lips down to my jaw, then my neck, then my collarbone, pulling my shirt open just far enough to grant access. First he teased gently, then he sucked forcefully, making sure to leave a mark.

  He released me and stepped back. I stumbled, barely keeping my footing as I grabbed onto the railing for support. The cool air in the elevator did nothing against the burning blood rushing to my cheeks. My mind came into focus. Trevor Craig stood in front of me with a look that scrutinized my every breath, as if he was trying to read the story in my eyes.

  But I didn’t even know the story. I didn’t know why my body was on fire, why my heart was beating out of control, why my soul was overcome with a sense of fear and a sense of excitement and a sense of confusion and a desire to cry all at once.

  “I…”

  “Do you still think I’m a bad kisser?” The elevator chimed for the 29th floor, and he stepped into doorway, holding it open until he was ready to leave me. His expression was absent of his usual devious glint, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing in its place.

  He looked away from me, running a hand through his stylishly messy hair, and letting it fall to hide his face. I tried to form words, but nothing came out.

  “Don’t hide that mark. I want my brother to see it.” Trevor smirked. “Why don’t you go ask him where he was that night? I’d love to know what he comes up with.”

  He stepped out of the doorway, and let the steel cage close on me once more. His last words kept echoing in my head, and I was beginning to feel like some kind of pawn in a game where no one would tell me the rules. I couldn’t figure out if Trevor liked me, hated me, or just liked using me to upset Aaron.

  Wait… why would Aaron even care? Why would it even matter if he saw I had some kind of mark on me? Not to mention the location. It’s not like his eyes would ever go anywhere near my chest. Aaron didn’t look at me like that.

  It sunk in slow, but when it did, it sunk in deep. I spoke aloud to myself, just so I could hear the absurdity of this whole thing echoing in my own ears.

  “I married Aaron Craig, didn’t I...”

  Chapter 5

  Aaron Craig

  A familiar jingle played from my phone, finally forcing me out from under the covers. I sat up, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping I might dispel this splitting headache. I seemed to have lost all of my clothing somewhere in between opening my hotel door and getting into bed. I can only hope I didn’t lose my clothes before that. I picked up my phone and answered the call.

  “This is Aaron.”

  “Aaron. I’m flying in on Tuesday for shareholder week, and I’ll be flying out Trevor as well this year. There’s a lot to discuss with the both of you. I’ll be staying in the condo, but can you make arrangements for Trevor?”

  “Of course, father.” Even I could hear the irritation in my voice, so I could only imagine what I must have sounded like on the phone. “Is that all?”

  “You sound like you’ve had quite a night, boy.” He laughed through is words. I hated my father’s laugh. It never resulted in anything positive.

  “I’m in Las Vegas. I had a lot of people to entertain. Of course I’m exhausted.”

  “’Entertain,’ eh?”

  “I’ll see you in two days.”

  I hung up the phone, not interested in continuing the conversation. 12:48. I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept in so late. Why didn’t my alarm wake me up? My eyes still burned as I looked over the room, trying to remember exactly how the night had played out.

  I recalled the convention coming to a close. I recalled the shots. I recalled the after party, raging into the night. I recalled more shots. I recalled my arrogant brother coaxing me into going with him to a strip club. I recalled another 3 or 4 shots. I recalled running into Conner-- although he didn’t seem to recognize me. It was an unexpected surprise and I was happy to use any excuse to avoid spending additional time with Trevor. I recalled his enthusiasm as he hollered for more shots. I recalled… the chapel?

  My god.

  The chapel.

  I stared down at my hands, trying to parse what was real and what was a dream. My hands had a slight glisten to them and smelled lightly of vanilla. But more significant still
, I was wearing a ring. I never wore rings. I hate jewelry.

  I slipped it off my finger, examining the finish. It wasn’t cheap silver. On the contrary, it was pure, finished platinum, engraved with Jasmine’s insignia, a designer from our partner jewelry boutique. It had to have been something I had purchased myself. Had this been my idea?

  But my alleged bride was nowhere to be seen. Her side of the bed was empty and neatly made, while my alarm clock had been knocked out of place, turned off with clumsy inefficiency. I tried to recall who had stood across from me at the altar, but nothing was coming to me. I could picture a someone’s body, writhing beneath me in that bed. I could picture the way their back arched as I slipped my tongue between their legs, the way they tasted, and the way they grabbed my hair. But I couldn’t recall their face.

  Perhaps I could ask Conner who I had left with last night. He’s never failed to keep track of my affairs.

  #

  I pushed through the rotating glass into the lobby, passing that scruffy baker who always spent her lunches with Conner. She didn’t suit the image of the hotel, but a happy employee is an effective employee, and I could appreciate what she indirectly did for our customer service. Just one of the many cogs in this machine.

  Jake Conner sat behind the counter. Soft brown hair, falling loosely beside his face-- A little long, but neat and classy, curling just slightly behind his hear on one side-- while his expression appeared serious and on task. Welcoming, yet professional. The perfect desk clerk.

  “Conner.”

  “Mr. Craig.” He looked up at me with his vibrant blue eyes.

  “I’m going to need your help today.”

  “Of course, Mr. Craig. What can I do for you?”

  “My brother is in town, and I need you to book him a room. Put the reservation under Trevor Craig.” I leaned in to watch as he started scanning through our suite availability. I couldn’t help getting drawn in to her inviting scent of his cologne.

  Wait. I know this cologne.

  “How long have you lived in this city?” I searched for the closest thing to small talk I could think of, hoping his voice might jog my memory more quickly. I couldn’t have. There’s no way.

  “Excuse me, sir?”

  “Were you born here, Conner?”

  “Yes sir. I’ve been here my whole life.”

  “I figured.” I could hear the way he said ‘yes sir’ playing back in my head, accompanied by the image of him laughing as he hoisted up another shot, clanking it into mine.

  “It’s a nice city.” He smiled up at me with a tenderness that only shook me even more. “Why do you ask?”

  Why did I ask? What’s a good reason?

  “Trevor needs an escort for the week. I was hoping you might be up to it?” I relaxed as my instincts came to my rescue. He would be a perfect choice for that role regardless of circumstance.

  “Of course, Mr. Craig. It would be my honor!” Despite his occasional stumbles, his enthusiasm for the tasks I gave him never disappointed. I let my eyes fall over his body. It was easy to see it now. Those legs wrapped around my waist, pulling me into him more deeply. Those fingers gripping the bed sheets. The silhouette of his lean body as he mounted me, creating his own rhythm like he was taming a bull. I forced my eyes to focus on some sort of powder on his cheek, standing out against his otherwise careful grooming-- a white spot that was assuredly from that baker. That’s it. Picture the baker.

  “Great. He’ll be here tomorrow. Maybe try to stay out of the mud for a day or two. He can be picky about the company he keeps.”

  “O-of course, sir.” It was a man. I married a man. No-- not just a man-- I married Conner. This kind of scandal...

  I turned to head to my office, wiping sweat from my brow. He seemed completely unaware. Perhaps he had been even more far gone than I had. Did he know? Did he even remember?

  I pulled open the glass door of my office and took a seat at the desk, letting myself sink into the fine leather. Removing the ring from my pocket, I looked over its contours. A simple and elegant design with exquisite quality of material. Our shareholders are undoubtedly pleased with the investment in Jasmine’s. It’s good to see that no level of inebriation was enough to compromise my great taste.

  I let my mind drift to Conner again. He had been with us for four years, and no matter how many times he failed, he never gave up. I knew I could be harsh, but he was always cheerful and always dedicated. I closed my eyes and squeezed the ring in my palm, letting the cold metal push into my skin in hopes that the pain might distract me. But the image of his gentle smile still occupied every corner of my mind. My inebriated sub-conscious had great taste, indeed.

  #

  “Long time no see! What has it been? Forty eight hours? Maybe dad planned this in an effort to rekindle old friendships.” Trevor was in good spirits as he exited the airport. Our driver took his luggage while I stood against the car.

  “I wouldn’t put it past him.” I got in the back seat, and Trevor joined me.

  “So how did your Saturday night go? I lost track of you somewhere between a mouth full of whipped cream and a face full of silicone.” He grinned, glancing over at me. “I was surprised you even came out.”

  “I went back to my room shortly after.” I trained my eyes on the window, knowing his ability to identify my lies bordered on mind reading. A throwback ability from the past, I suppose.

  “Is that right…” We sat in silence for a few moments as our driver cut through traffic. The silence wasn't a comfortable one. Finally, he spoke again.

  “Why do you think dad chose your hotel for the conference, when half the shareholders were already in my jurisdiction?”

  What a ridiculous question. It was true that the convention in Vegas had drawn in the majority of our investors, but who would want to spend another minute in that cesspool?

  “We both know my hotels are our top performers. Our shareholders need to see us at our best. Not covered in whipped cream and silicone.”

  Trevor chuckled, a mischievous grin on his face.

  “Oh please. You ever notice how every one of our clients has a wedding ring until the after party? Their values are more fucked than mine.”

  “Can you please watch your language?”

  “Live a little, baby brother.” He rolled his eyes.

  “I think I lived enough for the both of us last weekend.”

  “Ah, I knew you didn't go straight back to your room. How about you tell me what happened?”

  Dammit, Trevor. He never failed to find everything that I didn't want to talk about.

  “Enough of this nonsense. We have work to do.” I scowled as the car stopped at the hotel, just in time to free me from this conversation. Surely Conner would be able to keep him in line better than I ever could.

  #

  The day had droned on several hours too long, punctuated by what may have been the most dreadful family dinner I had ever had the displeasure to sit through. Another testament to my father’s complete lack of tact. I stood in a glass elevator as it dragged me to my apartment on the top floor, taking mild comfort in the way the well-lit night of San Francisco slowly dropped below me.

  “Unlike Aaron, he might even give me a grandson one day.” My father's voice played back in my head. What a joke. How many women out there could claim their sons had just as much claim to the Craig empire as we did? It was no wonder why father favored Trevor. They were one in the same.

  Trevor. He was the one who I was truly furious at. My blood still boiled when I recalled the way he put his arm around Conner's chair. The passive comments. Conner’s embarrassment. Had I thrown him into the lion's den? It wouldn't be the first time Trevor had tricked another man’s partner into his bed. Certainly not the first time he had chosen one of mine.

  Wait. Was he mine? No. He was an employee. Not mine at all. We made a mistake, albeit a legally binding one. Just because I thought he was attractive, that didn't mean I desired him. He was still a man. Not mar
riage material for a Craig heir. And even if he was, neither one of us was even conscious enough to know what had happened. He could have been anyone, and the night would have likely turned out the same. Certainly.

  I rubbed my temples as the elevator opened on my high rise, trying to push out these ridiculous notions. This wasn't like me. I avoided relationships for many reasons, not the least of which was the way it was already interfering with my work. I tossed my coat and briefcase on the couch, then climbed a spiral staircase to the rooftop garden. Leaving the roof lights off, I stripped off my tie. I stripped off that suffocating dress shirt, my belt, my slacks, my shoes-- and I dove into a pitch black pool, tearing laps across its expanse until the rhythm of my body washed away the stress of my day.

  I finally came to a stop, resting in the rippling reflection of moonlight. The sound of the city was barely audible from this oasis in the sky. I pushed wet hair out of my face, and leaned over the tiled edge of the pool. Solitude was the only peace I had from the demands that yanked me though every day. I couldn’t give that up. I’d settle this in the morning and put these thoughts to rest.

  #

  I met with Conner in the morning to offer him reprieve from Trevor's nonsense, but as is always the case with that stubborn man, he insisted he would continue to endure. Perhaps Trevor was starting to win him over. He certainly knew how to be charming when he needed to...

  I shook my head at the thought. He would have been like that no matter what his assignment had been. He was simply that kind of person.

  As much as I wanted to ask him about our marriage, I couldn't seem to find the right words. How do you approach that kind of topic? 'Conner, Please sit down. I'd like you to know I'm going to start calling you Craig now. Why? Oh, because we're married. Can you pick up my dry cleaning at 2:00?'