“I’m not talking about that and you know it,” Angela said.
“She’s forgiven me. We pretty much negated the entire conversation. We agreed we’re friends and that she is far from ready and you and me will be checking out her future dates. How’s that?”
“I’d say it was a success except I know you’re in love with her. What are you going to do about that?” Angela asked.
“First off, I’m going to deny it to you and to myself. I am in no position to date the brokenhearted. With my luck we’d have a one-off. Then Carol would back away and say it was a mistake and I’d be the heartbroken one,” Joy said.
“A likely scenario, or it could work out and the two of you ride off into the sunset, leaving behind murals and ex-girlfriends who can’t pay for their own paint,” Angela said.
They both laughed. Debra coming over and being angry because her line of credit had been cut off was absurd. Did she realize how horribly she’d treated Carol? Probably not. Debra seemed too self-absorbed to realize she had truly damaged Carol. What sort of a person did that? Had she ever done that to a woman? Joy hoped not. Joy hated to think of her exes examining over and over what a bad partner she had been. It was depressing thinking about the women in her life she’d left behind in the wreckages and deaths of love.
“I just wish she’d get to the angry stage where she looks back and realizes what an ass Debra is. Sometimes she’s mad but then she turns morose.”
“We don’t know that she’s not at that stage,” Angela said, playing the devil’s advocate. She often did this when it came to analyzing what they had both done wrong in their previous relationships.
“She was angry about the mural,” Joy said.
“No, she was more sad than mad. She’s still very much in love with Debra, which means you need to take a step back and let her work it through. I know you’re enjoying this home life thing the two of you are doing. But remember that when Carol heals and finds someone she’ll be gone.”
“I know,” Joy said. Angela’s words rang true and harsh, like someone had jerked a bell with too much vigor.
Chapter Fourteen
Joy met the lesbian couple who wanted a child-friendly home in front of a classic Victorian house. Samantha Myers and Ella Snyder were both short. Sam wore a sundress and had long hair and Ella wore a suit, complete with vest. It was a classic butch/femme pairing and Joy thought Sam and Ella made a handsome couple. You could tell they adored each other. As they came toward her, checking out the yard, Joy’s mind wandered to Carol and her impending absence.
It would be odd knocking around the apartment alone. Maybe she ought to invite Angela over. No, she thought. She needed to learn to be alone again. She had lived with Janice, got thrown out of there, moved into the soon-to-be condemned house slated for demolishing so a new swanky apartment building could take its place, then Angela’s couch, and now she was living with Carol. She hadn’t been on her own for a while and here she was getting attached to Carol.
Joy was still embarrassed about the day before. Part of her was glad Carol would be gone for a week. That way the entire episode could be put behind them.
Joy shook all thoughts of Carol aside and set about introducing herself and flipped into realtor mode. “I think it’s got great curb appeal.”
“The garden could use some work,” Ella said brusquely.
“I believe the owners were going for an English cottage garden look,” Joy said. “It goes with the Victorian bend of the house and, if you think about it, it’s less yardwork. I can’t wait to show you the backyard. It’s all gardens and hardly any grass.”
“I like to mow,” Ella said.
They may have been an adoring couple to themselves, but it appeared that they, or at least Ella, was going to be, difficult.
“Don’t mind her,” Sam said. “I want funky and she wants functional. We’re trying to meet in the middle, right sweetie?” Joy knew who to sell the house to; Sam got what she wanted but seemed supple enough for compromise.
The way Ella looked at Sam was one of a love that would do anything for the beloved. Joy wished someone looked at her that way. Ah, such a love affair. What Joy wouldn’t give for that.
“I think you’ll like the eclectic interior,” Joy said.
“Does that mean the rooms are small?” Ella asked, looking suspiciously at the house. Joy could tell Ella was going to be a hard sell. Sam might get her way a lot, but buying a house was a big decision. Ella’s adoration of Sam might be overcome by the practicality of houses.
“No, it’s got a very open floor plan. You can see the second story was added on to create a very nice master suite,” Joy said.
“See, honey. A big master suite. You like that,” Sam said.
“We’ll see what you mean by ‘big and open,’” Ella said.
Joy knew right then that the authenticity of a Victorian house was not to Ella’s taste. She needed a compromise house. Eclectic with function and a freaking lawn to mow. Though why anyone wanted a lawn to mow was beyond her. Besides she had a couple on the line that was looking for just this kind of house.
Joy unlocked the front door and stood back. “I’d like you to go in with an open mind.”
“For those open spaces,” Ella said as she followed her wife, who was already oohing and awing, inside.
“Ella, look at this crown molding,” Sam cooed.
It was beautiful. Each room opened into the next through arches, which broke up the rooms without having doors. Joy watched as Ella took it in. Ella smiled. She toed a piece of molding. It held sturdy. She opened and shut the front door listening for squeaks. “Seems pretty sturdy. Plaster and lath?” she asked as the knocked on the wall.
“I believe so. It was built in 1924. Of course, it’s been remodeled, and the second story suite added on,” Joy said.
“I like it, Ella. I like it a lot,” Sam declared, jumping up and down and clapping her hands in glee.
“Let’s take a look at the rest of the house before you get too excited. I’m sure we have loads of other houses to check out.” Ella looked meaningfully at Joy.
“Loads of other houses. Of all kinds,” Joy said. She had six other houses currently listed. Of course, she could look at other houses from other realtors, but then she’d have to split the commission with the other agent. Six percent was better than three. She wished she had more houses listed but feast or famine was part of her profession. Her mother had taught her to put back money for the “famine” times. Joy wondered if she’d been neglecting her business by spending too much time thinking about and spending time with Carol rather than drumming up business as she usually would have been doing.
Perhaps Sam and Ella would fall in love with this house and then Joy could go home and drive Carol to the airport. Carol had planned to take an Uber to the airport but if Joy got off in time she could driver her so that she could see her one more time before she left.
She would have to prod Sam and Ella along. They were discussing the master bedroom. Ella loved it. Joy stood back as she let them take it in. The house was still furnished, which added to the charm. The large master bedroom had a sleigh bed and heavy, dark, masculine furniture. Usually, the bedroom was the woman’s domain and it was frilly more than masculine. Of course, two gay men currently owned the house. One of them had gotten a better job out of the city and they’d decided to opt for a place across the Bay.
“You could spend some time thinking about it before we move onto other houses if you’d like. Sometimes, it helps to do that before we put many more choices ahead of you.”
Ella nodded, “You’re right; we should think about it. You know, Sam, I like this suite. I like the bed, too. We could get one like it. But we could buy a king.”
Joy knew she had just sold the house.
***
“What are you doing home already? I thought you had clients?” Carol asked, zipping up the suitcase on her bed.
Joy stared at Carol’s bed and thought about El
la and Sam in their king-size. She banished the thought, concentrating instead on Carol’s travel transportation. “I got done early. I thought I’d take you to the airport.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. You won’t have to lug your suitcase around so much.”
“You’re so sweet. I will take you up on your offer.”
Joy didn’t say what was running through her head—I wanted to spend more time with you. Which was why she had rushed Sam and Ella through the house in order to make it home in time. One last look at Carol was paramount, and it made Joy wonder how deep she was already in. No matter; she was getting deeper.
“Posh car,” Carol said as she got into the Lexus.
“It’s a lease and goes with the business. Dress and drive for success.”
“I suppose it does,” Carol said. She put on her seatbelt, careful not to wrinkle her blouse.
She looked beautiful. Her hair was up in a loose chignon and her midnight-blue tailored suit gave her a grave yet lovely look. Joy could imagine people staring at her in wonderment as she boarded the plane. It must be weird. And then god forbid if you sat next to a man. Joy remembered how hostile Carol had been with the delivery man when they were moving in.
“I hope you have a nice trip. I wish I was going with you. Chicago in the fall must be nice,” Joy said, making conversation.
“I wish you were going with me, too. When I go to Paris, we should go together. Debra never had time for travel. Her world was here.”
Joy drove to the airport with Carol, talking about her buying trip and what she hoped to return with in terms of cost effectiveness. “I have a buying limit. I know how much my customers are willing to pay,” she told Joy.
Getting off at the airport exit, Joy felt a sadness creep over her. This was going to be a long week. How would she get along once Carol found love again and left Joy behind? She stopped at the drop-off for the airline Carol was using. “Here, we are,” Joy said.
“Here we are,” Carol said, looking deep into Joy’s eyes. She leaned in and kissed Joy on the cheek. An affectionate peck, not a lover’s kiss... not yet.
But Joy knew in that moment that she had found the love of her life. Her body glowed inside, and her heart soared. She was in love!
And she was doomed.
“So, keep an eye on the farm,” Carol teased.
“I’ll feed the animals and shovel the shit, but I want you to know I’m doing it for you.”
“I knew I could count on you. Take care,” Carol said. She got out of the car, took one last look at Joy and shut the door.
“Take care of my heart,” Joy said quietly.
***
Joy looked sullen over her wine glass. Angela sat on the white couch, brazen with her glass of Merlot. Joy had yet to be so brave. Then again, maybe if there was a nasty spill, they could get rid of the wretched uncomfortable couch. She hoped it would be Angela who did it so Carol wouldn’t be mad at her. She would be likely to keep her anger to herself when it came to Joy’s friend. Angela, who hated the couch just as much as Joy, would do it if asked, but Joy had promised to watch over the farm.
Maybe they should get a cat, make this even more of a domestic partnership.
The thing that scared Joy was that she and Angela managed to be very close friends but had never became lovers. Is that what Carol thought about her—that they were close friends?
“You think you’re in love with her?” Angela asked. She sipped and mulled over the predicament. “This is a heartbreaker and you know it.”
“I know,” Joy said. She gulped the rest of her wine and poured more. She knew she was being reckless with her heart. She couldn’t shut the door on love as it walked into the room, and she was confident that Carol would feel the same way.
“You should move,” Angela said.
Joy blanched.
“I’m kidding. I was also testing your resolve. I’d say you’ll have to date her.”
“Date my roommate? The one who is rebounding. That roommate?”
“Not a date-date because that would be ridiculous. But do more things together outside of the apartment. Find out what her interests are. See what you have in common. Let her fall in love with you. This whole love affair is taking place in one room like it’s a play and not real life. Remember that one play about the couple that met once a year and spent the weekend in their motel room?”
“No, I don’t. You’re not helping. I can’t imagine dating Carol. We already live like a couple.”
“So, it’s reverse dating,” Angela said.
“I thought you were against my falling in love with Carol,” Joy said.
“That was before you did.”
Joy thought about this. It was reverse dating. But could it work? Could she allow herself to tell Carol how she felt? How could they talk about such a thing without ruining what they had?
Joy didn’t want to lose that kind of love. She would rather have Carol as her friend and roommate than a lost-cause rebound love affair.
“What if I lose her forever? If she moved out, I would be distraught. How will I handle it? She’s only been gone an afternoon and I already miss her desperately.”
“You can live with her and not declare your love. Has it occurred to you that she might be falling in love with you?” Angela said.
“No. It hadn’t,” Joy admitted, her heart pounding like a racehorse on its final lap.
“Whenever we go to lunch, all she talks about is you,” Angela said.
Joy quickly evaluated how exciting her life was and found it lacking. What was there to say about her? She had made Carol laugh when she told her about her most challenging clients and how she finally found them the perfect house. And about the time she’d had to try and figure out how to mow the lawn, and that, luckily, a helpful neighbor had come over and mowed it for her. Or about getting the right kind of chemicals to turn a green pool into a sparkling blue one. Then there were the nutty clients that drove her to distraction with their odd demands. Carol loved these stories. It occurred to Joy that she did most of the talking in the evening. Carol was an excellent listener.
What kind of thoughts swirled around in Carol’s mind while she was listening? It was as if Joy filled her head with tales so that Carol wouldn’t have to think of her own. Those midnight confessions had been as far as Carol had gone about her relationship with Debra. The rest she kept to herself.
“Maybe you’re right about doing things outside the apartment. We don’t do anything other than cohabitate,” Joy said, knowing full well this was a direct route to heartache.
“So, you do want to date her only you don’t want her to know you’re dating her. Is that the plan?” Angela said.
“Sounds like a plan meant for failure,” Joy said sadly. She stared into her wine glass, swirling the red liquid. What if Carol turned away from her, afraid that Joy was getting too close? She needed to see how Carol felt about her. She suspected Carol felt the closeness of friendship but nothing more.
“You won’t know until you try,” Angela said.
“If I try and fail, I’ll lose her. Carol doesn’t like drama. Me crying and pleading to let us try being lovers would horrify her.”
“It horrifies me. And you have too much pride to do that. Remember Robin?”
“Ultra-clingy Robin?” Joy inquired.
Angela nodded, “The same. Pleading and crying is embarrassing for both partners. That’s when they grow to hate you more because they are ashamed afterwards.”
“See, what if I did that? I get all overwrought and shame myself. I can’t go there. Carol makes a good friend. I’m going to keep it that way.”
“Why am I here if you just decided to let the potential love of your life walk out the door?” Angela asked.
“She can’t walk out the door. She lives here.”
“She lives in your heart.”
***
The next day, Joy showed the same house over again for Sam and Ella
. They wanted to look at it more closely. Joy had offered to show them more houses before they seriously considered this first one. They stood waiting for Joy when she finally got there. She’d gotten stuck in traffic coming across town. She had phoned and told them she would be a few minutes late, berating herself for not leaving earlier.
“I am so sorry,” she said as she got out of the car.
“Not a problem. We checked out the backyard again. It’s perfect for a family,” Sam said, taking Ella’s hand.
“We want to have children and the fenced backyard is a real selling point. Not to mention there’s room for a lot of grass. I want my kids to grow up playing outside on grass and not some tiny patch in the backyard. I’ll just rip out some of the flowers,” Ella said. “And put down grass.”
“Not all of them,” Sam said.
“Not all,” Ella promised.
Joy had no idea that grass was a selling point but whatever worked. “Yes, it’s a wonderful backyard. It’s self-sustaining so there’s very little maintenance.”
“Except for mowing. I’m looking at a self-propelled lawn mower,” Ella said.
Ella certainly was into grass. “Good thinking,” Joy agreed.
“I like to plan ahead,” Ella said.
Sam took her hand. “Let’s go look at the master bedroom again,” she said.
Grass and bedrooms, Joy thought. She would never figure out people. Her mother was better at it than she was. Joy wished her mother hadn’t moved away before she taught her the ways of clients. People and their heart’s desires were impossible for Joy to fathom. Perhaps her method of listening to her clients and keeping her opinions to herself helped her sell. She wasn’t pushy. Joy contemplated this when it came to Carol. Was it an impossibility?
She watched as Ella and Sam looked at the bed. “I love this bed,” Sam said. “We have to get one like it.”
Ella was into grass and outdoors-loving kids and Sam liked the bed. What an odd couple, Joy thought.
“Shall we look at the rest of the house again?” Joy suggested. She liked to make sure her clients were happy with their new home. It made for good referrals and Joy liked knowing she had done her best in finding them the right one.
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