“Why is that?”
“You do yoga. If I got down on one knee, I might not get up without damaging myself.”
“You’re not as old and crippled up as you say. And I should know.”
“How do you know?” Joy said, scratching behind Mr. Beans’ ears.
“Bedroom acrobatics,” Carol said. She pushed Joy back on the couch, much to Mr. Beans’ chagrin.
***
In the middle of night and sated from sex, Joy woke to find Carol gone and Beans sleeping on her pillow. Joy got up and went in search of her. She probably couldn’t sleep. Carol had been sleeping well after their nights of avid lovemaking. They seemed to be insatiable when it came to each other. She padded softly to the kitchen where she found Carol drinking chamomile tea and looking drained. Maybe they needed to take vitamins. “What’s wrong?”
“Debra called me today. I know I should’ve told you. We were engaged in other activities and it didn’t seem the time.”
“Yes, thank you for not talking about your ex-girlfriend with your current one while making ardent love to her,” Joy said. She was confused. Was Carol sitting here weighing her choices? Take Debra back and make her happy and, in the process, devastate Joy or devastate Debra and leave her homeless and broke?
“Is this goodbye?” Joy asked, willing tears not to form.
Carol looked at her like she’d lost her mind, which she supposed she had. To have happiness and then have it whipped out from under you when the ex comes sniffing around, taking back what they see as theirs. Debra would. She had the ego for it. What did Joy have?
“What are you talking about?” Carol said.
“You getting back together with Debra.”
Carol chuffed. “Like that would ever happen.”
“Because you’re mad at her or because you’re in love with me?”
Carol got up and came over to Joy. She took her in her arms. “I love you, only you. I’ve realized that how we are as a couple is how I want to live. I’m done with artists and egos and the endless bitching and moaning about lack of recognition and monetary funds. It was a gerbil wheel of frustration and drama for Debra and I got the brunt of it. I love us how we are. You have to believe me.”
Joy looked into Carol’s eyes and she believed her.
They went back to bed and made passionate love, like Carol was showing her just how much she loved her. She nipped at Joy’s ear and caressed her breasts. Carol took a nipple in her mouth and gently tugged at it with her teeth. Joy moaned.
As Carol was kissing her way down Joy’s stomach, she thought she might burst with desire... then Carol took her in her mouth. Carol ran her tongue between the folds and sucked on Joy’s soft center making her shudder. Carol inserted her fingers and continued to run her tongue over Joy’s sweet spot until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She came, bursting into a bright light of love, lust, and sexual ecstasy.
She loved the way Carol smelled, her fresh scent of peach shampoo and tea tree soap. Joy was a cornucopia of sensations built up inside and she had to have Carol right then. Joy pulled Carol on top of her and up, perching Carol on her face, flicked her tongue around and across Carol’s sweet spot. Carol rocked against her as her desire heightened until she came.
She collapsed onto Joy, looking deep into her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you,” Joy said. They feel asleep in each other’s arms. In the morning, Joy awoke to Carol spooning behind her. She kissed the back of Joy’s neck. “Good morning, my love. She pulled Joy’s hips into hers. She slipped her hand across Joy’s hip bone. “I love this curve right here,” she said as her ran her finger up and down it. Joy tingled.
“Are we having morning sex?” Joy asked; her voice grew ragged as Carol entered her. She gasped at the pleasant force of Carol’s fingers inside her. Carol ran her thumb over Joy’s sweet spot, cupping her hand over Joy’s sex.
“Do you like morning sex?” Carol teased.
“Yes,” Joy gasped. Her body grew taunt, as though she had been shot like an arrow across the cosmos. She had never been taken so completely, so fully, as when Carol made love to her. She was sated before they’d even had breakfast.
Joy wanted to try this new position on Carol. “I like this,” Joy said as she pulled Carol’s hips into her own.
“Me, too,” Carol said breathlessly.
They made love again, laughing at their desire. “We’re like two horny teenagers,” Joy said.
Carol laughed. “We probably wouldn’t have accomplished much. We would’ve been in bed all the time.” She rolled up on her elbow and looked at the clock. “Ugh, we have to get up. I better get you some coffee and go take a shower.”
“Don’t forget to use our new lotion from Body Works,” Joy said.
“You mean the lotion you were going to rub all over my body? That lotion?” Carol teased.
“That’s tonight,” Joy said. “And I’ll feed you the chocolates like a Grecian woman accepting grapes from a slave.”
“Oh my, I’m liking this already,” Carol said. She kissed Joy and went off to make coffee as Joy lay basking in the afterglow of lovemaking. She loved Carol more than anyone before in her life and she almost felt sorry for Debra, knowing she’d had Carol and let her go. It was like losing a diamond in a sea of cubic zirconium. Once lost, very hard to find again.
Carol was her diamond now and she didn’t intend to lose her. Joy had never felt a sense of regret when one of her previous relationships had failed; she had usually experienced a sense of relief and then was lonely for a while. Other times, she’d been sad that they hadn’t made it. Usually the fights and accusations made it easier to leave than to stay. Joy would be heartbroken and Angela would swoop in and pick up her spirits.
Angela! That’s who she needed to bounce her worries and insecurities about Debra. She could say things to her that could only be shared and insightfully seen by a friend. Someone who could see past love and lust to get at the real crux of the relationship. Was it working? She needed Angela. Joy would go in for a trim and have a good talk with her, and Angela would most likely banish her fears. She could stop by the salon after she finished showing the gay boys another house.
***
“Are you taking walk-ins?” Joy asked as she strode into Angela’s posh new salon. Angela had gone for mid-century modern: black and white checkered floor, lots of glass and chrome, and a giant framed picture of Marilyn Monroe behind the reception desk. Some of her younger clientele had followed her to the new place, the older ones remaining loyal to the older shop. Angela had taken Doris Day’s advice, ‘que sera, sera’ and rolled with it.
She knew that with Carol’s shop next door, she would get some of that wealthy woman traffic. Carol was also a client and enthusiastically recommended Angela’s shop. It was great for Angela, who was so happy she’d forgotten about not having a girlfriend.
Angela liked Carol and the three of them sometimes went out for drinks or dinner. Occasionally, one or two of the other stylists would join them. Angela being friends with Carol did complicate matters when it concerned Joy and Carol. Joy needed her oldest friend to make her feel secure and to ask her if she thought Carol might take Debra back. She had friends who had broken up and gotten back together after each of them had slept with others. It wasn’t common but it wasn’t unheard of. It happened. It could happen to her.
“Aren’t you lucky, I just finished with my client and I’m at loose ends for another thirty minutes. You need a trim or advice or both?” Angela said.
“I have split ends and there’s a new development in my relationship with Carol.”
Angela clapped her hands together, then covered her heart with her right hand and tapped it against her chest. “You’re getting married. How exciting! I get to be the maid of honor, right?”
The look on Joy’s face ruined Angela’s good mood. “Okay, this requires a wash and trim. What happened?” she asked as she led Joy into the back where the hair washing area was situated.
>
“Debra wants Carol back,” Joy said.
“You’re kidding,” Angela said hopefully.
“I’m not. She called and they talked. Carol says I shouldn’t worry but I am. Debra still has a hold on her, even if Carol says to the contrary.”
“How can you tell that?”
“It’s just something. We all know they still have feelings, good or bad, about each other. They spent a lot of their lives together. Carol and I are new. Sometimes new doesn’t beat old love,” Joy said.
The warm water running over her head and Angela’s able hands washing her hair helped to relax her. Maybe she was making too big of a deal of a phone call from an ex. Carol hadn’t said Debra had asked to be taken back or that she needed money. “I don’t care if she gives her money. I care about her heart. You know how Carol has blossomed. Remember what a mess she was when I first got there? That’s what Debra did to her. I couldn’t forgive her for that. But I worry Carol might be able to look past it, like maybe Debra just got caught up in new love and then discovered that Carol was a better girlfriend and she wants her back,” Joy said.
“I think you’re having one of those zero to sixty moments. One phone call from an ex-girlfriend. It’s not that big of a deal. Granted, there’s a lot of baggage when the woman you loved for fifteen years tells you one morning that she doesn’t love you anymore. Talk about blindsided. Carol will never get over this. I can tell you that,” Angela said, running her fingers over Joy’s scalp.
It occurred to Joy that Angela and Carol would’ve talked about the love affair with Debra and how Carol felt about it. She might be more comfortable talking to Angela about her relationship with Debra. She could see why Carol would talk to Angela about her feelings toward Debra because new lovers didn’t want to hear about old lovers. You had some grace time before things got serious and you could tell your tales of lost love. After that, new love didn’t want to hear it.
Joy had dated a woman who spent more time talking about her ex than Joy and their relationship. She gave up trying on that one. Old love had beat new love, if only in spirit. Those two had been the ones to get back together. Joy had been used in the interim. It was possible if Debra were persuasive enough Carol would take her back.
Angela put sweet-smelling, expensive conditioner on Joy’s hair and began to massage her scalp. It smelled wonderful and felt soothing. Joy was glad she had come in. Sometimes after a bad break up Angela would wash her hair. It calmed Joy. Angela was her rock, and Joy needed her.
“Tell me why you doubt her? She adores you, you know,” Angela said.
“I know Carol loves me. But we’re new. We don’t have the kind of history that she and Debra have. It’s hard to break away from fifteen years of your life. Sometimes she has a hard time finding a story that doesn’t have Debra in it. She usually doesn’t do the ‘we’ thing. She talks only about herself, but I know they were together when they went to Greece or were renting a cabin on Lake Tahoe. Carol is very careful around me when it comes to Debra, which also makes me nervous. I know it’s not good form to talk about old love when new love is starting out,” Joy said.
“You forget new love has a lot more power than old love. I mean think of it. You guys can’t get enough of each other. Carol loves you deeply. I can tell.”
“How can you tell?” Joy asked as Angela wrapped her head up in a towel.
“The look in her eyes when she talks about you,” Angela said nonchalantly.
Joy hoped Angela was right.
Angela led her to her workstation and set up her equipment. She tousled then combed out Joy’s hair. She checked out her split ends. “Yes, you do need a trim. We want to keep you looking good for Carol. I want you to outdo Debra.”
“Outdo her in what?” Joy said, hearing the clip, clip, clip of Angela’s scissors.
“Ambition, grooming, steadfastness, deep love, stuff like that,” Angela said. “You’ve got Carol. That’s all you need to think about. Believe me, you’re not living in Debra’s shadow. Debra was Carol’s darkness. She told me how she suffered some bouts of depression when she was with Debra. She had feelings of isolation from the art community. Carol never felt like she fit in. As the years went by, Debra got more involved in murals. A space developed between them until Carol felt like she wasn’t part of that portion of Debra’s life. I mean look at the two of you – professional women, goal-oriented, and no artistic drama. Carol said that Debra is very insecure, especially before an unveiling or even during a project. You know how sensitive artists can be. It’s not an easy row to hoe being the partner of one. It requires a lot of understanding and patience with that partner. Carol said toward the end she was running dry on both accounts. It seemed like the more famous Debra got the more insecure she felt,” Angela said.
“I never would’ve pegged Debra for insecure.”
“There’s a lot more to that relationship than you know. Carol’s not telling you about Debra because she doesn’t want it to taint what she has with you,” Angela said.
“She’s got you as a sounding board because she doesn’t want to share it with me. Is that necessarily a good thing? Shouldn’t she be telling me this?” Joy said.
Angela pulled on either side of Joy’s hair to ensure it was the appropriate length. She undid the cape and whipped Joy around in the chair holding a mirror so she could see the back of her head. It was perfectly done, per usual. Cutting hair was Angela’s dharma. She did it well and she loved doing it. Joy couldn’t say the same about real estate, but she was good at her job.
“It looks fabulous,” Joy said. Angela beamed.
“Don’t worry so much. It’s not good for a person. And you don’t want to appear clingy or needy. Carol doesn’t need another insecure woman in her life,” Angela said.
“You’re right.”
“As usual,” Angela said. “Now get out there and sell some more houses.”
Angela’s next appointment came in. Angela hugged Joy goodbye.
Chapter Nineteen
Joy awoke to find Carol’s arm flung across her chest and a storm raging outside. The crack of lightening and the roar of thunder and the pelting rain had awakened her. She looked over at Carol in the dim light coming through the window from the streetlamp. She was so exquisitely beautiful. How could Debra have walked away?
She had to stop worrying. It could ruin what they had. She should be dancing in the hormones of infatuation and here she was fussing, doubting Carol, and putting their relationship at risk. She couldn’t go around constantly asking Carol if she was certain she wanted her and not Debra. Carol had told Angela more stuff about Debra and none of it had been good. Surely that was a positive sign. And did ex-girlfriends really get back together? Was Joy a rebound for Carol, who would soon grow bored with her and move on? All these doubts swirled around her head and kept rest at bay until, in the wee hours of dawn, she fell back asleep.
As she was awakening the second time, Joy looked over at the nightstand where Carol had left a note. “I didn’t want to wake you. Will explain later. See you for lunch? I love you dearly.”
Carol was gone and Joy found that Debra was standing in her kitchen drinking coffee and making telephone calls. Why the hell was Debra in her kitchen? It was surreal. Joy took a deep breath, made herself a cup of coffee (as she was now able to operate the coffeemaker) and waited for Debra to get off the phone. She was saying something about a paint shipment.
“I wondered when you were getting up. One would think you two were partying last night. Although, Carol never was one for partying,” Debra said.
Joy didn’t bother with a preamble. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m between places.”
“And you’re going to live here?” Joy was astonished, angry, and hurt that Carol had done this to her. Lesbians were weird but were they that weird? Could Carol possibly think they could live with her ex-girlfriend? She could only imagine the drama and the tears... Debra pleading and pulling at Carol’s heart until
she relented.
“You’re no match for her. This is rebound material right here. She might think she loves you but the only person she has ever really loved is me.”
Angela had been right about the ego. “And that’s why you left her.”
“Is that what she told you?” Debra said.
Joy was confused. “Yes, that’s what she told me.”
“That she woke up one morning and decided she didn’t love me anymore? She did that to me! How do you think that makes me feel? My emotional and financial support walked out the door on me,” Debra said.
“That’s not what Carol told me. She said you were the one that walked out with your new girlfriend,” Joy said.
“I never cheated on her. I waited until we were through and I needed a shoulder to cry on. I never for a minute thought it would be anything more than a brief liaison.”
“That woman was going to buy a house from me so she could set you up and have some sort of artist salon,” Joy said. “And you must’ve noticed I didn’t sell it to her. I thought it would be disloyal to Carol. I wasn’t comfortable with that.”
“Well aren’t you the goody two-shoes. You stupidly lost money.”
“Is that why I’m the homeless one?” Joy retorted.
“Look, I’m between places, that’s all. And I intend to get Carol back. You best get packing because she’ll leave you like she left me.”
Joy knew that Debra was lying but there was an anxious nibbling at the back of her brain. Why was Debra standing in her kitchen if Carol didn’t have some sort of plan? How long would the three of them live together until one afternoon she would come home early to find Carol and Debra in the throes of passion? If Carol despised Debra like she said, why had she let her into the apartment to spend the night? How could Carol possibly explain this?
“I don’t believe you. Carol loves me,” Joy said, hoping for conviction in her tone.
“I’m standing here, baby. That ought to tell you something,” Debra said.
Everything but the Girl Page 15
