Fierce Heart (Elven Alliance Book 1)

by Tara Grayce

  Jalissa smiled. “We will have to test that. I love archery, and there are several spare bows at Lethorel. I believe Farrendel’s old bow is still there.”

  Farrendel’s shoulders lifted in an elven version of a shrug. “I was never any good. I always preferred my swords. Besides, it is not really my bow. I just was the last to have it handed down to me.”

  The elven royalty used hand-me-down bows? Essie had to suppress a snort. It was just the sort of practicality she loved about living here.

  “It sounds like a lot of fun.” Essie rested her palms on the pad of the bench beneath her, one of her hands less than an inch from Farrendel’s leg. These next two weeks might be just what she needed to fit in with this family. “This place sounds really special to all of you. I gathered that when we talked about it at dinner, but all of you are happier the closer we get.”

  Farrendel stilled. “I spent much of my childhood there.”

  He was tense. As if waiting for her to ask why.

  Except that she knew why. It would have been a difficult childhood for him, bearing the scorn of the elven court for being illegitimate. It would have been easier to hide him at Lethorel, both to keep the proof of King Lorsan’s mistake out of the public eye all the time and to spare Farrendel from some of their cruelty.

  Did Farrendel’s father raise Farrendel there? Had the other family members been there? Or had Farrendel been alone, the illegitimate son shuffled off to be raised by servants?

  Jalissa was watching Essie. Did she know Leyleira had told Essie the great family scandal? Or was she, like Farrendel, waiting for Essie to ask the hard questions and probe for the truth?

  “My family has a similar summer cottage. My mother would take us there as often as she could when we were growing up.” Essie let herself smile at the memories. “It is hard enough growing up under the scrutiny of the court all the time. At that cottage, we had a chance to be children. I imagine Lethorel must be like that for you, though you weren’t all children at the same time the way me and my brothers were. One of the few memories I have of my father is at that cottage.”

  Farrendel was staring down at the floor. “Yes, Lethorel is like that for us.”

  What would it have been like for Farrendel growing up? Was Lethorel where he felt truly a part of this family in a way he hadn’t in Estyra? Until he’d proved his worth to the elven court by becoming Laesornysh, their renowned warrior, Lethorel was probably the only place where he could relax without the sneers.

  “Father was able to love all of us best at Lethorel. Some of my best memories of us as a family are there.” Jalissa was looking at Farrendel as she said it, as if wanting to gauge his reaction more than Essie’s.

  It must be difficult to have a family strung out over so many hundreds of years with the mix of scandal and tragedy they had. All of Jalissa’s memories of her family with her mother wouldn’t include Farrendel. In some ways, he was everything that had gone wrong with their family. The queen’s death. Their father’s grief. An illegitimate brother who was the constant proof and reminder of all of it.

  Or was Farrendel the silver lining in that tragedy? The person who had pulled all of them, especially the late king, out of grief and gave them a reason to feel like a family again, even if that family would be forever aching from the loved ones lost.

  Essie certainly didn’t question that King Weylind, Melantha, and Jalissa loved Farrendel as a brother.

  Farrendel turned away to stare out the window, looking like he wanted to draw up his knees as a wall as he did when he suffered nightmares.

  Essie didn’t care if the elves frowned on public displays of affection. She scooted closer to him and leaned her head against his shoulder, curling her legs onto the train bench beside her. “I think I’m going to take a nap.”

  Farrendel was rigid beneath her. But he was warm, and Essie squirmed and shifted until she found a spot against his bony shoulder and stiff muscles that was almost comfortable.

  This close, she could smell the minty scent of his clothes and the fresh, woodsy smell of the shampoo and conditioner he used on his hair. Strands of his hair brushed against her face, and it took more self-control than she’d admit to keep from winding a lock through her fingers.

  Really, it was almost laughable. Her younger self would’ve been rolling her eyes at how attractive she found Farrendel’s long hair. Must be the magical elven conditioner.

  After several minutes, Farrendel relaxed beneath her and shifted so that she was better settled against him. That suited her just fine. She’d used the nap thing as an excuse to be close to him, but as his warmth seeped into her, the idea of a nap sounded better and better. She might regret it later when she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night because she’d napped during the day, but no matter. It meant she would be wide awake to take in Arorien and explore the elven inn. Besides, she had a lot of sleep to catch up on anyways.

  She let herself drift, feeling like she was wrapped in warmth, her muscles relaxed. Her breathing slowed until she was in that hazy place where her body was asleep and her mind was only half-awake.

  “Is she asleep?” King Weylind’s voice buzzed through the haze in Essie’s mind. Thanks to her improving elvish, Essie could understand him.

  She probably should tell them she was still awake, but her body was already asleep, and the impulse just rattled around in her head without making her mouth so much as twitch.

  “Yes.” Farrendel replied, also in elvish. The word rumbled beneath Essie’s ear, far deeper in his chest than it sounded out loud.

  “Do you ... for her, shashon?” Jalissa spoke, her words low. Shashon. Brother.

  What was that word was in the middle? The one Essie hadn’t learned yet. Love would make sense, but didn’t fit the elvish grammar. Perhaps the word was care. That would fit. It seemed rather important, and Essie struggled to keep herself relaxed and not tense toward wakefulness.

  She probably should do the decent thing and let them know she was still awake. Eavesdropping never ended well, right?

  But she didn’t have the self-control to resist at the moment. Besides, she might end up only understanding about half the conversation.

  Farrendel remained still, his heartbeat a steady rhythm under Essie’s ear. He was silent so long Essie started drifting off again, though his voice roused her back to her semi-sleeping state. “Yes.” Another pause before he spoke again, his voice low but closer to Essie’s ear as if he was looking down at her. “She does not mind my ...”

  His what? Essie had learned enough elvish to follow along, mostly. But she kept missing the most important part of this conversation.

  What would Farrendel think Essie didn’t mind about him? His nightmares? His army friends?

  No, his scars. That had to be it. That was the moment where she had begun to make progress with him. It was the moment he’d begun to care.

  Jalissa’s sigh was so loud Essie didn’t even have to strain to hear it. “We do not mind your scars either.”

  “Not like her. She...” Farrendel trailed off, as if he couldn’t put what he was thinking into words. “They do not bother her.”

  “Of course, they bother me. You are my little brother. I held you as an infant. I dried your tears when you were a child.” Jalissa’s voice tightened and rose. “It hurts to see my little brother hurt.”

  “I know.” Farrendel’s voice was quiet.

  “That is why I do not want to see you hurt by her. I want you to be happy.”

  “She makes me happy.” Farrendel’s tone held a warmth to it, and if Essie hadn’t been so comfortable and interested in the conversation, she might have gripped his hand. Or maybe even indulged in hugging him.

  “Does she care for you?” Jalissa’s voice had an intense tone to it.

  “It has only been two and a half months.” Farrendel had that slightly dangerous note to his voice again, as if offended that Jalissa wasn’t giving Essie time.

  Yet Farrendel had no problem in saying h
e cared for Essie, even though it hadn’t been that long.

  Perhaps care was the right word. Yes, Essie cared for Farrendel, a caring that would surely deepen into love.

  Didn’t Farrendel know she cared? What else could he think all the late nights staying up with him after his nightmares and the handholding and the snuggling meant?

  “That did not stop you from caring.”

  Essie could feel herself drifting deeper into sleep, rocked by the steady movement of the nearly silent train and the warmth of Farrendel against her.

  But, before she slipped all the way into sleep, Farrendel’s breath shivered along Essie’s hair. “I think she does.”

  Essie woke with a start. Her head still rested against Farrendel’s shoulder, though her hand had somehow found its way onto Farrendel’s chest, her fingers clasping his tunic. She wanted to pretend she was still asleep, but her start had been a little too obvious.

  With a sigh, she reluctantly pried her fingers from Farrendel’s tunic, scrubbed at her face, and pushed herself upright. She wasn’t about to glance across the way toward Farrendel’s family. She probably looked a sight. Her own fault for napping in front of them.

  Farrendel was looking at her, his face blank. Probably doing his whole wait-for-her-to-speak-first thing hoping she’d spout something humorous.

  “I slept well, thanks for asking.” Essie smiled and peered over her shoulder out the window. “How long did I sleep?”

  “A couple of hours.” Farrendel shifted his arm.

  Essie winced. “Your arm fell asleep, didn’t it? I’m so sorry. You could’ve moved. Or woke me. I wouldn’t have minded.”

  He shrugged. “I do not mind either.”

  After another hour, the small town of Arorien came into sight out of the forest. Much like Estyra, the rails skirted the edge of the town with the platform on the far side. Also like Estyra, the town was made of booths tucked against the trees with an upper layer of shops and living quarters in the trees. Unlike Estyra, there was only a single, winding street and far fewer elves bustling around.

  The elf equivalent of the town mayor met them on the platform. Essie understood some of his welcome speech, but it seemed he used many large words that Essie had yet to learn. As she stood next to Farrendel on the platform, she caught the mayor and several of the other elves in town glancing at her.

  It was hard for her to tell if the glances were disgusted or curious or something in between.

  This was the first time Essie had traveled with the royal family. The first time the wider elf population would meet her. She needed to hold her chin high and make a good impression.

  After a few more minutes, the mayor gestured to a few of the male elves standing nearby. The elves gathered the luggage, and King Weylind led the way down the street. He lifted his hand in an elven wave to some of the bystanders who were doing their genteel waving. Apparently even country elves in a small town didn’t go in for large displays of enthusiasm, even when their king was stopping for a visit.

  Jalissa’s mouth tilted in a small smile as she too waved, occasionally stopping and conversing with someone she probably knew from past trips to Lethorel.

  Farrendel twined his fingers with Essie’s once again, choosing to hold her hand rather than hold out his arm.

  And it struck her then just how much Farrendel had given up to marry her. He could have married an upstanding elf. Maybe even elf nobility, which would have helped in erasing the scandal of his birth and legitimizing a place for him in society.

  Instead he caused another scandal and married her. Yes, it was for peace between their countries. Yes, it was sanctioned by his brother, the king.

  But it was an action that would remind everyone of the scandal already surrounding him. Make him even more of an outcast than he already was.

  Was there anything Essie could do to help him?

  Not much besides do her best to earn the respect of the elves who took the time to know her. And for those who didn’t, she would hold her chin high and give them very little ammunition to work with.

  Farrendel glanced at her, and she gave him a nod back. She was ready for this.

  As they set out after King Weylind and Jalissa, Essie caught the moment the smiles of the townsfolk froze. She hadn’t even realized there had been a buzz of conversation, a floating laughter, a festival hum to the air until it died.

  Farrendel’s fingers tightened on hers, his muscles going taut. Maybe she was ready to face this, but she wasn’t sure Farrendel was. He was the type who would rather hide from this sort of scrutiny than face it head on the way they were now.

  Essie refused to cower beneath the stares turning into glares. She had been raised to be a princess, and sometimes that meant not being popular to stand for what was right. To do what was best for the kingdom even when it would get herself publicly vilified.

  She kept her smile in place and waved as Jalissa had. Regal. Restrained. She glided forward, and Farrendel fell into step with her after a hesitation so small it would’ve been hard to notice except under intense scrutiny.

  Which, of course, was exactly what they were under at the moment.

  They had only gone a few yards from the train platform when someone in the crowd shouted something Essie couldn’t understand.

  Probably just as well she couldn’t understand it since Farrendel stiffened next to her. A hint of a crackle filled the air.

  Essie turned to Farrendel and placed her free hand on his chest. “I don’t know what they just said, but I think it’s best if we just walk away.”

  The crackle left the air, and Farrendel gave her a small nod. They resumed walking, following King Weylind, Queen Rheva, Brina, Ryfon, and Jalissa, pretending not to hear the way the townsfolk turned silent as she and Farrendel passed by.

  Thankfully, the inn wasn’t far from the train platform, and the elf man and woman who ran the inn welcomed all of them—including Farrendel and Essie—inside without their smiles falling from their faces. As they were the ones getting paid for the royal family’s stay in Arorien, they had a vested interest in remaining pleasant, no matter their personal feelings regarding Farrendel’s human bride.

  In short order, they were all shown to rooms. As with the palace, the inn’s rooms were individual rooms built in various locations along a tree’s spreading branches.

  Essie soon found herself alone with Farrendel in what she guessed was the farthest room in the inn. It would’ve been more awkward, except that a quick glance around the room showed it had four elven beds grown into the walls with windows above them, each with a curtain that could be drawn to give the sleeper privacy. Like the inns in Escarland, these rooms were designed to house an entire elf family traveling together or multiple individuals if the inn was particularly crowded.

  “Are you all right with this?”

  Essie turned to find Farrendel still standing in the doorway, the door wide open behind him as if he wanted to give her the option to bolt if she wanted to.

  She grinned. “Yes, this will work perfectly. I was expecting a room with only one bed, and we’d have the whole who-gets-the-bed-and-who-sleeps-on-the-floor discussion. Now we just have to decide if we pick two of the beds next to each other or beds as far away from each other as possible.”

  Farrendel stared back at her. Probably waiting for her to continue rambling on.

  “Fine. I’ll at least choose my bed, and you can pick whichever one you want.” Essie pointed at the bed on the west side of the room. “I’m going to pick that one. I don’t want the sun to wake me up right away in the morning. What is Lethorel going to be like? Are we going to share a room there or will there be several rooms?”

  Farrendel stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him with a soft click. “In Lethorel, my room has several small sleeping quarters attached to it.”

  “I see. That will be perfect.” Essie located her luggage—a single canvas tote with her name embroidered on the top flap. “It turns out I am very awa
ke now thanks to my nap. What are we going to do this evening?”

  “We have supper downstairs as soon as you are ready. Then it is up to you.”

  “We could come back here and work on my elvish.” Essie stepped closer to Farrendel.

  Should she admit to him that she overheard him talking with his family earlier? How much did she tell him?

  “Farrendel?” Essie reached out and lightly rested her hand on his arm. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers, but he didn’t pull away. She struggled to find the words, and the moment stretched longer. “This truly doesn’t bother me. I think...” Why was it so hard for her to get the words out? “I care about you. I want us to eventually get to the point where this isn’t awkward. Where...”

  She couldn’t finish. Her face was heating up even just thinking about it. They weren’t there yet. Neither of them could even say love. Falling in love, maybe. In love, not yet.

  Farrendel closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. Essie held still, holding her breath as if she feared scaring him off. This was the first time he’d initiated a hug.

  When he didn’t back away, she leaned against him, wrapping her arms around him. His back was stiff and strong beneath her hands, the fabric of his tunic soft against her palms. Giving in to temptation, she trailed her fingers through the ends of his hair. Yes, it was just as soft and silky as she had been imagining.

  The ends of her hair shifted, and tingles shot through her scalp and down her back.

  Maybe, eventually, this whole husband and wife thing would work out after all. Once she and Farrendel got to that stage in their relationship.

  Farrendel stepped back first, though he kept his hands lightly resting on her shoulders. He glanced at her but dropped his gaze almost immediately. “You do not know everything yet.”

  Should she tell him she knew he was illegitimate? Essie held her breath, letting the thought sink in, trying to figure out what her gut was telling her to do. Somehow that wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have right now. This moment had been sweet. Something she wanted to cherish. She didn’t want to ruin it with a troubling conversation that wouldn’t be easy on either of them.