Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4)

by Nia Arthurs

  “Which was… what exactly?”

  She straightens and dries her eyes. “Enough about that. We’re talking about you and Lucas.”

  “No we’re not.”

  “Yes we are.”

  I groan.

  “You know Lucas likes you, right?” Nellie says.

  “You’re insane.”

  “Come on, Ina. You can’t be that blind.”

  “I guess I am.”

  “If you opened your eyes, you’d see the truth.”

  “What exactly am I supposed to see?”

  “You’ll know.” She leans back, a satisfied smirk on her lips. “That man has it bad. Trust me.”

  I climb off the bed. “You just worry about making up with Jonas.”

  She pulls a disgusted face.

  I laugh but, inside, I’m fighting a growing dread.

  There’s no way Lucas likes me?

  Right?

  Twenty-Two

  Ina

  The bells jangle as I step into Lucas’s shop. Feels like home. Beige walls and shelves of comic books.

  Whirring blenders.

  Black chairs.

  Square tables.

  Long counter.

  And there’s Lucas.

  He’s leaning against the glass case, as usual, a comic book in hand.

  I suck in a deep breath.

  Let the last roaring chorus of my favorite rock song blast through my head.

  Mentally hum the line about courage and power. Try to find confidence in the silence.

  Crash and burn.

  Lucas is right there.

  Looking at me.

  Smiling.

  My pulse races and it’s not because today’s my last date.

  “You know Lucas likes you, right?”

  I cringe and look away.

  How am I supposed to continue like this if I can’t get Nellie’s words out of my mind?

  I suck in a deep breath.

  Grab the strap of my purse.

  Step toward the counter with measured, deliberate steps.

  Sunlight dances over my shoulder.

  It’s a nice day outside. Inside, it’s cool. Calm. Welcoming.

  Lucas pushes up from the counter. Nods a greeting.

  He looks more casual today than he did yesterday in a simple T-shirt with the Superman logo. Jeans. Hair mussed.

  The smile on his face reaches his soulful eyes.

  Has he always had such beautiful eyes? They’re not golden like Jonas’s. They’re dark brown. Some would even call them plain. But they’re not. They’re full of kindness.

  Even when he’s angry, he always has this raw, intense control.

  It makes me want to trust him with my secrets.

  With my scars.

  With my everything.

  “Hi.” My mind blanks out after that and I can’t seem to come up with some other line to say.

  I want to keep being Lucas’s friend, but I can’t if what Nellie said is true.

  I don’t know how I can keep using him if he’s in love with me.

  It’s just so…

  Unfair.

  “Hey.” His eyes trace my body in a slow once-over. Brown eyes graze my fancy blouse, my tight jeans. The bracelet on my wrist.

  It’s a familiar look.

  I wrack my brain trying to figure out why.

  Then it hits me.

  He stares at me the way Troy stares at Venus.

  With appreciation.

  Admiration.

  Just a hint of lust.

  Like he wants to take me upstairs.

  Like he wants to get started on lesson two right away.

  And then he blinks and the expression is gone. Replaced with his normal smile.

  Or maybe it was always normal.

  Maybe I’m overreacting because of what Nellie said.

  It’s not like Lucas confessed anything to me.

  I’m definitely not his type.

  There’s no way he’d be into me like that.

  He rounds the counter. “You okay?”

  Yes. No.

  He’s way too close.

  And I’m too psyched out to think clearly.

  “Ina?” His voice is tinged with concern. Brotherly concern. Like Evan. Or Troy. No attraction there whatsoever.

  Okay?

  Just because he’s standing close to me—

  Just because he smells good and I want to hold his hand—

  That doesn’t mean anything.

  He reaches out.

  I hold still, but my breath gets caught in my throat.

  Slowly, gently, Lucas lowers his fingers to my cheek.

  I close my eyes.

  Revel in the sensation.

  “I missed you yesterday,” he whispers.

  “I was working.”

  “Right.”

  “It was really busy.” I keep my eyes closed because I know, if I open them, he’ll see that I’m lying.

  Yeah, I had a shift yesterday.

  But it wasn’t busier than usual.

  I just… I didn’t know what to say to him.

  His hand drops from my face to my wrist.

  I clasp my fingers around his reflexively.

  He pulls his hand back and repositions it. His fingers brush mine. Then our palms line up. Then our fingers are intertwining.

  I know, if I step just a little closer and wrap my free arm around him, my body will melt into his just like my hand did.

  My heart pounds a little harder.

  He leads me across the room. Through a locked door behind the bookshelves. Into a dark stairwell.

  The room is cramped. Green walls. Wooden stairs.

  I can barely hear the blender or the whoosh of comic book pages turning.

  Goosebumps flare over my arms as Lucas moves into me. I shuffle back, but I’m trapped between his mass and the wall.

  I try to wiggle away, but Lucas slips his hand over my lower back and traps me in place.

  Our chests crash together.

  His hips rock against mine.

  Something presses into my stomach.

  My heart stalls.

  Lucas lowers his head.

  I can barely see him in the shadows, but I can feel him.

  He’s so close.

  And it feels wild. And different. And good.

  “Are you okay?” he asks again. His minty breath fans my cheek.

  I can’t speak. My tongue is as heavy as a rock.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  Yes. No. I don’t know anymore.

  I’m on a quick path to insanity.

  And Lucas is the one driving me there.

  He shifts so he’s pressing me hard into the wall. “I need to hear you, Ina.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “I don’t want you,” I suck in a deep breath, “to stop.”

  “Good.” Lucas cradles my chin in his palm.

  “W-what are you doing?”

  “I’m going to kiss you now.”

  Before I can even calculate that statement, Lucas brushes his lips against my mouth.

  It’s gentle.

  Then not.

  His hand splays against my lower back. The other cups the back of my neck.

  Dragging me closer.

  I hear myself moan, but it sounds like it’s coming from someone else.

  Someone in tune with her sexuality.

  Someone owning the moment despite her scars.

  Lucas is kissing me like I’m the only woman in the world. Like I’m the only thing he’ll ever need. And it feels so good that I want to believe him.

  His hand goes to my hip.

  A thumb swirls against my flesh.

  All the fireworks in the world go off.

  My eyelids flutter together.

  I rise to my tiptoes so I can throw my arms around his neck.

  I’m kissing Lucas.

  And he’s kissing me.

  And I’m not falling apar
t. I’m here. All of me. He’s tethering me down. To this moment. No shadows have the power to intervene.

  His fingers curl into my twists.

  His tongue slides across my bottom lip.

  Just enough to excite me.

  He pulls back before I open up.

  With a heavy sigh, he brushes my crimped hair behind my ear. “I heard the bells.”

  Bells? It was more like bombs going off. Giant explosions. Like powerful, crackling electricity.

  He steps away. “That guy must be here now.”

  “What guy?”

  He arches both eyebrows.

  I cover my mouth. “My date!” I pat my hair down frantically as if the evidence of our kiss is emblazoned on my forehead. “Do I look okay?”

  “You look beautiful.” He sends me a wry grin. “As always.”

  “Thanks.”

  He nods.

  I notice his lips are a darker pink than usual. “You got something…”

  “Where?”

  I reach out to wipe off the lipstick I smeared on him, but Lucas snatches my wrist. I freeze, suspended on the balls of my feet, my mouth open.

  “If you touch me again, I won’t have the courage to let you go, darling.”

  My throat bobs with a hard swallow.

  I pull my hand back and hurry for the door, my heart galloping like a runaway horse.

  I won’t have the courage to let you go? What did he mean by that?

  Do I even want to know?

  My fingers scrape my bottom lip.

  Lucas’s kiss still lingers.

  My toes curl in my shoes.

  It was everything I’d dreamed of and more.

  I want to do it again.

  When can I—?

  Guilt flushes through my body when I see my date standing at the door. He smiles and waves cheerfully.

  Yet another nice guy in a long line.

  “Ina, right?” he says.

  “That’s me.” I tuck my bottom lip between my teeth.

  Does he know? Will he be able to tell I was just making out with another man?

  He offers his hand for me to shake.

  I look at it and hesitantly clasp it.

  He pumps once and gestures to the chair. “Shall we?”

  I take my seat and try to focus on the conversation.

  Impossible.

  Especially when Lucas returns to the café.

  There’s no way he’d be that okay watching me date other guys if he liked me.

  Our eyes catch.

  Lucas smiles and mouths, “You good?”

  I duck my head instead of answering.

  If he liked me, he’d be jealous.

  My fingers hover over my lips again.

  “Ina?”

  “Huh? What?” I glance across the table.

  “You seem distracted.” His eyes move to where Lucas is ringing up a customer.

  I chuckle nervously but, by the time our date is over and he leaves, I know I won’t be seeing him again. I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t complain about me to Kayla.

  Crouched around the table, I cover my face with both hands and try to make sense of my world.

  This is ridiculous.

  This is Nellie’s fault.

  She planted that dumb idea in my head.

  The only way to fix this is to face it head on.

  I jump out of my seat.

  The chair skitters back.

  Everyone in the café turns and watches me.

  I ignore them and march right up to Lucas. “Can I talk to you?” I glance around and point. “Upstairs.”

  “Can it wait?”

  Wait? He wants me to…? “Yeah.”

  Despite the fact that I’m bursting with nerves, I take a seat and grab a comic book. Any other day, any other situation, and I’d kick up my legs and disappear into superhero heaven.

  But not today.

  I turn the pages without reading a word and, when Lucas finally gestures for me to head upstairs, I hop up and follow him.

  He opens his front door. “After you.”

  Frank barks and bounds towards us, his ears flapping.

  I kneel to play with him, glad to have a distraction.

  Lucas settles next to me.

  His shoulders bump mine.

  I lose my breath.

  “Did you want to ask me something?”

  I stare into Frank’s brown eyes. “Do you have feelings for me?”

  “You’re asking the dog?” He laughs.

  “I’m asking you.” I drag my gaze to his. “Do you like me, Lucas?”

  Twenty-Three

  Lucas

  “Do you like me?”

  Inside my head, I turn that question over and over.

  “Lucas—”

  In the end, I go with my instinct.

  The truth.

  “Yes.”

  Ina stumbles.

  I grab her hand to help her regain her balance.

  She wiggles her wrist free.

  I stare her dead in the eyes. “I like you, Ina.”

  It’s the honest truth.

  I’m done running from it.

  Done tiptoeing around the issue to spare her feelings and save our friendship.

  I can’t be ‘just friends’ with this woman.

  It’s freaking impossible.

  I want more.

  I want all of her.

  And I can’t pretend differently.

  Ina climbs to her feet.

  Frank barks.

  I set him down and stand, facing her.

  “Take it back,” she demands.

  “No.”

  She plants both hands on her hips. Shakes her head. Turns away. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

  “Won’t change the facts.”

  “How did you even… I mean… why?”

  “Why do I like you?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. I…” She grabs her purse strap and twists it. “You can’t… I didn’t expect you to say yes.”

  I shrug. “I like you. I like everything about you.”

  She whirls around. “You can’t.”

  “Why not?” I try to keep my voice level.

  It’s one thing if she doesn’t feel the same way.

  Though I suspect that’s not the case.

  The way she melted into me when I kissed her—if I didn’t know about it firsthand, I’d never believe she had issues with intimacy.

  Her lips were soft. Pliable. Mine.

  Ina is mine.

  She needs to be mine. Forever.

  I’m not tiptoeing around this any longer.

  “Give me one good reason,” I insist.

  “Because you’re my friend.” She spits it at me as if that should explain enough.

  It sure as hell doesn’t.

  “Woman…”

  “Don’t. Don’t try to patronize me.” She crosses the room. “We had a deal.”

  “Screw that.”

  Her mouth drops open. “Excuse me?”

  I stalk over to her. “You think I have any control over who this beats for?” I grab my chest. Feel my heart thud against my fist. “Every time I think about you, I want you more. There’s no stopping it.”

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Who says you have to lose me?”

  Her gaze moves to the floor. “You think you like me now, but sooner or later, you’re going to wake up and see that it’s always going to be an uphill struggle with me. I’m always going to be a little broken and you’re always going to be frustrated because you can’t fix me.”

  “That’s not—”

  “You’re going to realize,” she looks up and her eyes are wide with conviction, “that it would have been better to love someone normal. Someone who doesn’t need lessons in how to be touched.” She laughs bitterly. “And when that day comes, I’m not only going to lose a lover. I’ll lose my best friend.”

  I stare at her. At the hurt and fear in her eyes. />
  A million solutions and explanations are parading through my head. A million arguments to counter where she’s coming from. That I’d never lose her. That I’d never want someone else.

  But she won’t hear them.

  So, instead, I ease toward her.

  Frank runs with me.

  I speak softly, “Ina.”

  “What?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “It’s not about that.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “You’re making things complicated.”

  “Actually, it’s very simple.” I move closer than I should. Until she’s only a couple inches away. Until I can feel how nervous she is. Like a shivering puppy in the rain.

  Her gaze fixes on mine. Her eyes hold a mixture of hesitation and hope.

  I’m not blind. I know she’s not one hundred percent convinced on me. On us.

  But I am.

  My fingers caress her face. “Listen to me.” I drop my arms at my sides. Not touching her anymore, but near enough to feel her warmth. “I want you.”

  She closes her eyes. “Lucas…”

  “Ina,” I whisper, “I need you.”

  Her nostrils flare.

  “Only you.”

  “Only me?”

  “Yes.”

  I watch those words sink into her skin. Watch as she battles to accept them.

  She shakes her head.

  Rejected.

  Those big brown eyes of hers open and find me.

  They beg me to reach into her heart and make sense of the chaos there.

  I hold steady. “What do you want?”

  “I-I don’t know.”

  Unable to resist, I let my thumb brush over her smooth brown cheek. “Then tell me what you do know.”

  Frank gives up on getting our attention and runs back to his comfy mat by the door.

  “I like talking to you.”

  “That won’t change,” I assure her.

  “I like coming to the café and hanging out.”

  “Always. Day or night.” I harden my voice. “Not with other guys though.”

  “No other guys?”

  “No.”

  She smirks. “I have a younger brother.”

  “Who? Evan?”

  She nods.

  “Only Evan then.”

  Her lips curl up and then the smile fades slowly.

  “What?” I caress her cheek.

  “I…” Her voice is hesitant, almost embarrassed. “I like kissing you.”

  Our eyes connect.

  I read desire in her expression, even if it’s a little unsure and unsteady. She wants me. Wants my touch.