Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4)

by Nia Arthurs

  They’re perfect for Lucas.

  Any one of them.

  He’d look great with a blonde on his arm. Someone happy and bouncy and perky.

  It’s exactly what I wanted for him.

  My fingers tighten on the mug.

  Who am I kidding? I want them all to get hit by a bus.

  I don’t want to share Lucas with anyone.

  As if on cue, the door opens and Lucas steps in.

  He glances up.

  Our gazes meet and it feels like time stops. A gentle breeze tussles his thick brown hair. Sunlight blazes over his pale skin and brown eyes.

  “Ina,” he whispers.

  I lift a hand in an awkward wave.

  This is it.

  The moment I…

  I—what?

  Officially let Lucas go?

  Tell him I can’t answer his emails anymore?

  Set him free?

  He gives me a long, slow once-over.

  Desire thrums in my veins.

  Memories of holding him squeeze my heart in a tight vise.

  I can’t do this.

  I can’t control how I feel around him.

  How I respond to him.

  How much I need him.

  I should run.

  This was such a stupid idea.

  But it’s too late.

  Lucas is already marching toward me.

  The girls hop to their feet, surrounding him, chattering about a conference they need a ride to and how great it would be if he could take them?

  Lucas shoves them aside, all without taking his eyes off me or breaking his stride.

  My eyes devour him. The simple grey T-shirt with the Batman logo. Blue jeans. White sneakers. Messy brown hair.

  My body throbs, desperate to be in his arms.

  Oh no.

  The look in his dark brown eyes turns intense.

  My body tingles in response.

  This plan is about to backfire.

  Big time.

  Thirty-Five

  Lucas

  Sunshine glistens on her dark skin.

  On her elegant up-do.

  The simple blouse.

  Jeans.

  Black sandals.

  It turns the color of her eyes from a chocolate brown to light honey.

  There’s no denying it.

  That’s Ina.

  The woman who owns my heart is sitting in my café, hands flat on the table, perfect lips parting in a gasp.

  She trembles visibly. Slides her hands into her lap so I can’t tell.

  It’s affecting her too.

  Seeing me.

  Almost as much as it’s affecting me seeing her.

  For two weeks, she’s been nothing but a paragraph of black and white characters in an email.

  Now she’s here.

  Drinking tea like it’s a normal day.

  Her gaze shifts to the girls trying to corner me into a conversation.

  To the blonde who gets especially close, her eyes filled with the hopes of something she can’t ever have.

  Because I’m taken.

  I belong to that woman sitting over in that corner.

  “Lucas.” The name falls off Ina’s lips like silk. Like she whispered it in my ear this morning. Like she moaned it underneath me last night. Like it’s the best thing in the world.

  The levers in my head go stiff. They’re fixed on Ina.

  Her dark brown eyes.

  Sweet smile.

  Thick hips.

  That’s her.

  I don’t know why she’s here.

  I don’t care.

  All that matters is I can finally touch her.

  Grabbing her hand, I haul her to her feet and drag her behind me.

  “Lucas,” she mumbles, trying to push me off.

  I hold firm. Dart around the bookshelves. Past Denny. Into the stairwell.

  The door slams shut.

  Darkness engulfs us.

  I thrust her against the wall. Slam one hand over her head and the other next to her waist to cage her in.

  Ina’s shallow breaths hit my cheek.

  She twists her head to the side, her chest heaving.

  I take her chin and bring it back so she’s facing forward.

  “L-Lucas.”

  I lean down.

  She pulls her lips in.

  I close my eyes and rest my forehead against hers.

  She goes still.

  I take my first, real breath since she left me.

  Her fruity scent fills my nostrils.

  Her light, her warmth, it spreads through every crack in my chest.

  I step closer to her. Our bodies brush ever so slightly. “Ina.”

  Hesitantly, her hand falls on my chest.

  Not to push me away.

  Just to feel me.

  I open my eyes and see her staring up into my face.

  My heart screams for her.

  For her love.

  For her presence.

  Ina’s other hand cups my cheek.

  “Tell me,” my breath is ragged, “what you need.”

  Her fingers twine in the front of my shirt. “I can’t.”

  “Tell me.”

  Our breaths mingle.

  She squeezes her eyes shut. “I need you.”

  I smile.

  At last.

  Took her so freaking long.

  But better late than never.

  She pushes me back. “But… I’m scared.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I love you, Lucas. I do, but… I don’t know if I deserve to.”

  “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.” My hands slide down to her waist. To the small of her back. I drag her flush against me. No more pushing me away.

  She gasps for breath.

  Her eyes dart to my lips.

  I can feel her body buzzing already.

  I can’t resist stepping closer, so she can feel every inch of me.

  “You don’t have to be afraid.”

  “What if—?”

  “No.”

  “But you don’t know—”

  “It won’t happen.” I whisper over her lips, “I love you. That won’t ever change.”

  “I could have another panic attack.”

  I shake my head. “Even so, we’ll get through it together. And then I’m going to love you so hard, so thoroughly, that it’ll fill all that darkness. I’m going to give back the light you’ve given me. Nothing will stand in my way.”

  Her arms climb to my neck. “Lucas…”

  “Just,” I squeeze her tighter, “don’t leave me again.”

  “I won’t,” she breathes.

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  I pull her head to mine and capture her lips in a hot and desperate kiss.

  She surges up, her fingers going to her jeans and drawing her zipper down. My tongue thrusts into her mouth at the same time, stalling her movements.

  Ina pulls back. Breathlessly, she begs, “I want to try again.”

  “Now?”

  She nods.

  I open my mouth to deny her.

  I didn’t get back with her just to score.

  She means everything to me.

  I want her to know that. To trust that.

  “Please, Lucas.” Her fingers hook in the loop of my pants. “Touch me.”

  My hand flexes on the back of her head.

  I fight the urge to police her desire.

  She’s asking.

  I’m not going to deny her because I’m worried.

  I nip at her earlobe with my teeth. “Take the pants off.”

  As she shimmies her pants down to her thighs, I scrape my lips down the underside of her jaw. To the sensitive skin behind her ear. Down the flesh of her neck.

  So sweet.

  She melts, trembling visibly. Her movements grow slow and awkward as she struggles to get her pants off without moving her head away from me.


  Once she’s done, I pull her in for another demanding kiss. Her legs are shaking by the time I release her, but I’m not done.

  Not even close.

  “Now your panties.”

  She moans. “Lucas…”

  “Do it.” I lower my voice. “Or should I?”

  Her eyes flash with pride. “I’ll do it.”

  I watch every movement she makes as she shimmies the lace down one leg. Then the other. The silky fabric puddles to the floor, catching just a hint of sunlight streaming from beneath the door.

  “I’m not going to be gentle,” I warn.

  She nods, panting with desire.

  She wants it rough.

  Damn.

  I rush to undo my pants.

  Then my body envelops hers.

  My arms fall around her.

  My palms push up against the wall.

  My body shudders.

  She feels so good.

  “Ina.”

  “Don’t worry,” she breathes.

  “Tell me if it’s too much,” I say, my words clipped and to the point.

  I’m barely holding it together.

  My body’s screaming to push harder. Deeper.

  I wait for her nod of understanding.

  Then I grab her chin and capture her mouth.

  The sensations hurtling through me threaten to overflow. Ina’s sweet little purrs aren’t helping.

  And the way she calls my name in that husky voice…

  Damn.

  I reach down, take hold of her hips and remind her that she’s never, ever leaving my side again.

  Thirty-Six

  Ina

  After the first round in the stairwell, we head upstairs to make use of the couch.

  Underneath the layers of pleasure is a very real panic, but I don’t focus on that.

  I focus on Lucas.

  On his body.

  On his touch.

  On touching him back.

  On the smothered moans he makes when I do.

  I don’t let my mind wander or stray.

  It’s Lucas.

  It’s only Lucas.

  His body fits so perfectly with mine.

  It doesn’t take much effort to be swept away by him.

  Soon, the don’t think, don’t think, don’t think mantra in my head turns to don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.

  And he doesn’t.

  He has me panting and moaning and trembling like a woman possessed.

  He fills me so I have no other choice but to be present with him.

  And. It. Feels. So. Good.

  I’m a willing prisoner. Desperate to surrender to him, needing him to take over and give me everything he’s got.

  And he does.

  After, he pulls on his boxers and cleans me up in the bathroom, stroking my thighs, stomach, and legs gently with a wet cloth.

  “Should I get your clothes?” he asks, starting to move away.

  “I got this.” I hold up his button-down.

  He smirks.

  I can’t resist reaching up to kiss him.

  We stop at the same time because we’re both smiling too hard to continue.

  Lucas gestures for the shirt. “Give it.”

  “So demanding.”

  “Didn’t hear any complaints back there.”

  “That’s…” My mouth opens but I can’t form a defense.

  He chuckles.

  My cheeks burn.

  “Turn around and hold out your arms.”

  I do as he says.

  Lucas gently slips my left arm and then my right arm through the sleeves. While I lean against the bathroom sink, he buttons me into his shirt.

  “Done,” he says.

  I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

  My eyes are dark, more pupil than iris.

  My cheeks are flushed.

  My hair is a complete mess. The cute style I had in this afternoon has become an uneven afro. I lost some bobby pins to the couch and to Lucas’s demanding fingers. Hopefully, I can find enough to make myself presentable again.

  Lucas places his hand on my side and nestles his head in the crook of my neck.

  His face seems extra pale against my dark brown skin.

  If possible, his hair is even messier than mine.

  My fault, I’ll admit.

  But still.

  I look up at him, welcoming his touch.

  “Are you okay?” he murmurs.

  “You keep asking that.”

  “Because I want the answer.”

  I sigh happily and lean against him. “I’m fine.”

  “If you’re lying, I’ll call your therapist.”

  “You know my therapist now?”

  “Mrs. G recommended I see her.”

  Stunned, I face him. “What?”

  He shrugs. “We’ve had a couple sessions.”

  “About?”

  “What you need from me. How I can be a better partner for you. Things like that.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “It was important to me to be as understanding as possible. And I figured between Mrs. G and your therapist, I’d be covered.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “You upset?”

  “No.” I caress his cheek. “If possible you look even sexier right now.”

  His lips tug up in approval.

  “We can go together next time.”

  “Sure.” He drops a kiss on my shoulder. “Will you tell her about this?”

  “Are you kidding? She’ll throw a damn party.”

  “You’ve finally gotten over the last hurdle.”

  “I’ve made progress,” I correct him. “And I think I’ve narrowed down the real trigger.”

  “Which is?”

  “It’s the bed.” I shudder. “Everything we did today was fine, but when I think about staring at the ceiling in a bed...”

  “Then we won’t do that.”

  “I’ll keep working on it.”

  “You don’t have to do that for me,” Lucas says gently.

  “It’s not for you. It’s for me. I want to keep improving. I want to be totally free.”

  “Then I’ll be there with you. Every step of the way. Whatever you need.” His mouth lowers to my cheek. “Have I mentioned how beautiful you look in my shirt?”

  “Is it me or the shirt?”

  “Both.” He runs a rough hand down my back. Gently squeezes my behind.

  I gasp.

  Arch my back.

  His hand moves up.

  I jerk upright in his firm embrace.

  His palm is heavy as it slides around my waist to my stomach, awakening my body once again.

  How is it that I’ve still not gotten enough?

  We just finished ten minutes ago, and I’m hungry for him again.

  Is this what everyone goes through? Is this what I’ve been missing for the last thirty years?

  Lucas nips my neck. “Should we try out your theory in the kitchen?”

  “On the counter top?”

  “We’ll start there,” he whispers in my ear. Then his tongue darts out, swirling against the pulse in my neck.

  I moan.

  His eyes turn hazy.

  “Lead the way, Professor. I’m ready to learn something new.”

  He opens his mouth in a throaty laugh and lifts me up. I wrap my arms and legs around him, knowing that he’ll make me empty my mind of all other thoughts in a moment.

  And, as he slides me on top of the counter, he does just that.

  Thirty-Seven

  Ina

  “Don’t stop there. What happened next?” Venus cups her chin and stares intently at me.

  “You know what happened,” I hedge.

  “Yes, girl, but we want details.” Venus wiggles her eyebrows. “The dirtier the better.”

  “My lips are sealed.”

  Venus sighs. “Alright. Why don’t we play a game?”

  “What kind of game?” Amina lic
ks chocolate frosting off her finger.

  “It’s called ‘Yes or No’. Ina, you start first. Yes or no, did Lucas use his tongue down—?”

  “Venus!” I shriek.

  “What?”

  “What were you about to say in public?”

  “Something I know Lucas did in private.” She sticks out her tongue and moves it in slow, measured strokes.

  I slap my hand over her mouth, glancing around to make sure no one saw. “Don’t you have any shame?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, I do.”

  Kayla smirks. “It’s alright, Ina. We got the gist.”

  “Gist? What gist? Is that some new position I don’t know about?”

  Amina giggles.

  I hide my burning face behind my hands.

  Kayla rolls her eyes. “They obviously consummated their relationship, Venus. Don’t be annoying.”

  “I want to know if it was good.”

  “It was,” I admit.

  “Mind-blowing?”

  Beyond that.

  Just thinking about Lucas’s body on mine has me edging toward combustion.

  His hands all over me.

  His rough whispers in my ear.

  Holy crap. It’s hot in here.

  Tingles spread over my skin and I dig my fingers into my skirt to keep them from sweating.

  “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Venus whispers loudly.

  Kayla rolls her eyes. “You just can’t quit, can you?”

  “Not in my DNA. But I’ll shut up if she tells me something freaky.”

  “Don’t say anything, Ina.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Come on, Kayla!” Venus hisses. “She was just about to cave.”

  Amina laughs. “You see what I have to put up with?”

  I sip my mug of tea and nod.

  We’re sitting in Brew Drop Coffee Shop.

  Way too many cupcakes and cups of coffee have been devoured in this short afternoon.

  Sunshine filters through the giant display windows.

  The air conditioner buzzes cheerfully.

  I smile as I let my gaze skim the women around the table.

  My people.

  My friends.

  I feel incredibly blessed to say that.

  It’s been… well, thirty years since I’ve had a group of friends.

  Since I’ve been a part of something.

  My dreams really did come true when I moved to America.

  First I found a family.

  Then I made friends.

  Then I fell in love.

  Stalking Venus five years ago really was the best decision of my life.