Dawn currently had her mouth open and eyes wide in shock. “You gave up your job!?”
Just talking about it made me want to cry all over again. “Yes, I gave it up! I wasn’t going to work under Kelly of all people, not when I know what kind of person she is. And I couldn’t request a transfer without Parker wanting to know why and I’m not going to tattle on her either, that’s just more problems for me that I don’t need.”
“Besides! I’ve only been here a month. Raff’s worked for this for years. He’s put years of work into that position. Executive assistant? I can get another one of those jobs anywhere. It’s not exactly like I walked away from a CEO position. I can make this work. He can’t. Especially with… well.”
“Especially with the stain of having an affair,” Dawn confirmed. “I take it neither he nor Parker would explain that if you applied somewhere else?”
“No, they’ll give me good recommendations. Parker seemed sad to see me go.” I swallowed hard. It had been such a good working environment. Who else would be so accommodating to my needs?
“I’m sure he was, you’re amazing.” Dawn sat down on the edge of the bed. “Honey, take a breath.”
“I am breathing.”
“No, you’re not.” Dawn took my hands and tugged me away from my luggage and pulled me down next to her, then hugged me.
I hugged her back, burying my face in her shoulder. Dawn stroked my hair. “There you go.”
I took a few deep breaths. I didn’t want to cry again.
“You need to slow down, honey,” Dawn said. “There’s no need to run off in a panic. You’re making decisions based on emotion and adrenaline and that’s never a good thing! You need to stay calm, take some breaths, sleep on it. Don’t do anything rash.”
I pulled away so that I could look her in the eye, and I shook my head. “No, that’s the whole thing. The past few weeks with Raff have been a whirlwind. It’s been pure chaos ever since I stepped into his office. I’ve been making decisions based on my vagina, let’s be honest here.”
Dawn snorted in amusement and I smiled at her before sobering up again. “Seriously. I need to take a step back. I need to get perspective. I think going back home and staying with my family will be the best thing to do. I can’t stay here while I don’t have a job. I can’t afford that.”
“I understand that,” Dawn replied, squeezing my hands, “but you need to communicate clearly with Raff.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do? I told him we shouldn’t be sleeping together.”
“But you kept sleeping with him. Your actions speak louder than your words. You’d say you couldn’t do it again and then you’d go and do it. And all that time you were telling him you shouldn’t sleep together, did you ever tell him the real reason why?”
Dawn’s eyes pierced mine and I had to look away. “If this is about Chelsea…”
“It’s not, although she is a factor. I’m talking about how you’ve got feelings for him, Cass. You never would’ve slept with him if it was just about sex. You’ve never even considered another man since Raff.”
“That’s because—who wants to date a single mom? And how could I trust him not to run out on me the way Raff had? And what about even finding—Chelsea needs me, how could I find the time to go out on a date?”
“You’re a determined person, you could’ve figured it out. Don’t give me excuses.” Dawn’s voice was kind but firm. “You didn’t go out with anyone else because you didn’t want to go out with them. Because you still had feelings for Raff. And that’s why you couldn’t help yourself when you were working with him, even though he was your boss, even though you knew it was ethically and professionally wrong.”
I pulled my hands away and rubbed at my face. “I know, I know.”
“But you didn’t tell him that, did you?”
“Of course not. I tried to—the first time—he broke my heart, Dawn. I wasn’t exactly subtle about how much I liked him. I couldn’t… how could I tell him? How could I trust him this time? And it wouldn’t have solved anything. So.”
“I think that you should tell him,” Dawn replied. “For what it’s worth. You’re not working for him now and you’re about to move across the country. What do you have to lose?”
“I can’t be rejected by him again.” The moment I said those words, I knew they were true. “I can’t. And I really can’t afford to stay here so I need to go back anyway. I might as well go now. Before I make it all worse. There’s nothing good that could come of this after all that went down—him losing his job, then me giving up mine for his, the fact that I hid his daughter from him, all the sex we had without discussing what it actually meant… no. It’s best if I just go. I can’t get a clear head here, anyway.”
Dawn sighed. “I think you two should talk it out. But it’s your decision and I can’t stop you.”
“Thank you.”
Dawn stood up. “Here. Let me help you.”
With Dawn’s help, I was able to get all packed up by the end of the day. I called Trevor and left him a message asking him to pick us up from the airport, and then booked a flight home. Dawn promised she’d help me deal with selling the furniture and hugged the both of us goodbye tightly.
Chelsea was understandably confused about why we were leaving, and so quickly. I told her that we were going to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a bit, and that got her excited.
It was amazing how fast packing went. Within half a day, it was like I had just moved in all over again. Only some spare furniture was left to keep the apartment from being completely bare. My entire life uprooted once again, and it had taken only a few hours.
Great. So much for my big dream job opportunity.
27
Raff
I stared down at my cup of coffee, not bothering to drink it. I felt like shit. I’d felt like shit for days, ever since Cass got herself fired and then never responded to my calls and texts.
After she hadn’t answered, I’d stopped by her apartment, but either she wasn’t home or had refused to answer. There’d been no noises from inside, so I’d been inclined to think she wasn’t at home. Either way, though, it fucking sucked.
I was heartbroken. There was no other word for it. How did everything get so fucked up between us? How did it all go so wrong? It had all snowballed, one thing piling on top of another until it was all an incomparable mess.
Kelly was pretending that nothing had changed between us and that she was still my friend, but was keeping quiet and trying to avoid me when she could. I could tell she was worried I’d get back at her for what she’d done to me. I had no intention of doing such a thing. I wasn’t going to waste my time on her, honestly. I had other things to worry about. Let her stew in her guilt and her fear for a while.
Cass was my priority.
If she could even be my priority anymore. I wasn’t sure. I wanted her still, but she evidently didn’t want to see me.
This was all my fault. I’d hidden the truth from her and Trevor. I’d abandoned him without a word and had lied to her about what we were to each other, and then in turn she’d felt she had to hide Chelsea from me, for both of their sakes.
Then when we’d met up again, it had become a disaster once more. I hadn’t talked to her. I hadn’t apologized or told her the truth about why I’d left. I’d just pursued her sexually.
Hell, I’d never even been straightforward about wanting to date her. What kind of asshole was I? No wonder she didn’t trust me. And then she’d just gone and fucking given up her job for me? Just gotten herself fired with lies?
She’d done it for me, she must have. There was nothing for her to gain from this. Which meant that she must’ve thought that I would appreciate it. Cass had been my assistant all of this time, she knew how much my job meant to me. She’d seen up close and intimately how much time and effort I devoted to my work. And she’d decided that she couldn’t let me lose out on it.
And yet…
Now I was un
sure how much that job actually meant to me, if the price was losing Cass and Chelsea. I’d barely even gotten to know my daughter. I loved her as a concept and I wanted to get to know her as a person, as an individual. Why would I be at this job, a job that I could get anywhere, when I could be with my daughter and my lover instead?
Should I try and tell Cass that? Would she even listen to me?
A knock sounded on my office door and I sighed. “Come in.”
It was probably Parker. He’d been keeping a close eye on me this entire time since the whole debacle. I didn’t think that he thought I was going to run off and start banging some other assistant. He was smart enough to know that there was something deeper going on here. But I hadn’t been myself lately. It had to be obvious to everyone.
The door to my office opened, but it wasn’t Parker who strode in.
It was—Trevor!?
I stood up in surprise as Trevor closed the door with deliberate care, like he was overcompensating to stop himself from slamming it shut, and then stormed over to my desk.
“What the hell,” I blurted out. “Trevor, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Raff, what do you think?” Trevor took a seat in the chair across from me, then propped his feet up onto my desk.
“I’m guessing because Cass told you where I worked and you’re here to yell at me about abandoning you,” I guessed. “Which you’d be within your rights to do.”
“Well… you’re close. I’m actually here on Cass’s behalf.”
I stared at him. “What are you talking about? Cass can just talk to me herself.”
Did she feel unsafe with me? Did she hate me so much that she couldn’t bear to reject me herself?
“Ha, good one. No, see, Cass doesn’t even know I’m here. She’d kill me if she did.” Trevor sighed and took his feet off my desk, adopting a more serious posture. “Look, I should’ve done this a long time ago. But I was too furious at the way you left. All the plans we’d made together? All of those hours dreaming and discussing? They were flushed down the fuckin’ toilet when you left without saying a word. I didn’t have another plan or another partner. I had to redo everything from scratch. And I’d lost my best friend to boot.”
“Then I found out you’d knocked up my sister? Christ, I would’ve killed you if you’d been in front of me.” Trevor glared at me. “You should’ve kept your fucking hands off of Cass.”
“I know. I fucked up. I already knew I was going to leave and so I shouldn’t have crossed the line with her when I knew I wasn’t going to stay and do right by her.” I paused. “I wish I could go back and do it all differently. But why didn’t you tell me about her pregnancy? When I sent you that email—I would’ve helped out. I would never have left her in the lurch if I’d known.”
Trevor scoffed. “You think you deserved to know about your daughter? You abandoned me. We’d known each other for years, man. How could I trust you’d be a dependable father if you couldn’t even be a dependable friend?”
Rage coursed through me and I stood up, seeing red. “I would never abandon my child like that.”
Trevor stood up as well. “You’re not exactly with Chelsea now, are you?” he snapped.
“That’s a low blow,” I growled, stepping up until I was right in his face. “You think I wouldn’t be with her if I had the chance? Cass isn’t answering my damn calls or texts, same as you did all those years ago. She didn’t even tell me we had a kid until I found out by accident. I’ve even gone to her apartment, but she won’t ever answer. If I—”
Pain exploded in my face as Trevor punched me.
It was a damn good punch, too. Right across my damn cheekbone. The entire left side of my face throbbed from the force of it. I stumbled back, hitting the desk. “What the fuck?”
“I owe you that. For what you did to me and to Cass. I’m not talking about the damn pregnancy. You didn’t know about that. But pretending that nothing happened? Breaking her heart like that? That’s all on you.”
“I’m surprised she told you.” Trevor and Cass had fought often growing up. I wouldn’t have thought that Cass would confide in him like that.
“We got closer after the whole betrayal thing. Crazy how it brings a family together.” Trevor was still glaring at me. “Look, I owed you revenge for what you did. But I’m not here just for that. I’m here because I wanted to do this in person. I’m not going to stand in your way or stop you from seeing Cass and Chelsea. The reason Cass isn’t answering her door isn’t because she’s icing you out. It’s because she’s not here.”
That brought me up short. “What?”
“She went back to Connecticut, dumbass. She’s at home with us, why’d you think I knew to fly out here?”
“Because cell phones exist and she could’ve just called you, dumbass,” I snapped back.
My mind was reeling. Holy shit. Cass had left town?
That explained why she wasn’t answering her door, yeah. But it didn’t explain why she was refusing to answer my calls or text messages.
“This is your last chance,” Trevor said. His voice was firm. “Cass is hung up on you. She doesn’t want to admit it, but I saw her last time and I saw how she was, and I see her this time. She’s going to be heartbroken whether she admits it or not if you don’t do something about this and prove to her that you want to be in her life, hers and Chelsea’s. You say you want to get in contact with her? Well, I’ve just told you where to find them. Get up the courage and go after what you want. Because you sure as hell didn’t last time. You just did what your folks told you to do and you listened to them without ever thinking about how it would hurt yourself or the people you cared about. Don’t fucking do that this time. Be better than that.”
I hadn’t had the courage last time. I’d just done what my parents told me to do. I hadn’t actually gone after what I’d wanted.
“But it’s none of my business anymore. I’ve come, I’ve said my piece, I’ve told you what you need to know. That’s it.” Trevor turned to go, shaking out his right hand. Glad to know that punching me had hurt him a bit too.
“Trevor, wait.” I took a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re right to be mad at me and you’re right to tell me that I need to fight for what I want. I just hope that maybe someday you’ll be able to forgive me. Because I miss you and I miss your friendship. I’ve never stopped missing it, or missing Cass. I know you might not be all that happy to hear it, seeing as it’s your sister we’re talking about, but I really did want to start a relationship with her. I did both of you wrong.”
Trevor nodded. “Well. That’s a start.” He paused. “See you in Connecticut, I hope.”
He left.
And then I was just alone with my damn shock.
28
Cass
I hated to admit it, but I was depressed to be back home.
My parents were being amazing about it, of course, but I just felt like a failure. I was back in my old room. I was back with my parents. I was back depending upon others and with no job and no plan. This wasn’t how I’d wanted my life to go and certainly not how I’d planned this year and this new job to go.
It was easy enough during the day. Mom and Dad were retired now so I got to spend a lot of time with them, and playing with Chelsea helped. But then Chelsea would go to sleep, and my parents would go about their nightly routine, and I’d be alone with my thoughts—like now.
Mom and Dad were over at a friend’s house playing cards, like they did every week, and it was already ten pm so Chelsea had been dead asleep for a while. I’d tried reading but I just couldn’t get myself to focus on anything, so I found myself pacing up and down the living room like a parent with a kid out past curfew.
Fuck, I hated to admit it, but I missed Raff. I missed him more than I’d suspected I would. My thoughts were so bleak, just full of depression and despair, wondering not just about finding a new job, and my career, but about finding a man. Would I ever meet someone I clicke
d with as much as Raff? Someone who pulled me in so deeply and suddenly like a hurricane?
Did I make a mistake? Was Dawn right? Should I have told Raff about his child from the first?
And even after that—should I have stayed in San Francisco?
Not for the job thing. I knew I’d made the smart choice financially. But Raff had only just found out about Chelsea and he’d seemed to want to have her in his life and then I’d taken her away from him without so much as a warning or a goodbye. Had that been the right thing to do?
I hadn’t wanted to expose Chelsea to her father only for him to change his mind. If Raff wasn’t going to be around long-term then he shouldn’t be with Chelsea at all. It would hurt both Chelsea and me too much. But it also hurt to think that they wouldn’t get to know each other. Every time I looked into Chelsea’s eyes or saw her smile, I was reminded of Raff. What was I supposed to do?
The doorbell rang and I jumped in surprise, startled out of my thoughts. Who could be here at this time of night? Was it Trevor? He’d been acting all the last few days and I hadn’t heard from him since yesterday.
But when I opened the door—it wasn’t Trevor, it was Raff.
My heart jumped into my throat, but before I could gather any breath to say something, Raff stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He pushed me right up against the door and kissed me, my face in his hands.
We kissed until I was dizzy, his body pinning mind to the door, my head spinning. How? What? Why was he here?
All of my questions faded away the more that he kissed me. I wanted him too badly to think anymore. All of my frustrations and fear poured out of me into the kiss as I responded, wrapping my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life.
At last we pulled back, the both of us panting hard. Raff stroked his thumbs up and down my cheekbones. “I’m never going to be separated from you again.”
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