by J. H. Croix
“You’re gonna kill me,” he murmured.
“What do you mean?” I pressed.
“You, sweetheart. You’re dangerous.”
With that enigmatic comment, which I thought he meant in a good way, he rolled off the bed swiftly. “Mind if I use your shower?” he tossed over his shoulder as he walked bare-ass naked across my bedroom.
Jesus, this man. Even the back of him was delicious. His back was all ropey muscles and his ass was tight. I wanted to squeeze it. I was pretty sure I had last night, but last night was all a blur, just a tumble of sensations, one rolling into the next, and me feeling desperate for Graham.
“Of course not,” I said as I swung my feet off the bed.
The hardwood floor was cool under my feet, and I wiggled my toes as I stood looking down at the whimsical color. I suddenly recalled painting my toenails with Graham’s daughter. I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth. I felt as if I had done something very naughty.
Graham turned around, and I saw the front of him. Gah! This man was way too comfortable with his body. He stood there completely naked with his cock still slightly swollen against his thigh. He arched a brow. “What?”
“Nothing.” He remained silent, waiting. “Actually, I just remembered I painted my toenails with Allie.”
Graham’s brow rose a little higher, and he shrugged. “How about we not worry about that?” With that, he stepped in the shower, calling, “You can join me.”
It was my shower, after all, or rather my grandfather’s. That elicited another jolt of guilt. My grandfather was probably turning over in his grave. I just had sex in his old house. I shook my head as I walked into the bathroom, feeling bashful in my bare state.
Graham was standing by the shower with his arm stretched in to turn on the water. I lifted my chin, knowing that I probably had a full-body blush. “It’s my shower, you know,” I said, my tone crisp.
“I know that, Madison,” he replied, his tone all gravelly and sexy.
Then he grabbed my hand and tugged me into the shower with him, where he proceeded to bring me to another climax. This was a record for me. Even my vibrator couldn’t do this justice. I’d had some great orgasms with my vibrator, just not this many in such a short span of time.
After that, the awkwardness commenced. I had no idea how to do a morning-after with my new neighbor from Alaska, who was a hotshot firefighter and a gazillion miles away from what I thought my type was. Apparently, he was my specific type because no one other than him had ever turned me on like this.
“Would you like some coffee?” I asked a little while later. I’d walked Wilbur and fed him. We were dressed and in the kitchen.
“I’d love some.” Graham glanced at his watch. “I need to pick Allie up inside of twenty minutes, and I don’t have time to hit Firehouse first.”
As I looked at him, I realized I’d actually given him a hickey. It was low and barely noticeable, right at the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. My face must have gone pink because he asked, “What?”
I gestured toward his neck. “I think I gave you a hickey.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded.
“Fuck. This is the kind of thing Allie will notice.”
I ran to the bathroom and brought out some cover-up. Of all the things I never thought I would do, this ranked high—helping a hotshot firefighter who’d driven me wild during the night and this morning cover up the hickey I’d given him.
As we stood by the door with Wilbur staring up at us like a chaperone, I suddenly didn’t know what to say—me who prided myself on at least being able to use my manners to fake my way through any moment stared at Graham and blinked.
“Last night was incredible,” Graham said, his voice low and gruff.
“It was?” I squeaked. Heat flashed up my cheeks.
“Sweetheart, it was,” he said flatly. “Let’s keep it between us, okay?”
When he dipped his chin, I felt my head bobbing. “Of course.”
“Allie can’t know.”
“Right.”
“And this town is the size of a thimble. If anyone else knows, you can be rest assured she will find out eventually.”
After he drove away, I realized I’d become his dirty secret in one night. I didn’t know if that was good or bad. I thought it was probably bad. He was probably embarrassed to have anyone know he even wanted me, the homecoming queen who’d landed here because she’d lost everything.
Chapter Nineteen
Madison
After Graham left, I tried to shake my negativity loose. My insecurities felt like crabs in a bucket as far as winning the battle of what I should be feeling bad about this morning. Underneath the familiar negativity was this teeny, tiny voice trying to point out that it sure seemed like Graham had liked being with me. Maybe it was okay. Maybe I didn’t need to be irrational about him not wanting anyone to know about us.
It wasn’t as if I had gone into last night thinking it was something special. Definitely not. I hated how bad I was at being casual.
Wilbur let out a sharp bark. I was standing in the kitchen with my hand resting on the counter while I stared out the window at nothing. Leaning down, I scratched behind his ears. “You’re right. I need to focus.”
Wilbur seemed to like that and trotted beside me as I went to fetch my laptop. I’d discovered the built-in bookshelves had a fold-out desk by the windows in the living room. It was the cutest thing. It folded out at one end, and I could look out the windows while I worked. It was perfect.
Tapping open my email, I let out a little sigh. I liked being busy and feeling productive. Work had been one area of my life I’d felt good about, and now I didn’t even have that. I was accustomed to plowing through over fifty to one hundred emails in the morning. And now, I had a measly eight. I was coming to despise this whole online dance around applying for jobs. Automated emails were the thing. I knew them well because that was what we’d had in our company. On this side, they felt so impersonal and so cold. I assured myself that if I ever ran a business again, I would actually hire a human being to deal with that stuff, even if it was expensive. It was such a letdown to see the automated replies that I knew came from a system and not a human.
I let out a squeal when I realized I had an actual response from a company in Anchorage. “Yes, yes, yes!”
I pumped my fists in the air. I startled a rabbit, and it bounded quickly across the clearing between the trees. As I watched, I realized its brown fur was turning white. “Oh wow,” I breathed, completely forgetting about my job situation for the moment. “You must be a snowshoe hare,” I said through the window.
I thought perhaps the rabbit could hear me because it stopped and looked back at me. After a second, it hopped into the trees out of my sight. I blinked and brought my attention back to my laptop. I had an actual job possibility. They’d contacted my references, and I had more experience than anyone locally. They wanted me to come to Anchorage tomorrow.
“Oh my god, oh my god!”
I jumped up from my chair and ran a little lap around the couch. My heart was pounding wildly, and my hands were actually clammy. While I was confident about my job skills, I’d only worked in my family’s company. This was crazy. I was going to have my first job interview. Wilbur was excited and followed me along my next lap around the couch. I ran down the hall to look in my closet.
At least, I had plenty of perfectly good clothes. As I was perusing my options, I realized I needed to reply to the email. I raced back down the hall, skidding to the desk, and sat down quickly. I had enough sense to open a document and type my reply, reviewing it several times before pasting it in and sending it.
I then returned to look in the closet and settled on a navy pantsuit. It was just a touch past the bland shade of navy to give it a hint of color. I remembered the advice I’d been given by one of my professors when I was getting my MBA. She’d said you didn’t really want anyone to remember what you wore to an interview. You wanted them to f
ocus on you. Her advice had been to avoid being too flashy or too blah. Not that I was that old, but over the years I’d been hiring people at my family’s company, I’d learned she was right. I never remembered what people wore when they blended in; I only focused on the person and their qualifications. Considering that women, myself included, could spend lots of time worrying about what to wear, that advice saved me time.
Wilbur seemed to know I was feeling good, and he trotted everywhere I went around the house. Not that I had that many places to go. I passed between checking on my laptop to see if I had other emails, to going back to my bedroom to recheck what I had settled on to wear.
At one point, I held my phone in my hand, the touch of it cool. It got warm as I stared at the screen. I wanted to call someone to tell them the good news, but I’d learned quickly that my friends in Houston only liked me because of my connections. My grandfather would’ve been excited for me, but he wasn’t here. I didn’t want to call my mother because she would probably lecture me about falsifying the books for my father. He hadn’t spoken a word to me since his initial arrest. By virtue of being a white-collar criminal, he was cooling his heels on supervised release with all of his assets frozen and travel limitations keeping him in Texas.
After a few minutes, I decided I’d go to Firehouse Café. Janet would be excited for me. Maybe I could make some friends in this town soon. Maybe I’d even make friends at my new job. I left Wilbur at home after taking him out for a walk. Between thinking about my job, or my almost job, my mind kept spinning back to last night.
I was still rather stunned by all of it. I didn’t know if it was me or if it was Graham, but wow. It had been crazy good. Just thinking about it made me flush all over. When I pulled up outside the café, I wasn’t paying much attention. I practically skipped in because I was so excited to tell Janet my news. My shoes squeaked on the floor when I looked ahead and saw Allie and Graham at the counter. My eyes whipped up to the clock above the chalkboard menu. She must’ve just gotten out of school.
Hello, awkward moment, here I come.
Just as I was about to turn around and leave, Janet called, “Hey, Madison!”
Allie’s ponytail swung as she turned, her eyes twinkling with her smile.
Chapter Twenty
Graham
I knew Madison was here before Janet said her name. She was a force field. Or rather, Madison near me created a force field. It snapped and crackled while sparks sizzled like little bolts of lightning in the air. The hair on the back of my neck rose. This woman made me feel like an animal. My cells spun and tightened in anticipation as I braced to face her.
When Janet greeted her, Allie spun around and squeaked. I heard her rushing over to greet Madison. I steeled myself and took a breath, keeping my expression level and calm, or so I hoped. Allie had reached Madison and was already talking to her, something about a band.
I could never keep up with Allie and the trends she followed. Madison seemed to be following along, her head bobbing up and down as she cast a warm smile at Allie. It was impossible not to notice how Allie soaked up her attention like a sponge. When Madison finally looked my way, my eyes lingered on the slight flush on her cheeks.
The instant our eyes met, the memory of the way she looked last night when she came as I was clenched inside her struck me like a crack of thunder. She’d been warm, her skin dewy. The mere recollection sent a shot of blood straight to my groin. Fuck me. I needed to get my shit together. I could not be standing around with my daughter and be turned on by our new neighbor whom she adored.
While I wrestled with myself, Allie looped her elbow through Madison’s and was dragging her over to me. Janet smiled. “What can I get for you?” she asked Madison as she slid my coffee over and handed Allie her mint hot chocolate.
I’d probably been here in this very spot while Janet multitasked like this hundreds of times, yet every millisecond felt charged all because Madison was near me.
“I’ll take a coffee,” Madison began before pausing. “Actually, what do you suggest?”
“Do you want something sweet?” Janet asked as I handed her my money. Oblivious to my internal unrest, she counted out the change with her eyes on Madison the whole time.
“No, I don’t like sweet coffee, just hot chocolate.”
“You like your coffee dark, right?” I prompted, belatedly realizing I’d just given away a detail about my knowledge about Madison.
I felt my daughter’s eyes on me, piqued with curiosity. “When I dropped Madison off the other night, she offered me coffee,” I said, immediately deciding to explain. Madison had offered me coffee, but it was when I went to apologize for getting cranky with Allie. I just didn’t want to get into that.
Madison’s head bobbed in agreement. “I do like my coffee dark.” She looked back toward Janet.
“Let me make you my special espresso.”
“You have a special espresso?” I couldn’t help interjecting. “I’ve never had that.”
Janet rolled her eyes. “Yes, you have. I always give you my special espresso.”
“What’s special about it?” Beck asked as he walked in, catching the tail end of her reply.
Maisie was at his side and nudged him with her elbow. “It’s the one where she puts in an extra shot with the melted dark chocolate.”
“Have I gotten that before?” Beck looked affronted he didn’t know this detail.
I didn’t know either, so I didn’t know what to think. Janet rolled her eyes, looking amongst us. “I don’t usually share my secrets, so keep it quiet, please.”
She started making Madison’s coffee, and Allie looked over at Beck and Maisie. “Have you met our new neighbor?”
Maisie nodded, her curls bouncing. “How are you settling in, Madison?”
Madison smiled. “Pretty well. I have a good lead on a job, and I’m going to Anchorage tomorrow for an interview.”
“What is it you do?” Maisie asked.
“I’m an actuary,” Madison replied.
Maisie blinked, which was probably what I did. “That involves a lot of math, right?”
Madison nodded. “I love numbers. It’s basically assessing risks and valuation and some accounting.”
I silently wondered if I could ask her to help Allie with her math homework.
“If I ever need help with accounting, I’ll call you,” Maisie said.
Beck chuckled and commented, “That’s definitely out of my league.”
Madison shrugged. “Hey, fighting fires terrifies me, so thank you.”
At that moment, Nate Fox and his wife, Holly, came walking in. We did introductions, and Madison got pulled away by Maisie and Holly while they were chatting.
I glanced at my watch, then looked at Allie. “We need to get going soon. I’ve got some errands to take care of, and we’re having dinner at your grandparents’.”
“Why do you always call them my grandparents?” Allie protested. “They’re your parents, you know.”
“I know, but they usually invite us to dinner because they want to see you,” I said.
Allie rolled her eyes. “Let me say goodbye to Maddie.”
She skipped over to where Madison was sipping her coffee at the corner of the counter and listening to something Holly was saying. I watched as Madison said goodbye to Allie. She looked over to me and waved.
I left with my daughter, feeling unsettled. I was uncomfortable with my train of thought. I wanted to find some excuse to tell Allie she should stay at my parents’ tonight so I could have another night with Madison. That was plain crazy.
As soon as we were in my truck, Allie confirmed my worst fears. “I think you should ask Madison out to dinner,” she announced as she clicked her seat belt into place.
I started my truck, studiously not even looking her way. I backed out, commenting casually, “We took her to dinner just last night.”
“No, I mean on a date.”
“I can’t date our neighbor.” I finally l
ooked her way, my heart pinching at the hopefulness in her eyes.
“Why not? Pretty much everybody’s our neighbor in this town.”
“Not exactly. Madison is our closest neighbor now.”
Even I knew this was a stupid point, but it was all I could think of at the moment.
Allie let out an annoyed sigh. “Why can’t you go to dinner with her? I think you like her, and I bet she likes you.”
“Because it would be complicated if it didn’t work out.”
Allie blinked at me, sadness flickering in her eyes when I stopped at a stop sign and looked over. For a second, I thought she was going to cry. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she shook it off quickly as she stared out the window. “You’re being stupid, and you know it. I just wish you’d stop using me as an excuse for why you never have a girlfriend. It might be nice to have a woman around, you know.”
Ah, hell. I cleared my throat. “You’re not an excuse. You’re the most important person in my life and a priority for me. I just haven’t met anyone I wanted to date. I don’t know Madison that well.”
All of that was true, but I knew I was hedging, and I was pretty sure my daughter was onto me.
“She’s really awesome,” Allie said, her eyes whipping to me.
Her eyes were bright, glistening with the threat of tears. Fuck my life. Teenage hormones were no joke. They seemed to bring emotions to the surface hot and fast for my daughter.
“I know, hon,” I said slowly.
I heard the sharp draw of her breath, and she looked away from me again. I wished I could fix everything for her. That was something they never warned you about before you had kids. I’d spent all of Allie’s life trying to balance the desire to prevent her from ever experiencing hurt with the awareness that life wasn’t like that, and it wasn’t always going to be easy.
I tried to cut myself a little slack. Because, fuck, I’d only been eighteen when Allie’s mother got pregnant. No one had time to prepare me for being a father. I’d stumbled into it. Every now and then, some of us at the fire station would get roped into doing talks at the high school on various safety topics. I’d been invited a few times by the local family planning clinic to talk about birth control when they did the sex ed class. I could say without any irony to the guys that they’d better be prepared to be a father if they weren’t using birth control.
