Asher (Ashes & Embers Book 6)

by Carian Cole

  I could damn them, forbid them, and lose them both.

  Or I could accept that they fell in love and there wasn’t anything devious or wrong about it.

  It just happened.

  A year ago, I would’ve turned away when Tor pulled Kenzi into his arms and kissed her. I would’ve heavily debated punching his face and sending her to her room—no matter how old she was. Now, I’m grateful to see how happy they are together. How they take care of each other. It’s the kind of love Ember and I shared.

  “Mind if I sit?”

  I glance up at Sydni, who doesn’t wait for my answer as she pours herself into the lawn chair next to mine. She crosses her long legs and bobs her bare foot up and down. Her toenails are painted the same apple red as her hair, but the nail polish does nothing to hide how filthy the sole of her foot is.

  I don’t like feet. Especially dirty feet.

  “You already are sitting.” I hope she doesn’t put her gross feet in my pool later.

  “Do you need a drink? Something to eat?” she asks.

  “I’m good, but thanks.”

  “You look deep in thought.”

  I nod and fish a small pack of CBD gummy bears out of my shirt pocket. I pick out a blue one and pop it into my mouth. My doctor suggested they might help calm my nerves. I’m still on the fence.

  “Always,” I say.

  “This weekend is when they start the new treatment on Ember?”

  Something tells me my little bear isn’t going to help me with this conversation.

  I nod. “Yup.”

  “And then what?” she prods. “Does something happen right away? Or in a few days? Weeks?”

  “It varies from patient to patient. All we can do is wait and hope. They’ll monitor her vitals, watch for changes. Or body movements.”

  “So, she’ll just like wake up?”

  I gnaw ferociously on my gummy bear. “It won’t be instantaneous, Syd. Not like in the movies. It’s a slow process.”

  “I really hope this works. It would be amazing to have her back. I think I’d lose my mind if I could actually talk to her again. It’ll be wild. Wait ’til she finds out about Kenzi and Tor! Can you imag—”

  “Sydni, don’t.” I shake my head. “That subject is off-limits. With me and with Ember.”

  She shifts in her chair and glares over at Kenzi and Tor sitting by the pool. “Okay, fine... I keep forgetting I’m not allowed to talk about them.” Bitterness spikes through her words.

  I have a real love-hate relationship with Sydni, but she’s all tangled up in my life, so as much as she annoys me sometimes, I can’t just cut ties with her. She’s been best friends with Ember since high school, and she and Toren dated on and off for almost twelve years, thus making her one of my friends too. As if that isn’t enough, she’s one of Ember’s bandmates, and she’s played in my band a few times.

  Sydni’s just not an easy pill to swallow. She has no filter. She goes after whatever she wants, not caring who or what she bulldozes in her path. Usually that was Toren, until he shut her down for good. Let’s say Sydni wasn’t at all happy to find out she’d lost one of her favorite playthings to an eighteen-year-old girl.

  Every now and then, her nice, normal side makes an appearance, but it never lasts long.

  “What if nothing happens after this treatment?” She pulls her long hair back and secures it with a black hair band.

  “What do you mean?”

  “If there’s no change in Ember after this medication, then what happens?”

  “Nothing. She’ll just stay as she’s been. It can’t hurt her.”

  “Well, that’s good. As long as she’ll still basically be okay,” she says, and a few moments later, she goes for my throat. “And what happens to you?”

  My jaw clenches. My little stress bear is long gone and has left me high and dry. “Nothing happens to me. Why would it?”

  She stares at me and shakes her head slowly. “Don’t take this wrong, Ash, but isn’t this the last chance? It’s been over seven years with no real improvement. If this doesn’t work, isn’t it time to move on?”

  “Move on?” I repeat.

  She puts her hand on my arm. “Yeah. Get on with your life. You’ve kept yourself in this emotional and physical prison for years. It’s very noble and sweet, but you’re still young. You have an amazing career. Kenzi is grown up. Maybe it’s time for you to let go and be happy again.”

  I pull my arm out of her grasp. “I am happy, Sydni.”

  She lets out a mock laugh. “You are not. Do you expect anyone to believe that? That someone as rich, famous, and good-looking as you is happy with—with—” She struggles to find the right word, which is a huge task for her.

  “With what, Syd? My wife? Say it.”

  “She’s not your wife anymore. She’s gone. You’ve been waiting for years. You did all the right things. If this doesn’t work, let her go. No one will blame you or think badly of you, Asher.”

  Let it go. I can’t believe someone who Ember considered one of her best friends would want her to be let go. Maybe all our friends are thinking the same thing, but at least they have enough respect to not actually say it to my face.

  “As long as she’s breathing, I’m not letting her go or giving up. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.”

  “Ember wouldn’t want you to be wasting your life like this. You deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through. She’d want you to be happy.”

  “I don’t want to hear anymore of this. She’s my wife. We’re going through this together, because that’s what marriage is. She’s not dead, Syd. I love her. We made vows. That’s it.”

  “You don’t have to give up on her or stop loving her to allow yourself to live.” She smiles and raises an eyebrow at me. “Did you ever think that maybe she’d want us to be together, to help each other heal?”

  My stomach turns at the thought, and I almost fall off my chair as I spin to face her.

  “Have you lost your fucking mind? Are you seriously sitting here in your best friend’s backyard trying to convince her husband that she’d want him to be with you? You don’t know Ember at all if you think she’d ever want that. And you definitely don’t know me. I’m not into crazy bitches.”

  She huffs and flips her hair back. “Why is it so inconceivable? I don’t expect you to love me, Ash, but I know damn sure we could make each other happy and have some fun. I’d never hurt you.”

  “Hurt me? What the hell do you think you’re doing right now? You’re making me sick, Sydni. You treated Tor like shit for years. You cheated on him constantly. For years you’ve been coming on to me, betraying your best friend when she’s in a coma for fuck’s sake.”

  She blinks but doesn’t even deny it.

  “I’ve tried to ignore it for the sake of our friendship, but fuck. You’ve turned into a sick, selfish, twisted person I don’t recognize anymore. You used to at least have some morals.” I stand up and grab my sweatshirt off the back of my chair. “I’m going inside. Stay the hell away from my kid and her husband if you plan to stick around.”

  I make a beeline for the house, not stopping to talk to anyone else on my way. So much for trying to have a relaxing night before I have to face the anxiety the next few weeks will bring.

  Chapter Three

  “Hello?” Her voice drifts to me as a timid whisper.

  “Hi...I missed you.” I reach for her, but she backs away, clenching her hands together over her chest.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  She stares off into the mist—to the left, then the right, then left again.

  “I don’t know...” Her voice wavers and cracks. “Something’s different.” She raises her hands to grasp her head, then turns back to face me. “I feel weird.”

  My heart beats faster. “What feels weird? Are you in pain?”

  “I don’t know... I don’t feel right. I’m scared.”

  “Ember, it’s okay. I’m here with you.
Don’t be scared. Tell me what feels different.”

  She shakes her head and spins around again to look the other way. “Where did everything go? I don’t want to be here like this. My head hurts. It’s dark. I can’t see.”

  I touch her shoulders and slowly move my hand down the length of her arm to grasp her hand in mine. Leaning forward, I kiss the back of her head. “Hold on to my hand. Listen to my voice. Don’t be scared, baby. You’re not alone, I promise.” I swallow over the ball of unease lodged in my throat. “I’m glad you’re here. What did you want to tell me today?”

  “I have to go now. I can’t be here anymore.” She pulls her hand from mine and walks away, back into the bluish mist surrounding us.

  “Em, don’t go. Not yet. Stay and talk to me, please.” I blink at her diminishing form. “Don’t leave me.”

  She doesn’t turn around when she says, “I can’t talk to you. I don’t even know you.”

  I move to follow her, but my feet are locked in place.

  She disappears like a ghost, taking most of my hope with her.

  “No!”

  The sound of my voice jars me awake. I’m already sitting up, clutching the comforter tight. Sweat covers my body, thin rivulets running down the middle of my bare chest. Damp strands of hair stick to my forehead, neck, and shoulders like seaweed.

  “Shit,” I mutter.

  A quick, hot shower washes the sticky sweat away but does nothing to banish the disquiet muddling through my brain.

  Does Ember remember me, wherever she is now? Does she hear my voice when I whisper in the dark? Do I still live on in her heart like she does in mine?

  I pull on jeans and a T-shirt and head for the front door, foregoing my morning coffee even though I need a cup or ten wicked bad. I drive my Porsche across town to Kenzi and Tor’s house in silence. Even music can’t pull me out of the lingering daze from the dream I had last night.

  “Daddy, are you okay?” Kenzi’s eyes are wide when she opens her front door, wearing leggings and a wrinkled, oversized T-shirt that I know belongs to Tor. “It’s not even eight a.m. yet.”

  “I know, I’m sorry.” I kiss her cheek as I step inside the living room. Their huge white dog immediately rises from his bed in the corner and comes over to nuzzle his nose into my palm. “Hey, buddy,” I whisper, stroking his head as I sit in the middle of the couch. “I wanted to talk to you. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I got up a few minutes ago. Tor’s getting ready to go to work. He’s in the shower.” She eyes me, eyebrow quirked. “You look a little tweaked, Dad. Have you slept at all?”

  “Not much...”

  She lets out a sigh. “I’m going to make us some coffee.”

  I pet the dog while she goes into the adjoining kitchen and fiddles around with the fancy espresso maker I gave them last Christmas. A shiny household appliance isn’t something I ever thought I’d be giving Tor and Kenzi, but I guess nothing should really surprise me anymore.

  My life is a series of plot twists. At least that’s what my mother, a popular romance author, tells me all the time.

  Tor enters the living room from the hallway, naked, rubbing a white towel over his wet hair and stops in his tracks when he spots me on his couch. “Shit! I’ll be right back.”

  I press my fingers into my forehead as he bolts back down the hall to their bedroom.

  That’s a visual I could’ve done without today.

  Kenzi, totally oblivious, hands me a stoneware mug with a perfect, frothy-topped latte. “Do you have a headache?” she asks. “I can get you—”

  I shake my head and take a sip of the coffee. “No, I’m fine, hon.”

  “Hey, man, sorry about that,” Tor says, re-entering the room. “I didn’t know you were here.”

  I put my hand up. “Forget it. I’m going to block it from my memory.”

  “What happened?” Kenzi asks, frowning at us.

  “Nothing,” we say at the same time.

  She hands Tor a matching mug and sits on the couch next to me while Tor sits on the L part of the sectional.

  “You sleepwalking or something?” he asks.

  “I had a really wacked-out dream about Ember. I just wanted to talk about it.”

  Kenzi’s forehead creases. “Different from the ones you usually have?”

  Tor and Kenzi are the only ones I’ve ever told about the dreams I’ve had about Ember. Thankfully, they’ve never looked at me like I’m a few ants short of a picnic when I’ve given them details.

  I don’t think they’re dreams. I think Ember’s been giving me messages—usually about family and friends when they need advice. Somehow, she can communicate with me while I’m sleeping from wherever her mind and soul are. I have no idea why she seems to be some sort of relationship whisperer because before the accident, she never got involved in other people’s issues. But in the dreams, she knows personal details about everyone. She seems to want me to help them.

  During one dream, she told me that my brother, Storm, would be having car trouble when his wife, Evie, went into labor. Ember told me to go to their house and be there for Evie. Sure enough, her water broke while I was there, and I had to drive her to the hospital.

  In other dreams, she told me to talk to my brothers and cousins, and sometimes their girlfriends, when they were going through a rough time. “Make sure they talk. Make sure love sees them through. You’re special. They’ll listen to you.” The dreams felt so real and powerful, I couldn’t ignore them. So I hunted people down, offering up cryptic advice like a walking fortune cookie.

  Every single situation Ember talked about in the dreams turned out to be true, but I’ve never told Kenzi and Tor that it was Ember who convinced me to accept them being together.

  “Ash?” Tor’s voice pulls me back to the conversation. “What happened in the dream?”

  “She kept turning away from me. She was nervous and distracted. She said she felt weird and her head hurt, and she was scared. She said she couldn’t be there anymore—”

  “Be where?” Kenzi interrupts.

  “I’m not sure. In the dream place, I think. And then she said she couldn’t talk to me anymore because she doesn’t know me.” I gulp my coffee. “Then she disappeared, and I woke up with my heart pounding, covered in sweat, feeling like something is really wrong.”

  Kenzi touches my arm. “Daddy, I think that was just a bad dream. You’re worried about the new treatment. That’s all.”

  Shaking my head, I place my coffee cup on the end table. “I don’t think that’s it. It felt real. Something was different about her this time. Usually she seems...peaceful. Happy. Confident. She always holds my hand, makes eye contact. We kiss. But not last night. She was distant and agitated. Lost.”

  Tor glances over at Kenzi with that SOS look that couples share when something’s going down.

  He clears his throat. “I think Kenzi’s right. It makes total sense because you’re worried one minute and getting your hopes up the next. When you’re sleeping, everything just mangles together in your head.”

  As much as I want to believe that, I don’t think it’s true. “I don’t know... I feel like something’s different. Like maybe something is happening.”

  “What kind of happening?” Tor asks.

  “Maybe she isn’t going to wake up at all, but now whatever that thing was that let her visit my dreams is gone. If that’s true, I’ll be wrecked. The dreams are all I have. I’ll completely lose her.”

  Their dog rests his head on my thigh, his big, black soulful eyes peering up at me. Running my fingers through his thick, plushy fur is comforting and distracting. I’m not embarrassed to cry in front of Tor and Kenzi. I’m just tired of falling apart.

  “Dad, we don’t know exactly what those dreams are. Maybe they really are some kind of visit from Mom, or maybe they’re just dreams. Maybe it’s something your mind is doing all on its own, to give you some kind of coping mechanism.”

  Nodding, I continue to pet Diogee as my daug
hter tries to talk me off the mental ledge. She’s had years of practice, so she’s a pro at it now.

  “This is why Tor and I were worried about any experimental treatment and how it would affect you. If it works, and she wakes up, it’ll be a miracle. But if it doesn’t, then she’s going to be exactly where she is. Dreams or not, Daddy, she’s probably going to stay unresponsive. Forever. Maybe, in the dream last night, she was trying to tell you she’s letting you go, so you’ll let her go. For her and for you.”

  My daughter speaks so honestly, yet so carefully. Everyone says she gets that from me, but at times like this, I both love it and hate it.

  Let go. Let go. Let go.

  I’ve heard those words a million times since Ember fell off that cliff. The irony is she’s in a coma because I let go. She slipped and fell into a never-ending abyss.

  Because I let her go.

  I’ll never forgive myself for it, and I’ll never do it again. In any way.

  “The house across the street is for sale,” I say, needing to change the subject.

  Kenzi’s eyes widen, and she looks over at Tor, then to me. “Across from your house? The one with the gray stone front and the cherry blossom tree?”

  I nod. “Yup. It would be great for you guys.”

  “It would! I love that house! Tor, can we go look at it?”

  My best friend pales. “That house is huge, Angel. I think it’s a bit out of our budget.”

  Kenzi’s face falls into a pout, the light diminishing in her eyes. She’s my little girl. I could never stand to see her disappointed.

  I still can’t.

  “If you want it, I’ll buy it for you. Consider it a belated wedding gift.”

  “Oh my God!” Kenzi squeals.

  Tor chokes on his coffee and glares at me. “Ash, I’m not letting you buy us a house.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a fucking house, not a plate set.”

  “So?”

  He squirms under Kenzi’s expectant stare. “I’d rather provide for my wife and family myself.”

  Kenzi swallows and bites her lip, then plasters on a smile. “He’s right, Daddy. I love the house, and it would be amazing, but we couldn’t let you do that.”