Asher (Ashes & Embers Book 6)

by Carian Cole

  Sucking in a quick breath, she blinks rapidly, her bottom lip trembling as she smiles with relief. A single tear trickles down her cheek and falls onto the pillow.

  “I’ve been afraid to rush you or hurt you. For eight years, I had to make decisions for you, babe. To protect you and care for you and fight for you.”

  She nods, and the emotion I see shimmering in her eyes rocks me. Gratitude. Relief. Understanding. Maybe even love.

  Her voice is whisper-soft. “You were put in a position no man should ever have to be in. You’re a strong man, Asher. But it’s okay not to be, sometimes. You know that, right?”

  “I’m figurin’ it out.”

  She leans up on her elbows, closer to me. “I’m scared too. But the one thing I’m sure of is you’d never hurt me. In any way.” She touches the center of my chest, delicately moving her hand up and down in comforting strokes. “You don’t have to treat me like glass.”

  Cupping the back of her neck, I pull her in for a long, slow kiss before lowering her back down on the pillow.

  “What I’m gonna do is treat you like the queen you are and worship your body like I’ve been fuckin’ dying to.”

  Grabbing her hands in mine, I stretch our arms up over her head, and crush my lips onto hers, kissing her hungrily. Our tongues test, entice, and tease.

  I let her hands slip from mine, and she wraps her arms around me, running her hands over my back, lightly digging her nails into me when I suck her tongue into my mouth.

  Ignited, I crawl down her body, ravishing her with my tongue. Hooking my fingers in the hem of her panties, I yank them down and trail kisses up and down her thighs.

  God. It’s been so damn long since I’ve touched her as my wife. Heard her moan for me. Let my body react to her without forcing myself to stop. My heart is racing, my cock is throbbing, but all I want is to make her feel beautiful and endlessly adored.

  Whipping my hair back from my face, I delve between the haven of her thighs. She whimpers in surprise when my mouth covers her. She’s all warm and damp and waiting. Her hips arch up, and I give her more, sliding my tongue deep into her. She grasps a handful of my hair in response, tugging as her thighs part.

  I grin against her folds, knowing she’s loving the long hair and the tongue ring now.

  Her thin thighs tremble around my face, and I slowly devour her, sucking her clit between my teeth and gently pushing my fingers inside her.

  She’s delicious, wet, and tantalizing, moaning and pressing into me, squeezing her thighs against my head, clenching her walls around my finger.

  This is my wife.

  Fuck, I want to bury my cock into her so bad. And I will.

  Not tonight. But soon. When things are right.

  She purrs and moans and arches up, grabbing my head with both hands as she shudders and grinds against me.

  I continue to lick and kiss her, gradually slowing and softening as she falls back onto the bed, panting and quivering. She caresses my cheek with her hand until I ease up and crawl on top of her to stare down into her ecstasy-dazed eyes.

  “Wow, Valentine,” she says breathlessly. “Do not take that tongue ring out.”

  “There you are,” I whisper, touching my lips to hers. “Hi.”

  She stares up at me for a long time as her breathing slows.

  “Hi.”

  “I love you,” I say.

  Smiling dreamily, she reaches up and pushes my hair away from my face.

  “Now and forever?” Her soft voice wavers, and I almost collapse on top of her.

  She remembers.

  “Yes.” I kiss her lips. “Twice. Now and forever.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  I study my reflection in the mirror. Beside me, Kenzi is doing the same, but she’s applying lip gloss and mascara while she waits for her curling wand to heat up. I feel odd being in Kenzi’s bathroom with her as she’s getting ready, but I’m slowly learning this is the kind of friend—and daughter—she is. She’s open and inviting. She doesn’t put on any acts. I think she’s trying to spend girl time with me in an effort to build a new bond, which I’m totally open to.

  When I look in the mirror, I still don’t recognize the woman looking back as me. It’s not how I mentally picture myself. I now recognize this person in the mirror as Ember Valentine, but it’s like looking at a photo of her. I have yet to make the full connection that it’s me.

  It’s very much like looking out a window and suddenly seeing someone else looking back at you. I always jump a little inside when I see my reflection.

  “I don’t like my nose,” I announce, crinkling it.

  “What? How come?”

  “I think it’s too big. And there’s a bump on it. You’re lucky you have Asher’s nose and not mine.”

  Kenzi spritzes something onto her hair before winding a lock around the curling wand. “I think your nose is fine. The bump is from when Aunt Katherine accidentally hit you in the face with a baton and broke your nose. I think you were seven or eight.”

  I touch the slight bump on the bridge of my nose. “Can it be fixed?”

  “You could probably have a surgeon fix it. Plastic surgeons can do almost anything nowadays.”

  That’s very intriguing. “Maybe I’ll look into that someday.”

  “I think you look beautiful. I wouldn’t change a thing.” She smiles at me in the mirror. “I can teach you some makeup contouring if you’re worried about it.”

  “I’d really like that. Maybe next time you come over, you can show me how.”

  I feel our roles are a bit reversed. I should’ve been the one teaching my daughter how to apply makeup, not the other way around. Or, maybe I did teach her, before my life was ripped away.

  “Sure. I love playing with makeup.”

  I’ve now got plans with Kenzi to paint my house and experiment with makeup. I hope I’m not coming across as needy, or like I’m expecting her to do things for me. I admire her. She seems so grounded and so good at life. The more time I spend with her, the more I feel myself wanting a relationship with her.

  She turns off her wand and fluffs her wavy hair out before grabbing her purse. “Good enough. You ready to go?”

  I nod, and we head downstairs where Toren is lying on the living room floor with Tia, who’s sitting in a little baby seat. Diogee and their cat, Kitten, are sleeping on the couch. Every time I see Tor with the baby, I feel a little tinge of longing, of wanting a baby of my own with Asher someday. A baby I can remember, that is.

  “What’s wrong with this picture?” I tease. “Shouldn’t you and the baby be on the furniture?”

  “I’m trying to stretch my back out. I tweaked it at the shop yesterday.”

  I walk over to the couch and pet Diogee, and he picks his head up to stare into my eyes.

  “I missed you,” I whisper to him. “I’m so glad you’re here with them.” His tail wags, and he licks my hand.

  “He really likes you,” Tor says.

  “He was with me, in the place with the butterflies. Then I sent him here to watch over all of you. He wasn’t supposed to land on the highway, though.” I stroke his soft, white muzzle.

  “What place?” Kenzi asks, exchanging a look with Tor. He shrugs, then winces in pain.

  I shouldn’t have said anything. “It’s nothing,” I say casually. “I’m babbling. I think I get crazy around dogs. I love them.”

  Smiling, Kenzi kneels down next to Tor, and they share a kiss. “Sweetie, are you gonna be okay alone with the baby if we go out? We can take her with us so you can rest.”

  “I’ll be fine. It’s not like she can crawl or run around yet. We’re gonna sit here and watch Disney movies until you get home.”

  “Okay.” Kenzi turns to smooth Tia’s blonde peach fuzz and kisses her chubby cheek as she stands. “We won’t be gone for too long. I’ll give you a long back massage when I get home.”

  He smiles up at her and reaches out to squeeze her ankle affectionately. “That’d be
great. You two have fun shopping.”

  I like Kenzi and Tor together. As a husband, he seems to be a lot like Asher—totally devoted to Kenzi and the baby, openly affectionate. I’ve never once seen either of them look unhappy or irritated.

  “Tell your husband I’ll call him later,” Tor says with a grin. “He texted me earlier wanting to talk about lyrics. I can’t brain words right now.”

  “Okay.” I smile, recalling Asher this morning scribbling lyrics he said he woke up thinking about. “I hope you feel better.”

  When we get outside and walk toward Kenzi’s Jeep, she turns to me with a sly grin. “You want to drive?”

  “Can I?” I ask excitedly. “I promise I won’t crash.”

  “I trust you. Just go slow.”

  I squeal a little as I climb into the driver’s seat and put my seat belt on. I’ve been wanting to drive again for I don’t know how long, but Asher’s been against me getting behind the wheel because I have slow coordination and reaction time.

  “This is a nice car.” I slowly back out of the driveway, hoping Asher isn’t watching from the windows.

  “Dad gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday, so it’s a gift from both of you.”

  “I really like it.”

  “If you’re okay with it, I’m going to talk to Dad later and tell him you’re fine to drive. As long as we get home safely, of course.” She smiles over at me. “You’re doing great, though.”

  It feels weird to be driving, but I’m relieved to realize I remember how. I’m not driving with both feet on the gas pedal or turning the windshield wipers on instead of my turn signal.

  “I’d love it if you talked to him. I understand why he worries, but I really want to be able to drive like everyone else.” I like the feel of the leather steering wheel in my hands and the wind from the open window lightly blowing through my hair. “I feel really free.”

  I wonder if being trapped in a coma for so long, unable to move, has ingrained a sort of claustrophobia in me. I like movement. Being able to get in a car, go to a different place, then come back, without anything restricting me, is very appealing to me.

  “You should be able to go out and do things by yourself if you want to, like run to the store,” Kenzi says. “I know Dad’s just worried about you. He treated me the same way. He still does. And Tor’s not much better. I guess I’d rather they cared too much than not at all.”

  “I agree. I like that he cares about me so much. It makes me feel special. And he is starting to loosen up a little with the protectiveness and this fear he has of me getting hurt. We finally fooled around for the first time a few nights ago—”

  “Mom!” She laughs. “That’s great, but I don’t think I want to hear about that. You’re my parents.”

  “Oh!” I laugh with her. “Sometimes I forget who you are.”

  I’m not sure if she realized she called me Mom—I think it just slipped. It didn’t make me uncomfortable like it did months ago, though. I think if she continues to do it, I’ll eventually be okay with being Mom.

  I’m not so sure about being called Gramma, though. That’s going to take some time.

  We make it to the store without me running any stop signs, spacing out, or sideswiping anything, so I feel confident I should be able to have my own car again soon. Hopefully Asher will also be convinced after Kenzi vouches for me.

  First, we buy some cute outfits for Tia in the children’s store. I quickly become obsessed with baby shoes and buy four pairs for Tia. I certainly don’t think of myself as a grandmother, but I love Tia already, and I’m excited to be a part of her life and watch her grow up. Then, we go over to the craft store across the street, which has become my favorite place to shop. We each buy some cool soy candles, Kenzi buys a variety of cake decorating tools, and I get more paintbrushes. I seem to have a growing obsession with brushes.

  We can’t resist walking by the pet store in the strip mall, so we venture inside and buy toys for Diogee, Kitten, and Teddy.

  “Teddy will love this!” I hold up a soft squirrel stuffy that has crinkly material inside. “He’ll love the squishy sound it makes.”

  “Teddy?” Kenzi looks at me quizzically, then nods rapidly. “Oh, Teddy. I’m sorry, I forgot his name for a sec. Let’s go grab some dog treats before we check out.”

  “Are you hungry?” Kenzi asks when we leave the pet store. “Uncle Talon and Lukas own a cafe right down the street. The food is amazing, and they have lots of vegan options. They have lattes, teas, and smoothies too. It’s close enough to walk.”

  Now that she mentioned food, I realize I’m hungry. “Ooh, that sounds great. I don’t think anyone told me Lukas and Talon owned a cafe.”

  “They bought it a few years ago. There’s live music at night with local musicians. Lukas and Vandal own a tattoo parlor too, just down the road a little ways more.”

  “I didn’t know the guys owned all these businesses,” I say as we start walking.

  “I think they wanted to invest their money in things because of the inheritance money. I don’t know much about it.”

  “Does Asher own any businesses?”

  “No, but he’s helped a few financially with loans. Like Tor’s bike shop and Aunt Katherine’s bed and breakfast. He also donates a lot of money to the hospital you were in and the pet shelter that Mrs. Grace runs.”

  “Oh.” All of this is news to me, but it only makes Asher appeal to me even more. Helping my sister, his friends, and pet shelters? He just keeps getting better.

  “Hey, look who’s here. My favorite niece,” Talon says from behind the counter when we enter the small cafe. He immediately comes around and gives Kenzi a big hug, then gently hugs me. “And my beautiful sister-in-law,” he whispers softly. He reminds me a lot of a younger version of Asher. They have the same eyes, wavy hair, and smile.

  “It’s so good to see you. You look amazing. And you.” He turns to Kenzi. “You look incredible. Where’s my little munchkin?”

  “She’s home with Tor. Me and Ember wanted to do some shopping, and she’s never been here, so I thought we’d pop over for lunch.”

  “I’m glad you did. Everything’s on me. Sit anywhere ya want, and I’ll send Feather over with some menus. You’ve gotta try the berry cobbler with vanilla bean whipped cream. The chef made it this morning, and it’s killer.”

  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing big, longhaired guys covered with tattoos acting so domestic.

  Shaking my head, I reach up to touch my temple, which is suddenly throbbing.

  Talon cocks his head, narrowing his eyes at me with concern. “You okay, bright eyes?”

  “Yeah, just a little headache. I think I’m just hungry.”

  He squeezes my shoulder. “You’re in the right place. I’ll go grab you some water.”

  I smile reassuringly at Kenzi as we make our way to an empty table by the window.

  “Did I eat hummus before I fell?” I ask Kenzi as a girl named Feather brings our meals over. We each ordered veggie and hummus wraps—something that Sarah got me hooked on when she made it for me for lunch one day.

  “To be honest, I don’t remember. I’m not sure if hummus was as popular back then as it is now.”

  “I think I love hummus as much as I love new paintbrushes and tiny baby shoes.”

  She laughs and wipes her mouth with her napkin. “It’s really cool how you have this new personality coming out. It’s like you’re the same, but just some things are a little different. Your likes and dislikes. Sorta like you’re the twin sister of yourself.”

  Interesting. I’m going to bring that up the next time I talk to my therapist.

  After lunch, a man and woman approach us in the parking lot with big, excited smiles.

  “We don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t you Ember Valentine? From Sugar Kiss?” the woman asks.

  I blink at them, feeling utterly confused and thrown off guard by the question. No one’s ever asked me that before.

  “
Um…” I stammer. I am Ember Valentine, but also, I’m not. Am I supposed to tell people that? Asher mentioned something about an official press release about me, but I have no idea if it’s been published or what it even says.

  Geez. I need to be less clueless about things.

  “You are,” the man says and then turns to Kenzi. “And you’re their daughter. Holy shit. Asher Valentine is the fucking shit. We’re huge fans of you guys. We thought you were dead.”

  “Thank you,” Kenzi says, touching my arm. “Yes, this is my mother, Ember Valentine, and as you can see, she’s very much alive and well. She was in a tragic accident years ago, but she’s fine now and is happily retired.”

  I smile gratefully. Kenzi is obviously used to strangers approaching her about her well-known family. I never would’ve thought to say I was retired to just avoid further details. Before Kenzi spoke up, I think I was about to spew out something awkward about waking up with amnesia and zero clue how to play guitar and how I can’t sing to save my life, and I don’t even like my own nose.

  My heart sinks, and my confidence slips back. I’m not doing as well as I thought I was. I don’t think quickly, and I don’t know the correct things to say.

  “You look great.” The woman’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. She looks me up and down. “You’re thinner. Can we get your autograph?” She digs in her purse and comes out with a scrap of paper and a pen.

  “Oh…” I look to Kenzi for help, unsure if I’m allowed to sign random pieces of paper. I have no idea if there’s a protocol for this type of request. I suppose this could be one of the reasons why Asher has been leery of me going out in public without him, and now I wish he were here, with his strong arm around me and his calming voice. He would also know exactly how to handle this.

  “Okay, but then we really need to be going.” Kenzi flashes them a dazzling smile.

  My hand shakes as I sign Ember Valentine on the back of a receipt. I feel like I’m committing forgery. “I’m not sure if that’s what my autograph used to look like,” I say apologetically.