Small Gods

by Terry Pratchett

Page 43

 

  Give anyone a lever long enough and they can change the world. Its unreliable levers that are the problem.

  In the depths of the Temples hidden plumbing, Urn grasped a bronze pipe firmly with his spanner and gave the nut a cautious turn. It resisted. He changed position, and grunted as he used more pressure.

  With a sad little metal sound, the pipe twisted-and broke . . .

  Water gushed out, hitting him in the face. He dropped the tool and tried to block the flow with his fingers, but it spurted around his hands and gurgled down the channel towards one of the weights.

  “Stop it! Stop it!” he shouted.

  “What?” said Fergmen, several feet below him.

  “Stop the water!”

  “How?”

  “The pipes broken!”

  “I thought thats what we wanted to do?”

  “Not yet!”

  “Stop shouting, mister! Theres guards around!”

  Urn let the water gush for a moment as he struggled out of his robe, and then he rammed the sodden material into the pipe. It shot out again with some force and slapped wetly against the lead funnel, sliding down until it blocked the tube that led to the weights. The water piled up behind it and then spilled over on to the floor.

  Urn glanced at the weight. It hadnt begun to move.

  He relaxed slightly. Now, provided there was still enough water to make the weight drop . . .

  “Both of you-stand still. ”

  He looked around, his mind going numb.

  There was a heavy-set man in a black robe standing in the stricken doorway. Behind him, a guard held a sword in a meaningful manner.

  “Who are you? Why are you here?”

  Urn hesitated for only a moment.

  He gestured with his spanner.

  “Well, its the seating, innit,” he said. “Youve got shocking seepage around the seating. Amazing it holds together. ”

  The man stepped into the room. He glared uncer?tainly at Urn for a moment and then turned his atten?tion to the gushing pipe. And then back to Urn.

  "But youre not- he began.

  He spun around as Fergmen hit the guard hard with a length of broken pipe. When he turned back, Urns spanner caught him full in the stomach. Urn wasnt strong, but it was a long spanner, and the well?known principles of leverage did the rest. He doubled up and then sagged backwards against one of the weights.

  What happened next happened in frozen time. Dea?con Cusp grabbed at the weight for support. It sank down, ponderously, his extra poundage adding to the weight of the water. He clawed higher. It sank further, dropping below the lip of the pit. He sought for bal?ance again, but this time it was against fresh air, and he tumbled on top of the falling weight.

  Urn saw his face staring up at him as the weight fell into the gloom.

  With a lever, he could change the world. It had certainly changed it for Deacon Cusp. It had made it stop existing.

  Fergmen was standing over the guard, his pipe raised.

  “I know this one,” he said. "Im going to give him a-

  “Never mind about that!”

  "But-

  Above them linkage clanked into action. There was a distant creaking of bronze against bronze.

  “Lets get out of here,” said Urn. “Only the gods know whats happening up there. ”

  And blows rained on the unmoving Moving Turtles carapace.

  “Damn! Damn! Damn!” shouted Simony, thump?ing it again. “Move! I command you to move! Can you understand plain Ephebian! Move!”

  The unmoving machine leaked steam and sat there.

  And Om pulled himself up the slope of a small hill. So it came to this, then. There was only one way to get to the Citadel now.

  It was a million-to-one chance, with any luck.

  And Brutha stood in front of the huge doors, oblivious to the crowd and the muttering guards. The Quisition could arrest anyone, but the guards werent certain what happened to you if you apprehended an arch?bishop, especially one so recently favored by the Prophet.

  Just a sign, Brutha thought, in the loneliness of his head.

  The doors trembled, and swung slowly outwards.

  Brutha stepped forward. He wasnt fully conscious now, not in any coherent way as understood by normal people. Just one part of him was still capable of looking at the state of his own mind and thinking: perhaps the Great Prophets felt like this all the time.

  The thousands inside the temple were looking around in confusion. The choirs of lesser Iams paused in their chant. Brutha walked on up the aisle, the only one with a purpose in the suddenly bewildered throng.

  Vorbis was standing in the center of the temple, under the vault of the dome. Guards hurried toward Brutha, but Vorbis raised a hand in a gentle but very positive movement.

  Now Brutha could take in the scene. There was the staff of Ossory, and Abbyss cloak, and the sandals of Cena. And, supporting the dome, the massive statues of the first four prophets. Hed never seen them. Hed heard about them every day of his childhood.

  And what did they mean now? They didnt mean anything. Nothing meant anything, if Vorbis was Prophet. Nothing meant anything, if the Cenobiarch was a man whod heard nothing in the inner spaces of his own head but his own thoughts.

  He was aware that Vorbiss gesture had not only halted the guards, although they surrounded him like a hedge. It had also filled the temple with silence. Into which Vorbis spoke.

  “Ah. My Brutha. We had looked for you in vain. And now even you are here . . . ”

  Brutha stopped a few feet away. The moment of . . . whatever it had been . . . that had propelled him through the doors had drained away.

  Now all there was, was Vorbis.

  Smiling.

  The part of him still capable of thought was think?ing: there is nothing you can say. No one will listen. No one will care. It doesnt matter what you tell peo?ple about Ephebe, and Brother Murduck, and the des?ert. It wont be fundamentally true.

  Fundamentally true. Thats what the world is, with Vorbis in it.

  Vorbis said, “There is something wrong? Some?thing you wish to say?”

  The black-on-black eyes filled the world, like two pits.

  Bruthas mind gave up, and Bruthas body took over. It brought his hand back and raised it, oblivious to the sudden rush forward of the guards.

  He saw Vorbis turn his cheek, and smile.

  Brutha stopped, and lowered his hand.

  He said, “No. I wont. ”

  Then, for the first and only time, he saw Vorbis really enraged. There had been times before when the deacon had been angry, but it had been something driven by the brain, switched on and off as the need arose. This was something else, something out of con?trol. And it flashed across his face only for a moment.

  As the hands of the guards closed on him, Vorbis stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder. He looked Brutha in the eye for a moment and then said softly:

  “Thrash him within an inch of his life and burn him the rest of the way. ”

  An Iam began to speak, but stopped when he saw Vorbiss expression.

  “Do it now. ”

  A world of silence. No sound up here, except the rush of wind through the feathers.

  Up here the world is round, bordered by a band of sea. The viewpoint is from horizon to horizon, the sun is closer.

  And yet, looking down, looking for shapes . . .

  . . . down in the farmland on the edge of the wil?derness . . .

  . . . on a small hill . . .

  . . . a tiny moving dome, ridiculously exposed . . .

  No sound but the rush of wind through feathers as the eagle pulls in its wings and drops like an arrow, the world spinning around the little moving shape that is the focus of all the eagles attention.

  Closer and . . .

  . . . talons down . . .

  . . . grip . . .

  . . . and rise . . .

  Bruth
a opened his eyes.

  His back was merely agonizing. Hed long ago got used to switching off pain.

  But he was spread-eagled on a surface, his arms and legs chained to something he couldnt see. Sky above. The towering frontage of the temple to one side.

  By turning his head a little he could see the silent crowd. And the brown metal of the iron turtle. He could smell smoke.

  Someone was just tightening the shackles on his hand. Brutha looked over at the inquisitor. Now, what was it he had to say? Oh, yes.

  “The Turtle Moves?” he mumbled.

  The man sighed.

  “Not this one, friend,” he said.

  The world spun under Om as the eagle sought for shell?cracking height, and his mind was besieged by the tortoises existential dread of being off the ground. And Bruthas thoughts, bright and clear this close to death . . .

  Im on my back and getting hotter and Im going to die . . .

  Careful, careful. Concentrate, concentrate. Itll let go any second . . .

  Om stuck out his long scrawny neck, stared at the body just above him, picked what he hoped was about the right spot, plunged his beak through the brown feathers between the talons, and gripped.

  The eagle blinked. No tortoise had ever done that to an eagle, anywhere else in history.

  Oms thoughts arrived in the little silvery world of its mind:

  “We dont want to hurt one another, now do we?”

  The eagle blinked again.

  Eagles have never evolved much imagination or forethought, beyond that necessary to know that a turtle smashes when you drop it on the rocks. But it was forming a mental picture of what happened when you let go of a heavy tortoise that was still intimately gripping an essential bit of you.

  Its eyes watered.

  Another thought crept into its mind.

  “Now. You play, uh, ball with me, Ill play . . . ball with you. Understand? This is important. This is what I want you to do . . . ”

  The eagle soared on a thermal off the hot rocks, and sped towards the distant gleam of the Citadel.

  No tortoise had ever done this before. No tortoise in the whole universe. But no tortoise had ever been a god, and knew the unwritten motto of the Quisition: Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.

  When you have their full attention in your grip, their hearts and minds will follow.

  Urn pushed his way through the crowds, with Fergmen trailing behind. That was the best and the worst of civil war, at least at the start-everyone wore the same uniform. It was much easier when you picked enemies who were a different color or at least spoke with a funny accent. You could call them “gooks” or something. It made things easier.

  Hey, Urn thought. This is nearly philosophy. Pity I probably wont live to tell anyone.

  The big doors were ajar. The crowd was silent, and very attentive. He craned forward to see, and then looked up at the soldier beside him.

  It was Simony.

  "I thought-

  “It didnt work,” said Simony, bitterly.

  “Did you-?”

  “We did everything! Something broke!”

  “It must be the steel they make here,” said Urn. "The link pins on-

  “That doesnt matter now,” said Simony.

  The flat tones of his voice made Urn follow the eyes of the crowd.

  There was another iron turtle there-a proper model of a turtle, mounted on a sort of open gridwork of metal bars in which a couple of inquisitors were even now lighting a fire. And chained to the back of the turtle-

  “Whos that?”

  “Brutha. ”

  “What?”

  “I dont know what happened. He hit Vorbis, or didnt hit him. Or something. Enraged him anyway. Vorbis stopped the ceremony, right there and then. ”

  Urn glanced at the deacon. Not Cenobiarch yet, so uncrowned. Among the Iams and bishops standing uncertainly in the open doorway, his bald head gleamed in the morning light.