November Twenty-Seventh

by Kate Speck

Mrs. Gardiner sighed, “Good. I am glad you are at least being sensible about that. Most men would not care and take only their own pleasures but at least he is being considerate. Are you certain you are happy with this arrangement, Lizzy? I would have never guessed you would choose this path. Why in God’s name would you not marry him? He still proposes to you daily?”

  Elizabeth breathed deeply, “Yes, he asks me every day and sometimes I remind him that I cannot accept him. I will not marry him because I ran away from home in disobedience and I also made a terrible mistake that I cannot expunge from my past. If he knew my secret, I doubt he would wish me to be his mistress. I will not tell him and I will not force him to a lifetime of misery as his wife, aunt. He says he will never marry another but time is a great healer and someday, one day, he will move on to find a worthy wife to have his heir and live happily. If he will keep me for the rest of my days, I will be content. I do not think I love him, aunt, but I am finding that I care for him and he has been more than generous. He is intelligent and we read and discuss philosophy together and he seems a wonderful brother to his young sister. He supports me in my work with the orphanage and he is more jovial than I ever thought capable.” She smiled in fond memory of Mr. Darcy attempting to sew with her. “After he immediately corrected his mistake regarding Jane’s shyness as apathy and sent Mr. Bingley to my sister’s side the week after I confronted him, my respect grew for him but I also wonder what life would have been like if he had never come to Hertfordshire. I blame his abominable pride for interfering with my sister’s happiness and I would not be in this position if I had never met him, but he has made restitution and I have accepted that this is my life now. I still do not understand how he could have thought Jane so unfeeling.”

  “But, Lizzy! You know as well as I that your sister hides her emotions and I must wonder at your placing the blame entirely on Mr. Darcy! He might have been responsible for giving his advice to his friend, quite decidedly, I can comprehend, but Charles Bingley, no doubt influenced by his shrewish sisters, ALLOWED himself to be persuaded because he had a weak mind and could not make his own choice to pursue your sister. HE closed down his own home to leave and HE made the decision to stay in town until Mr. Darcy convinced him to face Jane once more to make the determination for himself.” Mrs. Gardiner contended. “Mr. Darcy, from your own account, had heard your mother speaking of a ‘most advantageous marriage’ and for her daughters to be ‘thrown in the paths of rich men’. Your indignation, I am afraid, is grossly misplaced, as you should be offended by Mr. Bingley and not Mr. Darcy!”

  Elizabeth sat with her mouth agape with her aunt’s wisdom. “I... I had not... Oh, aunt, I had not thought of it in such a way. I was so certain that all the wrong was on Mr. Darcy and I had been holding the grievance against him for months on end. I thought him controlling Mr. Bingley’s decisions but I did not consider that Mr. Bingley is his own man at the age of five and twenty, perfectly capable of choosing his own destiny. Even when we... After all the times of being intimate with Mr. Darcy, I continued to hold him culpable and resented his interference. But aunt, what of Mr. Wickham? I know he has done a great wrong there and I cannot forget that he made a man destitute because he dishonoured his father’s wishes. I had found Mr. Wickham to be the most pleasing man of my acquaintance and there was truth in all of his looks and manners. He had names and dates and I know he spoke candidly. He must have spoken the truth; it has to be true!” Elizabeth was in tears now, as she began to doubt if Mr. Darcy could have indeed done as George Wickham had disclosed. Now having known Mr. Darcy so familiarly for many months, she had serious doubts that he could ever disgrace his father’s memory.

  “Oh!” Elizabeth suddenly gasped. “He said... Oh, what wretched creature I am! Mr. Wickham told me in his own words that he could ‘never defy or expose’ Mr. Darcy until he could forget Mr. Darcy’s father, and yet he revealed his tragic story to me at our first meeting. I am the stupidest girl alive, aunt.” She began to weep sincerely. “I believed every word because he flattered me while Mr. Darcy criticised me at our first meeting. I thought I loved him, aunt. I thought I was so witty and wise for not bowing to Mr. Darcy’s rank and I thought everyone else a fool for giving him so much respect. I thought... I thought I loved Mr. Wickham, aunt.”

  Mrs. Gardiner rubbed her niece’s back and handed her a handkerchief. “Oh, Lizzy, you must speak with him. We do not know the truth and we will never know until you ask Mr. Darcy of his version. Even though I have reservations about him because he has taken up my favourite niece as his mistress, I believe he is truly in love with you and he seems to be a man of honour otherwise. You must speak with him.”

  “I will, aunt.” Elizabeth finally responded after wiping her tears. “I will find the courage to approach him tonight. You will see him on Saturday and see for yourself that he is a good man. He is a good man and he loves me.” She whispered the last words.

  “I am glad we will finally see him the day after tomorrow, Lizzy. We had asked for it for months and I am glad he finally relented.” Mrs. Gardiner smiled.

  Elizabeth sighed, “No, it was not he, aunt. It was I. I did not wish for you to meet him. He had asked me time and time again to meet you and uncle but I refused because I did not wish for him to judge you as he had done with my parents. I know he detests them and I wished to protect you. But I finally relented because he had been so gracious, and after Jane’s engagement, he wanted to decide if I should return to Hertfordshire to stand as her bridesmaid and where I would reside. He wishes me to stay with him at Netherfield.” She smiled tenderly, “He dreads being parted from me for even one day.”

  “Oh, Lizzy, I wish you would marry him. I would be happy to see you settled down with him as his wife. I will not lecture again but you cannot continue this immoral relationship for the rest of your life. You may find a way to love him someday. You said yourself that you care for him. Could you not marry him?” Her aunt implored.

  “My mind is made up, aunt. I cannot marry him until I tell him the... something that I have done, and I do not wish to lose him now. He will not forgive me and I am content as I am now. I am secure for life and we will go on as we are until it comes to an end.” Elizabeth sat up straighter. “My mind is made up and you know that I will not be persuaded otherwise.” She smiled. “Come, aunt. Enough about my miserable situation and tell me more about my dear cousins. I hope they will awaken soon from their naps. They are growing up too fast and uncle will arrive soon and we shall have a wonderful dinner together.”

  Mrs. Gardiner knew all conversation about Lizzy’s love life was at an end and they discussed Lizzy’s work with the orphanage, town gossips, and the news they had heard from Jane about Meryton. Once Mr. Gardiner arrived, their conversation turned to Jane’s upcoming wedding and the Gardiners’ plans for traveling to the Lakes in the summer.

  ~*~

  Darcy’s mouth was on her as soon as he entered the townhouse. “I have missed you so much, my love. How was your dinner with the Gardiners?” He began to divest his clothes quickly and lifted her up to carry her to the bed. “My dinner was dull and all I wished was to get back to you. I had a chance to speak with Richard this morning and I told him about us.” He chuckled seeing her eyebrows rise. “He will keep our secret and he supports us. He does not like it but he understands why I had to have you.” He began to kiss her neck and lifted himself over her to hold her in his arms tightly. “I have missed you. Every moment without you is an eternity.”

  He raised her nightgown and entered her as she moaned. “My wife, my dear wife of my heart. Oh, Ellie, I want you for my wife. My own, my heart.” He moved in and out. “I love you with all of my heart.”

  Darcy increased his speed as he continued to love her as Elizabeth’s desires grew.

  “Oh, William, that feels so good. I am nearly there.” She began to cry out. “I love it. I have never known such bliss than to be loved by you, William.” Soon, she reached her pinnacle and Darcy grunted his satisfaction
soon after.

  Darcy recovered first. “And your dinner? Did you have a pleasant time with your aunt and uncle?” He lay next to her after wiping her clean and kissed her temple as he smiled. “I am looking forward to finally meeting them in two days. Richard would like to be included, by the by. There are so few that know of our situation and it would be nice to have their company and be in the open. I plan on stealing many kisses and I care not if they catch us.” He laughed as he kissed her head several times.

  “William... I... that is fine. I would be happy to meet him.” Elizabeth flustered. “I had a very pleasant time with my relatives and I was able to speak with my aunt extensively. During our other weekly dinners, my uncle is present and we cannot speak of certain... ladies’ secrets, but she asked me in more detail about our relationship today and if I was happy.” She looked him in the eyes. “I am very happy; truly happy, William. You have been so generous and I do not deserv...” She could not go on as he kissed her lips quickly.

  “You deserve everything, my love. You did not deserve my purchasing your virtue; you do not deserve my brute attentions to you so many times a day, but you mean everything to me and I give you all I have freely. Marry me and I will give you everything a thousand times over. I want nothing but your happiness, my love.” Darcy professed.

  Elizabeth silently cried as Darcy wiped her tears. “I do not deserve you,” she softly whispered.

  “Hush, my love. Please do not cry.” Darcy kissed her tears. “Have I done something wrong? Am I too burdensome? I am sorry I cannot get enough of you and I am constantly desiring you. I should not be so deman...”

  Elizabeth pressed her index finger on his lips and he kissed it. “Hush, my love. You have been wonderful and I love your attentions. I love that you desire me and you are so gentle with me.” She sat up higher in bed and Darcy did the same. “I... William, I need to ask you something about your past and I promise you that I will hear you without judgment. I only wish to hear the truth and I trust you. Will you tell me about your history with Mr… Mr. Wickham?”

  Darcy breathed out deeply. “Ah, I had forgotten that we spoke of him during our dance at the ball. I wished to caution you because he is a gambler and a seducer. He is charming and pleasant but he incurs debts everywhere he goes and ruins women.” He saw her eyes widen in surprise. “Let me guess, he told you that I refused to obey my father’s wishes for the living?” He saw her nod. “But he failed to mention that I gave him £3,000 in compensation as well as the additional £1,000 that my father willed to him?”

  Elizabeth began to cry again. “No, he… he deceived me and blamed you for his miseries. I… I believed him and I trusted him and… I am so stupid. I thought you the worst of men and held you in contempt for his sufferings. They were all lies… and I am the stupid chit who fell for it.”

  Darcy wrapped her around his arms, “You are not the first nor the last, my love. He is a practiced liar and I could not give him the living because of his prolificacy. He has ruined several women and has at least six illegitimate children. The worst of it all is that he attempted to elope with my sister last summer for her dowry.” He told her of Georgiana’s near elopement and how she had been heartbroken for many weeks afterwards. “I had arrived in Hertfordshire to give my sister some space from being the overprotective brother I had become and was in a foul mood at the assembly. I had no wish to socialise and meet new people. That is when you heard me proclaim the biggest lie I had ever spoken. You are so beautiful and I am constantly tempted by you, Ellie. I make love to you two or three times a day and it is still not enough. Joining with you is the greatest pleasure I have known.”

  Elizabeth cried until her tears were spent. Darcy continued to hold her, not understanding why she was so distraught, but gently rubbed her back and consoled her.

  “I love you, Ellie. If you wish to speak to me about anything, anything at all, I will hear you and comfort you. There is nothing in the world I would not do for you.” Darcy spoke tenderly in her ear.

  “Thank you, William. I feel treasured and I never wish to lose this feeling. I am so sorry for thinking so awfully of you. I did not know. I should have asked you earlier and I should have used better discernment, but that deceiver flattered my vanity while you had wounded it and I believed his lies. I am so sorry. You do not know how sorry I am that I listened to that man.” She wiped her face. “Hold me, William. Hold me and do not let go.”

  Darcy quickly snuffed out the candle and held her in his arms until she fell asleep. He was concerned for her and did not know why she was so affected but hoped she would open her heart to him eventually. He soon fell asleep and dreamt of the woman in his arms.

  ~*~

  “ELLIE!” Darcy shouted abruptly when he awoke and did not see his beloved in bed next to him. He felt his heart drop that she was gone. “ELLIE!” He yelled again.

  “What is the matter, William?” Elizabeth came running from the dressing room. “I am here. I am here, my dearest.” She jumped into the bed and held him, seeing the panic on his face.

  Darcy gripped her tightly in his embrace. “I dreamt that you left me. You were angry and stormed off with Wickham and when I opened my eyes, you were not here. I thought I lost you.”

  Elizabeth melted at his confession. She finally understood that his love was not a temporary, fleeting emotion but that he loved her with his entire being. It was with the deepest of love that a man could hold for a woman and she now knew she could never let this man go.

  “I am here. I will always be here, William.” She caressed his hair as he laid his head on her chest. “I only needed to refresh myself. I am sorry you woke up without me here.”

  “I know I am being childish but I need you. I have never needed anything and I only need you. If you were my wife, I would not be so afraid. Marry me. Be my wife, Ellie. I want to take you to Scotland and stay with you day and night. Perhaps stay in bed with you all day. We can eat and bathe and make love all day long. Could we do that? Will you stay with me in Hertfordshire? I must attend Bingley’s wedding but I cannot be without you. Even if I have to lease my own home for a week and keep you hidden away, I need you. Stay with me. Do not leave me.” Darcy implored.

  Elizabeth smiled tenderly, “I will be with you for all of my days. Until you push me away and terminate our contract, I will stay with you, sir. I am looking forward to Scotland. Two months alone with you sounds heavenly.”

  “Three months.” Darcy responded as he began to kiss her neck. “And I wish to show you Pemberley. You will love it there, Ellie. You can meet my sister and I will explain to her why you will reside in the mistress’ rooms. You are the mistress of my heart and you belong there. Marriage vows or not, you have my heart completely.”

  Elizabeth softly answered, “And you have mine.”

  Darcy froze. “You... Do you… Did you just say… Ellie, do you care for me? I do not wish to have my hopes raised but would you... is it possible that you might agree to marry me? Would you grant me my greatest wish and be my wife?”

  Elizabeth timidly nodded. She suddenly screamed joyously when Darcy lifted her up out of bed and spun her around in circles.

  “You will marry me? You will be my wife?” Darcy asked again after placing her feet back on the floor and cradling her face with his hands.

  “I have something to tell you first, William. After I share with you my secret and if you should still desire me to be your wife, I will marry you. I always wished to marry for the deepest of love and you have shown me that you carry it for me. I care for you very much and I know I will grow to love you more but I must tell you of my past first. I am afraid that you might wish to end our relationship when you find out what I have done but because you love me so much, I am finding that my courage rises and I will no longer be intimidated by my fears.” Elizabeth shared.

  Darcy rested his forehead against hers and spoke gently, “There is nothing in the world that would turn me from you. You do not have to reveal anything at all
but if it will help you unburden your fears, I will listen. I will listen to anything you have to say to me.” He kissed her lips. “I love you and nothing will stop me from loving you for the rest of my life.”

  Chapter 3

  Elizabeth requested to take a seat by the fireplace and after donning their robes, they both sat on the couch to converse.

  “You know that I came to you a maiden and after our arrangements were signed, you were the one to take my… my maidenhead.” Darcy nodded with a small smile. “Well, the fact is, although you were the first to lay with me in such a way, my virtue… my virtue was already taken before I came to you.”

  Darcy’s brows furrowed, “I do not understand, Ellie. How could you give me your virginity but not your virtue? You have known another man before me?”

  Elizabeth stood and paced several steps in front of the fireplace. “I do not know how to be delicate about this, William. I… I had experienced fleshly pleasures with… with Mr. Wickham, although I did not lay with him for intercourse.” She sat down and covered her face in mortification. “I met with him in private once and he… we… we experienced intimacy that should have been reserved for marriage.”

  Darcy now stood and walked to the fireplace to lean against the mantle. He was quiet for several moments and finally spoke when he met Elizabeth’s eyes. “Explain your experience with Wickham. What did he do to you?” He spoke low and it came out almost a growl.

  Elizabeth was flushed red from head to toe in embarrassment but wished to be honest. “I should not have been alone with him at all but I went to Meryton with Kitty and Lydia while Jane was helping my mother at home, and the girls had abandoned me and returned home when I took too long at the bookstore. I met Wickham and he offered to escort me to Longbourn. There was an abandoned shed next to the path where he pushed me in to kiss me and told me how much he desired me. I was initially upset that he forced his kisses on me and I told him that I could not engage in fornication before marriage but he told me that there were ways to share our desires without a marriage vow. He… he lifted my skirts and touched me until I… and he told me that I could return the favour by getting on my knees. He…” She covered her face again. “He exposed himself to me and told me to open my mouth. I did not like it but he told me to stay still and forcibly held my head until he finished. I felt wretched afterwards and knew I was disgraced but then he helped me to my feet and told me how much he enjoyed it and I thought he would propose to me, but he made an excuse that he had an appointment and needed to return to Meryton and I walked home alone. With the Netherfield ball and preparations for it, I did not see him again for days and he never once called on me. I was still expecting a proposal but then I saw him flirting with Mary King a few days later and guessed he had no intention of marrying me.”