“Can we talk?”
Piper rushes toward the door. “Of course you can. I’ll just take off.” She squeezes between us. “Call me later,” she says, rushing down the hallway.
I open the door wider and allow him to step inside. “What are you doing here?” I ask, closing the door and crossing my arms to face him.
“It’s been a hell of a month without you, Riley,” he breathes out as his hands reach for me, but I take a step back, not wanting to feel the warmth of his skin on mine. I know it would only cloud my judgment.
Thirteen
Preston
This has been the worst month of my life. I thought living without her would be like life before I met her, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Every day it’s been a struggle not to go to her or call her and beg for forgiveness. So instead of torturing her with my bullshit, I took it all to Calvin and Piper.
Piper told me many times to just go to her and tell her how I feel, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought the feelings would fade with time—that the longer I went without seeing her, the less those feelings would haunt me. But that wasn’t how it worked. It seemed like the longer I went without seeing her, the more I felt those feelings. I hurt her when I broke things off. I know I did. She’s probably moved on and I don’t want to bring it all back up for her, but living every day without her has been the biggest challenge of my life.
I finally can’t hold it back anymore. I need her. I love her. I know that now. I think I knew it then, too, but I was too scared to see it. I was too afraid of taking that chance, but now it feels like it’s my only option. I grab my things and head toward her apartment. I’m riding a high like never before. I’m full of fear and worry and doubt, but I know this is what it will take. After today, I’ll either know that I need to move on for good, or I’ll be happily cuddled up in her bed. Either way, this shit ends today.
The look on her face when she opens her door is one of surprise, excitement, and maybe even confusion. Piper rushes out as quickly as possible—I’m sure she knows why I’m here.
When I reach out to touch her, she steps back, and that only makes my heart break more, but I understand why she did it. She’s protecting herself. She doesn’t trust me. She’s afraid I’ll hurt her again.
“Please, come sit down with me. Let me explain.” I hold out my hand.
She looks from my eyes, to my outstretched hand, and back. She nods slowly but doesn’t take my hand. With a sigh, I let it fall to my side and motion for her to pass by me on the way to the couch. I follow along behind her. She sits on one end and I sit on the coffee table directly in front of her. I rest my elbows on my knees and hang my head, afraid to look at her and potentially see hate instead of love.
“I’m sorry I ended things between us. At the time, it felt like my only option. I was scared. I had all these feelings for you that I’d never felt for anyone before. I was scared that if we continued as we were, I’d fuck this up. And in my eyes, it was better to fuck it up now before things got too serious than to wait until we were married with kids stuck in the middle. But living this last month without you has been hell—my own personal hell. This past month, I realized that there’s no getting over you. I love you and I’m not afraid of that love now. I want you back, and I understand if you don’t trust me. But let me build that trust again. Give me another shot and let me prove to you that I can do this the right way.”
I wait for her to respond, but it feels like I’m waiting forever, so I finally lift my head to look her in the eye. She’s biting down on her lower lip and her eyes are downcast like she’s looking at my knees instead of my face. I’m sure she’s just thinking everything over, but I suddenly notice all the boxes around her apartment.
“What’s with the boxes?”
“I’m moving back home,” she nearly whispers.
“Moving? Why?” I ask, suddenly afraid it’s too late.
Her eyes move up to mine now. “Because of the baby.”
“The baby?” I don’t even know what that means. Whose baby?
She nods. “I found out after we broke up, and I decided I wasn’t going to try to use it against you. It wasn’t some plot to get you back. It was just an accident.” She shrugs. “But I couldn’t get rid of it and I’m not strong enough to do this alone. So I called my mom and she said that if I came back home, she would help me in any way she could. I have family there who can help.”
My mouth drops open. “You’re . . . pregnant?”
She nods, biting down on her lip again.
“With my baby?” Sometimes I’m slow and need confirmation.
Again, she nods.
I think I’m in shock. I can’t feel my legs and I’m breathing too fast. My head starts to swim and I get dizzy. Everything fades away—Riley, her packed-up apartment, everything. I’m suddenly lost inside my own head. It makes me think back to that dream that was my deciding factor when it came to calling things off. The pictures of our kids that lined the walls. I remember thinking how much they hated me. Was this what the dream really was? I thought that, in the dream, Riley and I got married and divorced. But maybe we never did. Maybe she just had twins and left without telling me. Maybe they hated me for never being around because I didn’t know until it was too late.
I need to think everything over. Without saying a word, I stand up and move toward the door.
“Preston?” she asks, and I can hear the confusion in her voice as I reach for the knob.
“I’m sorry, Riley. I just need a little time to wrap my head around this.” I pull the door open and step out into the hallway.
I walk out of her building to the street. Finally, it feels like I can breathe again. I suck in a big breath, filling my lungs with much-needed oxygen. The air helps to attach my floating head, and slowly but surely, I no longer feel dizzy. Once I have my bearings, I take a walk, needing time to wrap my head around this.
Does this change anything for Riley and me? When I think of my future, I see myself having kids, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I thought that if Riley and I got back together, we’d pick up where we left off. We’d eventually get married and only then would we start trying for kids. Now there’s a kid and we’re not even back together yet.
Am I ready to be a father? I still screw up my own life half the time—I can’t even imagine having to make life choices for another human being. My biggest concern is: Will my presence help the baby or harm it? Will he or she be better off without me? I thought Riley would be better off without me, but I never considered how I’d be without her.
I’m too selfish to be a father. I mean, I only came back to her because of my own needs and wants. Living without her was like losing my arm. It was like learning to live all over again—learning how to do things differently. It was automatically reaching for her, only to realize she wasn’t there anymore.
I let out a long breath as I plop down on a bench. I need to just sit and think a minute. My legs are burning from the fast pace, and my lungs feel like deflated balloons. I just need to slow down.
I hear a child laugh and I lift my head up to see that the bench I’ve chosen is right across the street from a playground. I couldn’t have picked a better bench. The playground is filled with smiling children who are swinging with big smiles on their faces. Their parents are nearby, watching them play and looking like it’s the best day in the world for them. There’s one dad who’s carrying his daughter on his shoulders while holding his wife’s hand and leading her out of the gates. He’s wearing a wide smile as he looks over at his wife. They lean in and kiss quickly, and when they pull apart, it looks like they consider the other to be their whole world. Seeing their exchange makes my heart pound harder.
I watch as another dad pushes his son on a swing. The kid laughs and giggles and screams to go higher. The dad complies while the mom, who’s standing off to the side, says, “That’s high enough, honey.” I can see the fear and worry on her face at the thought of her
son getting hurt.
What grabs my attention next is a couple walking past me on the street. They’re holding hands, talking, and smiling. The woman is very pregnant and the man looks like he couldn’t be any happier. If all these people can do it, then why can’t I? Don’t I deserve to be happy? Don’t I deserve to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love? And who cares if she’s pregnant ahead of time? Not everything in life can be planned. We’ll still end up where we’re supposed to be: married, raising kids, and growing old.
It doesn’t matter if things are out of order. All that matters is that we get what we need, plus some of what we want, and that we’re together through it all. This sounds good in my head, but my track record for making decisions is a little screwy, so I stand up and make the walk back to her apartment to discuss it with her now that I’ve had time to process everything and breathe a little easier.
By the time I reach her place, I’m full of energy and excitement. I don’t bother knocking. I just open the door and rush in to find her packing.
“Preston, what are you doing here?” she asks, freezing as she holds a stack of books.
“I’m in. I want this.”
Her brows lift high. “You’re in?”
I nod, unable to hold back my smile. “That’s right. I’m in. I want this. I want you. I want this baby. And I don’t want you to move—not without me at least.”
Her mouth drops open and her eyes go wide. She slightly shakes her head like she can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth. She steps past me and sits down on the couch. I watch as she stares off into space. I want to give her the time I just took, so I don’t push her to reply. I just sit at her side, not touching or trying to influence her in any way. Then I wait.
After several long minutes, she turns to me and says, “When you say that you’re in, you mean . . .”
“I mean that I want you back. I did before I knew about the baby, so that didn’t change anything with us. But you’re pregnant and I want to be this baby’s father. I mean, we were heading there anyway, right? It’s just a little sooner now, but that doesn’t change anything, Riley. I love you. I was too afraid to say it before. I was too afraid to even think it. But now I’m not. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
She nods once then goes back to staring off into space.
I can tell by watching her that she’s overthinking everything. She’s thinking in circles and I want to end her confusion. I reach over and take her hand in mine. “You said you wanted this baby, right?”
She nods, looking full of nerves and fear.
“Well, I want this baby too. Now you won’t have to do it alone. You won’t have to move. I want this. I want you.” I lean forward, wanting to hold her, touch her, and kiss her, but she yanks her hand away from mine and stands up.
“Preston . . . God, you drive me crazy,” she says, full of annoyance. “You don’t do relationships, then you decide you do. Things are going great, then you freak out and break up with me. Now you’re back and saying that not only do you want the relationship back, but you’re also ready to be a father? I mean, it makes no sense. What’s going to happen down the road when you freak out about being a father? Are you going to take off again?”
Her words upset me, but they’re truthful and honest. I did exactly that. I convinced her that I could handle a relationship, then I bailed when I got scared. Why should she believe that I can handle something even more serious, like being a father?
“You’re right,” I confess. “If I were you, I wouldn’t trust me either. Not after what I did. But I don’t know any other way to prove it to you unless I show you. So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll be here, for all of it. All the doctor’s appointments, all the midnight cravings, all the mood swings. This is my baby too and I have rights. You can push me away from you all you want. But you can’t push me away from my child. If you don’t love me, just tell me and I’ll stop trying to love you, but I will always love that baby.”
Tears overfill her eyes and flow down her cheeks. She falls back onto the couch and covers her face with her hands. I feel dejected. I sit down beside her and wrap my arm around her, pulling her to my chest. She comes without a fight and I let her cry into my shirt as I soothe her by combing through her long, dark hair with my fingers.
“Not that I mind holding you while you cry, but could you at least tell me why you’re crying?” I ask softly, almost afraid to speak.
She lets out a giggle. “Because I love you too, you big idiot,” she laughs out.
I can’t hold back my smile when I hear those words. “You do?” I ask, moving my hands up to cup her cheeks.
She nods. “I do.”
I lean forward and smash my mouth to hers. The moment they touch, it’s like being electrocuted. Fire erupts in my lips and quickly consumes my whole face. Every nerve ending sparks and burns, scorching every inch of my body from my lips to my toes. As our tongues tangle together, I pull her closer, needing to feel her against me, yearning for her scent to engulf me. I don’t know how, but she got beneath my skin and grew to become a part of me—a part of me I can’t live without.
My hands move up to tangle into her hair as I pull her closer, even though there’s no possible way for us to get any closer. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls herself into my lap. With her straddling me, she’s pressing right up against the place that yearns for her more than anything. I feel myself come alive in more ways than one.
I allow my hands to start their slow descent down her body, brushing against her arms, her sides, and her hips. They fall down to cup her ass, and I stand, picking her up against me while supporting her weight. I walk us down the hallway and into her room where we crash onto the bed. I’m careful to keep myself lifted up off of her so I don’t hurt the baby I can’t even see yet.
It’s funny how I can love someone so much without even being able to see them or touch them, but I push the thought away as I direct all of my love to the baby’s mother, the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Before, I was worried I’d spend years with her and then fuck everything up, leaving us both worse off, but now I see that it’s not even a possibility, because I would do anything for her. Nothing is worth losing her over. I know I’ll hold this woman and my love for her on a pedestal, never allowing anything to touch her.
Her thighs are wrapped around my hips, pulling me downward so she can feel me against her. Her hands are already working my shirt up my chest, and I break our kiss only long enough to pull it away and toss it to the floor. Once the material is no longer between us, my lips return to hers. Her nails dig into my back, scratching the skin as they fall to my sides and around to my stomach to unfasten my jeans.
“Preston, I love you, but I need you right now,” she pants out against my lips.
“Well, that’s all you had to say, baby.” I pull away from her, getting myself up on my knees between her parted legs. I watch her as I unfasten my jeans and push them down my hips. While I’m freeing myself, her hands are working at lightning speed to push down her leggings. She tosses them across the room just as I’m lowering myself back down to her.
Her arms wrap around my neck, pulling me closer as I position myself at her entrance. With one roll of my hips, I’m sliding deep inside her, causing us both to let out a relieved moan of pleasure. Connecting as one feels right. I finally feel like I’m back home after a long journey. She fits me perfectly. Her warmth and tightness welcome me full force. I pull back my hips before pushing into her again, and this time, she lets out a desperate moan—a sound so fucking sexy it already has me close to exploding.
We’ve only been welded together for a few minutes, but already, I can feel her orgasm building. Her muscles are tightening around me, milking my cock for every drop I’ve saved up for her.
“Fuck, Preston. Harder! I’m going to come.”
I have to admit, I’m a little afraid of going as hard as I’d like for fear of hurting th
e baby, but she would let me know if things got too rough, so with her request, I pull back and shove myself into her with as much force as I can. The headboard bangs off the wall loudly and our skin smacks together, but she lets out a loud moan that makes it easy to repeat time and time again until she’s nothing but a puddle beneath me. I come loud and hard—harder than ever before. My hips are erratic as I pump into her, giving her everything. I ride out every last wave of my release while sucking and nipping at the soft skin on her shoulder. When everything I have is gone, my hips slow to a stop as I rest against her—too weak to even remove myself from her.
We’re both breathing heavily with our hearts racing, but neither of us moves as we try to regain our composure. After several long minutes of finally catching up to the rest of the world, I lift my head up and gaze down at her. She’s absolutely breathtaking. Her lips that are always full are swollen even more from our rough kisses. Her dark eyes are lit up and glassy with love for me. And her long, dark hair is a mess around her, fanned around her head on the pillow.
“What?” she asks as her cheeks flush under my gaze.
“You’re beautiful. If we have a girl, I hope she looks just like you.”
She gives me a shy smile and turns her head to the side, but I turn it right back. “I love you, Riley. With everything I have. And I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner. But now that I know, I swear you’ll never have to worry about me running again. I’m here, and I’m staying.”
Her smile widens now and she shakes her head slightly. “I probably shouldn’t after this past month, but for some reason, I believe you.”
“Good, because I mean every word of it.” I lean down and press a kiss to her lips before removing myself from her and rolling to her side. I wrap my arms around her and pull her against my chest.
Marrying My Best Friend's BFF: A Friends to Lovers, Accidental Baby Romance (Love You Forever Book 2) Page 15
