Finding Us (Pack Bardot Book 3)

by M. K. Harper

  Finding Us

  Pack Bardot - Book 3

  M.K. Harper

  Copyright © 2020 M.K. Harper

  All rights reserved

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  ISBN-13: 9781234567890

  ISBN-10: 1477123456

  Cover design by: Art Painter

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2018675309

  Printed in the United States of America

  Since I'll never have the opportunity to make an award's show speech, this shall read like one. *Ahem*

  I would personally like to thank:

  Lauren - your love of Oreos is literally inspiring. You da real MVP.

  Johnny Boy - for always reminding me that no matter how bad things might get, "shit'll buff". You have such a way with words.

  The Army - for mostly making our lives better, but also...fuck you very much.

  Alaina - my very own, best fucking friend. You're like a top of the line bra: supportive and pushy in all the right places.

  And to my husband, Josh, whose snoring has kept me up at night often enough to contemplate a murder charge, but also gave me prime writing material. Mostly, this one's for you, readers. Thank you for making this series, the first thing I was ever brave enough to publish, a success. At least in my book. You guys rock. XO

  Oh, shit...almost forgot my kids. Caiden and Peyton, you guys are assholes most days, but I love you anyways. Thanks for knowing when to leave me be so that I could get this story out! Love you big, little monsters.

  Chapter 1

  Linden

  You’d think that by now I’d be used to shit going sideways more often than not, but here I am, still in disbelief that once again outside forces are plotting against my bonding ceremony. I can’t even write the first one off as a coincidence, considering my kidnapping was plotted and executed around the original date. But twice now we’ve had something crazy happen just before we were set to do the deed, and I do mean that in every sense of the word. I’m starting to believe that someone might actually have my freaking voodoo doll, and you best believe that Tits McGee is at the top of my suspect list. I just want to get this over with, which is not a sentiment I should have where this sort of thing is concerned. I hate that this special moment is being overlooked by my constant need to be on alert. Every second, I’m waiting for some other catastrophic event to happen that forces us to postpone, yet again. That won’t be happening if I have any say.

  It could rain literal shit and I’d still drag Dax’s tight ass down to the chapel, demanding he do the damn thing already. I knew when I woke up this morning that life wasn’t quite done fucking me over. All day, I’ve been restless. An anxious energy humming beneath my skin. I suppose my gut feeling was spot on if this latest hitch is anything to go on. I always knew the day would come when my father would eventually find us. He’s never been the type to just sit back and let something go, especially when it comes to my mother or me. I imagine he’s been stewing for the entire past month that we’ve been free of him. Probably holding on to all that rage, letting it build up, hoping he’d find us and be able to unleash it all on the two people it’s aimed at. Well, good luck fucker. We aren’t as helpless as we once were, and we sure as hell aren’t that alone and isolated anymore. Benjamin Britton has another thing coming if he thinks he can just roll up, throw his weight around and Mom and I will go crawling back out of fear.

  Fuck that shit.

  Those days are so long gone it’s almost easy to forget that we were ever that weak. I might’ve had some recent setbacks, but where that man is concerned, I am no longer afraid. I have no idea why I’m so certain that wolf is my father, considering I’ve never seen him shift before, but one look at those eyes and I knew. Maybe that wolf-half Dax is so adamant about me having was able to recognize him, but if that’s not it, then I’m at a loss. I just know, with absolute certainty, that the nasty mutt is my father. I’ve never smelt something so horrendous in all my life. Like sweaty ass and rotten egg. My mouth starts to water, preparing to vomit just thinking about it. His appearance today is at complete odds with his normally, well-put together human facade. My father would spiral into a damn near psychotic break if the tiniest bit of dirt got tracked into our house. And now look at him, apparently rolling in it.

  I love it. Reveling, in fact.

  That initial, gut reaction I had to seeing him was primal. Every awful thing he’s ever done to Mom and I came rushing to the forefront, like one giant, shitty highlight reel. I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than just spit in his face. It took every ounce of restraint I had to not fling the door open and allow Dax to rip him apart and judging by the snarling and overall rage that permeated the air, he would’ve happily done so. But then, like a tidal wave, everything I’ve learned since arriving in Pleasant Falls came flooding back. Mom’s broken voice, apologizing on his behalf for the way he is, telling me that it’s not his fault. I know what I’ve been told, the history lessons I’ve been given here and there. It still doesn’t erase everything he’s done, though. I can’t unhear the things he’s said or my mother’s screams. I can’t unknow all the awful shit he put her through. So, for everyone’s sake, I took a step back and pushed all those initial thoughts of maiming and dismembering him to the side. Opting instead to give it some time for the shock to wear off before acting.

  Look at you go. Making big girl choices!

  So, now here I am, sweating like a whore in church after having to traipse all over Bardot land for that impromptu and unwanted reunion with Daddy Dearest. The second we got back to Beatrix and Carder’s, I locked myself in their master bathroom so that I had a chance to stuff away any trace of lingering emotions that Mom might pick up on. Not to mention, I need to reapply that mascara I already took a jab to the eye from if my reflection is anything to go by. Groaning, I rifle through Beatrix’s makeup drawer, looking for some wipes to clean up with. Of all freakin’ days, dude. Ten minutes later, I look somewhat presentable once again. Before opening the door, I take one last look at myself, making sure there’s no outward tell of how my insides feel - angry and confused.

  Take your own advice, Linden. Today isn’t about him or what him being here means going forward. That’s a problem for tomorrow. Go bond yourself to that fine ass Wolf-Man and then take him home to do the nasty. That way, if shit truly hits the fan - and with your track record it likely will - at least you won’t die a virgin. Snort.

  A knock at the door lets me know I’ve been stalling for too long. Taking one last, lifeline of a breath, I square my shoulders and clear my mind of everything but Dax. He deserves all of me today, and I certainly plan to give it to him. Walking out, I’m met with my handsome little dude. He’s leaned against the wall, arms and ankles crossed, looking so much like Dax it’s unreal.

  “Thought you might be getting chilly feet. Which is understandable. I would be too if I were about to hitch myself to that big oaf for the rest of my life.” Chilly feet? This kid, man. I doubt we’ll ever go a day without a steady stream of entertainment, that’s for sure.

  “Hey!” Dax barks, coming out of nowhere. “I take offense to that. I’m a freakin’ catch!” Caulder’s blank stare is almost too much. I have to press my lips together tightly so I don’t outright laugh, knowing Dax will get butt hurt if I do.

  “Whatever you gotta tell yourself, big guy.” LT sl
aps him on the back before sauntering over to me, leaving my mate with a furrowed brow and an annoyed tilt to his lip.

  “Sure you don’t wanna make a run for it?” he whispers once he’s close enough. I smirk but shake my head at him. He’s joking, I know…partly. Dax starts doing his nervous shuffle, his worry palpable from clear across the room. Looks like I’ve got a fire to put out.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and I’ll meet you downstairs? I just need to have a quick chat with Uncle D.” Caulder looks back at Dax but nods in agreement. On his way out, he whispers something to him that I can’t quite make out, causing Dax to scoff. When it’s just the two of us, I walk over cautiously. This past week has been torture. Every time we so much as touch it feels like live electric currents are pulsing inside of me. It’s heady, but also overwhelming. There’s never been anyone but Dax that’s attracted me this way, yet these past few days make that attraction feel like an innocent schoolgirl crush. I’m not sure if it’s our baser sides, and my verdicts still out if I even have one of those, that’s causing the added impatience, but simply being near him is a lesson on control. I’m afraid if I get any closer than I am, I’ll jump his bones and claim him here and now, forgoing a lifetime of tradition and pissing off one intimidating Papa Wolf. The image of an angry Carder is enough to clear the haze fogging my brain, allowing me to formulate words.

  “Wanna tell me what has you so nervous? Maybe Caulder was questioning the wrong one about cold feet?” I raise an eyebrow at him. He smirks and rolls his eyes, shaking his head in the negative.

  “You and I both know that there isn’t a chance in hell I’d ever tuck tail and run.” That soul stealing smile spreads across his face, making my knees weak. “I just wanted to make sure that you were doing okay. That was a lot to have thrown at you unexpectedly and, regardless of what you said earlier, I completely understand if you’d rather wait a li...”

  “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” I cut him off. “I meant every word I said about not wanting to postpone, especially because of something as unimportant as my father. So, unless you want me to think that you’re the one that’s got some sort of hang up, please drop it. I don’t want to think about anything today outside of the two of us.” He stays silent, scanning my face, probably to gauge if there’s any hint of a lie in what I just said, before he finally concedes with a nod.

  “Well, I did promise to bond the shit out of you if I remember correctly. So, what’s say I go make good on that?” Dax’s eyes flash, his wolf peeking through just the slightest.

  “Fucking finally,” I huff, headed for the door. I’m just about to the stairs when Dax calls my name. Turning back, I see that he looks nervous again, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. At this rate, I’ll be old and gray by the time we finally make it to the chapel.

  “Uh...” he starts. “It sorta slipped my mind, but I meant to let you know that a few members of other packs will be in attendance today. I didn’t want you to walk in unaware and find a bigger crowd than you were expecting. I know you’ve been nervous about just being in front of Pack Bardot, but the bonding ceremony itself will be over rather quickly. Pop will want us to hang around for a bit afterwards, but I swear I’ll find you a table for you and Caulder to hide under if it gets to be too much.” Dax smiles shyly. I look to the ceiling, a pathetic whine slipping out of me. I probably sound like a toddler, but he’s right. I was already anxious enough, but hell...what’s a few more at this point? When I open my eyes, Dax is right in front of me, causing me to suck in a breath from his sudden nearness.

  Christ, he smells good.

  “When we’re up there, it’s just gonna be you and me, baby. Everyone else is just background noise. Pretty decorations, but ultimately not important. The only ones that truly matter are our parents, Chevy and the tiny warlord downstairs whose impatience is gonna cause him to burn a hole in the floor. You know how he feels about being on time for stuff.” I smile, knowing how true that is. A bit of tension leaves me, knowing Dax is right. This isn’t some show we’re putting on for entertainment value. It’s the official start of us and it doesn’t really matter who’s there to witness it, as long as the end result remains the same. It’s not that I don’t want these people here, I just don’t know them. While I’ve been exposed to a lot of new things over the last month, there’s still a small part of that carefully controlled girl lingering around who wasn’t allowed to do anything more than make polite conversation, and only when spoken to. Otherwise, I was taught to keep to myself and avoid making any sort of meaningful relationships.

  I’m learning to let go of that, my new family and Chev proof of the progress I’ve made, but it isn’t going to happen overnight. I’ll probably have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to be this new version of me; but eventually, all of that bullshit my father engrained in me will fade away into nothing. It’s already started to, but throwing strangers into an already nerve-wracking situation, well...recipe for disaster. Not to mention, my little love. He’s twice as crowd averse as I am. The last thing I want is for him to feel uncomfortable. He’s one of the few people I actually need to be there. But like Dax said, we can always find a table to camp out under. Wouldn’t be a first for us, but it might earn us some really weird looks.

  “I love you so fucking much,” Dax breathes against my mouth, his hands coming up to frame my face. The feel of him this close makes me fuzzy headed. “I love watching your face as you work through something in your head. The scrunch of your little nose. Your eyebrows drawing together. I really love when you bite this lip.” His voice dips low on that last part, then his tongue lightly swipes said lip before he barely grazes his teeth over it. Yep, tradition is about to get thrown to the wayside.

  “Yuck,” Caulder makes a retching sound. “I think I’m scarred for life now,” he declares dramatically. I snort, thinking LT just saved the day. Or at least Papa Wolf from having an aneurysm because Dax and I couldn’t control ourselves. My mate chuckles, stepping back from me.

  “And to think, just a few short weeks ago, you were trying to call dibs,” Dax shakes his head.

  “Oh, the gross part isn’t Lindy, it’s you. She’s an angel.” LT crosses his arms and they glare at one another, both of them locked in some sort of battle of the wills where neither of them wants to break first. Good Lord.

  “Alright boys. Let’s break up this little love fest the two of you have going on before Carder sends out a search party.” I shove Dax towards the stairs, effectively breaking up their pissing contest. Who would’ve thought a grown man could feel threatened by a six-year-old, but damnit if I don’t love the relationship they have. Once we’re outside, it’s time to go our separate ways until the ceremony begins. Dax and I are each supposed to come forward when Carder calls on us, so the plan has been for my little dude to ‘escort’ me to the chapel, so that I don’t have time to “smarten up and leave town”. Out of the mouth of babes.

  “Take care of our girl,” Dax tells Caulder, earning him an eye roll.

  “Duh, Uncle D. We’ve had this conversation already.” Oh, they have, have they? LT tries to appear put-out, but I can tell he secretly loves that Dax is giving him this ‘big’ responsibility. I wonder what I’ve done that’s given everyone the illusion that I can’t walk a hundred yards on my own without needing assistance. Probably that thing with the duck.

  Definitely the damn duck.

  Chapter 2

  Linden

  I can hear the chatter that’s taking place inside the chapel before I can even see it. Inwardly groaning, I pull on my girl britches and paste on, what I hope, is a sincere smile. I doubt it’s very convincing. Every step closer, I feel more and more uncomfortable. These people obviously know and care about Dax if they’ve taken the time to come out and be here today. As much as I keep reminding myself of that, it’s doing little to ease my building panic. Stopping outside of the door I’m set to enter through, I start to feel faint. It sounds like hundreds are gathered inside.
Logically, I know that can’t be true when the chapel is too tiny to hold more than fifty people at best. But that bitch logic has clearly skipped town again. I’m sweating. Like, a lot.

  Is it just me, or does it feel like Hell’s front porch out here?

  I’m seconds from a whole ass meltdown when Caulder tugs on my hand.

  “Last chance to run,” he smiles. I laugh, sounding a bit hysteric. Oh, I want to run, but not for the reason he’s suggesting. He nervous shuffles, suddenly looking sad.

  “This doesn’t change anything with you and me, right? You’re still my soulmate?” his timid voice questions. Goodbye panic attack. My little love’s worry is more than enough to refocus me. Squatting down, I look right into those baby blues, wanting him to hear every word I’m about to say.

  “Caulder, I’m more yours now, than ever. Nothing and no one could ever change that. We go together like tacos and Tuesday.”

  “Like Chinese food and chocolate pudding?” he replies. And there he goes, quoting Talladega Nights and stealing another chunk of my heart. At least it wasn’t the one about cocaine and waffles.

  “Like shake and bake, baby.” His worry finally dissipates, and thankfully, just in time. Beatrix pops her head out, breaking up our moment.

  “Alright you two, it’s showtime.” Her smile is huge as she holds open the door for us. “Linden, you’re gonna sit on the front row of the left-hand side by your mom. Caulder James, you’ll sit between Linden and I and not cause a fuss, you hear me? You’re supposed to be on the opposite side with Dax, but I suspect getting you over there would be more of a headache than it’s worth,” she sighs.

  “Yeah, cause he’s a soulmate stealing ass-butt,” Caulder mumbles, but Beatrix hears him just the same.