Finding Us (Pack Bardot Book 3)

by M. K. Harper

  “Hey, Uncle D,” LT whispers.

  “Yeah, buddy?” Dax lowers the volume on the tv so that he can hear him better.

  “Does this mean I don’t have a mom now? Will I not have parents like all the other kids?” Kick to the fucking heart. Mine and Dax’s eyes meet. This is the absolute worst time to bring up the adoption, but what the hell are we supposed to say to that? I can’t let him think that he isn’t wanted, that there isn’t anyone who would love to be that for him, if and when he’s ready.

  “There are so many people who love you, Caulder,” Dax says, staring at him intently. “Linny and I are just two of them, but the three of us? I think we were meant to be. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. We can never take the place of your mom, but we’d love to be your parents one day, little man.” Caulder’s mouth falls open comically, and I can’t help but smile. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the kid shocked, considering he’s the one who’s usually doing the shocking. A smile starts to creep across his face, but just as quickly disappears. He looks away, and I can practically see the tug of war taking place in his head.

  “Hey,” I nudge him to get his attention. “There’s no rush. You don’t have to answer anytime soon, LT. No matter what, Dax and I will always love you and be there for you.” Caulder nods, the tiniest grin breaking free. It’s way too soon for him to consider what we’re proposing. And it doesn’t matter if he never decides or flat out tells us no. I’ll always be connected to him in a way that no piece of paper could ever fabricate. Carder knocks on the door a little later, just as our movie is ending. Without a word, the three of us climb out of bed and start getting ready. The same black dress I wore to the last burial ceremony is still hanging in Dax’s closet. I pull it down and step out of my sweaty gym clothes that I’ve just been lounging in all day as Dax takes Caulder to change. We meet at the back door, and hand-in-hand, walk to where everyone is already gathered. The small urn the holds Minnie’s remains is front and center, making my chest ache. Mom, Beatrix, Chevy, Lex and Bray are all present. From what I’ve learned over the past week or so, Lex and Minnie we’re close growing up and Bray cared for her deeply. I’m glad they’re both here to say goodbye.

  “I think we all had some misguided opinions about Minnie and why she up and left,” Carder begins. “Our judgment was unfair, but I’m thankful that we were able to get closure and some much-needed answers. Minnie left this world a hero.” The Pack Bardot Alpha pauses, emotion getting the better of him. Caulder shuffles closer to me, searching for comfort.

  “Amelia Mae Bardot...a wolf you were born, and a wolf you have died. May the glow of the moon forever fall upon your place of rest.” It’s quiet as we all take a moment to say our own goodbyes. I close my eyes and promise to Minnie that I’ll always do right by her son, that he’ll never question her love and loyalty to him. That I’ll never let my love for him overshadow hers. Because she will always be his mom, regardless of what he might one day call me or a judge signs off on. Caulder turns and presses his face into my stomach, his arms winding around my back. This day has taken its toll on him. There’s not much left to do or say. Later on, Carder, as the Alpha, will lay Minnie’s remains to rest. Dax told me that while their bodies might be cremated, they’re still buried. Something about their wolves needing to be grounded to Mother Nature. I just know that the Alpha does that part alone, after the family has had some time with them. I think for us, we’ve made our peace.

  “Can we go home now?” Caulder looks up at me, those bright blue eyes of his looking a little more dull than normal. I nod, lifting him so that I can carry him. I doubt his tired little body could make the walk back inside. I turn and head back for Beatrix and Carder’s when I feel him tug my hair.

  “Not Nona and Bears,” LT says sleepily, his head resting on my shoulder. “Our home.” And just like that, another piece clicks into place, the puzzle of us coming together beautifully.

  We absolutely fucking can, I think, hugging my little dude close as we make the walk home.

  Chapter 19

  Linden

  The next week creeps by as we try to fall into some sense of normal. Caulder stays with us every night but goes back and forth to Carder and Beatrix’s during the day. They’ve been a massive part of his life, so going a day without seeing them would be damn near impossible for him. I’ve been pms-ing, so Dax has avoided me at all cost. The poor guy hasn’t known what to do with me. I’ve always had rough periods, morphing me into an emotional landmine. One night, he flung the bedroom door open, tossed me a heating pad and about sixty-two pounds of chocolate before scurrying back to his parents to ‘give me some space’. It was an eye opening few days for my mate, but at least we’re locked-in to this relationship, so it’s nice to know that no matter how crazy I get he won’t be going anywhere.

  I’ve visited with the Pack Ames women, learning more about them every day, and even went to another joint self-defense lesson with Lex. Ever since that last one, though, I’ve been off my game. Lex provoked something inside of me that makes me uneasy and wary. I’m too scared to acknowledge what that might be, so I’m doing my typical avoidance thing. We’re less than a week away from the full moon and I’ve noticed Dax gets more restless the closer it gets. Like all that extra energy is fighting to burst free. Which in turn makes me angsty, hence my third deep clean of our barely used kitchen. I also single-handedly put the fitted sheet back on our bed after washing all the linens, and then collapsed on the floor in dire need of a ventilator. They should add that chore to fucking CrossFit.

  “I’m going to kill that cat!” Dax growls loudly, and a second later Lucifurr comes barreling down the hallway and into the kitchen, slipping and sliding every which way. He skids to a stop between my legs as Dax comes into view, the epitome of pissed off.

  “He shit on my pillow. Again!” He points at the tiny offender, who hisses at him in return. I bite my lip, trying my best to look offended and angry on his behalf. But this is just too fucking funny. Not for the first time this week, I wonder if the kitty really does know that Dax is harboring a wolf inside him and gets his rocks off by tormenting the hell out of my mate. I scoop Lucifurr up and snuggle him, taking a smidge of joy in how much that annoys Dax.

  “What the fuck is it with males always trying to take my girl?” He looks up, like God himself might offer up an answer. Surprisingly, Caulder and the cat don’t seem to bump heads. Probably because they realize that two is better than one when it comes to terrorizing Dax. I hide my smirk against his fur and then stash him in laundry room before Dax makes good on his threat.

  “You’re way too worked up over a pussy, Dax,” I saunter close, willing my face not to redden as those words hang between us. My dreaded monthly cycle is finally over, and I really want my mate. But forward has never been my strong suit. I watch, transfixed, as Dax’s eyes briefly flash that luminescent gold before darkening completely. In the span of a millisecond, I’m plastered against the wall, my legs wrapping around his waist reflexively.

  “Baby,” his voice is grit and sex. “I can assure you, the only pussy I’m worked up over is yours.” Like his words have a direct link to my clit, it throbs in tempo with the cadence of his voice. He rocks against me, the hard outline of his cock hitting just the right spot. I moan, my head falling back against the wall with a thud. If it hurts, I’m unaware. Dax’s lips trail up my exposed throat, making me whimper. I catch my reflection in the mirror that hangs in our entryway and wonder who the hell that girl is staring back at me. My eyes are so bright, they practically glow. I look uninhibited and primal, and I can’t believe that she’s me. I never thought I’d be this comfortable in my own skin, much less with someone else. But here I am. A hot, needy mess for the man I love and I’m not the least bit ashamed of it. Dax bites down on his mark, harder than usual, and I swear I come a little. A baby orgasm making me quiver.

  “Later, Linny,” Dax kisses beneath my ear and sets me back on my now unsteady feet. I’m about to stomp my
foot and demand he finish what he started when he nods toward the front door. A second later, Caulder flings it open and runs in.

  “The burgers are done! Come on, I need sustenance, woman!” He tugs me out the door, leaving me no time to pull myself back together after that almost wall bang. Dax laughs at how flustered I am as he locks up the house. He won’t be laughing when Papa Wolf can read my dirty thoughts all night and he gets on his ass for ‘breaking me’ again. I swear he still treats his own son like the boyfriend who isn’t quite good enough for his little girl, and it’s fucking hilarious. My sweet mate really can’t catch a break from all the males in our lives. I have to sprint to keep up with Caulder, who complains the whole way to Carder and Beatrix’s about how he hasn’t been fed anything in two whole hours. The audacity! We’re having a get together today for the Pack Ames women to be properly introduced to everyone else. It’s more of a drop by kinda thing so that the whole pack doesn’t show up at once and overwhelm them. I know firsthand how intimidating that can be. Out of the seven women, only two are fully human. The other five are some variation of wolf.

  Daria is a half like me, so that’s been something her and I have been able to talk about that doesn’t involve our co-stay at Hotel Hell. The smell of the grill going makes my tummy growl. Caulder takes off, his soulmate all but forgotten. Like I’ve said before, I think food will always hold the number one spot in that boy’s heart. Mom pulls me into a hug as I reach everyone, smacking a wet kiss on my cheek. Her smile is big and she looks so happy.

  “Inds! I miss you, doodlebug,” she croons, making me groan in embarrassment. I notice the wine cooler in her hand and now it makes sense. She never drinks, so I wouldn’t be surprised if only a few sips have made her this relaxed and gabby.

  “Mother,” I look at her pointedly. “How about we get you some food?” Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see her let loose and have some fun, but I’d also like to not have everyone here know all of the embarrassing shit I did as a kid. Like that one time when I found a snapping turtle in the yard and demanded to keep it as a pet, insisting that she was the fifth ninja turtle. I named her Fredericka and cried when my mom made me put her back in the lake on the far end of our property. Which meant I couldn’t even visit with my almost pet. Or when I went a whole summer terrified of Willy Wonka because I thought that all the kids in the movie were murdered for not following directions. My mother, the sweet woman she is, seized the opportunity like her own golden ticket to get me to listen without any lip and continued to let me believe that, always pausing the movie before I could find out otherwise.

  I have no doubt those stories, and others just as horrifying, will come up if she gets tipsy enough. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pass on the humiliating walk down memory lane. I am happy to see her, though. The last couple of times we’ve visited each other, the dark cloud of my father has loomed over us, neither of us ready to face that problem quite yet. The pack doctor has monitored him religiously, but he thinks my dad’s wolf is growing accustomed to the sedative and it’s not working as well as it should anymore. They’ve had to up his dosage twice, a reminder that we don’t have a lot of time left to come to a decision.

  “Mmmm, food sounds good,” Mom answers, making me shake my head at how hard the alcohol is already hitting her. Dax laughs and nods in the direction of a free table.

  “You two sit, I’ll grab y’all a plate.” He kisses my forehead and saunters away to do just that as I help Mom to one of the chairs.

  “He really loves you,” she whispers, her eyes glossy, but I can’t tell if that’s from emotion or the mike’s hard lemonade. “I’m so happy you have each other, Inds.” She smiles warmly at me and I return it.

  “Me too, Mom.” I squeeze her hand as Dax sits two plates down in front of us. Both are piled high with way too much food, but my mate watches me, waiting for me to start eating before he’ll sneak some too. I inwardly snort. Sometimes their wolves shine through more than they realize. We laugh and talk with everyone as they come and go. Daria is the only one from Pack Ames who has stayed the entire time. The others either came late or left early. Her, Mom and Beatrix have been chatting for a while, getting to know one another, when a god-awful sound penetrates the air. The sun has just gone down, so it’s that odd time of day where it’s not quite night but there’s not much visibility left. I spin around frantically, trying to figure out what the hell just made that noise. My money is on one of those devil ducks. I watch Dax’s eyes widen and then swing towards me.

  “Linny, get inside. Now!” he orders, looking torn between rushing to my side and standing his ground next his father as they face whatever threat is headed our way. I know I should listen, but my body has gone rogue. I’m stronger now. I’ve trained with Lex, who I absently note isn’t cowering away. So why should I? I might be scared shitless, but what was the purpose in all those early morning torture sessions if I’m not going to put them to good use? I turn away from Dax, ignoring his threat to spank my ass if I don’t get in the damn house, and scan the yard. As my eyes adjust, I realize what Dax already has. My father is loose. My feral, has-a-literal-death-wish sperm donor is zigzagging across the lawn, a frightening mix between man and wolf. How the hell did he get out?! The second he sees Mom he seems to gain enough clarity to know that she’s the target he’s looking for. I guess our clock has officially run down.

  My feet feel like lead weights, holding me hostage as I watch in abject horror as my father races toward my mother. I see the same shocked expression on her face that mirrors my own, leaving her wide open and defenseless to his attack. Something inside me snaps. The tether on my sanity perhaps? Regardless, he’s made a massive mistake this fine evening and the decision to end his life, the one we’ve struggled with daily, is immediately clear. Bless your stupid fucking heart, Benji-Boy. I surge forward, my thoughts blending into one thing only: protect. I have no idea how I get from where I was on the opposite end of the yard to my father’s side so fast, but I tackle him with everything I’ve got. We land in a heap of limbs and snarls, the impact making my teeth rattle. I couldn’t care less if I’m injured, as long as he’s immobile. I use all of my body weight to hold him down, my paws pressed against his chest, praying someone gets to us before he overpowers me and turns my heroic act into ‘that one time when Linden stupidly…’.

  Back. The. Fuck. Up.

  Paws?! No. Nope. I do not accept this. It’s nothing more than a stress induced hallucination. But as I look again, my hands are still paws and I’m pretty sure even I, a self-awarded medalist in denial, can’t explain away what I’m seeing. Ah hell. I’ve actually gone furry. How is this possible? I’ve somehow managed to wolf out, like a tiny version of the Hulk. This isn’t supposed to be possible. Only one other half wolf has ever successfully shifted, they said. It would have already happened if it were going to, they said. Well, someone fucking lied. Cause here I am! Fan-freaking-tastic. Just my luck. This new part of me is urging us to rip my father’s throat out. To eliminate him so he’ll never be a threat to anyone again. We don’t recognize him as family. There’s no attachment to this sack of bones beneath us. I almost do it, too. But a scream makes me pause.

  “No!” Daria runs forward, her body trying to maneuver its way between mine and my father’s. “Oh, god. How’s this possible? How...” she trails off. Something in her voice, fear and confusion, makes me stumble back. I’m not used to four feet, so I land on my ass, a yelp flying out of me. This is too much. Okay, revert back now little wolfy. A snarl sounds through my head, but I shake it off. How the fuck do I grow skin again? I’m starting to panic when I feel something nudge my side. I whirl around, a growl on the ready, but then those beautiful green orbs are staring back at me. Dax’s jaw is slack, his face full of wonder.

  “It’s okay, baby. You’re okay,” he whispers, his hand reaching out to touch me. The feel of him calms me marginally, but I’m still having a whole ass meltdown on the inside. “You’re beautiful, Linny. Black as night.” Dax s
miles then shifts in the next breath, his clothes falling to the ground in tatters.

  “I can’t believe this...you fucking shifted,” Dax’s voice echoes in my goddamn mind.

  “Did you just speak in my brain?!” I screech back, making my wolf wince and roll her eyes. Dax laughs, the sound a rumble that makes me want to curl against him.

  “It’s something only bonded mates can do. I never mentioned it because I never thought it’d be relevant to us,” he answers, but that only leaves me with more questions.

  “Turn it off for now, Linny. We can talk about everything later. Just feel.” Dax rubs his face against my neck, his massive wolf nearly dwarfing mine. I take a few deep breaths and try to do as he says. That freaky wolf-smile peels his lips back, exposing sharp teeth.

  “Catch me if you can,” he nips at my leg making me jerk back, before sprinting off like a cracked-up bunny rabbit. Are we seriously doing this? A game of tag seems highly inappropriate given the circumstances, but as I spin around and take in everyone who’s still watching this shit show play out, they’re all either grinning or still gaping at me in shock. Carder nods in the direction Dax ran off in and smiles wickedly.

  “Give him hell, Itty Bitty.” I can’t deny that my wolf is ecstatic at the idea of chasing our mate down, so that’s exactly what I do. I let instinct take over and just run. I easily pick up the scent of Dax and follow it until I find him waiting at the base of our cliff. I shoot forward and playfully nip back at him, then race towards the trail that will lead us to our spot. The whole way up I’m cackling in my head at how crazy this is and amazed that I’m not even remotely winded after so much cardio. I skid to a stop when we reach the top, Dax circling me like I’m some kind of prey.